looking4answers
20-10-06, 06:26
I read night after night the sufferings of everyone here and feel for each and everyone.I wish so much that I could wave a magic wand and take all the anxiety and depression and stress out of their lives and then we could make a new board and call it some more happiness..but I cannot...I have been found to have ptsd.The weird thing I found is I didn't know...We are in exile some 1200 miles from where we called home for 20 years..where we saw our children grow up and married and our grandchildren born and the bi monthly dinners with all of them and the occassional drop in visits..Working in our yards in earth that only was native to places that was once under water...Tropical plants that would never grow natural in a place where we are now except by artifical means..City lights..sites and sounds of life everywhere now to see a occassional car on our dirt road its joy..and to look down far below and city the twinkle of our small city lights sometimes makes up for the sites and sounds of what used to be home..A place where anyone in the world new exactly where you were talking about not even mentioning the state.We felt we may could have stayed but we didn't feel that our children should endure for us..so we left and glad that we all made it but feel so alone..its just so distructive..Its not only our children scattered to the winds nor our grandchildren...its our whole life...in pieces and broadcast nightly at times right in front of our lives..Our city that had so much history that held a nation in pride of the festivals that took place there that everyone planned in advance to come to..A now stricken place that some looks at like they look at a war zone and contempt of what was and what will never be again.We used to say in pride when we traveled that we were from NEW ORLEANS..now we try not to mention it..The controversy lives on..The conditions from day to day good and bad..The only thing that I can think of to feel better is to know that we left ontime and didn't suffer so much as everyone else.But now the thought that we can never go back to where we called home is depressing..although we could go back there..it will never be what we call home again..never the place we new and loved and were proud of...but we thank God and the powers that be that we were able to live and our children and grandchildren and we were the lucky ones,but like so many others...how lucky can you be to have everything you have ever known taken from you ..Its shocking,depressing,and just heart wrenching...But we miss our home and hope that one day we can feel that way again about where we live..its God's country and big sky county and one of the most beautiful places on earth..but my mind just keeps asking when are we going home..Its like a permanent vacation that never ends..Its hard to accept a new place and lifestyle...I cant for the life of me find out why its so hard.,,,but it does and has caused depression and anxiety but we will survive,we have before and wil again,but its tough..But no one said life would be perfect..Its just a day to day and hour to hour and minute to minute gift..We all have to live in the present because there may not be a future for any of us..We have to be happy as we can and take each moment as a victory over an ailment that brings misery into our lives and we also can take a moment or time everyday to be thankful for what we have and who we have in our lives..I give thanks for the people here to that give of themselves to help me though this time of need and one day I will give back..but in the meantime..I am missing home and cannot help it...Thanks for listening and God bless and Hug you all...