View Full Version : pregnant and very scared..pls send some love my way
hi everyone,
im well known on here for my tocophobia- severe....
and now ive gone and gotten myself pregnant....
i really want this baby, but am so terrifed of birth-day. i cant decide which is the best way to go for me that i will be able to cope with...
pls dont post horror stories here, it wont help me.....
i terminated the last pregnancy because of fear and i have been given a second chance here that i dont want to ruin...so pls, im asking for positive stories to help me get through this and be excited about having my dream of a beautiful baby......
also, im terrified of hospitals and needles!!!!! i know- doesnt help right...im such a pathetic excuse of a woman, but pls advise......i cant talk about this with my 'friends' because they already heckle me and put me down for being scared of pregnancy.........
im just about 6 weeks now...
Congratulations Peach:flowers::flowers::flowers:
Please dont worry you will be fine:hugs:
Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:
mandyclare
06-11-09, 09:30
Hi Peach..... that is lovely news
I don't know anything about your particular phobia but all I can say as a mum of 3 is that pregnancy and birth are completely different to being in medical situations / hospital with other medical issues. You will be so focused on your baby and making sure it's healthy that hopefully it will distract you from some of your normal phobia problems. Look at it as an adventure with some obstacles that you have to overcome.. but keep in mind all the time .. that at the end of it you will have the most precious gift you will ever know, somebody you will love more than you could have ever thought possible.... your baby needs you to be strong and brave and you can be. Please feel free to pm me anytime you need to chat. You can do this.. .im sure you will be a wonderful mother.
mand xx
Granny Primark
06-11-09, 09:49
Congratulations.
Like kazzie says you will be fine.:hugs::hugs::hugs:
It isnt as bad a some people make out otherwise women wouldnt go on to have more babies.
I was at the birth of my grandaughter 2 years ago and it was the most amazing experience of my life. It hasnt put my daughter off wanting other children.
The thing thats putting my daughter off at the moment is that my darling little grandaughter is going through the "terrible 2" stage!:)
Hi there. Congratulations!
Do you have a good relationship with your GP and is there a midwife based at his practise? When I had my daughter, I never went to the hospital or to ante-natal classes. They dealt with everything for me at the surgery, except for one scan I went to the hospital for. That was no problem as there were no needles and it was exciting to say hello to my baby for the first time.
I was scared about giving birth, but by the time she was due I was tired of waddling about and ready for it to happen. When the contractions started, they took over and I didn't think about anything except getting her out. Having a baby does hurt, but your brain and body are made to deal with birth pains. Ask any Mum - 2 days later they've forgotten and will tell you it's all worth it.
Good luck!
thanks so much for your replys...i will reread them whenever i start to freak out again....
i have ibs so im hoping i will be able to handle birth pain as im hoping i may be able to get through it without needles....??
i have been told those pains can be similar...maybe im just wishing?
a friend just had her first baby and she went through hell, so im really hoping that doesnt happen to me......im still not sleeping well as i keep waking up and freaking out and crying.....
im just trying to keep it together and trying not to think of what is unavoidabley coming up in 7 and a half months......
i cant decide which is the better option...ceaser or natural birth? natural i may be able to avoid needles and def cutting...but just how much pain can i handle before i start to go crazy???i dont want to have a panic attack in the middle of it...
ceaser i cant avoid the needle but it would be over in 20 mins? would i go crazy going in? would i go crazy waking up with my stomach cut?
both seem so scary to me i can hardly breathe.......
maddie, i dont have a gp...im always too scared to go to the docs...i do go, but weve moved recently...sigh....i will look for one now i guess...just going to imagine a healthy baby.....
mandyclare- i just love what you wrote....thankyou all for your very kind words, it means a lot to me!
Hi Peach, congratulations!
First of all, you are NOT a pathetic excuse of a woman - you have a phobia :hugs:
Second, I just wanted to share something - my son was born by ceasarean, under epidural. I PROMISE you I did not feel the needle, I didn't feel a thing. That was thanks to the copious amounts of gas and air I guess :winks:.
When the time comes, there will be other things to occupy your mind and you will be fine xxx
Awwh,
Congratulations, and dont worry about the birth-day there is going to be loads and loads of support for you, all your family and friends will be with you in this. What are you hopeing for?
Ive had a termination, i was too scared to go through with it aswell. Im studying to be a midwife im doing childcare and developement.
You'll be absoloutley fine i wish you the best of luck, not that you'll need it, big hugs :hugs: Ruby xOx
P.s
Just a tip:
Theres no need to stay up all night worrying about this either hun, turn every negative thought into a positive, if your feeling scared just write your worries down and then read them then after put a 'So What' after each worry, it does help. I got it from cosmopolitan :) Any worries please contact me i will not mind at all i would love to help. x
thanks so much angelai for your kind words. i really hope i dont feel a thing as well and im gonna have as much gas as they will give me- hope that helps.
ive decided not to read any horror stories, so im just reading the week by week growing of the baby :)
i also want to keep tests to a minimum - if they pick anything up in the scan then ill decide what to do then, so im trying not to worry about the 'what ifs'.
although i really do hope it will be a healthy baby.
ruby94- i am sort of hoping for a girl, just because of the dressups and i have lots of lovely things id love to pass on to her...but im also trying not to hope too much as i dont want to be disapointed if it does turn out to be a boy and to be honest as long as its healthy, i should just be grateful.
i dont know much about your phobia but am pleased with your news.yoy are not a pathetic excuse for a women you have a problem if there is anything that i can do to help please message me i had my daughter 23 years ago but would never be without her my thoughts and best wishes are with you in whatever you do
thanks for that lyn1960.
so im 6 weeks now, and just cant seem to stop thinking about the birth.
whatever way i go, both seem so so scary! i mentioned to my husband that it feels like ill be in one of those saw movies where i have to choose which horror i will face ( i havent watched these movies, having anx, but i get the idea of what happens in them)...he said that was an awful thing to say.
so now i feel really bad, but still terrified i cant resolve this in my mind. i know this wont happen for another 7 and a half months, but its inevitable....
what do i do if the baby isnt healthy?
oh what have i done?
so sorry to be harping on like this, but i cant seem to stop my head.
on the good side-i have started sleeping through the night now, so im not waking up crying...
i wish the stork story was true........haha
I was exactly the same, terrified of pregnancy but I thought no I'm going to do this as a baby was all I ever wanted and it was fine and the best thing I ever done. Just try and put the birth thing to the back of your mind for now. I have 2 children now and they are everything to me. Good luck and be brave xxxx
Congratulations:D I havent got any kids myself but am getting really broody. Just think of the gorgeous baby you will have and I think you will be fine :hugs:
ok, im almost 7 weeks and getting desperate now....
im starting to think i may be better off terminating....again....
bawling my eyes out, can barely look at the computer...just googled and read so so many horror stories now im petrified!!!!
i know my family will be so disapointed if i terminate again, and so will i....i dont think i could live with myself...
so i was thinking of going for a cs. reason being- i dont think i could cope with the pain of labour and possibility of something going wrong, i dont care that women will judge me for it and call me pathetic.
then i just read one woman said there is 3 times as much chance of dying on the operating table then vaginal birth.......but it seems most v births end up on the table anyway......
i cant stand the idea of being given a needle then getting cut open, but as my friend says it will be 20 mins then its over....my doc said none dies either way in birth these days...
oh god, pls help me, i feel like im loosing my mind:weep::weep::weep:
ElizabethJane
11-11-09, 16:50
Peach please make an appointment to see your obstetrician go private if necessary. Tell him/her theat you do not want to go through a vaginal birth. In your circumstances they will allow you to have a caesarian. I am so sorry that you are getting into such a panic over this. You don't need to terminate this pregnancy with proper support you can get through this. Go to see your GP and talk to your midwife. Childbirth can be such a wonderful thing.
Anxious_gal
11-11-09, 16:51
what do you really want to do in your heart?
try not to let the fear take over your decision.
hugs x
thanks mishel and elizabeth jane. i have decided i will make a docs appoint ( actually hubby said he will do it to make sure we go)
i want this baby more then anything. ive decided to get educated by proper ppl rather then google- urgh! and hopefully make an informed decision about which way i will go with the birth.
i think i can. i think i can....lol....
thankyou all so so much for helping me through this. ive been on this website for about 5 yrs now with anxiety and this is the biggest thing im going through in my life and all of your support is fantastic! :hugs:
i do really question whether i would be able to get through this if i hadnt found you all on this website.........once i get through this i plan to help others if i can.
virtual hugs to you all
ElizabethJane
11-11-09, 21:15
:bighug1:awh big hug peach. Hope the appointment goes well.
andrea thompson
11-11-09, 21:54
hi hon
i have suffered with anxiety and agoraphobia for as long as i can remember and still suffer now occasionally.... i have a little boy 3... i was really worried about the birth and everything but i just thought well its in there and its got to come out... women go through childbirth over and over again so it cant be that bad.. thats what i told myself!!!! looking back now the pain is really bad... but somehow you cope and get through it... and even though you are in pain you sort of feel really good cos you are the most important person in the room... and when your beautiful baby arrives.. its jst amazing it is the single best thing i ever did in my life.... i always say its like running a marathon.. really hard... really tiring... but the satisfaction at the end you cannot put into words... and there is nothing like having someone else to worry about to take your mind off your own probs / phobias....
good luck.. you gonna be fine.... x x
Anxious_gal
11-11-09, 22:52
aw well done on making the doctors appointment!
i know anxiety can mess with your mind and you start imaging ll sorts.
try and image everything going well even if you don't believe it.
the anxiety will be worth it in the long run :-)
good luck at the doctors I hope everything goes well for you
NervousNellie
20-11-09, 22:12
Hi Peach,
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am pregnant too. I am 9 weeks and 2 days. I suffer from terrible health anxiety, which in turn, is causing me to have a fear of pregnancy. I already have 2 daughter, ages 6 and 4, that were both born by c-section. I had the most wonderful experience with both of their births. I wouldn't change a thing about the births. But now I am feeling like the birth of my 3rd child will be a disaster! I have a lot of support from my entire family and have just recently started to calm down a little. But when I was around 7-8 weeks, I was a walking disaster! I couldn't stop crying, wondering what I had gotten myself into. This baby was unplanned, so that was difficult to accept too. I'm trying to rationalize this whole situation....I fear the c-section, which will only be about a half hour out of the entire 9 months of pregnancy. Why worry about a half hour? It will be over before you know it!
I had a really nice talk with my father about my fears. My biggest fear is that something is wrong with my heart and I'm worried that I will have a heart attack on the operating table. My father so kindly reminded me that these are just fears, not truths. He also pointed out the fact that I am certainly NOT the only person in the world that has ever gone through this. He told me that I am acting like I am the first patient in the history of pregnancies to have a problem with anxiety and panic! He reminded me to let the doctors handle the pregnancy. Do what they say and everything will be fine. And I know in my heart that this is true! So I'm going to go forward with this pregnancy and sometime in June, I will have my 3rd child. And I know that I won't regret it.....you won't regret it either. Children are gifts....don't let your fears take over your life!
You can PM me anytime you need to talk. I think that once you get through the first trimester and your hormones level out, you'll feel a bit more confident. Sometimes, pregnancy hormones act as a protectant and help the mother feel normal throughout the whole pregnancy....no anxiety, no panic, no fears, etc. Maybe we'll get lucky and that will happen to us! Just remember that you're not the only one who is having these feelings....and they will get better and it will get easier!
i am 23 and have three boys all it is normal to be afraid of childbirth but the truth is there is so much going on not in a bad way that you are so focused on the birth there is no time to be afraid and the midwifes are lovely and make you as relaxed as possible all labours are different i have three and can,t say i have a horror story. my advice to you would be to sit with your midwife and discuss a detailed birth plan so you know exactly what you want or to expect. and believe me once your child is there the birth becomes a distant memory.good luck xx
A baby is a great thing...its a positve...and a great friend in the future, after they grow-up. can be a helping hand..we had five. and now have seven grandkids...its great...things well be fine!!!! don't think just do...this is the problem with this disorder!
oh wow!
thankyou so so much for all these wonderful replys!
im at 8 weeks now and a total mess, just as you said you were nervousnelle.
so so glad to find someone whos around the same time into it as me! yes, i will pm you. would love to ask about all the weird things happening to my body as its all freaking me out badly at the moment.
ive got my first doc appoint this morn, and totally terrified....as expected. hubby is coming and promised he will not let them give me any needles....im happy to have an ultrasound, just to make sure the baby is alive. ( i kinda think it is as i still have all symptoms....tender chest, sore lower back etc...not that i know anything about this, but im trying to be positive :)
nervousnellie, your reply was just wonderful, your dad sounds just lovely! mine wont touch me cause hes scared hell catch something, and cause i already have a little belly ( little bit chubby) hes been heckling me saying i look 6 months pregnant with twins....hes a bit mean. also hearing that your two ceasers were great is just what i need to hear. this gives me hope that i will be ok. i keep crying every night at the moment that the birth will be like one of those saw movies- a horror story where i choose my type of death (dont get me wrong, ive never watched those movies, having anx wont let me, but i get the plot)
lc2613, thanks so much, i will try to get myself a good midwife. i plan on warning everyone at just how bad i am. im hoping this will ensure ppl will be very kind and gentle with me at birth and if i need needles, they will be so gentle i wont feel them.....heres hoping anyway...
denovo, congrats on your beautiful children and grandkids! you must be delighted! i so wish for this in my future too...i also agree with what you said, my problem is i think way too much, and i dont even think im that smart to be thinking so much haha...but its been the bane of my life and i just cant seem to control it yet, tho im trying.....wish me luck ppl with this appoint, and ill let you know the outcome.
ok, so doc appoint went ok, but was very scary. doc said i have to have a blood test and he booked me into the hospital for the birth- its all so much more real now.
so, last night i freaked out so much i had a panic attack, and now im terrified ive hurt the baby.
hubby said there is nothing we can do now and i will just have to wait till the ultrasound next monday!!!!!! how can i wait that long to see if im carrying a live or not baby??????
also, now im scared of the nighttimes....i hope last night doesnt happen again. ive been stuck in this house for days now, and im desperate to gt out, which i was going to do this morning, but after last night, now im worried.....
Oh Peach you are doing great! I cannot imagine the fear involved in this! You are going to be fine and just know each day you are getting closer to meeting your baby! Remember - you are an inspiration for us Tokophobics and not only are you getting stronger from facing your fears - you are helping others of us to possibly begin facing it as well! I am sorry I have not PM'd you back yet - I have had a nightmare of a week. I have begun therapy for my anxiety and will soon discuss the Tokophobia. I will let you know how it goes. I am ashamed to bring it up to the doctor but I am sure she has seen this before ( I hope). Don't worry about the blood test - remember we imagine things to be so much worse than what they really are. God Bless you and your baby! You will be a wonderful mommy!:bighug1:
looking4answers
27-11-09, 05:17
Here for you sweetie.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
peach, honestly everyone has said it all. I have had 5 natural births in hospital, with gas and air. Listened to the sound of the ocean on the last 2 births, that got me through, going with the waves and contractions. I had no tears and no stitches, last babe was 10lb 1oz. Once you hold it and see its little eyes open up at you, all will be forgotten. Pm me if u want to talk. Try not to be to scared, its a fear of the unknown, but it is not a bad unknown. Look after yourself xx
so great to be able to open up about this and get great support and advice from great women on here. thankyou all so much.
im 9 weeks now, so still going on..:)
ive been sleeping better now at nights and my panic doesnt last as long now.
i have my first ultrasound on monday, so bit nervous about that, but hoping all will be ok.
thanks fo ryour kind words mya, but i certainly dont feel like an inspiration, at the moment im just trying to get through each day. i was feeling so so sick this last week, but since yesterday im feeling a little better now. morning sickness for me has been 24 hrs lolol...urgh!
thanks for your advice emmajane, i will certainly keep it for strength, and im going to try hypnotherapy so im hoping my birth with be as positive as yours were. i do know how lucky i am to have this gift.
Hi Peach!
I agree with Mya - I am tocophobic and I really DO think you are an inspiration, really I do. I wish I could be as brave as you and go for it, so I'm reading your posts with huge interest! :) I wish you all the luck in the world, you've got this far - you can do it!! Stay postive and I look forward to keeping up with your progress, as you said in the beginning - take each day as it happens.....
Take care and be kind to yourself x
at whits end....
had the ultrasound today, was ok. babys got a heart beat. tho im 8 weeks not 9 like i though, which is a little depressing as im gonna be pregnant for a longer time now....
whats iced my cake is i got a sms on sat night, my dads had a heart attack, a major one. hes ok, but not great. hes also interstate on his own, its a 10 hr drive from me.
he refuses to come live here with us and he reckons hes just gonna work his guts out till january for money. his doc called me worried about him.....
so am i.....
i feel sick with anxiety at the moment and so sad that i cant feel happy for my baby. i was so upset today that i wouldnt even look at the ultrasound screen. my hubby said the buba is looking like a jelly bean with a heart...lol.
when it rains, it pours eh?
im gonna try to rest now, and of course keep hanging in there. i have to go back to see the *&#%$ doc on thurs to discuss the ultrasound and he wants my blood test results from last yr to see if i need to have another blood test for pregnancy stuff....so much more stress still to come i have no idea how i will cope, or survive for that matter......
whats worse, is the nurse today asked why i was upset, i just said im facing my biggest fear in life with the whole pregnancy thing, and she just tapped me on the knee with big eyes and said- thats totally fair enough- as in, it is incredibly scary thing to go through.....DIDNT HELP LADY!!!! lol.....
argh..im off to curl into a ball and cry in a corner now for a bit and rock back n forth lol.......but true...but lol...lolol.....
Peach,
I am so so very sorry to hear about your dad. I am keeping you in my prayers. Yes, you are right, when it rains it pours. It seems everything happens at once.
I know this is hard to do but try and stay positive and calm. Your dad must be so worried about you too and must feel worse knowing how much you are worrying about him.
I am kinda in a similar situation in that my dad was in a really bad accident last year. He fell off a ladder, broke literally every bone in his body and was in Critical Care Unit for over a month. A year later and he still isn't normal and has a lot of lung issues now because he broke all his ribs and punctured his lung. I know it could be worse in that he is not paralyzed or dead, but he suffers everyday. Each day I worry about him and the stress of trying to face my biggest fear like you - pregnancy makes things worse. I really want to give my father a grandchild before something happens to him. I am an only child so I feel all pressure on me. It is a terrible situation.
I am not trying to use this to talk about me though - I just don't want you to feel alone and realize that although something very negative is happening with your dad, a positive is happening with your new baby. I know how scared you are but you are holding on strong. I know everything will work out in the end.
I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.
hi mya,
im so sorry to hear about your dad. it is really tough when a parent goes downhill health wise. i hope he keeps improving and it sounds like you have a really loving close relationship with him, which is amazing!
im doing ok. i keep hearing horror stories about pregnancy and birth which of course are making things very hard for me. i am getting through by knowing that even if something goes wrong, i wont die. my friend miscarried last year ( she was as bad as us) and she has gone on to have a baby this year. it wasnt easy for her, she was pretty unhealthy so she had issues throughout the pregnancy and birth, but as she said, she got through it, and would consider it again. her baby is the cutest thing youve ever seen! i wonder if youve been unlucky to hear the worst stories being so close to the medical industry? my other friend (another tocophobic) had her first baby this year also. 3 hr labour, shes our age and shes a tiny tiny woman.
i know a lot of women who are mums, and none of them had bad stories, not really bad anyway. all the worst ones, to be honest, ive read on here. i really hope that if you decide not to have a baby, its not out of fear. it would be for other reasons, and i read you said genes- this one i get! this put me off for ages.....i just hope our baby will get my hubbys side more then mine..lol...
ive been watching a tv series about young mums, granted im not young, but its been really interesting to watch these women go through their pregnancys and then have the baby and just seeing all the different experiences...even with complications, all of them, i mean all, say its all worth it. the babys are so so cute and watching the mum and baby bond is very heart felt. my husband cant understand my severe fear. hes keeps saying to me, why do you always assume the worst will happen, when most likely, it wont? hes right, i went into the ultrasound yesterday convinced the baby wouldnt have a heartbeat, because i read this happened to someone once.......when there was a heart beat do you think i was relieved? no, now i worrying about loosing the baby over the next few weeks.....i never stop...im sure if i do make it through the next few weeks, ill find something else to cry about....urgh, such is this mental disorder i guess....when you look at it from someone elses eyes, what we think doesnt make much sense.
sorry, ive been raving on this morning.....lol, guess ive been a bit lonely here at home alone a lot...im hoping ill feel better very soon and be able to get out and have a bit of fun again.omg, my dogs are going nuts, im gonna go bark in their faces and see how they like it....hahahaha!
oh, that last bit was a joke, im not really gonna bark in my dogs faces lololol..
from personal experience so far, i just wanted to suggest some coping mechanisms to get through the conception part of pregnancy.....
if you can afford it, quit work. i did this, and am so so thankful im not working. i quit before i fell pregnant. even before we started trying. i excercised and ate well, and went to visit family a lot for lunches. this helped me greatly. the family made me feel supported and the excercise made me trust my body is capable of more then i trust it with.
it took us 4 months of trying to fall, and ive been told this is very fast. my sisterinlaw took 2 years. i have another friend who is now in her 2nd yr of trying without luck. you will find that each month that goes by and your pannicky about whether your pregnant, and find your not. each time this happens you change your thoughts a little, hard to describe, but each time i was sadder and sadder that i wasnt pregnant. even tho i was so fearful that i might be a few days before....weird stuff, but thats how it worked for me.
i tend to be ok in the days, but baaaaad at nights. i recommend sleep where you can. this greatly helps your stress levels and when i cant sleep from fear at night, i watch tv to distract me. also, a friend told me, and i think she is right, each week that goes by, you do become more and more accepting of being pregnant. you begin to think less about yourself and more about your baby.
im going to try hypnotherapy, i hear this has been really great to help with birth. i was also recommended a book yesterday called birth without fear, the lady told me this was fantastic for her with her birth.
lastly, take each day at a time, and try not to think to much.....ill keep posting as i get through this, and feel free to pm me anytime.
i really hope this is helping others in my situation....if so, ill keep posting.
Peach,
Thank you so much for your kind words about my dad. That means so much. I am praying for you and your dad and keep your head strong like you have been.
I think what would be best and at least this is what I would do in your situation, is to block out any negative experiences from people, TV and the internet. Please do not look at any negative subjects regarding the matter on here. I am not going to talk about my negative experiences on here until you have your baby ( and would still not go into much detail in order not to scare others). That is not fair for you. To answer your question, yes I have too much understanding about the subject from my medical family. At this point I could probably deliver my own child unassisted from too much information!
You are doing the right thing by looking at positive stories. I suggest reading Ina May Gaskin. She is the mother of midwives. You will realize this is a very natural event despite how the doctors make it appear. Keep surrounding yourself with beautiful baby pictures too. It will help you to remember why you are going through all this.
I think our posts are really affecting others - even though it seems a bit weird since it is like we are PM'ing one another on a public forum. I think many people that are not members on the site are reading these as well. I think it helps for people to know they are not alone, not crazy and some of us have good reason to have these fears. I think you are the biggest help because you are experiencing it and can let us all know what is happening to you and the situation. I think I maybe can help because I am about to get professional help for it which many people probably do not. It will be interesting to hear how professionals react to me. From both of these sides on the issue, I think if it at least even helps 1 person - it makes it all worth it in the end.
Blessings and Talk to you soon :)
hi everyone,
just a quick one to let you all know im still doing ok. im coming up to 9 weeks now. the sick feeling is just awful at times and im still housebound as im scared ill faint. plus i still dont feel well enough to do much of anything, so sadly the house keeping is falling to the wayside.
i had a severe ibs attack last night. very painful, it was my fault i ate too much chocolate and watermelon...i was asking for it really, but was stil baaad! i remember thinking, if labour pains are worse then this, then i dont think ill be able to cope! i was worried about the baby, but she/he seems to be ok this morning....poor liitle thing...the contractions must have felt awful for the little jellybean..
they say babies are resilient tho, and ours will need to be to help me get through this.
after reading other posts on here about people loosing their babies at the 10/11 week mark, this is weighing on me, im really hoping this doesnt happen, i feel like ive already gone through so much...my doc said each week you get through, chances of loss are less. i guess we will see.
ladybird64
04-12-09, 21:50
Hi Peach
I have been following your story and am glad to hear that things are going well.
Can I try and reassure you about something? Your little "jellybean" ( :)) is tucked up safe and sound and will not be affected any physical problems you might be experiencing..promise.
It is really quite unlikely that you would faint but even if it did happen, jellybean would be fine.
Stuff the housework, it can wait until you feel able to cope with it..maybe do just a little bit each day, it will help to keep your mind focused.
You are doing great and should be really proud of yourself, you know you have the support of everyone here. :flowers:
ElizabethJane
04-12-09, 22:47
Dear Peach I am so glad that your pregnancy is progressing well. If you can beg/ borrow/buy a relaxation cd for pregnancy. If it is hypnosis so much better. If you practice this everyday you will start to feel so much better. I did this every day during my pregnancy which was high risk. My son is now eleven. You will be taught relaxation techniques and visualisation of the baby and pink healthy tissue and the oxygenated blood supply reaching the baby. I hope this helps. It helped me a lot.
right after i wrote on here this morn, i went to the bathroom...and...well, there was discolour...sorry for tmi...
so in a massive panic, i called the doc and raced to see him.
he has said this is very normal and not to worry. he said my ultrasound was fine and let me come home.
ive been back home a fwe hours now and the discolour is still there tho hasnt gotten worse. the doc said if im not getting any period like pain then im fine. this is the hard bit. im not getting that type of pain, but, my tummy is sore from last night and im still getting bits of ibs like stabs of pain....but no, im sure its not that contraction like period pain......anyway...gonna take it even easier then i have been and not eat chocolate in the evenings now....cross fingers for me pls people, cause i need it now.....
and thanks so much for all the support, its been quite overwhelming! but very nice...
Yes - take it easy and rest! I'm sure doc is right and that there is nothing to worry about, and that it's all perfectly normal.
Maybe like ElizabethJane suggested, why not try some relaxation CD's? That could definitely help? I know it's not the same as pregnancy, but I had one for my fear of flying and it did help.....I also have some general relaxation CD's for when I'm feeling stressed and they do help to calm me down and distract my mind.
Fingers, and everything else crossed for you....take care.... :hugs:
Hi,,,
I am new on here and i now speak to a friend of yours miya,,she is a lovely lady!!
I firstly want to congratulate you and to assure you,,,,
Every woman has concerns about child birth,,its only natural,,even if they have already had children,as every pregnancy is different.
What is important is that you relax and enjoy this time,,,you can have a break from household chores, etc.
I have a phobia of needles / hospitals and generally not being in control and having to rely on others.
I just had gas and air, but only after the staff in the delivery room had it first, at the time I didnt know if they were trying to knock me out,,,needless to say at the end of it, staff and myself were all in fits of hysteria.
It is your right to choose what ever delivery you want, whether it be home, hospital, water birth, c section, you should maybe read up on the different methods and when you have decided, write a birth plan and keep this with you whenever your mind starts straying, it will keep you on an even keel.
If ever you feel you need to talk,,,I will be here,, only an email away.
Regards and Best Wishes
Julia,,aka jools
:hugs:
hi lovely ladies,
just want those of you who are watching this space to know that it seems the spotting has stopped and im back on track...
almost 9 weeks now.......
ladybird64
06-12-09, 21:15
With you all the way :hugs:
thankyou julia!
most of the time now, im starting to get my head around it as much as i can. a friend of mine who had a baby a few weeks ago, said she had to have an emergency c section and she was really happy as they wheeled her in to the theatre, as she knew she would then be holding her baby in 3 mins! all these good stories give me hope.
Hello Congrats the spotting has stopped.
When my daughter was pregnant lst year, we found the HIPP babyfood site wonderful. It gives you step by step information about all the stages of your pregnancy and there's a chat room you can talk to other pregnant mums too. I think other baby food manufacturers have the same type of sites, but we found this most helpful. Here's the link. I hope I'm OK to put it here - I'm not advocating their foods.
http://www.hippbabyclub.co.uk/index.php?gclid=COri6-T0lZoCFYM_3godgU7mNA&gclid=CKy2i9amw54CFU0B4wodikotpA
:yesyes:hiya peach, not commented on your post before as have only just come back to the forum after a break - congratulations!!!! you sound as though you are doing really really well, dealing with your fears and your pregnancy - im so so happy for you, cant add anything to any of the fab advice and support youve already got - take care and keep talking, love emma:hugs:(hope you actually remember me:blush:)
Dear Peach,
I am so happy to hear things are going better and the spotting has stopped. Take care of yourself and know we are all here for you:)
xxxooo
Hi I have not been on this site for a while, but went on today and read this thread and had to reply. I totally understand how you feel. I got pregnant in January this year and have suffered with severe anxiety, panic attacks and depression (which got worse after both my older children) for years. At 10 weeks, the panic attacks were that bad and I was so frightened of vomiting that I went to my GP and asked for a termination. This was a much wanted baby after a previous miscarriage. The GP and the midwife referred me to the maternal mental health department where I was seen by a psychiatrist and who by some miracle arranged for me to have some CBT within a couple of weeks. I carried on working, but every day was an ordeal. I became a total witch at home because I was so scared of having post natal depression again.
Things came to a head when one week I had to deal with my daughter being in an accident, a family gathering that brought on a huge panic attack and I developed palpitations. I got myself so worked up over the palpitations that I ended up in A&E and off work for a month. I was started on Prozac at 28 weeks whilst still having CBT. Those first few months on medication were horrendous, but on the 16 Sept this year, I went into the operating theatre for an elective section. I too was terrified that my heart would give out during the operation or I might faint or be sick, but do you know what - there was no panic and my son was born within minutes. He is now 12 weeks old and I adore him. Thanks to the help I have received, I didn't have any post natal depression apart from the normal baby blues. I am out shopping again and driving and planning on returning to work next year.
What I am hoping you will get from my long rambling post is that you are not alone and you can do it. It is hard work and there will be days when you do just want to cry and give up, but you will do it. If you can get any help, I would really suggest trying to get it. By the way, despite all my anxiety, palpitations, massive panic attacks and being on medication whilst pregnant, my son is absolutely fine. He is a very relaxed happy baby and I am enjoying him so much. I am not 'cured', but feel so much more positive about the future and spend less time worrying about things now. Please pm me if you ever need to talk. I do so know how you are feeling and with the support of your family, friends and people on this website, you will get through it. :hugs:
emma!!!! yay, so great to hear from you, of course i remember you! i figured you might have been on a break. i hope everything is well with you.:D
medsec27, i cried a bit reading you post, it was very interesting with such a wonderful outcome. thankyou!
i am starting to wonder again, if i might be better off booking a c-section. people have been trying to tell me not to do that because its so dangerous, but to be honest my 2 girlfriends who just had babys, both in my age bracket, ended up with c sections after trying to give natural birth....plus i havent heard of anyone dying from it.....my doc said about 5 people a year die in childbirth, and its people who have had major heart surgery etc problems...like very serious pre existing problems..so i do feel ok about it. i know there is healing risk, but it would be similiar with tearing healing...?? its all wounds....??
im 9 weeks today. im sleeping better now through the nights. i still have bad morning sickness, im still having small anxiety attacks, about 3-4 a day.
im still crying at night, but coping a little better. although, having said that, i know the doc is going to push for a blood test very soon....ive already told him i will have to do it at home....even then i can barely think about it...:weep:. im hoping it will be ok. i had to have a blood test last year and it was horrible, but over quickly. the lead up and the prick is the worst part..
ive got so much scary stuff ahead of me.....im just hanging to have it over and be holding my beautiful little jellybean in my arms....
Dear Peach,
So many of my friends have had c sections and have been fine. Honestly, I have talked it over with my husband too and said I may have to go with a c section (which is something I never imagined I would want). I think many of us Tokophobes feel better with a C section. You need to do what is right for you. You have plenty of time to think about it and make the decision best for you.
Sorry to hear you have morning sickness. I suffer from emetophobia (fear of puking!) amongst many other things. I too would also need to have blood tests taken from my home! I am ridiculous with needles. Children do better than me!
Just take one step at a time and try to just get through each day. i know it is easier said than done! Are you going to find out if it is a boy or girl? The more time that goes by, the fear will start to lessen. You are doing a great job!
Keep us up to date and know we are all hear for you! How is your dad doing? Am keeping you and your family in my prayers. xxxxoooo
Hi Peach
Just wanted to add to Mya's post to say my friend who recently had a baby, just 3 weeks ago, ended up with a c-section, and she is absolutely fine. It was all VERY quick and she is healing really really well, she showed me her scar and it's incredible, so neat, seeing it didn't put me off at all, and I usually get quite squeamish with stuff like that. My sister also had 2 c-sections (over 20 years ago) and she was fine too. So I don't think you have anything to worry about if that is the decision you go with.
:hugs::yesyes:hi peach, glad you remember me :yesyes: im am soooooo happy for you:hugs:you are strong lady and you are determined to do this - it sounds right this time, keep strong, you have lots of love and support here - all your friends on here are willing you on, much love, emma:hugs:
Peach, babies can hear in the womb from very early on. By the time it's born, your baby will know your voice and that of anyone else who regularly talks to you. They can also hear music. You might like to find a piece of music you like that makes you feel relaxed and play it each day. This will be good for both you and the baby xxx
this weeks fear......
my disappearing bellybutton!
my mum said i wont even start to show till next yr sometime...so why is my belly button getting shallower? i dont care if thats not a word...
im sure it was deeper last week.....
i know this sounds dumb, but im starting to get used to being pregnant, but still look the same...except my burgeoning bustline...
urgh...i was doing ok this last week till now....now im freaked out again.
i even managed to get to the markets today and wander around...alone for 10 mins!!! i even talked to a young mum and bought the cutest little tiedyed singlet for the baby! even tho i wanted the frangipani tree haha.
the young mum said that birth is very stressful on your body...so ive been worrying again that my body wont be able to cope and have a heart attack or something, i sincerly hope not....im even scared mentioning this might attract it to happen...oh god....now im in a spiral....
mya and nosila, thanks for the confidence...i am starting to think toward a c section again....cant believe i might have to have major surgery in 6 months...in a hospital!!!! i cant even think about this blood test i might need...:wacko::weep:
maddie, your rite, i have managed a few happy moments and even sang again in the car the other day....the old unpregnant me..but pregnant haha.i cant believe im going to be pregnant for the next 6 months..seems like ages, but aso seems too soon to cope with birth stuff.....people are telling me not to think about it....haha....easy for them to say...i so wish i had a pregnant friend so i could remind myself im not going through this alone....
i just want to apoligise also that i only ever seem to write on here when im in a bad way and it must make me seem all bad....
im really not, im usually full of jokes and fun, i just really am going through the hardest thing ever in my life for me...and really am sucking up as much support as i can get.....and its making me feel very self absorbed.....which i am right now and cant seem to help it...although i hate it....although its making me very self absorbed, which i also apoligise for...i do hate that about me right now...
so thankyou for putting up with me so far, and i really really hope i can help others in this position to get through this same fear and get to enjoy being a mum....i can only imagine how amazing it will be......obviously im not thinking of the baby poop, vomit, midnight crying....etc.....hahaha....
i ate a whole bag of crisps today, and feel very guilty, something i wouldnt ever normally do...now im thinking i need to start finding some sort of exercise i can do when im feeling ok.....i hear walking and swimming is good...i might try it...swimmng scares me, cause i havent had the swineflu shot so im staying away from public as much as poss..i even bought an antiseptic wipe for the car after i have to use the pump.....crazy eh...yup..i know i am..lol...
I am sorry that I have not responded earlier to this, and I want you to know that you can act anyway that you want on here! None of us would ever judge you and we all appreciate you communicating with us and helping others that suffer the same fear. There are so many of us like this and my first post ever on here that you kindly responded to received another comment today from someone else experiencing the same fears. You are very brave and handling this much better than many of us. Please know we are all here for you and anytime you feel alone to come on here and share your fears and pain. Many love and prayers being sent your way. xoxo
ElizabethJane
13-12-09, 21:46
Peach babies don't poo and be sick all the time. You will have time to enjoy your baby. I had had a high risk pregnancy and consultant wanted to book me in for a C section. I refused. I went into labour a little early. I had a very normal delivery and birth. Two of my friends who wanted home births ended up with c sections. What I'm trying to say is that things often don't work out as planned especially where babies are concerned.
i really feel for you, i have found out i am pregnant with my fourth im 9 weeks and petrified not for the same reasons but i am agraphobic and just dont know how i am going to get through it. trying to stay positive but had a bad day today. if ever you want someone to talk to or just symptoms ect please feel free to message me. xx
thanks so much everyone!
lc, will message you now, so great to meet someone whos as pregnant as me :yesyes:
im almost 10 weeks....
elizabeth jane, your post made me laugh...i was imagining this little cute baby just constantly burping and pooing etc hahahaha...
yes, i still cant decide, natural or not...i think ill decide when its close to due date time. ill see how the little bub is progressing etc...then hopefully make an informed choice, and im very aware of possible changes...this is what scares me the most i think.
mya, thanks again for your lovely support, youve been so nice since your first contact. im so sorry youve had bad experieces to get you to this point. pls dont let those experiences take over your life. they are part of you but should not govern who you are and what you want to achieve. you are a strong lovely women who is capable of so much more then you think.......trust yourself, trust your body...:bighug1::bighug1:
this is the lesson im trying to learn for myself. pm me anytime.
Anxious_gal
14-12-09, 06:35
aw your doing so well! in fact your making being pregnant seem less scary to me!
I've never actually been pregnant but the thought of it kinda freaks me out!
NervousNellie
15-12-09, 21:32
Hi Peach,
Just thought I'd check in and see how you are doing! I'm 13 weeks today and I really feel like I'm starting to calm down a lot. Having a c-section in June no longer seems like the end of the world to me! I'm starting to think more rationally, like I did before I ended up with anxiety and panic. So hopefully the pregnancy will erase my anxiety very soon (and yours too)! I just wanted to let you know that it seems the further along that I get, the better I feel. Of course I have my moments where I feel panicky, but it's getting to the point where I can completely ignore them - I was never able to do that before!
I had some testing done last week (an ultrasound) and they seem to think that I may be having a boy, although it is still too early to tell for sure. So that's pretty exciting! And I'm starting to feel the baby move too! That's something that you will have to look forward to, but probaby not until between 15-18 weeks for you, since this is your first.
Well, I just wanted to stop in and say "hi" and make sure that you're hanging in there!
hello nervousnellie,
thankyou so much for your lovely message! so so wonderful to meet other lovely ladies who are pregnant like me :D
im 10 weeks today.:)
im actually scared of feeling the movement, but ive also heard so many women loss of babies around this time, im still worried about whether ill get to keep this baby...it would be hard to loose after all this time....so another nervous 2 weeks for me to go....
im going out of my brain with bordom and i still cry a bit, but not every night now, which is good. plus im sleeping pretty much through the night now, but im having nightmares, although not about the baby thank god!
ive already had my first scan, and dont know when the next will be....
a boy for you! how exciting!!!! were not going to ask....quietly i would like a girl, but i know i will be very happy with a healthy baby, whatever the sex. i do understand what you said about being able to control your anxiety better then you can when not pregnant....i too have been finding this.
im still anxious, but a lot less then i thought i would be....im actually coping fairly well :) and im hoping that i will actually be able to enjoy this pregnancy very soon! im not thinking about the birth...too scary to think about, but i plan to do hypnotherapy etc to help ease my mind for it. still dont know what sort of birth ill be having......whatever it is, lets hope its gonna be OK:yesyes: for me.....
im very excited about your baby! pls keep posting also, so i can see your progress too. thankyou again for thinking of me.
Hi. I'm just back from seeing my sick-ing, poo-ing little grandson. He's had gastroenteritis, poor little man. He's one in 2 weeks time. I can't believe the year has gone so quickly. We all missed our Christmas dinner last year because my daughter went into labour and threw everyone out except me because she wanted every room in the house to pace around! Now he is crawling, has 4 teeth and is saying his first words. It sounds soooo good when he says Gama (Grandma) to me.
Don't worry about being self-absorbed - you will be, It's just your body concentrating on growing the baby. Likewise with eating. You'll get sudden cravings for things because your body wants what the food contains. I remember one night when I was pregnant. We went out for a really expensive meal with friends then back to their house. I got really restless and we had to leave and go home so I could cook cauliflower cheese at 11.30pm!
As for feeling lonely - if you can't go out, perhaps you could ask the midwife if there are any other mums-to-be who might like to come round to you for a coffee. My daughter went to yoga sessions run by her midwife - special positions for preggers ladies that helped in labour too. She met a couple of girls and formed friendships with them that still continue.
I'm so pleased your first scan went well. 12 weeks are nearly up - all the more reason to celebrate at Christmas. Good luck and keep us posted. :hugs:
:yesyes::hugs:hi guys, following this thread keenly, just wanted to add that i think from my own pregnancy and what ive read on here plus some vague memories of reading it somewhere - you feel good in pregnancy because of the hormones? it can be a very happy content time - i didnt have any significant anxiety in my pregnancy and i breastfed for 10 months, and i felt happy and content then too - so enjoy!:yesyes:
hello,
just wanting some advice....im still feeling ill and im just over 10 and a half weeks....is this normal?
i was feeling better last week, so much so that i had almost a whole day where i felt normal, but this week im worse.
i feel like i have a virus. just awful....
im sorry to ask, but i have no midwife and not due to see doc...gosh, i have no idea when....hes never called me back.
pls advise, im getting worried that something may be wrong....should i still feel sick? and if so, are my symptoms morning sickness? even tho i have it 24 hrs a day? its been insanely hot here and im sure this is making me feel worse.....
i did mention ths feeling last time i saw doc two weeks ago, but he said it was normal....ive been feeling ill now for about 5 weeks now....
Hi Peach,
I don't think it would be unusual if the nausea went on for at least another couple of weeks. I was always told nausea was good because it showed you had plenty of strong pregnancy hormones in your body.
I haven;t read the whole thread so apologies if I'm repeating advice already given - but those anti-travel sickness bands you wear on your wrists were good for me and eating ginger biscuits, or taking ginger in whatever form is supposed to help.
xx
:hugs:hi peach, from my own experience of pregnancy, i felt pretty much under the weather for the whole time - first i had horrible nausea for 6 weeks, whilst i was never sick i actually couldnt stand the smell of anything, not even my partner, it was horrid - then i was tired like you wouldnt believe (again normal) - then i was just generally feeling yuk, i did not get that bloom that some mums get, but i also felt calm and ok - i mean i did have worries but i wasnt freaked out, so i think my pregnancy was helping me - later on i ached alot becasue of the weight of the baby and extra weight plus lack of exercise - and then i had horrible heatburn for weeks, constant weeing and again just felt very pasty and tired - it wasnt a wonderful time particularly, but it wasnt horrible really - i just found it hard personally. everythign you are feeling and experiencing is normal, and you will prob feel happier once you start to see your midwife - take care, hope you have alovely chrismas xxxxx
11 weeks today...:)
cant believe ive made it this far....
end of this week means there is no turning back....:ohmy:
read about how big the baby is now....the size of a fig!!!! that seems so big in mybelly..:scared15:
i was actually feeilng well enough to get out to the shopping centre- haf hour drive to buy my hubby a xmas prese...i was very proud of myself...considering it was only 2 years ago, i could barely go to places like that for anxiety related issues, let alone pregnancy!!!!! wow...who would have thought..
seem to be feeling better with more energy now in the days, still sick at night, and not sleeping well at all...still very very scared of birth...of loss, of any other issues...i guess that is normal....
still havent faced the blood test yet....i do plan to call to get my blood test from last yr sent to my new doc tho....then i will know if i need to face the blood test ....again.....
i hope its ok, it cant be too bad if im feeling ok??? i didnt think my body would be able to do this, but so far seems to be doing it....
have a merry xmas everyone and i hope you all have a special time with loved ones, whether they be human or even of the furry type...
and i really hope for all of us, it is a time free from anxiety....that we feel healthy and loved :bighug1:
Happy Christmas Peach, and to everyone else on this forum. Hope you all have a relaxing, stress free time :hugs:
Great to hear you ventured out Peach, that's really fab news, you must be feeling better and more at ease, great news! You definitely should feel proud of yourself.
Speak to you soon :D
Well done Peach!! I don't think there's a woman alive who hasn't worried or been frightened about something at some stage of their pregnancy - it comes with the territory. lol. You are doing wonderfully! Relax and enjoy this Christmas - it will be the last one without toys cluttering the place :D
update-
12 weeks today.
not doing well, but baby still seems to like it in my belly, so thats nice to know.
i hope everyone had a beautiful xmas, you all deserve the world
sb001f8994
29-12-09, 11:27
Hi Peach,
Congratulations.
Like many here I dont know much about this phobia and like every mum to be people are always quick to tell you their horror stories but these mum's go on to have more babies so they cant be all that bad to want to do it all again! Ive had three babies and cant say that any of them were awful. My last baby, a daughter was born 16 years ago completely 'natural' no pain relief and it was so good I wanted to do it again there and then! I was very scared to have my daughter, I dont know why and I was offered a c section, which was a good option if you are scared of the birth but I managed ok and as the pregnancy progressed the fear lessoned.
I think my aunt had this phobia but all those years ago (her children are adults with kids of their own) it wasnt heard of and she had to get on with it. She was a wreck and its only now I can relate to what she must have gone through, now she would have got the help and supoprt she needed.
I wish you well and Im sure once you relay your fears to your medical team a good plan will be put in place for you.
Take care and very best wishes.
Carol x
Hi Peach. What's up? Are you still feeling sick? This is meant to reassure, not depress you, but I was sick 24/7 right the way through with my daughter. A plain biscuit by the bed to eat before I even moved in the morning helped. Drink plenty of water - at least 2 litres a day, more if you are sick.
Try to remember that everyone's body reacts differently to pregnancy - indeed your own might be completely diferent with another pregnancy. Just hold on to the thought that it all means your baby is still there and growing. It's all normal, nothing to do with your anxiety. :)
Hiya Peach, Congratualtions on ur Nappy News. I had a phobia about being pregnant - and here I am with a 29yr old son and 2 more followed. It's scary and daunting at first but soon you'll be looking at all the baby clothes sniffing the baby powder having crazy cravings lol- Good luck Peach you'll be just fine xxxxx
Dee :hugs:
thanks so much maddie, dee and sb.
no, i havent been feeling as sick. im starting to think my morning sickness is going away. im still tired, but also not as bad as it was.
im just going through a bad spell emotionally. when i get low, i go pretty low, but i always pull through.
thankyou for all of your positive stories about your pregnancy and birth experiences...its really really helping me through this.
im a third of the way now, 6 months to go and hoping i can post a pict of the baby you have all been a part of then.
i cant thank you all enough for your support and great advice on here.
it really has been my strength. i would make you all chocolate brownies if you wernt so far away :)
once i get to the other side of this, i hope i can give back some of the strength you have given me when you may need it.
i hope everyone has a wonderful new year with loved ones. im planning on going to a cliff with hubby and watching the fireworks in sydney from there with a picnic. ( we live in the mountains just out of sydney)
Hi Peach
Pregnancy can be an emotional roller coaster as I well know being just over 5 months on now. I'm glad your sickness eased off I was spewing till 20 weeks quite violently and still have the odd episode particularly when I brush my teeth. :D It goes by so very fast really Hope you have a fantastic New Year!
Pooh x
ooooh chocolate brownies. I'll stay around for the duration! :D
Peach, Pooh, wishing you both a happy, healthy New Year with easy deliveries for you both xxx
happydylbob
30-12-09, 11:26
Congratulations on the pregnancy.
I have HA about almost everything I am a born worrier. I have had 2 children and I can promise you the one thing I would not worry about would be giving birth. Yes it is painful I will not lie but it is not an illness pain you know exactly why the pain is there and what is causing it and you also know as soon as that beautiful baby is born it will be over and the pain goes away. I look back especially to my second birth and remember the whole thing being a beautiful experience. The midwife said it was one of the nicest births she had attended. So yes you do hear horror stories but it's only because people like to talk about it for many years as they think its what people want to hear I think people like to try to outdo each other with who has the worst story you can bet they don't add in the nice little bits about the birth.
Wishing you all the best
happydylbob
30-12-09, 11:31
By the way Peach Salty crisps always seemed to help my sickness x
Congrats Peach, I hope everything goes smoothly :D
Also congratulations on facing your fear of pregnancy every day! I bet once it's over you sort of miss it a bit! I dunno though, being male I haven't been pregnant so I don't know what it's like.
For what it's worth my best mate's girlfriend recently gave birth to their beautiful daughter Olivia. I never liked children until Olivia! She has the most amazing smile and she sits there watching me for ages, and she hides her face sometimes when I play with her. She likes it when I do a silly dance for her. Playing with Olivia has got rid of some of my fears of having kids of my own. Once your child is born, trust me, it will be worth it!
hi everyone!
pooh, i so love hearing that other ladies out there are pregnant, not that im suffering alone, but just that im not alone :D.im so sorry you were sick for so long!!!! my cousin has hers last year and she was sick the entire 9 months!!!!!!
i hope i can pm you about any weird scary things my body may do to me in the following months?
happydlybob, i just love and cant get enough of lovely stories like that, it stops me from seeing what will happen out of a horror movie. ive been so bad its made me ashamed to be a women as ive been so scared! thankyou! i really hope my experience will pleasantly surprise me....i always thought i was a pain wimp, but i have ibs, so i have put up with a lot of pain for a long time now, so maybe i will handle it better then im trusting my body now? oh, and funny you should mention the salty crisps!!! i would never touch those in a thousend yrs when im not pregnant- fatty food and all, but have demolished 3 family packs in the last week!!!!:roflmao:
im dreading the health kick at the end of all this haha!
thanks so much psychopoet, i so wish i was male half of the time! i told my husband i would have knocked him up ages ago as he doesnt have a fear of, well, anything it seems :roflmao:
i make for a pretty shameful women :blush:
a lot of the reason im doing this is because my husband is such an awsome guy and would love being a dad so much, any kid would be lucky to have him. i cant wait to see him having fun and loving his baby. he deserves the world. ive ben told it really hits guys when they hold thier bub for the first time.....i cant wait for that moment...
just read the story from canada about a women who had a heart attack during childbirth...for no reason!!!!! and she was only 33! her baby wasnt breathing either! they both miraculously came back to life, but that in itself is a miracle...
now im right back where i started.......the thought that i might not make it past the next 6 months is just terrfying!
Whaoh Peach! Think! Literally millions of babies were born last year. The story of that unfortunate lady wouldn't have been printed if it hadn't been so unusual that it caused interest. Papers sell on sensational stories, not the everyday stuff.
You will be fine. Carry on eating the cisps :) and stay away from anything that doesn't help you to stay positive.
I wish you a very healthy New Year, with an easy delivery and a beautiful baby to hold. You can do it. :hugs:
thanks maddie,
your 100% right.
i just dont feel like a lucky person, and sometimes figure the unlucky stuff will pick me to happen too...
i gotta be more positive. thanks for helping me back on track...ill steer clear of the news.....
:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
NervousNellie
30-12-09, 21:43
Hi Peach!
I heard about that woman too....scared the heck out of me because my biggest fear is that my heart will give out on the operating table during my c-section!!! I'm 31 years old, so about the same age as her! But all I can do is realize that it was someone else, not me. There must have been some reason for having a heart attack. I'm sure that there is a lot that they are not telling us. We just have to stay strong and understand that that's not going to happen to us!
So you must be about to start your 2nd trimester, if not already? I had a little spotting about a week ago at 13 weeks and was immediately sent for an ultrasound. They found that I have placenta previa, which is not a big deal at this time. Its too early for it to be a concerna and it should correct itself. I measured 14 weeks at the ultrasound, so my due date was moved up by 4 days. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow, I will be 15 weeks, 6 days. Of course, I'm getting myself all worked up about having my blood pressure taken, but that happens every month. And every month its a little high, but my doctor already knows to ignore it...he knows I'm a chicken!
Southern_Belle
31-12-09, 16:09
Hi Peach,
First of all congratulations. The second trimester, for me, was when I felt the best. I had two c-sections. The first one was planned and the second one was after hours of labor. I was totally awake for both of them with just an epidural to numb my lower half and no I didn't feel it when they did the epidural. I will say that it does take longer to heal from a c-section than a regular birth. Over here they normally don't schedule a c-section for a first baby unless they think it is needed and they thought my baby was too big in my first case. I was stubborn for my second and wanted to try for regular birth, lol.
If you have a c-section I think it is great to be awake to hear your babies first cry. It is a little freaky I must admit but again you don't feel a thing and your hubby can be in the operating room with you.
This is one of the most exciting times in your life and you will honestly find unconditional love like you have never seen before. You are blessed. I do hope you continue to feel well for the next 6 months.
Best wishes,
Laura
Dear Peach,
I am so sorry to hear the hard time that you are having. I am also terribly sorry that I have not been on here or in touch for a while. My doctor has actually advised me to stay away for a bit because I have been in a real low place recently.
I know things are getting very frightening with all the overwhelming things taking place. You are going through so many changes mentally and physically, however, try to take each day as it comes. I am actually trying to take each hour as it comes because even just the days are too much for me now. Try not to watch the news either, I am finding my slump got worse once I began watching it again. The world is a very scary place to begin with even for those without anxiety!
Just remember how strong and brave you are for how far you have already come! You are so much stronger than what you think! Try and stay busy too I know it is lonely when we are home alone all day. It causes our minds to spin like a merry go round! I even will just go for a ride in the car when I have kept myself cooped up all day. I am wasting gas and ruining the environment but it is some therpay for me so I do not care!
You keep your chin up and know we all love and support you. Wish I could get on a plane to give you a big hug and kiss!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XOX
right when im supposed to be feeling better, im feeling worse.
depression and anxiety has begun to fully set in now and i keep hearing about bad birth stories....heart attacks, strokes....i feel just awful for those this has happened to, and now im terrified of what will happen to me....
im begging God to not let me die.....
im going to make an appoint to see a psychologist asap. ive never seen one before, but im starting to loose my mind...life is unbareable at the moment...how can a psychologist promise me ill live?
hubby goes back to work tomorrow and im dreading being left in this house for 8 hrs a day on my own.....in this body and mind....
im sorry to be bringing others down....i wish i was someone else...with a strong body and mind, who could be certain of survival.
this is making me sick....
bellabessnjet
03-01-10, 17:06
Dear Peach,
You can do this, you have a wonderful chance to bring and nurture a little baby into this world. I didnt have a great pregnancy, bled a lot and a prem birth, but my son is now 7 and I'm not going to lie it was hard, but sooooo worth it, I would not be without him. Your body is going through a massive change, hormones running wild etc etc. Your allowed to feel strange and depressed, give yourself a break, give yourself time out, take each day as it comes, put your hand on your tummy and feel your babay moving inside. Millions of women give birth, and only a fraction have a really bad time. You are going to be fine, look at everyone around you who has children, they didnt die or become ill, the unlucky few that do are such a minority. Medicine these days is so advanced you are going to be fine. Go to your Drs maybe meet a midwife, get exactly the infomation you need, I think a lot of women dont tell the truth about childbirth which adds to the mystery, yet if we were told the truth about sex would we have been that bothered about it! Yes enjoyable but can also be very embarrassing and messy! Please take care Peach You can and will do this, and at the end of the day, when you look into your babys eyes it will all make sense, and the pure love you feel will erase any doubts you have.
All my very best
Angela
thanks bella,
you make a good point, and i like the part about sex :roflmao:
i dont deserve this baby, i cant believe i thought i could do this, but its inevitable now, so whatever happens i cant stop it now...
i do pray that i will get through it, and possibly be lucky enough for it to be ok? and that i will have that dream of holding my baby and looking foward to a wonderful life watching them grow....and being a part of that....
thanks again
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::h ugs::hugs:
Hi Peach
I'm new to this forum and just came across the website when I did a google search for 'scared of being pregnant'. I can't believe how many other people feel the same way as me! Everyone I know seems to just take it in their stride and 'love' being pregnant, which makes me feel like i'm abnormal.
I got married just over a year ago and we've talked about starting a family in the not too distant future, which i'd like to do. I've never really thought about the actual process of getting pregnant, giving birth, etc before but now i'm starting to and it's really scaring me.
I think you're doing sooooo well and it's really encouraging for people like me to read about how you're getting on so keep posting! I'm sure at the end of it when you have a gorgeous baby in your arms you'll think it's all been worthwhile.
I already have a phobia of needles, blood tests, hospitals, injury, etc. so I think this is a continuation of that. The thought of being pregnant, having something growing inside me, having to have blood tests, going to hospital for scans and so on really scares me.
I'm also worried that i'd have to constantly keep talking about being pregnant because when people see you're pregnant they're surely going to ask you about it, how far gone you are, whether you've had morning sickness, etc. I often feel panicky and faint if people talk to me about injuries, illness, etc so i'm scared that i'd feel the same if people kept asking me about being pregnant!!
I haven't told my husband how I feel as we've never talked in depth about having kids, just that we'd both like to 'one day'. It's only the past couple of weeks that 'in the next year or so' has been mentioned and i've had to start seriously thinking about it. I know he'd be supportive as he has been really supportive with my social anxiety but I still have a fear he'll think i'm being silly and want to know why i've not mentioned it before!
Anyway, all the best with your baby, and i'll keep checking this thread for updates - you're doing amazingly!!
Zoe xx
PS You DEFINITELY deserve this baby and you will get through it, keep your chin up xx
thanks for the hugs emmas...just what i needed!!:D
hello zebedee79 and welcome to this forum.thanks for your lovely words.
there are many ladies on here in the same boat with extreme fear of pregnancy and childbirth...
so your definatly not alone :D
a year ago on here i couldnt even imagine getting to the point of trying to get pregnant let alone now being pregnant.
this forum helped me greatly and the wonderful people on here help me when im not coping, and also let me talk this through until i could cope with it in my head. you will get a lot of support on here and feel free to pm me anytime.
Hi Peach
Hope you're ok...as everyone on here keeps saying, you REALLY ARE doing SO well....you really are giving hope and encouragement to so many of us :yesyes:
I just wanted to mention the thing about the scary stories you keep hearing in the media (about heart attacks/bad birth stories) - please try not to take too much notice of them. I know it's hard and I'm exactly the same, but we have to realise that the 'news' is no longer really 'news', it's all about scaremongering more than anything else, just to get a good scoop! They will only ever tell you the bad stories never the good - for example, they won't tell you that millions and millions of women around the world give birth safely without any health scares every second of every day.
For instance, it's similar to the Flying without Fear course I did - they suggested we try not to watch, listen or read news for a week and see how much happier we were at the end of that week - it's true. They said the media will only ever tell you about the one 'near miss' or the one 'emergency landing' etc etc, they don't tell you that thousands of planes take off and land safely every single day - that wouldn't make very interesting 'news' to them.....so they want to try and put a bit of 'danger' and so called 'excitement' in the news......huh, yeah right!
So along the same lines, it's the same with all the scaremongering with childbirth, they don't realise that there are people like us out there that are terrified anyway, they don't realise the negative impact that is having on us all - so if you can try to ignore the so called 'news' and concentrate on all the good, positive real life experiences you hear from friends and family. Easy for me to say I know, because I'm not pregnant, but you never know I might be one day :winks: ........
Be kind to yourself and take heaps of care :bighug1:
hi lovelys
13 weeks today.....
my big fear last night was down syndrome...this is because if i get tested for it, its to be at week 16...so in 3 weeks...half of the test involves a blood test...:weep:
so i dont know if i can go through with it...a few of my family have said that they have had friends who where told they would have a ds baby, but when the baby was born, it was fine...
the test following has a chance of miscarriage...
if we were having more then one baby, i know for sure i wouldnt get the test, as ds people are very lovely people....but we are only having this one baby...so of course i really am hoping it is a healthy baby....
my gf yesterday said she would abort as she works with ds people and said it is very hard work.
the doc says my chances are very low- 1 in 300....is this low?
my hubby says dont play with nature.....so now im worried our baby may not be well....i pray it is...i think ill get mum to pray for me, God really seems to listen to her...:)
what else this week? well, not much...im a tiny bit fatter...only noticable by me (clothes) and swimming is wonderful! feel great when im in the water...
the tiredness is going away...my skin doesnt look like that of a 16 yr old anymore (pimply) and my evening sickness seems to also be waning.
besides that my appetite is picking up a bit..im starting to eat the amount normal people eat...finish my food now..
the first 3 months was tough..ive been told the toughest...this is because of very sore breasts and morning sickness if your unlucky to get it like me.oh, and the emotions...oh, they do go a bit crazy haha.:wacko:
also, for tocophobics on here...the first month i was waking up at night scared...but with time, you really do get more used to it...im still scared of whats to come, but the hormones really do seem to calm you a bit...like a natural anti depressant/anti anxiety med....i still have my moments, but they are at night, and i do end up falling asleep...
with this type of fear/phobia, well, there is excitment...what your reward will be at the end of this...to me, its not like other fears of phobias....i wonder if it is a phobia that many women will try to overcome as opposed to other fears, ie elevators etc....just do what you can to avoid them...
this is a fear that is worth overcoming......
hi nosila, thanks for that post...i will be rereading it every time i read/hear something scary!!!!
i hope all is well with your plight and progressing at a good/ comfortable pace :D
Hi Peach
It's good to know that you do start to get used to being pregnant after a while. I was worried that i'd feel awful/panicky/etc for 9 months!!
I can understand your worries about the test for downs syndrome, I think it's only natural to want your baby to be healthy. I'm sure you'll be fine and the test will put your mind at rest.
I'm the same with blood tests, I never had any of the injections I should've done at school like rubella, TB, etc as I had a HUGE phobia of needles. It was only when I really needed to have a blood test that I had to face up to it and I saw a clinical psychologist who did some 'desensitisation' therapy with me, which ended up with me having a blood test! I still hate needles and would faint if I wasn't lieing down but at least I know I can have one now and i'll be okay. It's just the thought that does it every time!!
I went on the NHS website after coming on here the other day and read through the pregnancy info they have on there. Was really nervous reading it to start with (I was actually shaking, which sounds ridiculous) but then the more I read the more I calmed down and it's actually really helped me. I think it helps me with things like this to gather as much info as I can as I then feel more in control of the situation! I'm sure you already know about all the stages of pregnancy and what's happening to the baby, etc but if not it may be worthwhile you having a look. It's amazing when you start to think about it.
Anyway i've rambled on for long enough! Hope you're doing well and keep posting...
Zoe xxx
Hi, Peach,
I read through this thread and saw that you are concerned about your age and the health of your precious baby. I took a peek at your profile to see if you had listed your age. When I saw it, I felt I had to post. I hope it gives you comfort.
My mother had me at the age of 40! The doctor didn't think she was pregnant. They were treating her for a stomach tumor! Can you imagine! Remember this was in the dark ages (I am 62.) and there was no such thing as ultrasound to see if she was indeed pregnant. Well, some brilliant doctor finally figured it out and treatment for stomach tumor was halted.
I was born as you can tell. LOL When they had me IQ tested a few years later, I tested at 139.
So you see, being 35 and NOT being treated for a stomach tumor gives you a great advantage. I'm sure you are going to have a healthy baby which you richly deserve!
Many hugs to you!
hi zebedee79,
i think weve decided not to get tested....were jus gonne cross our fingers and hope for the best....my mum said all the women in our family had babies much older then me in life and they have all turned out fine......so im gonna put in a lot of faith on this one...
i am however, going to drive an hour next week to visit my old doctor and get my blood pressure tested. my mum will come with me and ive decided to do this every month till the end...my mum asked me to do this, and im going to stick to it. ( we have high blood pressure in our family)
so i am proud that i will get to a doc every month to get checked....the doc we were seeing here hasnt booked any further appoints or told us when we should see him, or even called my husband back on two occasions about refering a psychologist??!! im also going to have the 20 week ultrasound...i think this is helpful and important..and painless lol
with regards to reading up on pregnancy progress..i have found a website that is telling me week by week how the baby is growing and how my body is changing..this has been a good source of info and im sure will help my anxiety. for example: this week i was told i may get nose bleeds....:ohmy:
they say its very common because of all the extra blood in my body. im glad i know this now, so i wont freak out. otherwise i would have....i havent had a nose bleed since i was a kid!
thanks for your post corinne, makes me feel a little better about it all... im really hoping for a healthy baby with all my might :)
ElizabethJane
09-01-10, 22:29
Dear Peach my husband and I did not have the triple test (a blood test) which works out your risk for having a Downs baby. If the risk is high then amniocentesis is performed. We did however have every other test going but nothing that would put the baby at risk. I was thirty six when I had my son who is now a very healthy eleven soon to be twelve six footer! We had had IVF and did not want to spoil our chances of becoming parents. A lot can be learnt from the scans and vital measurements of the heart, liver etc are taken. You risk factor may still be high and you have a perfectly normal baby.
your an angel elizabethjane!!!!
the more i hear, the more i stand by our decision...
i have friends who have had the tests and they never give a difinitive answer anyway....
4 people i know were told from the tests they had an excellent chance of a DS baby, but when the baby was born, they were all healthy...
also, another friend of mine had the test and her response was 1 in 300 chance!! the same as ive already been told because of my age....
on her results it said the doctors feel this is a very very low chance.....we have no abnormalities on either side of our families, if we did, i would go the tests...
i so agree with you elizabethjane.....thankyou!
bellabessnjet
09-01-10, 23:09
Dear Peach,
Getting pregnant is soooooooo easy isn't !!! (lol) Its once your pregnant the fun starts!! My brother is DS hes 19 years old and wonderful, you would never ever wish to meet a nicer person (much nicer than my other brother whos a selfish ****) I refused the test because I believe (sometimes) that its Gods will. I think all pregnant Mums think whether their little one is going to be OK and I hope your little one is too. I too have heard of results where yes your having a DS and then they turn out OK. I also know 1 lady who was told that due to an eptopic pregnancy (I think they had to remove her tubes) that she would have no more kids, she had 3 pregnancy tests all negative and yet gave birth to a little boy on the 30th December! Things happen, tests are not always right, yet you are going to be fine I believe in you.
Good luck and keep posting.
PS when do you have a scan, its one of the best moments in your life, even if its all fuzzy and looks like ET lol.
Take care
Angela:hugs:
bellabessnjet,
i so loved reading your post!!!!
im so estatic about the support for this decision we have made and im glad im not alone with this either!
were going to do the 20 week scan, and i am looking forward to it. yes, i totally agree with everything you said. every mum to be worries im sure of it.
my mum has a big prayer group going for us that this bub will be healthy, so im hoping for the best...
either way, there is gonna be a huge amount of love for this baby.
i cant thank you all enough for your support and guidance on here...
14 weeks today....
went to the doc, blood pressure great, but was told i have to have the blood test...so feeling pretty distraught now...
the hospital wont take me without it, plus im told that for me ceaser is the best option....im told its a very simple and pretty safe op.
i still cant decide what i will handle ...yes, im still in the same position over this...and i cant seem to move on with it..
sorry guys, still not feeling great, still feel a bit sick and the heat here is not helping at all. my fear and unwell feeling is shadowing any excitment for buying baby stuff and thoughts about meeting my new bub......
not happy.....still have so much terrifying stuff to face.....
hi peach, first of all congratulations on your pregancy. i do not share your phobia but do have health anxiety and agoraphobia. i have had 4 children, all born at home (i couldnt bear being poked around with) i have since become a doula ( i support women and their familiws through pregnancy and birth and also afterwards ) i am also a breastfeedig counsellor. we are all different in our needs but for me being informed and keeping control over my own body where very important for me. i live in britain so i do not know the legal ituation in australia but you should never be told what you have to do. it is your baby and your body. i also suggest ina may gaskins book. it is very realistic and also very positive and encouraging. ina may is a very inspiring midwife. also maybe preparing for the birth with antenatal yoga or active birth may help you to feel calm when you are making decisionsn or thinking about scednarios. there may be doulas in your area or sympathetic midwives who can be on hand for reassurance/ support etc. many people will want to give you advice often conflicting. only you know how you truly feel. i am sending you sooo much love and good wishes. you can mail me whenever you like for support if you think it may help.:hugs:
Hi Peach
I feel for you re the blood test, I really hate needles too, and a blood test feels like the worst thing to face! I saw someone a while ago about needle phobia and some of the helpful tips she gave me included:
Remind yourself that YOU are in control of the situation, things need to happen at YOUR pace, in your own time...don't let them rush you.
Take something to distract you (as well as hubby or a friend!), something like an MP3 player to listen to with your fav music, or some chewing gum etc. Anything that will take your mind off what's going on.
Tell them your fears when you go in and tell them why you have the MP3 player (or whatever it is you've taken).
Also, have you heard of the numbing cream you can get for needle procedures? Not sure if it's a worldwide product but there is something called Emla that you can buy over the counter, it's a cream you put on your skin about an hour before you have the procure done - try Googling it......
And the other thing I remember her telling me was that you can ask for the needle they use on children - apparently it's much finer than the one they use on adults. I didn't know this so found that really helpful to know! These are the things they don't tell you, when people (medical staff) don't understand what it's like to have a needle phobia!
Anway, hope some of those tips help you. The main thing is to make sure YOU are in control, don't let them bully or rush you!! As Justine says, its YOUR body, and things should be done at your pace as and when you feel comfortable.
Take care :bighug1:
Hi Peach
Hope you're doing well today and haven't had any nose bleeds yet! :ohmy:
I think they're great tips that Nosila has given you. I also had some therapy for needle phobia and was told it's important that you make sure you feel in control. The main thing that helps me now if I do have to have an injection is to tell the nurse as soon as I go in that i've got a needle phobia and that I need to lie down while they give me the injection so I don't faint. This immediately puts you in control of the situation.
I also tell them I don't want to see them preparing the needle/syringe/etc and that I don't want them to tell me what they're doing. (I had one nurse once trying to tell me in intricate detail each step of the process!!).
Then I try to think about something relaxing like being on a beach with the sea lapping at the shore, seagulls flying overhead, etc. It would be even better if you had an mp3 player with some relaxing sounds/music on.
Alternatively, you might want to try and engage the nurse in a conversation about where you/they are going on holiday or anything else you can think of, to take your mind off things.
After the injection/blood test, it's worth remaining lieing down for a few minutes, just to allow yourself to be calm and then sit up very slowly and only leave when you're sure you're fine.
You'll find that most nurses are very good with needle phobia and very understanding.
One more thing that may be worth doing is speaking to the receptionist about your needle phobia when booking an appointment for a blood test. That way, if one nurse is particularly good (or bad!) at taking blood, giving injections, etc then they'll make sure you get an appointment with the best person! :)
Zoe xx
I really really feel for you, as 12 years ago I was in a very similar position myself. I had anxiety and depression, and was still on medication for those through my pregnancy. I was really terrified of the birth, I let it spoil my pregnancy to be honest......but I just couldn't stop myself I was so scared. You know what, once you get to the point of actually giving birth, either naturally or by caesar (I had a caesar) you aren't really thinking of your fears and anxieties, it is all over very quickly - AND - the reason everybody likes to have and embelish their births stories is because they all got through it ! :yesyes: Some births are harder than others, but I did not feel or even see my epidural being given.
Now, 12 years later I am so glad that I had the experience. Firstly it has given me the most wonderful daughter who makes my life complete, and secondly it changed my ability to deal with my fears and anxieties. I honestly think I came out of the experience a more rounded and mentally healthy person than I went in to it. It is easy for me to say, but start planning and concentrating for the time after giving birth - as the 'birth' bit will be over very quickly, and the months after will be the harder bit. :roflmao:
hi peach,
you are well, you and baby will be well, i am sending you love and calmness breathe slowly and steadily, all will be well trust and believe we are all with youxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hi everyone,
i tell you, in these tough times for me, i sacly check this thread everyday, and its just such wonderful advice and support on here, i cant tell you all how much its helping me get through!!!
i found another website with a thread titled ' elective ceasarian support', well, i thought it would be positive, and the firs page was, then it turned into THE biggest slagging match toward women who for whatever reason opt for ceasarians!!! it was so awful, i just cried for hours!!! it made me realise just how increadibly lucky i am to have all the support on here, whatever i end up doing....and i feel understood here, you all KNOW that its got nothing to do with me finding the 'easy' way out or not wanting to stretch my vagina....!!!?????? dont worry im never gonna defect from here...and what the f is wrong with these ppl to think that women want surgery for this reason?????? ive found outside this website, women seem sometimes to be very quick to judge and give other women a very hard time on this subject...its so sad!!! women have a hard enough time as it is trying to live up to media standards...then we seem to go against each other??????
im very much a sisterhood chick, not saying im anti male, cause im so not! im just sad because ive realised that if i do end up going for elect ceaser...which still terrifies me ( there is no easy option here, both are intense and i think dangerous ), then i know i have to lie about it to some friends, because they are all very very strong minded and will give me hell as they dont have severe phobias and dont understand....
this is an intensive fear, where ceaser must be thought of, because i very well might loose the plot with natural, and ruin it ......also, 1 in 3 my age end up with ceaser....but, thankfully, i havent been judged on here for my thoughts...for that i thank you all so so much!!!
justine, you sound amazing! and i might very well take you up on your offer of PM....i will also seek that book out...thankyou
thanks nosila and zebeedee, embarrisingly i havent made that appoint yet...im an idiot, cause the longer i leave it, its still there....i just cant seem to face it...its something im working on...i thought i would be better after the blood test a yr and a half ago, but im still just as bad....i will be using those numbing pads, and whatever else i can get my hands on haha....
its rediculous im stalling it, i know im just making things harder and if i wasnt such a phobe, i would have had it weeks ago, i want to know im in good health and i know if i get good results it will encourage me all the more...but here i am....and no nose bleeds yet lolol...
thanks for your support carys, i keep thinking its only a 20 min op...i saw a facelift on tv the other day....7 hrs!!!!!!! surely a ceaser will be easier and safer then a 7 hr cosmetic op?? and think of how many ppl have cosmetic ops every day? even a boob job seems more intensive to me....maybe im just trying to rationalise it....ive had very anti women say to me i have a good chance of death on the op table and my child has double chance of dying as an infant!!!! this is scaring me at the moment...i want to do whats best for bub....a doc told me ceaser is safer for bub, and very streight foward these days, none dies..so who do i believe?
thanks crissy :hugs:
what i have done, i have booked an appoint for tues with a new doc who specialises in pregnant stuff and is well connected to another hospital...ive been told the one nearest me really sux and so my mum is booking me into the one near her, its an hr drive from me, but if i go for elect, then it should be ok....the one near her has just been totally refurbished apparently and is very nice. also, bless my mum, shes told them im a 'special' case, ( am i or what :roflmao::wacko:) so ive been told i will be handled with kid hands and get to do everything at my pace...if only my mum could have the ceaser and blood test for me..lol....dreaming lolol...
mum is gonna take me for a walk through this new hospital, just to see it....scared of this, but think i can do it...urghhhh!!!
also, shes booked me an iridology appoint, so ill try it...
plus i found a natal yoga place nearby im going to try next week...i haven done yoga in years, but ill give it a go, i warned them im an anx sufferer, and she was very nice to me about it.......im finding warning ppl how bad i am, they treat me with kid gloves...ive accepted im a bit loopy..lolol...
ive also been booked to see a psychologist in the new hospital...she/he will hopefully refer me for elect as im told normally for public ( we couldnt afford private ) they wont do elect ceasers, but, i am a special case, when they see what a nutter i am, they will let me opt for that..they will prob lock me up now and sedate me for safety loloolol....
i wish!!! lololol....mum is also trying to org an OB for me!!!! even tho im not supposed to get on on public!! how lucky would i be to get one of those??? lolol, feels like a collector card or something lololol...
so, im now sometimes feeling not so alone in this house.....the days are still very long and im discusted at how much awful tv im watching, but i know in 5 months...that will all change......for the better i hope...for the pooyier, but i really hope, for the alive and much better then i can imagine type of better.....
Hon, you do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Your baby will be fine no matter how he or she is delivered. YOU will also be fine! Babies have been delivered both ways for thousands of years.
You have a wonderful mother to be making so many arrangements and making sure you are getting the best of care. I love the way she takes into consideration your feelings. The walk through the hospital is a grand idea.
I always read your updates and feel very happy when you post positive thoughts. I think you have come a long way and soon you will be posting how you breezed through the delivery!
Hugs
a doc told me ceaser is safer for bub, and very streight foward these days, none dies..so who do i believe?
You know what, I'd believe the doctor. I know so many women who have had sections, (my sister had it for her twins) and they are still here to tell the tale....and embelish the tale too :roflmao:. Even my SIL in deepest India, survived her two just fine. It is an incredibly common procedure, you do have to look after yourself afterwards and take things easy and you can have some anaemia (solved with iron tabs in my case). As it happens mine was an emergency C/S and non-elective, but there were plenty of women have elective caesarians for a huge variety of reasons, including psychological reasons.
I look forward to hearing your 'birth story' in some months time, because I am sure that you will get through this...just as I did. It won't be easy at times, and you will have times of anxiety, but trust me the years of joy ahead of you will throw this period of time completely into the shadows.
bellabessnjet
14-01-10, 22:06
I had to have an emergency c-section. I haven't a clue what happened (totally under) my baby was 9 weeks prem (I dont want to say to much but if you want full story please let me know) He is now 7 years old, one of the tallest in his class, one of the cleverest little boys I know and my absolute pride and joy, and the reason why I'm still alive today. Whichever way you baby is born doesn't matter, the only reasons c-sections get such bad press is cause all there celebs have them and tummy tucks at same time, over and over again. You however have an absolute medical reason for a c-section, do not worry about a bunch of small minded individuals who dont understand. At the end of the day giving birth is maybe a couple of days (max), pregnancy is 9 months, being a mother is life. You are going to be great, you are already showing the care and concern being a mum brings. My friend recently moved to Oz and had her 2nd baby over there, she said that everything was so much better than
the UK and that you have a lot more care.
Take care Peach You will be fine Mummy!!:yahoo:
magpie girl
16-01-10, 19:40
How you feeling today peach?????I was telling my cousin how you were feeling about the birth,and how you couldnt enjoy being pregnant due to your fears (i hope you dont mind)as she used to suffer the exact same.She asked me to reasure yousaid only 2 were as she has 6 children now,not to be afraid to have a cs. She had 2 normal deliverys and 4 cs,and you can actually stay awake during a cs.There is no difference in any of her children they all excell at school,they are all average sizes for there age groups.She said only 2 were breast fed yet there is no difference with her bottle fed children :D:D:D:DShe also said when you hold that baby all your fears will slide away,she went on to have 6 children.
week 15 has arrived.....
this is when i think the poking and prodding is about to step into overdrive....
im getting really annoyed that ppl say to me, oh every women feels scared about birth....urghh!!! they have NO idea just how &^%$ scared i am...its more like a violent petrified style of fear....they just dont seem to get it.
beside this, ive been...ok...
i had an iridology thingy today, was pretty amazing, they can see a whole assortment of damage you do to your body from childhood till now...they can see what shape your organs are in...id recommend it. plus its not painful at all :yesyes:
we then went to another doc appoint, a new doc who apparently deals with preggy women...she was weird...i think she was looking at me like im a freak. she also refered me to both a psychologist AND psychiatrist!!!!
how crazy can i be?? she also reminded me a ceaser is a major op and that i should be able to have a natural birth...oh, well then, what have i been worrying about....ill just stand over here in this corner and bend down and squeeze should i?? omg.......she then poke my boosies and my gut and put a little thingy to my gut and me, hubby and mum listened to the little galloping sound of bubbas heartbeat...
then, mum took me to the hospital, to look around. this scared me a bit. walking into the birth room was pretty terrifying...was a ok room, big window (nice) and room next to it with bath and shower... the midwife was very nice and very kind with me. i then ran into a lovely lady who just popped her bub out and she assured me ill be fine and reminded me i can say no to what ever i dont want....this i like...
the bad news is that i HAVE to have this evil evil blood test next week!!!!!! i feel sick just thinking about it....i wish i could just shut my eyes, open and find its all done and over with.....without the pain of course! lololol....
is it possible to get such a good nurse that you dont feel it? im dreaming right? damb this soft pain feeling skin!!!!!
corinne, i so hope your right about breezing through! id so so love that to be my story! and yes, my mum has really becoming amazing in the last month. i have no idea how i can thank her for what she is doing for me. i couldnt do this without her.this i know. although, she will score heaps of hugs and love from what im producing here lol...i think this is what is spuring her on lololol.
thanks carys...im so keen for this time to be a memory....im not hating being pregnant as i thought i would, im just hating the tests and needles, and birth to come etc...lol. does that make sense?
bellabessnjet, ive heard this about the aussie healthcare system also. so i am very thankful. it turns out ill get my own room even tho im going in as a public patient...and your right, i keep reminding myself that the birth will take such a short time in comparision to the rest of it.
magpie girl, your cousin sounds amazing!6 kids!!! what a woman!!!
wow!
i plan to try to breastfeed. i dont know how it will go, but ill give it a go.
i still dont know which way ill end up birthing....ewww, sounds like something that would happen in one of those alien movies..lol...
thanks everyone for your support. im really hanging on to what you all say, and am very thankful i have you all here. in some ways its almost like a virtual womens circle like they did centuries ago......all around to support and give the birthing woman strength....quite lovely really :D:bighug1:
:hugs:women like you peach dont go on to judge others - you accept that not everyone is the same and to live and let live - maybe small comfort to you in your suffering times - but thank god the world has ppl like you in it otherwise there wouldnt be sites like this and we'd all be judgmental and self-absorbed - no matter what you are experiencing or feeling at the end of the day you are a great lady:yesyes:well done and keep plugging away, much love and best wishes to you, emma xxxxx:hugs:
1am, bad bad nightmare! woke up terrified...what have i done...again, terrfying birth, waking up just reminded me, its real...it will happen to me...
got on, and saw emmas lovely message...thanks :hugs:
emma, this whole thing is making me so so self absorbed its just awful, but its also this beast i cant stop....writing on here is therapudic (sp) and i really do hope its helping, somehow, others in my position.....but it does freak me out after its penned about whos reading, and possibly thinking im the worlds biggest idiot.....mind you, im not trying to prove im not..lol.
i really hope all is well with you, and pls message me when you feel like a chat. im always keen for someone else to think about....:)
Just wanted to pop in and send you a hug, peach! You seem like such a dear, and I hate that you are so anxious about the delivery. The only thing I can do is try to keep reassuring you, along with others.
Do you knit or crochet? If so, that could keep your mind occupied while knitting some booties!
You're almost halfway there! You're doing great!
Hi again peach....
a virtual womens circle like they did centuries ago......all around to support and give the birthing woman strength....quite lovely really
Yeah, you are right, that is very touching.
Just think of the understanding you will have and support you can provide to others after your birth experience is over. I am a firm believer that no matter how emotionally painful anything is, something positive can and must come out of everything. The whole cloud and silver lining thing makes sense to me, but sometimes it does take a bit of searching to find it.... ;o) In your case, I'm sure you will develop a deeper understanding of yourself, and find that you are stronger than you thought possible....this pregnancy and birth could change your life (not only in becoming a mother) but in the pride and 'growth' you will feel after climbing the emotional mountain and dealing with all the little problems along the way.
Many years ago, I had an incredibly painful time that lasted 12 months, and I was hospitalised for many of those months. That was many years ago now, but it changed me for the better I believe; I developed levels of empathy, compassion, motivation, life purpose, confidence and love for my fellow human beings that I was incapable of before. In the years that followed my hospitalisation I became a changed person, acknowledged by my family and husband. I tell you all this anecdotal stuff because I want you to know that if you open your mind to allowing positivity to come out of some negative feels and experiences, it can see more manageable.
I remember the terror I felt, just like you, 12 years ago. To say I was 'afraid of the birth' was an understatement.... I felt like I was in a nightmare...knowing that at the end of the pregnancy I was facing 'IT'....the whole birth thing. I was fixated on it, I felt I was facing my own death....seriously. At that time there weren't lots of groups and forums where you could find out about how other people felt, I felt so alone and I never mentioned my fears to anyone and that made it even worse. I felt like a freak, I felt like I wasn't a 'natural woman'. Of course, now I know that there are plenty of others like I was...but it is all a bit late for me:roflmao:Carry on making the most of that support, in real life and virtually !
Have you felt he baby move yet - that could be any day now if you haven't already ?
BLOOD TEST FRI!!!! THATS A DAY AWAY!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH HHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:scared15::weep:: wacko::mad:
:hugs:hi peach, what a fantastic post from carys:yesyes: you feel the way you feel peach, dont beat yourself up, or think about what other ppl think? - you prob going down this road of thought becasue anx is sky high at mo regarding the blood test tomorrow? you will be fine after it? you may well have lots more anticipatory anx before its done, but i know you will be able to get through it for your baby peach - youve come this far, and dealt with a horrific ingrained, habitual fear, nobody carrying around a fear is ever truly happy i dont think? and you are having to be doubly brave as you try to deal with your phobia (which i know is utterly traumatic at its worst and only anybody who has ever been in the grip of irrational fear can understand) and your precious and much much longed for pregnancy - hold on, you are doing so well and have come so far - notice these thoughts for what they are - rubbish!!!!! you are brave, lovely, nice, interesting and interested, kind, caring lady and you will make a great mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:just want to say like any person whether suffering from phobias or not ofcourse we are capable of being happy, same as all ppl - but personally for me until it is dealt with it usually keeps rearing its ugly head? i didnt mean we couldnt be happy, just that an unconqeured phobia keeps coming back - which is why i 100% agree with carys - once you have the blood test/ anyother test/ baby - you will be recovered and you will be one of the bravest women on the planet - if i had one id take my hat off to you and carysxxxxxxx
if i had one id take my hat off to you and carysxxxxxxx
Thanks so much Emma, what a sweet thing to say. I'm just a person who got lucky and found my way out of the hell-like situation I was in.
carys,
you totally get me. i feel exactly the same as you described for yourself those years ago....without this website, all your support and my mum stepping up as she has in the last month, i honestly couldnt say what i may have done....all the worst was thought of.....
so its 4:30am here, im awake as can be and well aware of what im going to try to achieve in 12 hrs from now...even my arm is hurting...im going mad with trying to rationalise the 1 min tiny sharp pain against my other thoughts.....and i cant believe how the (beep) im going to get through birth if this is how i am now...with a blood test....what have i done? what did i think i was able to do?/face?
emmas, great to hear from you, your always so lovely and your support is invaluble! i totally agree with the conquered phobia thing, but brave is the last thing i am. im happy to avoid my fears if i can...and yes, i agree even tho having the fear with you is not really a life...its still one id rather to facing my fears...but here i am, after spending the last 4 years terribly torn between facing fear or never getting to be a mum, and part of it is not just for me, its for hubby, his mum, my mum, his dad and my dad...so it became not just about missing something for just me anymore.....almost like a wifes duty to her family...i felt tremendous pressure to make this happen. everyone else in our families gets to enjoy this pregnancy except me..im finding it still so hard....
winging aside, carys, yes, ive started feeling 'quickening'? for a few days i wasnt sure if it was just food fighting my guts (IBS) lol, but in the last days, i realised my food cant actually poke my gut out from within lolololol.....
i call it alien gut for now..... its faint, but getting more and more...oh god,.....im trying to be lamely funny, but finding it very hard when so close to this stupid test!
needles are an irrational fear eh?! they are just a prick and only last a min...my mum offered to bring a valium, but of course i also have to have a new fear of meds now dont i.....cant handle being out of it. mum wants me to take it....even half and i think id be off my face...ewww...shes got the cream...has anyone used that? does it actually work? she says the chemist swears it does...sorry to keep harping on here, you can see the way my mind works now cant you......obsessively lol.....ive barely slept these last two nights, and i have to drive an hour in the morning to go to the hospital with mum for a check in....then frantically drive an hr back here and wait....for this nurse to show up.....hubby has told me if i cant handle it, then thats ok, and not to worry what others think, but this isnt something i can avoid...and mum will be &*(*&&&$$##
im thinking also, the lady will do that awful prep...urghhh! then put that horrible thing around my arm for pressure..urgh!!!! im thinking ill get her to stop and wait till i am ready, so she can then just put the needle in...urghhh!!!! again! once its in, im hoping, like last year...ill be fine....ill just want her to get it out asap.....i googled help with needle phobia...why is google always unhelpful????? there was this forum, where a women said she went into anaphilactic shock ....that bad!!!! i hope this doesnt happen to me, it would hurt baby surely!!????
i should try to sleep again, i have to be up in 3 hrs....to drive...in this state...how stupidly dangerous of me....:weep:
emma, what you said about the tipping the hat thing, was really lovely! carys is the amazing woman, as like you, she has faced this fear and conquered it with both hands...me, im trying to get through this,and winging and fighting it the whole way lolol....
i just cant get over how many truely beautiful women are on here, in the one place....
starlight78
21-01-10, 21:07
Hi Peach,
Just wanted to wish you luck for tomorrow.. I absolutley hate injections and blood tests to, but I have to admit that I absolutely didn't feel the last one AT ALL.. I know that wont make you worry less, but at its absolute worse it will last less than 20 seconds probably and it's another step to sucess..
I've so enjoyed your post, you sound like such a lovely brave woman and i'm sure you are inspiring others with similar phobias..
Sending you lots of happiness xx
carys is the amazing woman, as like you, she has faced this fear and conquered it with both hands...
Really I am nothing amazing ! The thing is, I had no choice, and you have no choice, you have to get through it. Internally you may be screaming, but you will get to the end of the pregnancy and you will have the baby by C/S or naturally. It will come to an end and you will come out the other side a Mummy, all this will just become a memory. I conquered nothing in the way that you think, with some immense fanfare flourish; I emotionally crawled through it with tears and panic, BUT, afterwards there was that silver lining, as I'd learnt about myself and my abilities to cope and came through a truly more rounded person. I was scared of being pregnant for years after being married, and once I found out I was, I was absolutely terrified just like you.
Anaphalactic shock from a blood test ??? NO way !!!! Nothing is being put into your blood stream, just a very tiny amount is being taken out.
As for your fear of meds - that raised a wry smile from me. I haven't taken a paracetamol in a decade for this reason. I lived with a dreadful month long bladder and kidney infection because I was too afraid to be prescribed anti-biotics.....and so the list goes on.....I don't have a fear of blood tests, but I do of injections, any injection at all. I don't mind the pain from it, not the idea of needles piercing skin, it is something being 'put into me' that fills me with dread with both medication and injections.
Peach, look away whilst they get ready for the test, don't even watch the nurse getting things ready. Concentrate on your breathing through the whole experience, slow and steady. Blood tests are incredibly quick to do. I know this is easy for me to say, as I don't have the phobia...but you are gonna be so proud of yourself after it is done !!!!!
Please update and let us know how you got on.......will be thinking of you. You aren't alone, we did it, and you will do it trust me.
i realised my food cant actually poke my gut out from within lolololol.....
Nicely figured out ! :roflmao:Carry on being lamely funny, I find humour is THE best way to get through most things.
I DID IT!!!
WOOOOTTTTT!
go me go! hahaha.
ok, so i cried like a baby, but who cares, i got through it, and that cream is amazing!!! i didnt feel the needle AT ALL!!!!! im gonna ask if i can bathe in that cream before the birth lololol
it was funny, i kept saying, not yet, im not ready, and the nurse and my mum were both like, ok, we will wait till you say, then after a min, i stopped crying and said, its in isnt it...and they both started laughing, and said all the blood had been pulled and could i hold the cotton bud hahahaha!!:roflmao::roflmao:
cheeky monkeys!!!!!
tho, it was a FULL on day all in all. i went to the hospital again and had an hour long talk with the midwife. she wanted to know my entire history!!! i told her, but it was confronting having to relive a bad childhood and other bad things that happened to me in the past....but i got through it.
all in all, im feeling pretty darn happy with myself at the moment. i know there is more to come, oh so more, but im gonna have a week off doctors next week....
carys, i totally agree with you about injections... i hate stuff being put in my body that are meds...its a bit sinister....this is why i skipped the swine flu shot. mum said i was right too, she know another pregga lady who had it and had been sick as a dog in bed for 6 weeks now...with no end in sight :scared15:
ps:i still think your amazing for getting through your pregnancy. doesnt matter how you got through, its that you did that makes you strong.
seems im gonna be kicking and screaming the whole way :roflmao:
thanks for your support starlight!
im sure all the good vibes sent from this forum helped me get through today :D
thanks for your kind words, im definatly not brave but its a personality trait that appeals to me, so im trying it on for size:D
Peach - well done for having the blood test.
I too have a fear of pregnancy although I'm not sure if I'd call it a phobia in my case. I think you are very brave and much stronger than you think. Just concentrate on the lovely baby that you will have at the end of this and it will all be worth it!
Congratulations! :flowers:
Love and hugs from shoegal xxx
:yahoo:YOU STAR !!!! I knew you'd do it !!!! You deserve every second of pride you feel , you have proved you are stronger than you knew and beyond that you are incredibly brave....I don't know many people who would face one of their biggest fears/phobias in this way.
Keep that good vibe going girlfriend.
:yesyes:way to go peach - we all knew you could do it - you are brave, carys is brave im brave - we are all brave - in our own ways!!!! you are conqeuring your fear as you go along, and no i havent conqeured mine - but i work on it daily and you are too - no matter who you are doing this for - you are no longer avoiding becomming a mum even though you are terrified of having your baby - what can be braver - much love and happiness for you, emma xxxxxx:yesyes::hugs:
magpie girl
22-01-10, 18:07
WELL DONE XXXXXX:yesyes::yesyes::yesyes::yesyes::yesyes::yes yes:
starlight78
22-01-10, 19:34
WELL DONE PEACH!!!!! You must be so proud of yourself... You are brave you know... Bravery isn't the absence of fear, its having the fear but overcoming it anyway.. and thats what your doing! Well done you xx
I never doubted you for a minute! You never know how strong you are until you're tested. You passed with flying colors! Good for you!
Bravery isn't the absence of fear, its having the fear but overcoming it anyway..
Peach!!
What can I say....I am so very VERY proud of you!! You did amazingly well. I'm so sorry I didn't log on in time to wish you luck before the test, I only got on here last night to catch up on all the posts. But looks like you had lots of love and luck sent your way by all the other lovely ladies on here.
I'm glad you tried the cream in the end, I'm definitely gonna try that next time, sounds brilliant!! You've been an absolute star and you should be extremely proud of yourself - amazing!!
I love Starlight78's quote above - it's so true, EVERYONE has fear (of something) to a certain extent, it's just that our fear is more heightened. But it doesn't mean we're abnormal, and it certainly doesn't matter if you cried - I always cry too! It doen't matter how you get there as long as you do it your way! When I saw someone about my needle phobia, she said everyone has some level of fear/anxiety when it comes to needles, nobody really likes them, it would be abnormal to like them and to have no anxiety, it's a survival instict to not want something put in you - but it's about controlling it, or overcoming it, as Starlight78 says.
Anyway, I'm rambling on again now - I just wanted to say a huge WELL DONE to you :yahoo:
Huge hugs :bighug1: xxx
thanks everyone for your awsome and continued support.
feeling the virtual hugs from around the world right now.:bighug1:
Ive just been reading thru all your posts and you are doing so well! your baby is going to be so lucky to have a mummy like you. I suffer with panic disorder and I had 2 babies 16 months a part and was anxious/petrified thruout both my pregnancies but would do it all again tomorrow, it is well worth it. I had a c-section with my son the first time around and it was fine, over very quickly and he was healthy and fine. just keep focused on the end product and you will get yourself through it. I wish you all the best wishes in the world and look forward to seeing your pics of your new beautiful baby xx
well done u should be really proud of urself have a great pregrancy and enjoy every min of it, i so loved being pregarnt its amazing
16 weeks....
im getting closer to that halfway mark.
still not sleeping great and having awful nightmares, but not about the baby weirdly enough. no dreams about the baby at all....i dont know whether to see this as a good sign, bad sign, or even a sign at all..
the midwives are pushing me to go for a natural birth, so im looking into that now....again...ive been looking at waterbirths, as there is a bath in the birthing room. i know water is a wonderful pain relief too.
ive been told about this course called calmbirth. it sounds amazing so im going to start it in about 10 weeks time. it apparently helps you to have a calm and in control birth. it states that people who have had the course come out much happier after thier births, even if they end in ec.
much less crying at night now and i still feel unwell at times, but i also get times in the day where i feel fine. i think the heat here doesnt help. its stinking hot over here now.
now dont get the wrong picture, im still terrified of the birth. i still worry every day about how healthy the baby is, i count down the weeks till i know the baby might have a chance of survival outside of me if i go into early labour. i worry what sort of life she/he might have, hoping it will be long and full of love. im worried we wont know how to care for baby and accidently hurt bub.
i have a big bump already but am trying to hide it afraid of those crazy awful people who hurt pregnant ladies to get their babies. i just read another story of it this morning...i dont open the door to stangers. i watch behind myself before i get in the car at shopping centres....mind you, these awful young guys walked past me the other day and whistled!!!! so mean! so i guess i must just look like im pounding on the weight.....i have already put on 5 kilos...:blush: im hoping it will slow down....urgh..too much dieting after otherwise!
bellabessnjet
26-01-10, 23:55
Dear Peach,
Your doing so well, and I think your brilliant. Honestly.:yesyes:
Dont wish your baby early, my little boy was born at 31 weeks and its not an easy option trust me. You just need to try to chill a little. enjoy that feeling of your little one kicking inside you, (making you go to the toilet more, just when your going to bed etc, preparing you for the long nights lol) Honestly your doing so well, I really admire you and think your so strong. TRUTH.
Take care Peach it will go so fast from now on and your baby will be here before you know it, safe and snuggled next to your heart, loving you unconditionaly and you them.
:flowers:
hoppipolla
27-01-10, 03:10
Sorry to jump in late and randomly but yes well done! I think its perfectly fine to be a bit scared I mean its totally natural. I dont think the bad dreams are a good or bad sign really, I think you're just worried so its expressing itself as nightmares ._.
Hang in there though and keep strong - you can do it! ^_^
Also I think its cool and a good idea you are looking into alternative methods for birth - I say go for whatever safe way you want to go for and feel the most comfortable with :)
Good luck with everything :)
Hi Peach,
I too suffer from tocophobia, and everything else!
Im currently 13 weeks pregnant as from today. :) I hate needles and all kinds of things really. Id just like to say that since finding out all my fears reared their heads and I was brave enough to fight them off. What i have been frightened of has come true, but for the better. I have had numerous blood tests and had to have a drip because of severe hydration through sickness. my worst nightmare i thought, but that was just my irrational thoughts. I honestly never have been so brave and faced my fears ever. This time i know i am going to do it for my child. I have decided not to have any pain relief at the birth, but it will be an option if i decide different. After all the silly thoughts I had that I will be a rubbish mum as of my anxiety disorder, i know thats untrue as i love this baby inside me and will continue to do so when he/she makes it into this world. Despite your fears you will be a fantastic mum also. We must remember that what we think is totally out of character and not true, we worry about nothing really if truth be told, worry= irrational thinking of what may occur and it never does! Its normal to be fearful about the birth and everything else, most women do its natural. I found it good to join a pregnancy forum amd you will see how other "normal" women feel the same. :D. As for nightmares, it is common for pregnant women to get them too, i have had several and mostly about nonsence, but frightening all the same.
Sorry to ramble on, I just know how you feel. But when your baby is here you will look back and think, " I really thought that " and laugh. That is what i will be doing :D
Please feel free to PM me anytime. Congratulations :hugs:
Casstella xx
:yesyes::hugs:i just wanted to say how inspiring it is to see so many ppl supporting peach - i hope you dont mind me saying this peach? but i know a little about her story and i can imagine how awfully hard this is for her - well you all can i know, but i want to thankyou all too for being so caring and kind to her - some of the posts are so moving - i have my own child and through anxiety i thought we would never be close, but finally we are and she is the reason i carry on - im not saying this is right, but somehow our babies born and unborn just give us tha tlittle extra motivation to carry on - i know we can do it for ourselves, but the love you feel for your child is bigger than yourself or the love you feel for anyone else i think? they inspire us to be stonger- like others have said peach this will all be worthwhile when you have your baby - take care peach and allxxxxxxxx:hugs:
hi everyone,
going through a slump again, took the advice to join a birth club type thing online and have found it distressing today. there was talk about miscarriage at 14 weeks and then 18 weeks!!!! this has freaked me out bad!
i went to a concert the other night and even danced for two songs...trying to be careful of course, we then sat down for the remainder of the concert, i sipped water and stayed away from others so as not to bump me. it was actually a great night and we even got home by 11pm. i felt great, didnt even have anxiety and i usually can barely get through a concert without being pregnant. i was very proud of myself. then the next morning, i worried that i hurt the baby with the loud music, or that i hurt baby with the vibrations going through the floor and up my body...
then i noticed yesterday and today i havent felt the 'bubbles' in my tummy. i never noticed before whether i should feel them every day or not..i barely feel them and even wonder if its me or baby....
but then reading about these miscarriages today has put me near the edge...just when i was doing so well, now im desperate to know the baby is ok. ive been feeling strangely fine, no symptoms, except lethargy from time to time....
ive got my first appoint on monday with a psychologist and then tues to meet the doc at the hospital......im so worried again now, after all the good work in the last week, im back at square one!
thanks bella for the lovely words. i definatly dont wish the baby early, im praying on time and healthy...thankyou for your support.
thanks hoppi, im doing whatever i can to help me get through this. :)
casstella, i wrote you a pm, hope you get it and i may hear from you soon. congrats to you for your baby! i think you are very very brave and thankyou for sharing your story with me.
hi emmas, lovely as always. thankyou. the support i have received here has been invalueble to me and i only hope i can end this story with a wonderful and positive ending. yes, the stories by the wonderful women on here, that have been shared have been really amazing! truly lucky to have been able to be a part of this all.
still freaking out, lots on my mind...i hate these times in life:weep:
sb001f8994
30-01-10, 16:17
Hi peach,
Hope your ok? If I remember correctly the 'bubbles' dont happen every day, it sort of depends which way your baby is lying I was told. And most babies sleep in the womb through the day as your movements lull them to sleep...wait till later on when kicks are really strong and as soon as you try to sleep they wake up and fancy some football! Also you going dancing would probably be good for your baby as you were happy, your baby would have been happy too. Listening to music while pregnant has an effect on babies and, so Ive read, your baby will recognise these tunes once born and it can settle them if they are irritable.
Worrying about miscarraige is also very common, I remember with all my three pregnancies it was always there, every little twinge or ache would set off alarm bells. I think most mum's go through this. This probably isnt much help at all but I just wanted you to know I am thinkling of you and sending you a big hug.
Take care,
Carol x
thanks so much carol,
you have helped ease my mind a bit. i was about to get my hubby to take me to emergency just so i could hear babys still got a heartbeat..
the music was happy and light- reggae. it would be wonderful if baby would like it outside the womb. :). we were given a bob marley lullaby cd for babies.lolol..my hubby is a huge reggae fan.
thankyou so much for easing me about this. i was really confidant with positivity that our baby would be fine untill yesterday.
i think i felt something last night, but cant be sure....i wish the bubbles would turn into kicks asap so i could be sure...
im desperate to get to after week 20 as i think chances of baby survival if anything happens can be ok after then. i really hope everythings ok
charmain24
30-01-10, 23:38
hi i can relate to some of what u are feeling im 23 weeks pregnant and counting down the weeks. im also getting night mares and wake up threw out the day with bad anxiety :( , i have all sorts of things crossing my mind i keep telling myself my baby is trapped inside me and cant breathe then another time i think its drowning inside of me :( these thoughts are reali disturbing me now :( i reali cannot wait til its all over, i dont feel my self i feel like a different person :( xx
hi charmain,
im so sorry your feeling this way.
the mind plays terrible tricks doesnt it?
pls stay strong, know your not in this alone and trust your body.
i would recommend swimming or something else gentle to take your mind off worrying for a little while.
pm me anytime you want. im on here all the time.
hugs :hugs:
Hi Peach! That's me 29 weeks and 2 days into the pregnancy now. I've had a nice little resurgence of morning sickness eww, a urine infection and thrush OH THE JOYS!! *chuckle*
Work has increasingly become a struggle ( all the walking involved) and I can't wait to start my maternity leave on the 1st of March. I even managed to watch that film 'nine months' last night and laugh my head off. And I swear if I really let my mind wander I could probably knock myself into one continuous panic until the birth is all over and done with LOL Of course I'm scared.. it doesn't matter that I've been through this before. It was a long time ago, I'm a good bit older BUT most of the time I try to focus on how awe inspiring this whole being pregnant and having babies is. Right now the little baby girl inside me weighs approx 3lbs. Her feet are two inches long. She sleeps, she kicks, she can hear me when I talk and sing and laugh. I've even started buying the odd thing or two ( Asda have a fantastic deal on newborn nappies and johnsons products at the moment)
Had a great chat with the fiance last night about my anxieties ( prompted by us watching the film), and it was such a relief to say out loud all the stuff that floats around my head. Like you I worry about the baby being fine in all departments. It's normal and natural I believe most of what we think and feel is nothing that hasn't been experienced before.
Typing this has really got me thinking about my son's birth and you know what really stands out how utterly supportive and capable the midwives were. I'm going to be in the right place with the right people surrounding me when this birth comes around too and when I think about that It really isn't so scary at all.
So my sweetie, you keep posting here and know that whatever you feel or want to say is absolutely all right with me. I've got to take this big bump of mine and get moving I sold my car and it goes tonight.and I want to get it hoovered out before it goes and I go in to do a backshift. And before you know it us pregnant nmpers will be talking the work of parenting waarrghhh LOL LOL
Take care
Pooh xxx
PS I love this site http://www.welcomebabyhome.info/pregnancy_calender/download_pregnancy_calendar2.htm?gclid=CI2GvpPPzp8 CFY5n4wod5DFDsg#
it lets you see a 3d image of your baby developing in the womb week to week you just type in your due date and email address. It also gives you a little blurb about what you and the baby will be doing and feeling as the weeks go by. Please only look if you are comfortable viewing 3d images. Personally I find it amazing :D :D
Hey Peach ! Sorry I missed your previous post, about the dancing and night out, I don't know how I missed it as I always look out for your posts. Hope by now you are feeling more settled. A bit of dancing is fine, I know some women who carry on with keep fit and so on all through their pregnancies. Mind, not sure I'd like to be doing spinning at 30 plus weeks LOL !
week 17
im sorry to say but im feeling much worse now. cant sleep and feel choked!
met the OB today, very nice lady but told me that because my father has type 2 diabetes that i will need to have a test on the 26 week that is a diabetes test. the test involves a blood test, then i need to drink something, then wait 2 hrs, then another blood test in the other arm...
this has greatly disturbed me, i sms'd my dad about it, and he sms'd back saying its nothing to do with him and that they do this to all fat pregnant ladies cause we all get diabetes....im 77 kilos...and not a short person...
this made me cry a lot. hes always like this to me, so mean. i told him it is because he has it that i have been told i need the test, and that my weight isnt an issue as the doc told me. she actually said id need to add another 30 kilos to my load for her to consider it a worry....he just texted me back calling my OB a nastly lesbian (he hates women)
then i was very sad all night, then i tried to sleep and couldnt, lied there obsessed with what if i have diabetes now?????
doc told me because of my mean father i have a 50% chance!!!!!!!
so now i cant sleep. my throat is dry, im scared if i drink ill be desperate for more ( symptoms are extreme thirst and no peeing)...i did just pee thank god, but now im terrified, by the test...by the major possiblilty of diabetes...
we have a stupid house inspection tomorrow, so im gonna have strangers walking through my house asking me why i missed a cobweb ( im not exaggerating, they are this intense) when i just want to be left alone to freak out by myself...
oh, and then i get a nasty email from a lady on the birth website ( which im now leaving) saying she had this test and its 3 blood tests within the space on 2 hours, not 2...so im just gonna run away if thats the case...
ill talk to OB about it when i see her in 3 weeks.....she said the last thing they want is for me to kill myself....
this is all getting too hard for me at this very moment. its bigger then ben hur.....plus i read about pain options....there seem to be only 3 and they all seem either useless or painful..lol....im stuffed its looking like....
like a chicken.....
im so sorry to not be able to bring good news for other tocophobs today, but hopefully none of you will have nasty fathers whos condition forces you into this same situation.....so you can bypass all of this mess i seem to be sinking into. on a good note, i heard the heartbeat today, its 150 bpm...so with all this awful pain and anxiety, and ibs, the poor little thing seems to be still hanging in there...im so sorry baby that youve been given me to grow in :weep:
i know it seems im being very mean about my father, but i havent even started on here about what sort of life he gave me....i dont want to talk about it....my childhood was just plain awful for most part. thats all i can say. and in all fairness, considering that, ive always held my tongue about my parents as i always try not to blame them for my upbringing and issues. because they are my parents i love them....
you ladies have written some really lovely posts..thankyou..
im so sorry i havent responded to you, i will, hopefully when im feeling a little less like throwing up...
i am reading and rereading everything you have written, pls dont think your time is wasted on me...im so sorry for all of this.
:ohmy::hugs:dearest peach, so sorry that you are having a rough moment - that is all it is peach, it will pass - remember the nice moments even if they are short? how you felt at the concert? you feel like this precisely because of your horrid father - i had one too peach so i know why you feel like this - sounds as though you could prob put all the blame for your woes on him like i can put all mine on my father - why take blame yourself peach when you are trying so hard and doing so well - dont let him get you down - dont listen to him at all!!!!!!! and take comfort that your baby is okay and coming along fine - dont let a miserable person take the bit of joy out of this experience - right, so now i expect you to be feeling and sounding a whole lot more positive about yourself next time you post!?lol:hugs:
ladybird64
02-02-10, 20:51
Can I drag you away from that birth site? There are enough mums here to give you feedback and we will tell it like it is, without the added horror stories.
I am surprised that there is a 50% higher risk of diabetes because of your dad, there so many people around with Type 2 diabetes that I wouldn't have thought it would be the case.
Please hun try not to worry yourself, your baba is doing just fine in his/her little safe haven and you are doing nothing wrong apart from being so hard on yourself.
This will pass, remember all those hormones flying around can make you feel very weepy and useless..we have all been through it and survived it, just as you will.
Ignore your dad (cos he ain't helping!) and carry on doing what you're doing..hanging in there. :hugs:
...im so sorry baby that youve been given me to grow in :weep:
NOoooo NO NO, I don't want to hear you say this ! You are clearly a kind, caring and thoughtful person, that comes across in your writing. You are just afraid Peach, that does not make you bad or unfit to be a fantastic mother to your baby.
Your father sounds like a right *****, talk about unsupportive in the extreme. He is damaging you emotionally, nice 'fatherly' behaviour that ! The silver lining in this scenario (because I always look for one in any situation) is that it will have taught you, unfortunately through your pain, how to be quite the opposite when bringing up your own little one.
Please, Peach, don't worry about the diabetes. Just because your dad has it does not mean that you will get it. Besides, it's gestational diabetes. Once the baby is born, it's gone. My older daughter had it with her first son. It was not a problem for her or the baby! Please don't fret over it.
it was so so so lovely to wake up this morning after such an awful night to these wonderful supportive messages!
im in a bit of a better state about it all now, although im sure ill be in a very bad way when the double/triple blood test comes along....its not till april, so ill climb that hill when i get there.
if i indeed end up having pregnancy diabetes, then ill have to just deal with that also...im still annoyed at my dad for passing this possible problem onto me.
a little history of my dad:
i never really knew him growing up. i apparenlty waited for hours and hours on the front step for him when i was very small. he never showed up. it was when he was supposted to take me for the weekend.
i finally got to meet him when i was 15 when i left home. he said he would take me in as id been living on the streets for a while. all i remember from that time is that one he would put dogpoo in my bed when i got home from school...so that didnt work out, and i was back on the streets...but i did finish my school cert and passed! lol...
he constantly tells me that all women are money hungry caniving b(*&^%s.
he is also convinced that the middle aged white male is the most discriminated against....he also loves going on about how fat i am...which i am not. i did put on some weight when i was 28 and diagnosed with ibs...i was chubby, not huge. anyway, even if i did get huge, then why couldnt he love me as is. hes had a massive gut for years and i never said a word about it.
winge winge, lol...i dont usually talk about this stuff. dont get me wrong, i do love him. ive told him its irony that he should end up with a daughter lolololol....im his only kid....that he knows of so he says lolololol....
hes planning on moving closer to here very soon, it sounds awful but to be honest im hoping it wont be till after the birth. then i can have my whits about me so i can give him back like he gives a bit faster....baby brain has mushed my quips a bit....lololol..
emmas, sounds like you totall understand the bad dad syndrome lol.
thanks for your constant support. youve been an amazing friend who ive never met yet! maybe one day.....
ladybird, your a sweetheart and yes! im totally taking your advice, im off tht website as of now! why would i want them when i have THE best group of girls right here?
carys,
i guess i am a bit down on myself. i didnt think that i could be a good mum cause of my parents, i was terrified id be like them. thankyou. i do believe ill be different...not perfect im sure, but different..lol. yup, my dad is a bit of a *****, and i dont mean star hahaha!
wow, your messages have made me feel a little better......already....ill try to get it to stick as long as possible...:bighug1: everyone
bellabessnjet
02-02-10, 23:12
Hi Peach
What a time your having lovely. My Dads not been much cop either, no where near as bas as yours but OH parents!:lac:
Anyway you dont have to deal with him if you dont want to, easier said than done, but you and your baby are the most important things now, not your dad. Also this maybe your chance to make a new start you and baby, draw a line under the past, start anew. God if only it was that easy hey, I have problems forgetting my past and know how hard it is. Anyway these blood tests, you did the ladt one (congratulations by the way) and you WILL be bable to do this one. Just keep your positive vibe and remember your doing it for your babay.
I know loads have already said this but, reading your posts, and anxieties just prove how much of a caring lovely person you are. You are doing everything possible to overcome your fears and I really admire you for that.:flowers:
You are going to hold your baby soon in your arms and you are going to be a fantastic Mummy, in fact your already a fantastic Mummy because you're doing everything you need to to make sure your baby is OK.
You are a fantastic woman and you have a lot more strength than you think.
Take care and keep us all informed, always check on here how your doing so your definitely not alone.
angela:bighug1:
:hugs:god what i would give to come to oz and meet you and your baby:hugs:and get some lovely sunshine - would prob be too hot though for me! i dont know how you stand it! epescially being pregnant.
this is very hard peach, as you are about to become a parent and i think it makes us natuarally look at our own parents more - well if we are sensitive ppl like us lot are! i mean when you have a shit father you have to accept that you are actually still made up of that man, so if he is shit am i shit? well the answer is no - its hard to accept ppl who are supposed to love us, actually being mean to us - but thats the crux of the matter - in what book was it written that everything would be lovely and rosy - for millions and millions it isnt - thats life!!!! but we can be happy and accepting of ourselves - which is why you have to stop beating up on yourself - your dad is crap but you are not!!!! simple as:yesyes: and despite the fact that you suffer anxiety about being pregnant you have decided for you and your husband and your friends and family to create another beautiful life - you can make that child very very happy peach - you know you can - despite your fears and worries, you are a caring loving gentle person, and thats what your baby needs - nothing more - material stuff, trips and holidays and activities are usually just other ppl trying to make money out of us - nobody really 'needs' anything other than food shelter and love and respect - forget about anything else and dont let anyoneelse force their ideas on you about what your baby needs - he/she just needs you and their daddy:yesyes:xxxxxxxx
...this feels weird to say Peach, because I obviously don't know your dad, so I don't want to say anything out of turn....but.....
It seems your dad's views and opinions are not worth having - especially right now, when you are feeling fragile and vulnerable. I can't believe what an incredibly mean man he is! My advice to you (for what it's worth) would be to steer well clear of him for as long as you can, particularly whilst you are pregnant. I would lap up the support you are getting from you mum, and enjoy the love and attention from you loving husband - HE should be the man you look up to now, not your dad.
Your dad it talking absolute tosh when he said "all fat pregnant women have to have this test".....from what you have said about yourself you couldn't be any further from being fat if you tried :winks: He was just trying to scare and upset you...
Peach, as all the ladies on here have said already, you are a loving, caring, beautiful woman, with a loving husband and a beautiful baby of your very own on the way - you will be so caring and doting to your little one, you just need to concentrate on that now - your new life as a lovely little family - just ignore all the horrible jibes from your dad - they're really not worth listening too.....it's all rubbish!
Oh, and by the way, I'm so pleased you took the advice to get off that other baby website - stick to this one where people understand you and care about you :hugs:
hi angela,
yes its funny how you need a licence to drive but not to have sex and make babies lol...some parents wernt meant to be. ive found there are a few other pregnant nmp ladies on here, so definatly dont feel alone :D
thanks for your lovely words :hugs:
emmas, weve had some insane hot days here, but mostly it has been a cool summer. im still very keen for winter to come tho! ive always loved winter and where i live it gets very cold.ill be posting picts of bub so you will get to meet her/he :yesyes:
and your so right about babys just needing love. ive been looking to buy old style toys. do you remember kalidascopes (sp) ? i also want to get toys that make baby be creative like play-do and leggo.
hey nosila,
yes, my dads an idiot lol. he sent a text yesterday just saying- it is hereditary......lololol....looks like my b*&$ lesbian doctor was right hahaha..(pls no offence new readers, this relates to prev post...for those coming into this now, this is what my father called my doc, not me!)
hes such an idiot...i didnt even respond this time, i waaaas going to make a smart a$$ comment about his heart attack recently but decided not too...i think thats still a bit fragile for him. i want to rib him, but not hurt him.
i still remember when i turned 30, he said he was going to buy me a will kit as now i had one foot in the grave....i just said i couldnt hear what he said, and that maybe he should turn his hearing aid up, see if he can hear himself talking....
thanks everyone for being so so kind!
ill have to tell the little one about all her/his nmp aunties on here that have given bub so much support and care, even before birth!
:yesyes:hi peach, well im glad its not been too hot overall - it would be way too hot for me, even in a not very hot summer! however the english lack of sunshine can get us down -i cannot wait to see your baby - when exactly is he/she due - will that be winter there? i agree with your choice of toys, lego play-do are still brill for kids, and yes you can still get kaleidascopes - lots of ppl like retro toys - but most toys are good for kids and they will decide for themselves which they prefer - have you now allowed yourself to think of names? i would think about names from day one, but i know alot of women say they dont until they feel everything is okay - personally i havent got that willpower - i would think of names and visualise the baby and what pram you were gonna have right from day one!:blush: well glad to say you sound strong and positive - look forward to hearing your next installment:yesyes::hugs:btw when you say it gets cold, how cold do you mean? - i know youve said loads of times, but i forget - are your near sydney?
Yeah, good question, WHEN is this bubba due ?
18 weeks....5 months so im told....
ive been as you all know, a lot more stressed. sleeping hardly at all. worrying about whether im going to have gestational diabetes, worrying about my scan tomorrow, worrying about birth, needles and whatever else comes up. ive actually made myself sick thinking about it all now. im trying to only worry in my head, not get too upset so it doesnt go to my stomach...so i try not to cry, if that makes sense???!!
ive been given july 14th for birth day, but it seems they rarely come on the day named, so we will see....
hey emmas, im sure my version of cold is nowhere nears yours. it does snow, but about 15 mins further up the mountain then where i am. i live about 1 hour out of sydney. i used to live in syd for many years so know it well, but got sick of the smog and claustrophobic way of living...( i hate townhouses) sorry, i know this is an english invention, but it makes no sense for them to be here, our weather does not need blocked in houses with small and few windows.....it seems like cities are becoming fast overrun with apartments anyway, another invention i really dont like to live in (this is all pointing towards my claustrophobia, lol), thus dogs and thus moving out of the city for a while anyway. we are thinking of moving interstate when all of this done, north near the beaches...it is a calmer slightly hippy lifestyle which suites me just fine, with those old lovely farm style houses with the balconys all around...:D ( ahh, happy place, lol)...
we do have a list of names now that is in constant revision. ill also put picts up as soon as possible. pram shopping and baby room has begun, well, its in thoughts process anyway. weve got some clothes , so small! cute! and because it will be winter ive been buying socks and bonnets etc. were a bit broke without me working, so things are coming along very slowley in that dept.
i made the stupid mistake of reading up a bit on birth stories and GD....its made me almost dizzy with sickness...im almost contemplating not going back to the hospital and just trying to birth here, at home, i figure we can call an ambulance if we need and i could then go to the yucky hospital half hr away. or i guess we could get to our hospital....we will see...
ive decided i dont like my OB. so im going to ask if i can just see the midwives instead.....i like them, they are very very nice plus they dont seem to want to push me into things i dont want to do.
how is everyone going? i hope all well, ive been a bit selfish in not reading much on here as im so focused on my stuff at the moment, but if any of you want someone to chat too, pls pm me. id love the distraction.... because of isolation and money im kinda stuck in this lovely house much much more then i like.....i can only do so much housework and tv is starting to drive me mad....if i had money i would be hitting all the galleries, lunches, museums etc.....all my friends here are all working fulltime and live far far away.
Hi, I have been reading your post and the replies. I have a friend who has a similar fear and needless to say, is nearly 37 and still longing for a baby....(having had 2 terminations).
I have to admit, as a proud mum of 4 I can't pretend I fully understand her fear in the same way she doesn't understand my health anxiety. Having now read your posts I am in absolute awe of you for facing your fears and I realise how hard it is for my friend. I hope I can persuade her to read these posts and maybe she will get some inspiration from you and follow her dream to have a baby.
I wish you every bit of luck with your pregnancy and think by sharing this you will inspire others. On behalf of all those having to face their deepest fears, thank you for sharing your experience. Believe me, you have already done the hardest bit, the rest comes natural :-) xx
thank you so much jenza20,
what you wrote was so lovely! it brought a bit of a tear to my eye :)
i really hope i can somehow through this help others in my position. im really hoping for a happy ending to encourage those who suffer this like me, and who desperately want children like me.
so thank you so much for reading this thread and helping me to continue this battle ahead of me.
so today i had my 18-20 week ultra sound scan...i was a bit frigthened at first, well, actually, wimpering again a bit like a baby lying down on the bed thing..lol....not loud, but these tears just started streaming down my face....although!!!! only for a few mins this time...a few deep breathes and i was controling me....a bit anyway....
so, how did it go? GREAT!
lemme tell you
IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER!!!!!!
the ultrasound lady was so so nice! and gave me a wonderful birth story- her own! 2 hour labour, no drugs, both kids....
there you go, that makes 4 people i know now under 3 hr labours.....
it took an hour and my gut was COVERED in gel, like id snotted all over myself lolol, but it was so so amazing!!!! the little bub was so active! lol, the lady was like " i hope your ready for an active baby!" lol...bub wouldnt stay still for the whole hour lolol...and everything she checked....perfect! two legs, two arms hands, two kidneys! good heart! perfect size!
i couldnt be happier....so for today, at least, im on cloud 9...
i really hope this lasts and that i may get an ok nights sleep.....could really do with one!
i have a great photo! i will get it on here as soon as i can. i took a copy streight away to mum ( shes in hospital) she loved it!
oh, mum went into emergency on sun and still there today. took her flowers, i wasnt allowed to visit her in emergency cause of possible germs...
so been stressful time, again, with dad and his major heart attack 2 months ago, now mum...but good news. almost all tests have come back positive.
were just waiting on mri results now. she had to have a spinal tap! so she couldnt walk for a few days after, but seems ok now....i heard those things hurt bad! but mum said she got a great doc and didnt feel it at all!!!
i love that show 'house' but they always seem to have these horrendouse tests to do on patients, so when i heard spinal tap, i freaked! lol, but seems the show just likes to shock and make these things seem much worse then they are...i always switch channels for those bits now anyway lolol...
take care everyone :bighug1:
congratulations! believe me you are not pathetic i am a complete wimp about hospitals needles etc but had two babies so really cant be that bad would also like another in the future.
its funny but doesnt really feel like your in a medical environment when having your baby and once your in labour you will just be glad of someone who knows what they are doing to get your beautiful baby out!
all the best hope everything goes smoothly for you
:yesyes::hugs:fantastic to hear how happy you are after the scan!!!!! sorry though that your mum has been ill - do you have any idea what is wrong?
IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER!!!!!!
Awwwwwww, that is SUPERB, I'm really happy for you. You are doing SO SO well...I love reading your posts as they are so full of positive emotion...despite the fact that you have fears.
15th July......cool......if you were having your baby here that would the height of our summer.
http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k125/superkira/IMG_0534.jpg
meet our bub! cute profile eh?
OH my goodness, that is a very clear scan picture. Amazing !!!!
it is isnt it carys..
it just blew me away. it was an experience i just cant explain. watching the baby wriggle and punch its legs and arms was just incredible!
well, my little hope of it being a girl i think is over. i dont know why, but my dad and MIL both keep referring to the baby as a boy, also the ultrasound lady, i thought said 'he', but i asked hubby, and he said he didnt hear that, so maybe i just thought i heard it? also, now im thinking the profile in the pict looks male. and, my little brother said it looks like hubby.....
what do you think this means? i also read that when women think theyre having a certain sex, they are always wrong in the end. i think my dream of a little girl is lost...
dont get me wrong tho! i know i will love this baby whatever the sex. im just a little girly in that i have some beautiful things i would have loved to pass on to her and i think when your child goes through their own birth of their child, i think when you have a daughter you are invited to be more involved with the process...my mum said this, she said when my brother had his kids, she was hardly involved at all as the wifes mum was involved. with me, shes very very involved, much more then my MIL. i would like my MIL more involved, but she has lots of other things in life she needs to take care of. so i only get to talk to her once a week. we did drive to her house to show her the pict yesterday. i dont want her to feel left out, i dont think she does tho...
emmas, my mum is fine, she had this weird type of migraine thats kinda attached to a viral thing.. so she was in a lot of head pain and constant vomiting for a whole day. she also had blurry vision, nausia, dizzyness etc.
its a rare type of migraine.
always when im starting to feel good, i hear/read bad news....
fell across a birth story from the other day, baby came about 7 weeks early?
anyway, when an ultrasound was done, there was no amino fluid and emergency ceaser, but baby was lost 4 hours later...
im really trying not to focus on this story, and trying to focus on all the good stories.....its so hard, and now i feel sick....i guess i thought this was extremely rare...and was starting to think it wont happen to me...now i dont know!?!?!
now im scared again....i had this goal of getting past the 24 week mark, as i thought if the bub had to come out early, that it could still survive with help....now i know this is not true......
how devastating for the parents involved....and im terrified of this happening to us now....i know it sounds dumb, but my dog lost both her puppies in birth last year and i remember hearing the vet saying, oh, this usually doesnt happen!!! its usually good news...well, why did it happen to us? are we unlucky? will it happen to us again, but with me?
freaking out......again!!!!.....i was going to google how often this happens, but too scared to find the results.......
Hi Peach
The scans are fabulous aren't they! As far as I know, and in my experience, the radiographers call the baby baby lol Even though I know the sex and have had further scans and told them they still refer to 'baby'. I think it's inbuilt into their daily work speak :D However, lots of literature will refer to baby as he. I don't think it really means anything. Unless you specifically request to know the sex, you most likely don't know right now :D
As for reading scary stories on google. try not to... I know its difficult when you are scared. I managed to freak myself out yesterday reading about giving birth ( my big fear at the moment) then had to go through trying to calm myself down. Not pleasant was never more grateful to see the fiance when he came home for lunch so I could talk to him about it. Poor chap is trying to console me half looking at his watch thinkin shoot i need to get back to work lol. I feel a bit better today. Just phoned work to let them know i wont be back before my maternity leave starts. I've had a lot of pain in my hips and pubic area and legs and moving too much is a bit of a painful nightmare I haven't had a decent sleep in months without being woken in pain so I'm pretty exhausted. When I rationalise I know that this is also contributing to my elevated anxiety levels Thankfully it will be all over and done with that bit sooner for me. 31 weeks gosh I can't believe I've been pregnant this long.....
I see the physio next week too so here's hoping they can offer some pain relief advice and tips. I'm still waitin for that stage of pregnancy bloom lol
Oh we'll have some tales to tell one day lol
Take care Pooh x
PS the scan... I am convinced that the baby I'm having is the spit of her dad in the scan pics and so does my mum and yet we both know its a girl lol Just shows ya lol babies kinda look like babies. Ive never been able to tell the difference unless its been in pink or blue or I've had to ask or made a boob and said oh HE'S gorgeous to which i've been told it's not a he its a she LOL
:blush::yesyes::DWOW your scan pic is soooooo amazing!!!!!:yesyes:yes i would saythe baby does look male - but really how can you tell? my daughter is the spitting image of her dad - she hates it!!! but some babies do look more of a combo of mum and dad - anyway, i was the opposite to you - i really wanted a boy, as my mum had hoped i would be a boy and was going to call me daniel, and we had no boys in our family at all at that stage - my middle sister went on to have the first boy in our family - hes now 6. when i found out that i was having a girl i was gutted, but at the end of the day, it wont matter when your baby is born, he or she you are gonna love it soooo much.
and the thing is how things work out later on with your child and their own partner and kids is really up to you - it is natural that sons go off with women, i think that is just how it is - how many men really have close relationships with their mums? some but prob not as much as girls, so i think this is why mums of sons get pushed out - men are men and i think they just look for a substitute mum, and then they are happy and dont need to see their own mums as much - however, it doesnt have to be like this - i think alot of mums of sons make the mistake of judging their daughter inlaws - and then this causes problems - i think if you can accept that your son will go off with another woman then you will be much better prepared to lose him sort of and so therefore will prob not lose him at all - wha ti mean to say is i think its alot harder to be a mum of a son than of a daughter, so you have to work harder, but then you wont lose him, you gaina daughter too, but you have to be fair to tha tnew daughter and not always take your sons side! this is how i see it:roflmao:but also mums and daughters can really clash, and have major power struggles which can cause rifts - either way peach parenting is a tough job - permanently!!!!!:winks:
i sympathise with yours and poohs worries, but like countless mums have already said - it is NATURAL and part of being pregnant - you wouldnt be much of a good mum in my opinion if you didnt worry - shows youve already got a good bond:yesyes:
glad to hear your mum is okay - try to stay in the present moment and not get too far ahead of yourself - easier said than done i know, but it does help to not keep terrifying yourself about things that will prob never happen - im sorry btw that your dogs pups died - also not to take too much notice of what ppl say - even doctors, vets and nurses are human and they have their own opinions too, that sometimes they shouldnt share, but they do, because ultimately after being professionals they are also ppl who like to talk and say their piece:shrug: and ive usually found that things happen when you least expect it and they are never wha tyou imagined - almost everything ive ever worried about has never happened - but other stuff has happened too - you cant get through life without stuff happening - something that anx sufferers have a really hard time dealing with from what ive read and felt myself - acceptance is the best way ive found to cope with stuff - how can you not accept what has happened? you cant stop it or change it, so if you dont/cant accept it you drive yourself mad!
well, thats my rant over:blush:thanks for posting the scan pic - its great to follow your babies progress(and yours ofcourse!) - i think we all feel like genuine friends, even if we never meet - no matter what other ppls opinions of net friendships - i class everyone on this thread as your friend - we care about you and your baby, so its lovely for you to keep us updated about whats happening - lots of love, emma xxxxxxx:hugs:
http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k125/superkira/IMG_0534.jpg
meet our bub! cute profile eh?
Wow!! How fantastic is this picture!!! What a very sweet and amazingly clear scan. Thanks for sharing it with us all!! xx
:yahoo:
bellabessnjet
12-02-10, 13:13
Your scan is so amazing its so cler, you must be thrilled.
I read about you reading the sad case of a prem baby 7 weeks early, just to give an opposite view by son was 9 weks early only 1.25kg (2lb 7oz) had some other problems, but is now 7 years old a very strong healthy little boy, who is hardly ever ill. So there is another side and although at the time quite a rough experience I would never ever ever have changed it and the pur love I feel for him is so immense, I never thought I could feel this way about anyone.
Take care Peach cant wait for your baby to come, I think most of us on here are going to feel like your baby's part of our family, my surrogate niece/nephew!
hey pooh,
i can soooo sypathise with your pain...i have lower back pain that makes my butt hurt everytime i go to sit down lol. i wish i was as far along as you tho! im ready to have this baby already! i cant imagine that i have to continue with all this for another 20 weeks!!!!! urgh!!!
my whole pelvic area has been feeling weird, stretching sore bones.
ive been trying to collect good stories, instead of the bad ones now...and theyre great! pooh you would be a little more at ease reading them :)
there have been so far, 7 women, labours all under 4 hrs!!! so it seems a little more possible then i thought. so im trying to focus on the good rather then the bad now.....and yes, i cant wait till we have the stories to tell too.i hope you jump on here when you can to tell us about your birth story and show us a pict of your beautiful bub too?
emma, its so true what you said about parenting. im already dreading the teen years, but thats a loooong way of yet for me. so when it does come, im just gonna shut my eyes lolol. i wish you lived closer...im going to my first baby expo in a few months and would take you with me! i dont want to go alone... i dont think ill take hubby as i think he would feel akward...i think its more of a girl thing to do...yes, i definately feel like your all genuinely my friends on here too, and i just love how this thread has allowed me to connect with you all. i feel very loved by all the women on here and very supported, i really dont know how i would have gotten through, even just this far without you all....i really mean that :hugs:
bellabessnjet, thanks so much for your story. every time i hear a good story, it really does help my stress level lower...my hubby said that that lady could have had complications with her or baby that were not written about...i think i assumed all premies made it these days...but still, i do think almost all of them must make it....medicine has come so far! my doc said its never been safer to have a baby then it is today, he doesnt understand why women worry when its so safe now. your little boy sounds beautiful!
i plan to load up on the photos and show you all picts of baby..maybe not the birth :roflmao:.....but everything after :D. when bub is old enough i will show this thread, and especially if its a girl, then ill keep a copy of this whole thread to show her when her time comes to have a bub.....
19 weeks today.
feeling pretty good, aparently looking good too.
walking more. appetite is starting to climb :blush:
went to the main syd art gallery to see gilbert and george- british artists who are visiting australia. it was packed!!!! and people didnt seem to notice my bump so we couldnt stay for the whole speech as ppl kept pushing past me. we went to see another artist show instead- rupert bunny in paris.
i am definately feeling movement, but not enough for hubby to share, which is such a shame, im hoping its only a few weeks now till he can feel bub do its little kung pow moves.
were thinking about moving back to sydney. we love where we are, but cant really afford it without me working. also, an old friend of ours said she would move in with us which could be good both financially and help wise. also, it would mean i would be able to see all my friends again and get to more of the gallery openings i want to see. plus i still have another dream to for fill after this one....i want to have my own solo show...so will be able to plan for that most prob early next year.
ive stopped trying to think about the birth. it still scares the total *&$# out of me, so i thought i keep it bottled as much as possible till we get much closer to the time, then ill just jump on here and freak to my hearts desire and hopefully all your lovely virtual hugs will help me get through it.....somehow....
i really hope everyone is doing well. im trying this new 'positive' perspective..and it seems to be helping a bit.....im feeling better then when i spend the whole time fretting anyway...so i figure, thats a start at least....
Hi Peach, please try not to worry too much, i know its difficult, but im sure that the exitement of seeing your new baby for the first time will take over on the day and smooth away some of your anxieties. My youngest daugher was similar to you and suffered needle phobia, she managed to get through the pregnancy with out any blood tests or injections, but did have the simple scans done just to check that the baby was ok, she chose to have a C-section, and they were really good with her, she met the guy who was doing the anaesetic a few weeks before and she got to know and trust him, so that on the day she just breathed some gas to make her feel woozy then they gave her the drip needle into her arm and covered it all up so she couldnt see anything, it just looked like a tissue up her sleeve of her Pjs, and she as fine with it. she gave birth to a healthy baby girl, Lily-May, whos now 2yrs old, and it couldnt have been such a bad experiance as shes just been through it all again to have her second baby, Sophie.
Im sure all will work out fine for you, just like it did for her, and she was one heck of an insecure woman when she first found out she was pregnant, and suprised when she knew afterwards just how easy it had been compared to what she had feared.
Julie
hi julie,
i so wish i could have a pregnancy like your lovely sounding daughter!
unfortunately, they have already forced me into one blood test and haved booked me in for another which includes fasting and a suger drink then blood test- its a glucose test for diabetes. ive been told i can refuse it, but how can i when there is a baby involved?
plus, my OB and others over here seem to freak when i even suggest elective ceaser....they keep telling me im not allowed it, so it also looks like i HAVE to go through natural birth and probably end up with emergency ceaser anyway!
i still cant believe they want to torture me so!
if it was a experience like your daughters, i reckon id definately go back for a second also...id love a second, but i dont think, after all this, i will handle it again....
i really hope its not as bad as i fear also, and thankyou so much for taking time to write to me :)
I'm so so pleased you were able to get to the art gallery in Sydney - even if it was only for a short while.
The move back to Sydney sounds like a fab idea, being nearer friends and the things you enjoy (like the gallery) would help a lot I'm sure. And the plan to have you're solo show sounds really great! :yesyes:
I'm liking the new positive outlook from you - good on you! And as you say, prob best not to worry abou the birth bit yet, and you know we're all here for you to give you those virtual hugs whenever you need them :hugs:
im new to this site, and suffer with severe anxietys..... im also terrified of hospitals.
i have a2year old son....and throughout my whole pregnancy i was terrified...... even having my blood pressure taken terrified me!!!! i was convinced i would die and felt that no one understood!!!! i mean every one worries about giving birth.... but this wasnt just nerves.... it was crippling me!!!!! and i found people enjoyed sharing horror stories with me!!!!! every blood test was a massive issue, it would take a good hour to actually have it done!!!!! anyway, eventually i had my son!!!! i had decided that i would have the most natural birth i could so it wasnt medical..... however that all went out the window as i need an emergency c section!!!! and yes i was terrified... but u know what it was ok!!!! it really was. and u will be ok!!!! i explained everything to my midwife from the word go.... and she really supported me....
wen i was in labour too i told all the staff about my issues, i expected them to find me annoying but they were lovely. very patient and understanding. they reassured me constantly!!!!! i look back, and feel so proud that i did it!!!! every new mum feels this way, its such an achievement- but i feel super proud.... i would never have believed i could go through all that!!!! it hasnt cured my problem,i still struggle with all things medical, but i always think to myself that I DID IT!!!!!
and u will too. u will have a beautiful baby....and get through this. discuss your fears with ur gp and midwife.... they will help u, dont let others put the frighteners on either. good luck, if u ever need to talk im more than happy to!!! im sorry if i havnt given much advise i just wanted to reassure that i felt how u do....but im sat here 2yrs down the line with a gorgeous little boy!!!
GOOD LUCK xxxx
20 weeks!!!!
whats been happening? gosh! weve decided to stay here in the mountains- financial reasons, so were commiting to another year here. we are moving as we cant afford this big beautiful house without me working for an indefinate period. very sad, its an amazing house, but thats the way it goes.
i start natal yoga tomorrow, finally! lol and many other baby, breastfeeding etc classes over the next 2 months...plus im meeting my psychologist thurs so we will see how that goes.
bub has been moving a lot more in the last 4-5 days.still not enough for anyone else to enjoy, but im getting a lot of jabs now. it feels very weird!
im also getting a bit of pain which is my muscles stretching to accomodate my growing belly.
i threw up dinner for the first time last night, but im hoping that bub is ok.
also looks like my single night visits have now doubled to the bathroom...i didnt think it would begin this early!
its funny too, my stomach really popped out when i was like 10 weeks,and people looked shocked when i told them i was only 2 months pregnant....
now im 5 months, my stomach hasnt grown in the slighest! so now i look small. i dont know if it was bloating early on and now the bub is taking up that space?
i cant believe im 20 weeks! its really really incredible! i could never have thought that id have the courage to make it this far! yes nosila, im still working the positive angle! lol
lilplus1, thankyou for your lovely story! it was very inspiring to read and has certainly helped me on my journey!
i met a lady at the local markets on sunday who told me she met her hubby when she was 40 and had her baby girl when she was 44. she said it was 2 and a half hr labour! she was also very positive and like all of you on here, told me not to listen to the horror stories. it was actually more inspiring for my friend who is very keen to have a baby but she needs to meet someone...shes 36 and really feeling time pass her...im hoping that story will let her know just how many women are having babies into their 40s these days! when i told the market lady i am 35, she called me baby! hahahahaha!:roflmao:
you sound so positive, your doing so well!!!! keep it up, and keep posting!!!! cant wait to hear more about how well ur getting on, much love lil x
Wow it's so lovely to read a story like this :) congratulations, looks like you've come a long way! x
:hugs::yesyes:not posted for a while as have been too busy to come on-line - but have to agree with others peach - you are doing soooo well and sounding really really good:yesyes:
i dont know if you will agree with me, but if i compare you to before this pregnancy, i would say that you have overcome this fear - you sound like any other first time expectant mum - loads of so called normal ppl suffer anx at the thought of blood tests and operations etc - but i suppose if you suffer anxiety its so easy to blame your lack of coping with the fear on your anxiety disorder - which personally i believe is treatable and you can overcome it with determination and finding the right thing for yourself - im really inspired by you, you sound so normal and happy now and im glad you got to feel like this after everything youve been through with your fears - i know you will grow in confidence now -you have overcome something so massive that you cannot fail to feel good about yourself? take care, emma xxxxx - imagining life in sydney, sounds soooo good:yesyes:
thanks for your replys everyone
thanks for the support too!
ummm, i wish i had overcome this fear, but sadly its still there. i wake up through the night fretting and i didnt mention it, but the reason im meeting with a psychologist on thurs is to decide whether they think i should start taking meds. ive gotten this far without them, but the psychiatrist apparently recommended meds for me. i will only consider sedative types, there is no way they can get me on those brain melter type pills! i took one once, and it was just the most horrible feeling! like my whole brain structure was being changed.
i also get the feeling that a fight with my ob might be on the cards with regards to the hospitals very anti ceaser option......plus there is more needles to come....i still feel sick when i have to head to the hospital...even if its just to chat, which it never is these days.
so my fears are very much still there, im just trying not to voice them so much therefore not thinking about them as much either. im trying to be strong
the birth is still a horror story that im on a collision course with.
just a quicky,
went to my first natal yoga class last night........
i was fine when i went in, loved seeing all the other big bellies!
then the class started and i started to sweat...and get anxious..i think it was a combination of the feeling of being 'stuck' somewhere, which i get anyway, even before i was pregant and hearing the lady talk about things that will happen to my body leading up to labour....that really freaked me out! lol.
things that i couldnt have imagined!
things i dont think people talk about till your in this situation...i think the realisation of what im facing made me a little sick and whoosy.
but, i got through it, i stayed at the class, the exercises were lovely and by the meditation time at the end i stopped watching the time and didnt relax, but wasnt anxious. when i walked out, i felt great! my body felt great, i did feel relaxed...
so im going to try it again next week......
Well done Peach you did really well to stick it out. I'm sure you'll continue to benefit if you keep going :hugs:
Ah well done Peach! As Jane says, you did really well to stick with it. You could have so easily given up and walked out - but you didn't, and proves you can push yourself harder than you think AND get through it. Well done! I'm sure when you go back next week you will find the experience a little bit easier again....until eventually you are fine about it :hugs:
Oh Peach, poor you, I can truly feel some of your agony ! I can so relate to the feeling you got at you yoga meeting. I never did yoga, but attended the usual ante-natal talks given by the midwives. They scared me witless and then there were the 'learning to breathe' classes on mats, or whatever they were called....maybe they were yoga type of stuff ? I felt like I was being slapped in the face all the time, with the thought of what was to come. You've conquered so much already, and you will conquer every situation that comes your way...I'm sure of that. As we talked about before, it may include tears, 'kicking and screaming', panic and such like, but you will get through this. My advice would be to try and concentrate on what is coming after the birth, everyone makes such a massive deal of the whole birth and birth experience, and that is the shortest part of what is to come. The birth isn't a 'collision course', it is the means to an end, your lovely baby whom you will adore and be so proud of. I'm not sure if this makes sense actually reading it back ?! :blush: Anyhow, you take care of yourself. Thinking of you.
thanks again for all the support ladies!
i so did want to walk out, and for a while, was thinking, im not coming back, but MIL paid for 4 more classes, so im commited!:wacko:
oh carys, so right eh?! besides all my intense fears about all of this, im not the mummy type, even tho im married, we dont really live a conventional life of most families, so i have no idea how im going to make friends with these women- how to relate?. all of them seem like they really have their *$#@ together and are so organised, they already know so much about baby stuff and seem to have no fear of any of this because theyre 'real' women. real women are built to handle pain, lots of it, built for excruciating labour, and heaps of needles and god knows what else right? they all seem to have fairly good situations etc. i am probably judging to some extent, but i have heard the conversations....i just wont fit.
im a disfuntional ex drug addict from the streets with a bad family history. we dont have real estate, were moving to a dumpy little house to help pay of our debts (stupid mistakes) from our 20s. were both creative people. ive had an incredibly interesting life so far, but how will i relate and even try to make a friend? you tell people half of this stuff and they give you this sympathetic pursed lipped smile then run.....lolol.
this whole baby thing has made me have to confront so much more then i thought......im hoping i dont go in kicking and screaming carys, but i know, knowing me, this is very likely....i just hope i dont turn psychotic and jump off that crazy person cliff of no return....
Don't put yourself down Peach. You deserve respect for what you have come through and what you are going through, you are stronger than you know. I didn't relate much to a lot of the women I met at my brestfeeding group, mothers and toddlers, playgroup and things like that but I did meet a couple of kindred spirits, hope you do to. Even now I hate parents night at school because I feel intimidated by the "superior" types.
As for these women who seem so together and stuff, I bet it's a huge front with at least some of them. I also bet at least some of them will turn into screaming wrecks when it comes to the bit. When I had my first baby there was a woman in hosp who'd had her third. I thought, God when you get to that point you must really be blase about everything, feel totally in control during labour and so on. Did I feel like that when I had my third? Did I hell! :hugs:
week 21!!!!! wooooot!
over the halfway mark...!
feeling stronger kicks now, it feels so so weird lolol! im fluctuating between starting to get excited about what it will be like to get to meet this little kick boxer inside of me and what i will be like as a mum, and freaking out that the birth thing is getting closer!!!!! :scared15:
i dont know WHY i agreed to this, but hubby really needs some time away, and he loves fishing, SO, were going camping for 2 nights up north.....im worried ill freak out at night and have panic attacks...we have been to this camping place before, we are going to leave the dogs behind this time (the young boy dog are a pain in the butt) and i know there is a hospital near the camp ground, so if anything does go wrong, we can go there. we are also going to camp within walking distance to toilets lolol...hubby reckons hes happy to do the middle of the night walks to the loo with me :unsure:
so heres hoping ill be ok. ill take the rescue remedy and nintendo ds and portable dvd player, incase im up in the middle of the night..lol. hopefully ill be ok, please send me some good vibes!
what else? i think theyre thinking meds for me in the 3rd trimester if im not coping...so thats on the cards, but i dont want to drug baby out......i know im being a hypocrite, but i hate drugs in my body, and dont want my bub on drugs before theyre even born....but what if im not coping??? hmmm....food for thought.
seeing as im coming towards the end of the 2nd trimester ( another 7 weeks) ill give my opinion on the first trimester. for me, it was only hard because of my anxiety. the morning sickeness was bad, but i never threw up, even tho i was always close lolol....i was crying a lot every night and having quite a few freak outs, but it was ok. i got through it, and every week that goes by you really do get used to 'being pregnant'. once the 2nd trimester hits and you start to feel more normal again, it gets easier. then the time starts to fly! there is so much help and support out there from docs, midwives, online baby groups etc. ive been reading the baby centre week by week. this has been great, it lets you know what aches, pains, things happening to your body are, and why they are happening, this really helps calm you. there isnt an incredible amount of doc intervention till 3rd trimester. you do also have a lot of control over what you will and wont do.
this is just my experience of course, and just so far....the 2nd trimester is relitively easy. ive only been seeing the midwives once a month for blood pressure check and they listen to bubs heartbeat which is pretty cool. you can go about your daily events without too much trouble. for me, my butt gets sore and i get tired fast :whistles:
i delibrately dont read bad stories, and dont watch or see things im unsure of how i will feel. so i havent watched a birth video, but really, i know what happens anyway. its not like im going to be asking for a mirror when it happens lolol, thats if it goes naturally. i did watch a water/bath birth and it was pretty cool. the water seemed to really help the lady cope with the pain. it basically wasnt as severe as i thought, a bit intense, but i keep reminding myself, my body is built for this, and, its over very quickly.
i think ive overcome my fear (mostly) of being pregnant...its just the birth, and needles and hospital thing and possible op thing im still terrifed off. if births were very safe, predictable, and always natural without much pain, id have to say, id be ok with it. being pregnant is ok. ive felt worse, or more sick with my anxiety!!! i thought id be so agrophobic id just stay at home, but ive been out, ive seen plays, ive visited friends. i go shopping...were about to move house to an even further more remote part of the mountains!!!! so im going to have to tackle mums house for a while before the birth...urgh, so there is a lot for us to face yet...i wish i could just fast foward to just after the birth.......( dream dream)
Hi Peach!
First of all please don't put yourself down by talking about your past in a negative way....you've got through that period of you life and now have a loving husband and a baby on the way....the things you have been through in the past will have made you a more rounded and interesting person, and what a wonderful quality that is to be able to pass on to your child/children, you will make a very understanding and non-judgemental mummy, which is just perfect. And to be able to pass on your interest in art and creativity - fantastic! These other women that seem like they have their s$%&t together - well, I'm sure that's just it - it just 'seems' that way, I'm sure in reality they all feel the same or similar to you - who wouldn't be a little bit anxious about all of this, especially the first time around. Some people are just good at hiding how they really feel and putting on a front - people like you and me wear our heart on our sleeve so everyone can see exactly how we're feeling - which I personally think is the better way, I'd rather people knew I was scared and not coping than keeping it all hidden away inside. So don't worry about not fitting in or not being able to relate to these other women, because at the end of the day you all DO have one thing at least in common - you are all pregnant and you will be able to relate to them - and nobody has a 'conventional' family these days - or very few anyway!
Great to read your 21 week update!! Such interesting reading - and really helps me that's for sure, what an amazing journey you're having, emotionally and physically. If this ever happens to me I really hope I cope as well as you :D
I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine with the camping trip, you'll have hubby there to look after to you, and is probably just what you need - nothing like being in the great outdoors for a bit of fresh air to clear your head and make you feel relaxed and at ease. Enjoy the peace, quiet and tranquility! :yesyes:
Looking forward to the next installment!! :bighug1:
Thanks for the update Peach, I loved reading your thoughts. Your writing style is so interesting, intelligent and perceptive. I hope you don't take that comment to be patronising - I just think what comes through in your posts is the strength you have (despite panic and fear) and your ability to find positive points in even your worst fears.
:yesyes::D:hugs:just wanted to say how much i agree with nosilab's post - it sums it up nicely - we dont really know what others think /feel, plus we are all human and yes i also agree that its better to be able to 'feel' your feelings than to hide them away some place deep inside where they will lurk around until such a time when they will no longer be ignored - all is not as it seems with ALOT of people:ohmy:
keep enjoying it and feeling good and have a lovely time camping:hugs:
22, 22, weve made it to week 22.....
im still here, bubs still in there, reminding me every day, sometimes for a few hours a day lol!
went camping! yes, waddled around the campsite, got little brother, his gf and hubby to do everything lol! tho i did help put up the tent, so feats were performed, albeit small ones...hubby came with me on the 3am toilet runs like he said he would :ohmy: .....i was busting the second night so we had to go next to a nearby tree. he had to hold my hand so i wouldnt fall in my pee :roflmao: now, thats love i reckon!
last night, hubby saw my stomach rise from a litle kicking, you should have seen his face....shock, was very cute.
i did have one small freak out on the second night of camping, cant explain it, it just happened, but i got to sleep finally, so thats the story.
realised last night that im due to do this thing in like around 18 weeks!!!!!:ohmy:
ive got another blood test in 6 weeks, its a big one too...trying not to think about it too much till i freak about it 2 days before, which i do.
nosila, your always so sweet, thanks :D
im not ashamed of my past, its a part of me, no point in regretting things you cant change. i dont even panic much about it anymore either, and yes, ive never been good at hiding things......damb this expressionful face of mine. im so glad im helping you a bit....im really trying too.hopefully this will show you that this is doable....it has been so far for me.:)
carys, your so lovely, thankyou!
emmas, i hope all is well with you and you havent let go of your dreams either.....dreams are what keeps us going i think.yes, i still remember having a fight with an old bf years and years ago about hiding emotions, he was convinced you need to control them. i disagreed at the time because i thought you were bullsh*$@#%ting people that way and insulting them, but i do, after all these years understand him to an extent. emotions are important, but as long as they dont take over your life and those you love to the point of crushing other people. with this anxiety ive become incredibly self absorbed which im very aware of and really dont like.
this will NOT give me a good life. my life is good when i support others, and give others attention....and forget about myself....hard to do with this condition i know.
Anxious_gal
10-03-10, 17:57
wow your such an inspiration!
I'm unsure about having babies as my health anxiety is so bad!
It's really helpful reading your posts and your doing so good!
Thanks for the update Peach, you are doing SO well. I can't wait till we have the news of your new family member ! If you need to be self-absorbed at the moment, then so be it, there will be plenty of times in the future when you will be able to 'give back' to people around you. Well, actually, in 18 weeks you'll be absorbed almost totally with a new little person ! :winks:
Hi
I don't get to go on this site much, but I've just read your article and hopefully you are a few months pregnant now.
I had a baby girl in September 2009. I get panic attacks and felt the same as you. I kept thinking what if I panic when I'm at the hospital and want to run away. It never happened. I got labour pains and they were quite bad and I didn't even think about panicky thoughts. I quickly requested an epidural and didn't feel a thing after. I've also got a son who's 14 years old, and had an epidural with him too. I would recommend that to anyone as you can't feel a thing. As for needles, they don't worry me, but the doctor put a needle in my back for the epidural so you can't even see him doing it.
Anyway, it's definitely brilliant having a baby and even though my little girl is only 5 months old it now feels like I wasn't even pregnant!
Best of luck
Nicki
x
week 23
hi lovely ladies. thanks so much for still being interested lol!
mishel, thanks so much! health anxiety has been amoung my many issues also, so i totally understand your uncertainty.....tho, i made it so far, so i know you can :D
thanks carys, youve been so supportive, i always look foward to your responses. cant WAIT to meet this little person who seems to like kicking the dog off my lap and kicking hubby in the back in bed a night lololol.
hi nicki and welcome to this thread! thanks for your story. i would LOVE it if i can stay in control like you did through the labour. thats what im aiming for!!:yesyes:
ok, this last week has been interesting.more and more daily kicks now. laptop has had to go on my knees as bub has totally claimed my whole stomach area as its space..lol..never had to totally share my body before..
ok, sleep is getting more uncomfortable just because i only have two sleeping options, one side, or, the other lol.
hubby and i went to clambirth class for 8 hrs on sunday. i found it a little intense, lots of anxiety for the first half of the day, but for the same reason as the yoga classes i think.they are very pro natural birth without drugs...they explain that the pain is not pain, its intense pressure, and explain why it happens, what your body is doing. that it is a positive feeling. the longest contraction last 60 secs (which i think is a while lol) but you are taught to breathe through it. the most intense pressure time will only last up to 4 hrs for the longest, but can also last like 20 mins too....
im worried that im not this ' i am woman hear me roar' type, and will just buckle under pressure. i dont know how intense the 'bad' pain is, so cant say whether i will be able to cope, but, from the ibs, i do know that ive been in pretty full on pain before and still refused to take the pain meds as i figured having the drug in my body would just freak me out badly, much worse then just coping with the pain. also, this pain will be unlike my other ibs pain, as its a 'doing' pain that has a time limit.....granted, it can be a long one, but most of the labour is managable pain...its only near the end, for a short time...haha...this is whats going on in my mind....can you tell? lolol....
anyway, they gave us lots of meditations gave us meditation cds and hubby was really enjoying the course. he said he now feels empowered knowing what his role is and knowing what it is my body will be doing...
were also house hunting, and trying to find a cheaper house. so packing and moving should be in our very near future.....like next few weeks....am i scared? yes, a little....pregnant in unfamiliar house will be nervous....but we desperately need to do it.....one word....money......
it will also be further from my family and more isolated, but i will cope. i have too. we still dont know what will happen when it gets very close to birth time...we will need to talk about it.....
finally, this week heralds the begining of babys survival rate! so if bub was born this week (which of course we dont want, but still...) it will have 16% chance of life with medical help.....next week...week 24, bub will have 44% chance of survival.....so every day now makes a huge difference.....
i hope the world is treating you all with kindness and love. i wish you all exciting adventures and positive news for whatever it is you are all going through in your lives.....12- 16 weeks to go......
I haven't been to your thread in a while. While I was reading the last page, I was actually grinning. Look at you! What a difference! You are doing so great. I think this pregnancy was the best thing that could have happened for you. You are going to be a lovely mother!
pinkpiglet
16-03-10, 00:20
Awww WOW! I'v just read ths from start to finish and what a fab thread!
Each time you add a post I can sense you getting stronger and stronger, Imagine how far you will have come by the time your baby is born. You are going to be an amazing mum and I think you are very brave.
I have three year old son and I can honestly say that the day he was born was the best day of my life and I truly would go through it all again to get that magical feeling of holding my newborn child in my arms. I am so excited for you as I know you are going to be experiencing these same feelings yourself in a few months.
I cant wait to follow the rest of journey so I hope you will continue to keep us updated.
Hi Peach
I totally agree with Corinne and Pinkpiglet - you have come SUCH a long way, and you are truly amazing!! :D
I really loved reading your 23 week update, sounds like you had a really positive experience with the Calmbirth course - is it a one off or do you have more sessions? Sounds fab. And great for hubby too, that it's made him feel more involved and prepared him for what to expect - sounds brilliant for both of you.
As I always say - I really love reading your updates (keep 'em coming!) because it gives me lots of hope and encouragement that maybe one day I can do this too - and it's all thanks to you :hugs: I hope one day I'll be able to contact you and tell you my 'good news'!
It's good to hear that you are ok with bub kicking - because that's the part I thought I would freak out at - but sounds like you're enjoying that part, so there is hope for me yet!! :winks:
Good luck with the house move, hope it all goes well for you :D
Aww GAWD, that so made me laugh...'I'm a woman hear me roar' ! :roflmao: SO many expectations of your role Peach aren't there, how you should respond and behave as a pregnant and birthing woman. Trouble is it just makes many women feel inadequate and frightened when they think they can't behave in the 'expected' way !
You be what you want to be, don't worry about roaring or lack of it......:roflmao:nobody will make judgements. Anyhow, to be honest, the best laid plans don't often happen, I look back at my 'birthing plan' now and it makes me smile, I don't think it saw light of day after the time I wrote it with my enthusiastic midwife.
Glad you are in a fairly good place mentally at the moment ! Very Best Wishes.
Hello Peach,
I have been following your thread with interest. I can only say that I have found it truly inspiring, your strength is really shining through now.
For many years I have put off having kids because of my anxiety and how I think it will make me a bad parent from the start - being on meds from conception, whilst breast feeding through to not being able to take my jellybean on holidays. I worried about being judged by midwives/health visitors for my choices. However, the biological clock is getting to me now and the wondering of how I will feel if I never take the plunge.
Your story is convincing me that it can be done and it can be ok. I find myself reading it and thinking 'she'll be fine' & 'shes going to make a lovely funny mummy'.
Sometimes I think that us anxious types are among the most sensitive in the world, we are often good at whatever we do because we care so much at getting it right.
I wish you all the love and luck in the world, you will be fine. I for one can't wait for the story's happy ending :)
week 24!!!! i believe it also heralds the 6 month mark..wow!
we finished the calmbirth course, and its left us with lots to think about and do. were frantically packing to move in a week and a half and i have a midwife appoint and psychologist appoint in a few hours- urgh, still dont like the appoints....even tho i only have them once a month at the moment...
i find myself thinking more and more about what bub looks like and just cant wait to meet bub. so very excited about that moment...
still have fear, but with the birth still a few months away i am able to put it to the back of my mind a bit.
thanks corine, im really looking foward to the parenting part....hope i do ok by this bubba.
thanks pinkpiglet, really lovely words! i do feel ive come a long way, although there is still the immense fear, i just think ive cried it out enough..lol...how much can one cry about something when its an issue that is continueing for months and months lol. i love your story and am crossing all my fingers and toes that mine will be so happy also.
hey nosila! i thought the kicking would scare me heaps too, but it starts so small for ages that your thinking it might be just gas or something lol! by the time it gets obvious your used to the idea and actually look foward to it. weird i know.i will very much be hoping to hear good news from you sometime soon :yesyes:
hi carys, lol, i know right?! lolol.
i do have a very light birth plan that im very aware may be changed, im just mainly praying for a not to insanely long birth, that i find bareable and that i dont loose the plot...lololol:scared15:
hi georgecat and welcome to this thread! lovely to have you on board!
i love what you said about wanting so much to get it right and caring so much. i agree. you are really not alone in this fear. ive been where you are, still am, and there are other ladies here too. this is why im trying to be strong, face this fear as the outcome will be more then i can imagine im sure. all i can say is ive made it this far, im still alive, bub is ok and even though i am still filled with fear i am also filled with hope, excitement and love. i desperately want a happy ending, not just for me and my family, but for everyone on here also.
for tocophobes, i just want to say also, that even tho the further i get into this i fear anything going wrong more now, when i was in the early stages when loss rate is high, i kind of accepted that that was a possiblity and thought, it would be very sad, but ok, we would get through it and try again. i think this idea of letting go to acceptance and holding onto hope helped me get through. after all in life we can only through the fishing line out there and hope we get a great fish.....its all hopes and dreams isnt it...
btw i dont fish, lolol, poor little fishes
on birth, im starting to wonder if, even tho they are all different experiences, i wonder if theyre only awful because of our minds? does that make sense? its awful if you decide it is? its bareable if you decide this too?
i seem to hear the same stories from diff people with a totally diff spin on it. i trust my body is built for this now ,but i dont trust my mind...this is what i will be working on over the last 3 months.....
all in all, im not strong, im just trying as i was so sick of letting my anxiety and fear take away everything in life that is amazing and rewarding. the anxiety almost took away everything from me. i refuse to let this keep happening, i refuse to loose my life and turn around when im 70 and think, where did my life go...to have no wonderful memories...to have not faced at least some of my fear so i could look at myself in the mirror with at least some pride.....this anxiety has made me hate myself, i hate it for doing this.
just a quick update...
went to the psychologist appoint, was ok. theyre thinking maybe meds if i dont cope with last part of pregnancy and labour....they have booked more appoints to figure this out and see how i fair over the next 3 months and lead up to the big day...
also, i was going to cancel, BUT, instead went to the midwife appoint BY MYSELF!!! it was good, shes always very nice and was surprised to see me alone lol, so i was proud i made it to the check up alone. got babys heart heard, bp taken, all good so far...only bad thing is i have to have this stupid evil glucose blood test in the next 4 weeks:scared15::weep:....so the saga continues and is starting to build up to the next mountain to climb.....but for the moment, im ok :yesyes:
Sounds like you have a great team of people around you, really taking seriously your well being. Peach, your attitudes to life and axiety are just SO COOL, I reckon you should write a book after all this is over (and your new life as a Mummy is beginning - mind you won't have time lol) ! :yesyes:
Thumbelina
25-03-10, 11:36
peach, i wish you the best, you are doing great, so far in your term.
hi lovely ladies,
its week 25 :)
ive spent the whole last week packing frantically to move in one day. had hubbys bday then mine 3 days later lol, after all these years its still funny were so close! small affairs as no money and no time to celebrate!
my only worry is that bubba has been quiet in the last 2 days, im getting kicking but not a huge amount, not in comparison to normal....hope bub is ok.
25 weeks heralds a 50% chance of survival outside me if anything were to happen now and also medically im told means im now in 3rd trimester. i thought it wasnt for another few weeks,but a doc told another lady they count 12 weeks each trimester, which means i was 3rd trim at 24 weeks...bit shocking! it now feels like its all going so fast, under 3 months to go and im definately not ready to face birth yet!
LOL carys, im not sure about a book! maybe if it was to be a best seller!!:roflmao:
my days are good, but im still nervous some nights...i dont think it helps when a few docs tell us that pregnant women tend to get more nervous when it gets closer to the birth.....how is that info going to keep me strong??
also, i ate soft cheese on sunday at a cafe, i checked it was pasterised and made in aust, but then the waitress told me her friend was pregnant and got very sick from some toxoplasmis thing and lost her baby late in the pregnancy!!!!! i only ate half the sandwich and hubby got the shits at the lady for telling me a story like that. i spent the whole arvo and still, worry what i might have done to bub, hubby looked up the disease she mentioned and said it wasnt even a food thing, it was from cats...which we dont have.
why do peole say things like this to pregnant ladies? let alone people like me? with my anxiety disorder? id never say something like that to a pregnant woman!!!!
so, all in all, i think all is still ok. just got a small kick, so crossing fingers bub is still happy in there. they told me not to watch for movement every day till 27 weeks.....not far off that now....hmm....
thats for reading, im still enjoying getting it all out on here and loving reading your replies. if i count correctly, i only have around 12-15 more posts till this thread ends.....long thread!!! LOL. hope it will help others tho when they are desperately trying to tackle this same issue.....
well, its morning here, its raining softly and i think i will waddle off to feed my mini me :)
...what will we all do when your posts finish!?!?! We'll all get withdrawal symptoms :weep: I'll miss hearing from you with your regular updates.....it's getting exciting now though, bet you can't wait to meet you gorgous little baby.....
Your posts have definitely, without a doubt, inspired me, and I'm sure many others on here too. And I WILL look forward to that bestselling book! :winks:
That waitress was VERY insensitive!! I guess she wasn't to know you had tocophobia, but still, people really should be more aware of what they're saying and who they're saying it to!! Just ignore her.....
Peach, I really can't believe how well you're doing, even though I don't know you in person I feel SOOOOO proud of you! :yesyes:
Take care xx
sb001f8994
31-03-10, 10:21
Hi Peache,
You are doing so well, this is a great thread.
I just wanted to tell you I had the glucose test at week 38, my urine sample was pure sugar! It came back positive and I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. The diet didnt work and just as I was about to go on medication Amy was born. I had no ill effects to being diabetic apart from an enormous thirst and wanting to wee all the time. As soon as my daughter was born we were both tested and we were both fine. Where would we be without the great care these dedicated mid wives give us.
Take care,
I had a baby 9 1/2 months ago and I was absolutely petrified of the actual birth (although not phobic) and all these ladies are right, ur natural instincts kick in and there are so many people around to help you. All you want to do it meet your baby and you just have to focus on that. If I were you, I wouldn't find out the sex of the baby because then it makes it even more exciting and you can focus and will it be a biy or a girl!
Birth hurts like hell, no doubt but u forget about it so soon and you will receive nothing but support and understanding, I guarantee it. All the very best and if you need anything, do message me.
Jools xxxx
hi peach.
just wanted to reassure you that my friend who suffers from a terrible fear of pregnancy/childbirth/hospitals etc now has two children. her eldest is almost 3 and her youngest - a little girl is 6 months old.
she almost had a termination because she felt so panicked but she stuck it out and is now loving being a mum. she was literally climbing the walls with fear when pregnant and found it harder the second time around because she had a toddler to cope with too. she also experienced both a natural birth and c section with the second and yes - both were rough in their own way (she says that the c secion was worse because it took her a long time to recover physically) but she got through fine. bascially - shes says - if she can do it - anyone can!
my neighbour who has never had anxiety issues hated being pregnant - she counted the days until her due date and says it was the worst thing she had ever been through although she did not suffer panic or anything so just again to reassure you that even women who do not suffer anxiety issues have their own fears/dislikes in pregnancy too. she was very scared of the birth but had a painful but pretty normal delivery - she went in in the morning and the next day walked up the street with her baby in her arms looking really well so try not to think about the what iffs because none of them may happen!:yesyes:
week 26!
still here LOL!
its been a crazy week so sorry for not replying earlier. we've moved house with the help of many family and friends- thank goodness!!!! we couldnt have done it alone. ive had a few nights of panic in the new house, those of you who suffer will understand change in home ground causing this, let alone doing it with tocophobia!
im ok now tho. everyone has been incredibly supportive. evil blood test in 2 weeks now, so fretting lots about that....trying hard not too. on another note, my mum gave birth to my brother this week in her pregnancy, so its been amazing to think of this, to also know that bubby has a good chance of survival outside in the big world. we have a room for the baby now. im looking forward to setting it up, it will, im hoping make it all the more real...as it still kinda isnt....does that make sense?
hey nosila, yes, weve been thinking more and more about what bub will look like. its pretty amazing to think about! were also starting to think about after the birth, who would have thought id get that far!! LOL.
thanks for that sb. im fretting if it comes back positive that i will need daily injections, just the thought sends my mind crazy. did you get those symptoms before you were tested? ie: was there kinda a hint about it? im not getting any symptoms at all so far. no incredible thirst, and lots of peeing for me. classic preg stuff really lol. thanks for your advice...
thanks jool5. people keep telling me how bad it will hurt, im just hoping ill cope, it wont feel like my body is being torn from limb to limb ( i have an active imagination) i can handle a certain level of pain.
thanks for your story joannap, i love the stories! the calmbirth course taught us that its only western society that fears birth so much and makes it out to be this extremely painful awful event thats unbareable. so im really trying to change my way of thinking. im trying to focus on positive ideas. the pain is pressure. its not sharp pain that indicates something wrong.
the further i go into this whole pregnancy ive learnt a lot. ive learnt that there are people who dont like kids or babies. ive learnt that public courtesy has gone out the window, im constantly being pushed around in public, and now dont like going out for fear my bump will be pushed too hard this time. ive learnt that there are many horror stories to scare women, to judge them for their birth decisions and to basically make first time mums to be panic. its just discusting!
ive also learnt, there is help out there if you want it. there are lovely decent people/women who will help, who have positive birth stories and who want only the best for you and your bub. seek out these people. surround yourself with only supportive people. protect yourself from the twits.
dont be shy about your phobias, issues. ive learnt theyre not something you deserve to be looked down upon for.
anyway, this is enough of a rant LOL. ill get off my soap box for now.:blush:
i hope you all had a great easer and ate lots of eggs in celebration of the bunny who helped jesus off the cross?? LOL, i never understood the connection, but figure whoever decided a chocolate holiday is in order was on the mark if you ask me! yay!
NervousNellie
12-04-10, 22:11
Hi Peach,
I haven't been on here in a while, but I popped in to see how you were doing. You seem to be doing pretty well! I'm 30 weeks this week, so I only have another 8-9 weeks to go, depending on when the doctor wants to do my c-section because I'm measuring big! My baby boy will be born in the early part of June! I'm excited, but nervous too! I'm terrified to have another surgery, but I've done this twice before, so I'm sure everything will be fine once again. I've been having more and more panic attacks in the third trimester, but I think that's just a result of being anxious about the delivery. It's really bothering me for some reason, but I'm just trying to take it day by day.
I'm so glad to see that you're doing well! You actually seem very excited, which is a big change from your very early posts! Congratulations on making it this far and best of luck as you continue on!
week 27!
third trimester does seem harder, already i know!
great to hear from you nervousnellie. wow, week 30, your only a little way ahead of me! im actually jelous that you get to have a ceaser. i know its an operation, but seems less scary in some ways to what i have to go through! they wont let me opt for a ceaser here. so i have to go through labour...which is still very very scary! and that it is getting closer each week is getting more unnerving by the day. im supposed to have that evil blood test and fast and spew drink next week, but i havent booked it yet and am ignoring it. i just cant cope with it at the moment.
your lucky because it will be over quickly for you, and even tho there will be healing pain, thats just what it will be, healing. beacause i HAVE to go through labour, i have to think of alllllll the possible options now, needle/pain/drug options then possible ceaser in the end anyway, and there is so many other possible problems too....painful sounding ones...i still cant believe they wont allow me to opt for surgery, but this is the way it is. they have said they will offer sedatives if im not coping in labour....great....just great.....i hate being drugged out as well, but it could be either that or going crazy....hmmm...both sound so tempting LOL!
anyway, push freakouts aside. ive been ok. baby is active in there and i sleep really awfully, but im ok. ive not been feeling sick at all. i just get tired. weirdly also, that 'preggo' appetite still hasnt kicked in for me?! i actually am still eating less then i would normally. i feel fat and swollen all over but my tummy just looks like a fat gut lol,no nice preg shape to it. no obvious bump in the middle...its just round and fat....:blush:
ive been approached by a film crew to to a doco on tocophobia and talk about. i guess my story, i still feel i have not conquered it and am still in the midst of full on fighting it day by day. its also a uk doco, so i dont think i would get to see the show LOL!
Wow that's exciting that you've been approached by a film crew!! I would really love to see that programme. Have you decided to take part in it then? Do you know where/when it will be shown? If it's only UK I could send you the link for it online :D
:yesyes:yeah i also think its great that you may be part of something that brings awareness to others - its obvious that loads of women suffer from this to one degree or another - im just thinking could this be another symptom of the way society is now? i dont expect ppl to get into a big debate about this issue - but id be interested to know whether how we are now materialisticly and being so success driven, and not living closely wiht others isnt part and parcel of why women are afraid of having babies or giving birth?
or have women always felt this scared and just had to tolerate it anyway, due to lack of birth control - i mean if you didnt have that and you have regular sex with your partner youd have been pregnant several if not more times over by now and before terminations were available at all you would have had to have had them - then also take into account how many other women would have been around to talk to - im not sure this phobia has always been around? i wonder if the producers of the programme will look at this aspect? - btw hope you are well peach and things are still going okay with you and your ever increasing bump:hugs:
i think its an incredibly interesting topic to discuss...i also have no idea how long this phobia has been around for either, but i am guessing it to some degree must have been around since the begining of time.
i have heard of stories of very old where women have commited suicide since finding out they were pregnant......
my doc said he feels that this time and age that there are so many more women in great fear of birth and pregnancy, but he said he doesnt understand it as never has it been so safe then now to have babies.
ive found personally, because of my conditions, thats its not just been the fear of birth and being pregnant, but also, now there are so so many tests they like to do to you. this is my current debate that im dealing with. i understand the tests and also understand for those people who love tests as they want to be constantly reasured they and the baby are safe is great for them, but for people like me, its just added a huge amount for further stress for me and bub that i know, even ten years ago women didnt endure so much poking and prodding....i strongly feel the first blood test is ok, as it confirms health of you. after that, i really feel you should be left alone. pregnancy should be left natural. the 19 week ultrasound is another good test, but honestly, if you feel something is wrong you will go immediatly to the hospital anyway......and things like preeclampsia, you will feel something is wrong before they test to confirm what you already know anyway....the amount of injections they seem to love to put pregnant women through, in my personal opinion is pure torture...its like kicking someone when theyre already suffering...this of course is my thoughts only, from my experiences so far and my phobias. i know others will totally disagree...my mum for one is the opposite, she will have every injection under the sun, because docs tell her she should....why are docs always considered right? they still stuff up constantly, accidently kill people, and the pharmasutical companies are still killing people also, why are we so trusting and happy to inject nasty stuff into us, usually not tested properly?!?!?!?!
id love to hear others thoughts on this debate.....
good on you for bringing it up emmas, and bump and me are still ok :hugs:
i agree - pregnancy has turned into a medical condition instead of something natural. of course - if you have known health complaints/want to check baby is ok - then scans etc are great but most people hate going to the doctors/hospital anyway so to be pregnant and have all the medical stuff on top that they throw at you - very anxiety inducing! having said that - things have got better for women - i researched my family tree and my great great grandmother had 11 children - no apparent father on the scene and she had to work full time - no benefits in those days. some were born in the workhouse and 3 died in infancy and are buried in paupers graves - i bet the anxiety they felt having to endure all this and worry every minute of every day where the next meal was coming from - makes you realise how luck we are really!
:yesyes:yeah we are lucky - too lucky really - when you dont have to really worry about shelter and food, the mind is free to wander to the issue of whether we are 'happy' - and this in itself can cause alot of problems - in the old days ppl knew their place and they were happy to stay in it! but now we all want to be millionaires or famous or both - and we are constantly comparing ourselves to others and checking out whether we measure up - this is why i think its a western problem - it doesnt add up to have so much good healthcare and yet be so scared! for me the fear of being pregnant and being a mum isnt about physical things - although i have had a phase where i worried about whether i could die from it, through various things happening -its about not having the care and support i think a pregnant woman needs - its a tough time and you do better if you feel cared for yourself. but i dont think this is tocophobia, is it? ive just read alot of women saying they worry about whether they can do it and whether they are equipped to be mums -i think thats a personal and social problem. can i just ask you peach - did you have any anxiety before that wasnt pregancy related? - has your fear of pregancy come from being anxious already or did it cause it? i know youve prob said this already:blush:
the thing about the tests and injections is that anxiety and phobias makes them horrible - anybody who doesnt suffer anxiety will usually sail through them and be glad of them - but if they were suffering from crippling anxiety and phobias they might not feel so positive then - you are doing amazingly well:yesyes:
Wow you should consider doing the documentary, it'd be so enlightening for other women who feel the same way. Mind, it you think it'd add extra pressure then don't even consider it as you certainly don't need any more at the moment ! Glad you are still doing well Peach, and you ARE doing well.
hi lovely ladies, its week 28.
oh what a week!
i agree joannap that we are much luckier then we were. my dad has told me a few times this week that men would just rape us and be gone and we would be left to deal with the babies etc...so i have been wondering if im asking too much? i still get so upset when im treated badly and when i hear of women being paid lower then men etc...there is still so much going on that i think i expect to have been fixed by now...i almost wish i was born in say 50 years time....maybe i was born too early to appreciate where we are now as a race?
emmas, my anxiety did start a few years before this whole pregnancy thing, but i do believe they were related all along, i just didnt know it till it happened. technically it began when i was 27 and got ibs. the pain and long time it took to diagnose and my body slowely seeping the vitamins out that i needed began it all, it became horrendous when i then fell pregnant at 30, lost the plot, terminated, then went into a deep deep shame where i wanted to punish myself not coping, what my choice had been and feeling like i didnt deserve to live, especially as a woman...this lasted 5 years which became worse when my b12 levels became dangerously low, i was hallucinating, thought i was dying etc...it took 2 years to diagnose this also and another 6 months for my body to start to mend, my mind is still mending.......the preg thing, i watched my mum give birth when i was 10 yrs old, it was terrifying. i then spent my childhood going in and out of hospital with her. she had both physical and mental issues. i guess im not explaining it well, but to me it all makes a lot of sense as to why i am where i am today. i am honestly surprised im still alive and not a serial killer etc LOL. i think even a doc told me this once..he said if anyone he had treated had a good excuse it was me and my brother LOL....mind you, ive barely touched the surface with stories of my upbringing, some of which i still cannot face.
im going to have a winge now, lol. ive been wanting to winge for a few days, and here i know i can and not be told to get over it lol.
ok, we moved house 2 weeks ago and my dad arrived a week ago to stay with us. he is moving here, so looking for a house, job etc. this house has only 2 bedrooms, so he is in our babys room before i got to set it up for baby. this is one thing that has pooped me off, am i being selfish? i really was keen to set the room up as a kind of therapy for me....making me more positive etc...
ok, also, you might remember he had a major heart attack about 4 months ago, well, since hes been here, hes made no effort for jobs, houses etc. hes started smoking again, stopped his diabetes meds and is constantly very cranky. he has been mean to me daily. he falls asleep all the time, a sign of diabetes, so im worried how long it will be till he has another heart attack. hes eating the wrong food also. i told him not to smoke in the house, but i still smell it, he got angry with me the other day because i put my hand ove rmy mouth. i also vacumme daily now as i find tobacco on the food benches, carpet etc, and i hate it so so much.
he keeps telling me im having a boy becuase he knows it upsets me and he hates women. so now i want a girl even more and im so sad ill be upset if its a boy, he of course will be over the moon. he doesnt help me with the house, so im cleaning up after two men a day in this small house. he wont lift heavy stuff for me. he just watches. ive booked 4 house appoints for him to look at and took him to 3 of them. he didnt like any, keeps changing his mind on what he wants and the last one yesterday, i was feeling so sick i couldnt go, so he went but had a fight with the real estate lady. i have 2 more appoints for him this week. hes making it impossible for me to get him a place he likes for the cheap rent he wants to pay..... he complained yesterday that hubby and i should move to the inflatable bed in the shed so he can have our bedroom. he also kinda wants our house. im thinking we should just repack and find a house and give the lease over to him, but hubby said no way.
hes angry and mean with me every day, im not coping and dont know how long i can handle this for.
i dont know if i should be more compassionate and im being selfish, or if im justified. we live an hour and a half from the hospital, dads told me not to go into labour with him here because he doesnt want to deal with it. as you all know i am having an intense time of this without him here, let alone this on top, poor hubby is furious and at a loss as well. mum says this is all my fault, she is right too. i cant say no to family, and this always seems to land us in the poos.
hubby is discusted at how much we are being disrespected and used. the last time dad came to stay with us we had to move house to get rid of him, and he still followed....3 yrs it took that time! he ran up 2000$ a month internet bills then told my family he was paying our way which was rubbish and the opposite of what was really happening....he always offers money and gifts which noone ever sees.
argh..i better stop, there is an amount which is good to get of my chest then if it goes too far it just becomes a b*&%ch. i do love him and dearly want him to be happy, so im gonna put on my happy face, and take him to another appoint today....
as for the preg.......baby has been wiggling daily which is nice. its not painful. i think im meant to go see the midwife but cant remember my appoint this time, and to be honest, still havent had the blood glucose test, cant deal with it now, so i need to call her, face up and see if she still wants to see me....then ill have to deal with all the guilt she will throw at me...i drove 2 hours last week to see my phsycologist, who had a note on her door saying she wasnt in....didnt even think to call me to cancel so i didnt pay 30$ in tolls and another 20$ in petrol and time to get there, im pooy about that, plus i was really keen to talk to someone. my girlfriend wants to come stay this weekend which i would so love, but i have to cancel, as dad has our only spare bed, so there will be no room for my lovely friend to come make me feel better.....
my anxiety, i guess obviously, seems to be coming back now...i feel like im regressing....im due in 9-13 weeks.....im not ready, i think i need help but not sure where to go for it. dont want to see that psychologist again now....dont want to face the midwife....hmmm.......
:ohmy::mad:ive not even read the whole of your post - i think your dad is an abusive man who wants to ruin your happiness? are you going to let him? after everything youve gone through in life and through th elast 5 years since your first pregancy, are you going to let your dad become the focus of your life - or are you and your baby going to be the focus? he will go when you have the baby, but he is ruining your last weeks of peace, and these are important weeks as your baby gets ready to be born:shrug:
your totally right emmas,
im going to see the psych tom to talk it out. ive dealt with this behaviour all my life so know i can deal with it again, its just not good timing. i usually need to have my wits about me to deal with this sort of thing....
ive been standing up to him since yesterday. i think its helping me. he also seems to be backing off a bit too. i just need him out now. lol.
I totally agree with emmas! This time is about you, your baby and your husband - your dad has had his time as a young man with a family - now this is YOUR time!! He is so incredibly selfish Peach, and NO you are not being unreasonable and everything you say is totally justified. I think your husband must have the patience of a saint - that he's held his tongue all this time! Your dad definitely needs to move out asap and let you get on with things - how can you plan properly and get yourself ready for this big upcoming event - it would be a big event for anyone, but particularly for someone who has tokophobia......oooo I just want to come over there and sort it all out for you! :D
I'm glad to hear you've been standing up to him more - that is definitely what you need to be doing - don't back down whatever you do - you are No.1 now and he has to get used to that. Tough if he doesn't like any of the houses (that YOU have found for him!), he just needs to pick one, any one, and get out from under your feet. You can then choose who you have around you, i.e. having your good friend come over to stay and be there to support you. It's a very important time to be surrounding yourself with loving caring people.
I think it's a VERY good idea to talk to your psych again, hopefully that will help.
Be strong Peach, do what you know you have to do and get him moved out asap!! You don't want him to cause probs between you and hubby....
I tell you what, even though I love my family to bits, I'd have no probs telling them to move out of my house if I knew the timing wasn't right -don't feel guilty in any way, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about - you are right, he is wrong.
Take care and look forward to reading your next update! :winks:
:bighug1:
29 weeks today...and OMG, what a week...!!!!!!!
just when i thought i was at capacity with coping, i was tested beyond measure.
as you all know, dads been staying and its been on the whole, very hard. well, last friday i got news my grandfather was dying and my mum was beside herself. this was not all of it. my dida (grandfather) lives on the opposite side of this country. if you know australia, you knows its big! 5 hr flight, and 800$ that i did not have, plus this pregnant, they wont let me fly. my mum had to go without me. this also has meant i miss the funeral. the last of my 4 grandparents who, i have missed ALL funerals. i was not even told about the other 3 until weeks later. so i spent the day on the phone to siblings, etc and trying to calm mum. sadly he died as she got off the plane there, she was distraught that she wasnt there when he passed. our family can be awful too, so she has been going through hell for the last 5 days organising the funeral and dealing with everyones greedy thoughts.
when i got the news, i of course cried, my dad just looked at me and said, well he was old. he then ignored me for the rest of the day and sucked up to hubby when he got home. so no support, no allowance to grieve. ive been calling mum every day to support her and dad moans in the background, and says rude things. so after 2 and a half weeks of daily being called and idiot, and dealing with everything else, it all came to a head last night. he called me a stupid idiot again, i jumped in the car and began the hr drive at 10pm to mums house, even tho shes still in perth....hubby called me, i pulled over on the highway and cried....and cried...i felt like a pathetic woman who has wasted my life. i was distraught. hubby then apparently went to dad and kicked him out of the house. i came home and finally fell asleep. woke up and dad was packing all his things, hubby had already left very early for work. i was sick with stress at how dad would treat me after being told off by hubby. he was mad..very mad...at first. i apoligiesed to him that i wasnt an intelligent male son. he said he never said that. blah blah..anyway, i said sorry, i didnt want him to go, i think he doesnt want to see hubby again, so he packed his car and left for my brothers...he said he will stay in a hotel which i feel awful about, but just dont have the strength to fight. hubby feels awful about telling him to leave. ive been crying all morning, reading the eulogy for didas funeral that will be tomorrow.....
im supposed to see both the psychologist, midwife and psychiatrist tomorrow to work our meds and ill probably get roasted about not having the gestational diabetes test, but i just cant face it, any of it for now....does this make me a bad mother already? i dont have any symptoms, i know this doesnt promise anything, but i honestly just cant face it now.
so dads gone this morning, hubby feels bad, i feel awful and cant talk to mum about it as she has way too much on her plate to deal with. dads pushed the baby toys on the floor and the room stinks badly of tobacco so im trying to figure how i can get this awful smell out of the babys clothes!!!! its just awful. im going to start washing and rewashing...i really hope i can get it out. i told him not to smoke in the house, i suspect its just from him being in there. as he smokes then comes inside still smelling.
every afternoon he would fall asleep from the diabetes, not taking the meds and eating so much junk food its not funny. i was terrified of waking up and him having had another heart attack. he wont live near me as he says its too cold, so hes looking for a house 3 hrs from here. my brother lives that way, but doesnt like my dad. im just worried hes digging his own grave and wont be found for days.
as he said, if he dies, hes dead. this saddens me sooo much as im his only kid and he doesnt like me enough to want to stay around, and this baby will be his first grandchild...he seems to have no interest in whatsoever....
im drained to point of exhaustion, im stressing about mum, dad, hubby, babys health and we are so not ready yet for birth and this baby. i feel awful i havent been able to prepare for this little life. were still struggling financially, things will get better literally within 2 weeks of when im due!
we love this baby so so much and frankly, im terrified we wont make it and get out healthy baby. im such a worrier as it is, but saw two ladies who have had still borns....at my age, with my issues, we feel we only have this one chance...we may have more, but im not 20. we desperatly want this baby, and im terrified to see if we will be gifted this amazing miracle.....i pray that we do.....this pregnancy has been so so so intense...with everything thats gone on........
im sorry i havent replied to everyone...i promise i will...
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::h ugs::hugs:
peach - do not worry about replying to any of us - having a baby in your situation(with preg phobia, anx and shit parent) means you dont have to worry about anyone else - just you and the baby?
i know you love your dad - i can tell obviously from how you worry about him - but prob is peach with abusive ppl, - and ive known and do know a few - they care more about themselves than they do about you -its a sad fact, but true and its horrible to have to face this and deal with it - you grieve for the loss of what you thought was real - you think these ppl feel the same as us - but they dont, and thats hard to come to terms with.
but the thing with you is you have a fab husband -so by rejecting your dad you wont be alone - and you will save your relationship with your husband - unless ofcourse your husband acts the same? youve never mentioned this, so im assuming he is a genuinely nice guy - im assuming your not between a rock and a hard place with all of this?
anyway - i think you should forget about your dad - take a deep breath and have the gestational diabetes test - you say you know that being symptomless is not an indicator? so have the test - i know you are terrified, but peach you have had a blood test before in this pregnancy and you coped - you cannot wait for things to calm down to do things like this - if you want to get better from your phobias you have to challenge them all the time - not just when you feel calm and nothing is going on in your life. you know this already, youve challenged your fear of having a baby - by bloody well having one - i cannot believe you dont recognise that as the ultimate test of your character and bravery!!!!!!!!!:shrug:
you are not a pathetic person who has wasted your life - you are not to feel guilty or bad or anything else - that wont help - you just have to do what you have to do . you have to cry and scream when you feel like it and you have to allow yourself to feel what you do - you are allowed to feel bad you know about shit tha thas happened in your life, with your family. come on peach - focus on being kind to yourself - have agood cry, dont beat yourself up, put the blame where it belongs - remember the person you once were and believe you can be that person again - it stands to reason, if you was okay before you can be okay again - you have just got lost. you are so brave to do this, so just keep telling yourself that and you will beleive it - i hate hate hate blood tests, but i have them -rather that than die or be sick, come on peach do it for you first and then the baby - forget your dad - and commit to this family - hes had his chance and sadly he blew it, continues to blow it and wants to ruin your lovely little family - dont let him! take care, and im sorry about your grandads death - emma xxxxx:hugs:
Hi Peach
I'm so sorry to hear your Granddad passed away, my thoughts are with you. What a very stressful time for you, I don't think you could have much more thrown at you!!
What I would like to say is that I totally and utterly agree with everything Emmas has said - I really couldn't agree more and I think Emmas has said everything I would've said.
Please please hear what she is saying - you HAVE to focus on YOU, and your HUSBAND and YOUR BABY....this time is about YOU. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. Unfortunately your dad will do whatever he wants to do - there's nothing you can do to help him, he's a grown man, he is able to look after himself (if he chooses too!). As much as you love him, it's really not your problem, and he certainly shouldn't be your priority - I know that's probably hard to hear, but it true. I empathise with you, I really do, but I am so worried about you, worried that you are not looking after yourself properly - and that you are worrying about somebody, that as Emmas says (and I agree!) does not feel or treat you with the same amount of love or respect.
You have come such a long way Peach, and coped SO amazingly well it would be such a shame to let it all fall apart now - and not because of your tocophobia - but because your dad has pushed his way into your lovely little family set up and tried to tear it apart - when that is the last thing you need right now (or ever in fact!).
I can't tell you how pleased I am that your hubby kicked your dad out - it SO needed to be done - it was well overdue!!
Anway lovely lady, you take care of yourself :bighug1:
thanks for your replies and wonderful advice ladies.
i agree with what you have both said, but must admit to you emmas, i simply cant think about that test, not now anyway.
ive just been given a hard time about not excersising enough by my MIL on my grandads funeral- today. i felt guilty, like a bad mother whos killing my child, so went to see a chemist/natropath who assured me, since ive just packed and unpacked an entire house on my own, i am getting enough excersise for a 7 month pregnant woman.
i understand what you are saying and would normally agree, but im at my utmost point at the moment. im not saying i wont do the test, i will be getting urine, all the usual tests and finger prick test for diabetes in the next week or so im guessing...if they show something up, then ill have to get the gtt test done anyway.
for this week and possibly next, i really need to be left alone to recover. this is not my time to be pushing myself, as i will certainly end up just pushing myself off a cliff...:weep:
as youve said i am facing my fears by having this baby and will be facing birth face on in just a few weeks. i do keep testing myself, but i also need to know when to stop, and step back before i burn myself to the ground.
this baby means the world to me and i wont do anything to hurt it, this includes taking care of my mind so i can cope another day for the both of us.
sorry if i sound rude and or harsh, i really dont mean to be, im just in a very bad place at the moment. i will crawl out of this and aploligise if im coming across as awful.
i just need to fix this best i can and i will continue to fight when i have energy again.
thanks again for your support i do appreciate it and always listen to what everyone has to say.
:hugs:no peach i certainly agree with you that you dont need to be made to feel guilty - and ive continued to stress that throughout my posts to you - i do believe strongly in listening to ourselves - i dont like intervention peach - i have now got social workers involved in my life - but im blown if they are going to dictate to me! - but i will have to take onboard what they say, as this situation isnt just about me.
i agree with you:hugs:but you are concerned about your situation with your dad? and we are trying to say that, unless you are willing to remove him from your life - he will continue to behave in the way he does - causing you stress - if thats what you want then that is up to you - but ive been in this position myself and ppl in the real world, lose patience very quickly when they see you allowing a situation that is actually harming yourself? however we are not in the real world, and we are here as your support and friends as long as you need it - some of us wont say there there everything will be fine, coz thats not the way we are -im sorry if that is problematic for you, and then i wouldnt be the right person to contribute to your posts - because, ove rthe years ive had to take responsibility, even when ive been in a position like you where you are the victim of your dad - ive had to say- no more, i wont allow this to continue! -its your choice?
but all my very best wishes are with you - that you get some stability back now that he is gone and you continue to the end of your pregnancy in relative peace and quiet, take care hun:yesyes::hugs:
Peach, hey there, treally sorry I've not added to this thread sooner ! I've missed a few of your posts, and really important ones too. :weep: I am incredibly glad that your Dad is out of your house, my heart sank when I read that post about how he was treating you. I do hope that you have not relented, and taken him back ?
Why should you feel guilty for him leaving ? He is a bully, who was/is psychologically manipulating you. He should not be given any sympathy just because he is ill - he would not do the same for you - through my eyes anyone who asks a heavily pregnant woman to get out of her bedroom and sleep on a matress on the floor is a complete *** !!!! You have your health and that of your baby to think of, and you have more than enough on your plate without a selfish and abusive father residing with you. Your husband did the right thing, he was protecting you and your baby.
Please Peach, be strong, think of yourself and your husband and baby ! You do whatever you need to keep yourself safe and bouyant. :o))
:hugs:hi peach, i hope you are okay? i just want to add to the recent posts about your situation with your dad - you do not have to end your relationship with your dad - i hope you havent gotten the wrong impression form what ive posted to you? i am in a similar situation - not quite so bad , but still similar - ppl trying to exert control because i am nice and mild mannered and even tempered - but eventually in the long run, you do have to change yourself - well i have found that i have - i have done my changes for me and my daughter, which although hard, and almost always seen as negative by the other ppl (they really dont like it when you get some self-esteem:ohmy::mad:) - has given me a really strong sense of belonging - like i belong to myself and i can do what ever i want! - if that makes sense? - i dont have to rely on other ppls moods or goodwill or lack of it, if im not agreeing with them or giving them what they want - its tough but worth it - but have your baby first,a nd deal wiht all of this later - how are you now?xxxxxx:hugs:the point i was trying to make initially(before i started waffling:doh:) was that you can have a relationship with your dad, no-ones asking you to end it with him - im not anyway, because i cant end my own relationship, that has become far from perfect- but some ppl would advise that i do, i know you cant always walk away, but maybe just start asserting yourself a bit more - letting him know that you think you count just as much as him - pls come back and tell us all how you are:yesyes:
Hey Peach ! Still thinking of you, hope all is well.
week 30
sorry i havent written earlier, and thankyou so much for all your thoughts. i really appreciate it. its 2am here, sleeping over the last few nights has become non existant again....so here i am....
dad turned back up on our doorstep on fri night. we cant turn him away as he cant really afford a hotel, and it sounds like things didnt go well at my brothers as i suspected they wouldnt. so yes, were back to square one and devastated and shocked by it. we really didnt think he would come back ever, let alone 2 days later. he hasnt asked if he could stay again, but i guess that would be a dumb question anyway. so ive booked another 6 appoints for houses and he cancelled the first today, but i drove him to the second. he said the house was too big and now doesnt want to pay 300 a week. sigh. which means i now have to cancel 2 other appoints tomorrow too.
i know this is my karma, and i must deserve it in some way, but i still broke down when i got home. i had only gotten through half the cleaning of the house and the amount of pee on the bathroom floor is just discusting i cant cope. dad said i should be mopping that constantly. im not supposed to touch things like that pregnant as it can make me very sick and i could loose bub. hubbys going to make new appoint for me to see docs/ specialists later this week to put me on meds as im really not coping and cant believe birth is around the corner and all me fears with that...
bub hasnt moved much in the last 2 days, i can force movement, but im worried bubby isnt happy in there with all my sadness and stress.
mum hit the roof as she heard i was up on the benches cleaning the windows today and reckons a fall would be awful. i didnt fall, but didnt think of that.
my little sis ive just found out has been raced to emergency hospital for possible meningacocal now and is going through a barrage of tests. i spent fri with mum so i need to watch myself now.
so things are not good, theyre bad. i need to stop typing soon as my carpel tunnel is making my hands numb again so i cant hold anything. sorry to be such a downer about what should be an amazing exciting time, but this is where i am.
am i weak for accepting dad back? yes, so i accept my karma with this. i guess next week this time i will prob be on meds/sedatives so will see if they will allow me sleep and energy to keep up with cleaning up after my dad and getting him a new house to live. hubby wont let us move to another and give dad this place like he asked me to do today. maybe i will talk this through with hubby again, it seems like a fast solution to me.....
ive decided if i cant cope much longer ill move to mums but hubbys begged i dont do that as he doesnt want to be left with dad....so i must stay and deal with my lot.
i know women who must have been in much worse situations and coped, given birth so i must learn to shutup and do what i can to survive....or i think ill just run away.....:weep:
Oh Peach, you poor poor thing, what a dreadful time you are having. I don't know what to say to you about your Dad. I don't think it is 'karma', but I genuinely think he has a hold over you that is not beneficial for your well-being and certainly won't do you any good at all once that baby is born.
I can see why your husband would not want you moving out, this should be a time for a new family to be together, a special time. I think if you are going to give him (your Dad) another 'chance' then it should be on the proviso that he is out of your home within a matter of days - till his new house is found. I think the reason why he is making excuses not to go to a new house is because he is happier with you doing all the work at home and running after him. I don't think you can begin to work on the relationship with your Father until he is on different territory.
I don't think you are weak - I think you are a kind, caring, thoughtful soul who wants to help someone who, to be frank, does not deserve the compassion you are offering. I do fear for your mental well being with him in the house though, at a time when you just DON'T need this. When you see the doctor you must say about everything that is happening !
Look honey pie, you hang on in there, but I seriously advise that you set a time limit on the time that he stays with you. I also suggest that he has a list of things he has to do to help round the house, you need to set boundaries and rules, just as you would for a teenager. He should be cleaning up, at the very least after himself, but also he should be helping you and NOT vice versa. Offer help to him if you feel you need to, but don't start your time as a new family with him in your house....nobody should be expected to do that !!!!
Do keep coming back here and letting us know how you are getting on. I think you are such a lovely person and we will help all we can, sadly only with our words (if I was closer I'd come and try and sort him out for you ! :winks:) I'm sorry, it appears that I have been judgemental, but really I know that sometimes family relationships are really tricky and complex and it is so easy for outsiders to comment objectively but much harder when you are closely involved.
Sending huge amounts of best wishes your way.
:hugs:hey peach, nice to hear from you - but just a shame your so sad - i do know how hard this is for you, beleive me - it is not karma or anything like that - but obvioulsy everything is cause and effect?
you are so strong, but we all have a limit, and you being pregnant and facing your biggest fear was enough without having to handle the stress your dad gives you - but i do understand, when you absolutely cannot end a relationship or even have the energy to stand up for yourself - but you will eventually, i think - i dont think you should worry about doing chores - its good to keep active in pregnancy - its not an illness, but yes be careful if you are climing up steps etc. just wear gloves when cleaning up - i had alot of my baby not moving - i didnt think too much of it, but then i became freaked by midwives saying - well how much has the baby moved, and then id say i cant remember feeling her for ages! i even went to hospital once to get checked because they made me paranoid - but she was fine - just make sure you do feel the baby at all - if not see the midwife - you are so close now and im so sorry it cant be happier for you - but never mind - lifes not perfect -you can be happy, jus tbecasue things are tough right now, doesnt mean they will stay like this - you will be glad when the baby is born and then you can maybe tackle your dad? take care - much love, emmaxxxxxxxx:hugs:
thanks everyone for thinking of me and sorry the last few posts have been from a bad place. i have since seeked help.
i went to see my ob and midwife yesterday and had a urine test and blood pressure taken, weight, tummy measure and baby hb heart, all very good results. i didnt have the finger prick, but will def next time for gestational diabetes.
i saw a brilliant psychiatrist, he was fantastic! he was head of the team and seemed very bright and was very supportive of me and said ive been fantastic considering my family and past....so i like him LOL.
he offered both anti ds and xanax which i took only the script for xanax as im trying to avoid daily meds, plus anti ds scare the crap outta me. he agreed that im not depressed but said anti ds seem to work better for panic attacks.
i have a few more weeks so ill see how i go.
dad is still here, but seems to be getting the message to get a house asap. ive made 14 appoints so far with another 3 to come. its just for a rental, he seems to be becoming less fussy now, so cross fingers next week there will be good news. he is applying for a place he saw yesterday and im hoping he will go for more later this week too.
my cousin is coming over today as she needs help to find a new job and a house herself as she is having trouble at home, shes 26 so should be out anyway, but she has 7 animals, i feel bad, as ive said im not taking any of them, but the 3 cats im allergic too and the 3 dogs are massive! we have 3 dogs already and frankly, i just cant do anymore seeing as we have a bub due in 6- 10 weeks now.
i have other friends with other woes im trying to help too, but i think its funny that people come to me, and i was at a psychiatrist getting meds only the other day LOL. im trying to help everyone i can with their issues, and sometimes dont mind the distraction, i keep getting told i should be a psychologist LOL. this i dont want LOL, but im going to have to stop answering the phone soon so we can concentrate on our stuff and bub.......
you know, i always notice that none but mum asks about bub and i....weird eh? this is why i like it here, you all seem to care and dont mind me having a 'my moment' on here. i really need it, as besides hubby and mum, noone else seems to want to help or be interested in what where going through...they all just want help with their stuff, which dont get me wrong, i love to be asked to help. its just funny thats all.
thanks for being here ladies, im really appreciating it all......not long to go now, were on the home stretch....its freezing here, so my little dog and i are staying in bed, least for a little bit......bub is kicking, a new basinette sits now near our bed- still trips hubby and i out when we look at it LOL.
so for now, im feeling ok again....still terrified of whats to come, but for now, im ok......:hugs:
ps: no, thts not the xanax talking lol, i havent filled the script yet
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