No More Panic - Jennys story
Last ModifiedMy first Panic Attack was at the airport waiting to board a plane to the Algarve. Not that I was afraid of flying I'm not never have been, but for some reason I could not get on that plane. My husband said "Come on you will be alright when you are on the plane". He couldn't have been more wrong. The moment I reached the top of the plane steps and saw everyone in their seats looking at me, I wanted to turn round and run. We sat in our seats and as soon as the plane started down the runway I just wanted to go home. That two and a half hour flight was the worst experience of my life}
I was convinced I was going to faint. I felt really sick and my
now I was hyperventilating. I must have wore myself out, because
for the rest of the flight I fell asleep. The first night in the
hotel I didn't sleep at all. I just kept thinking I have got to
stay here for 2 whole weeks and don't think I can. I didn't eat
much because I couldn't swallow it. As the holiday went on I began
to relax a bit more, but when the fortnight was up I was so pleased
to get home.
Between June and October of that year everything was more or less
normal until we were going away for the week-end to Harrogate to a
family wedding and it all started again. I was in a room full of
people all chatting away, but I didn't feel as though I was there
with them. After the meal we went back to our room and came home
the next morning. I felt I had let everyone down.
The last straw was when one evening at home I just could not rest.
I was was pacing around, my hands were shaking and I thought I was
going mad. My husband phoned the doctor and she spoke to me over
the phone. I calmed down and went to see the on duty doctor the
next day. He was very understanding 'Why on earth didn't you come
and see me before you must have felt things were not right some
time ago." He prescribed Seroxat and kept a close eye on me for the
first month. At that time I couldn't let my husband out of my
sight. He was and still is my SAFE person. Looking back it must
have been a great strain on him. I felt like a burden around his
neck, but he is always very supportive The Panic Attacks turned
into Agoraphobia. I tried to go to work and many times had to turn
back. To finish up with my practice manager came and picked me up
and took me to work just for a cup of coffee, but that broke the
ice, and to start with I just went into work for a couple of hours
a day. The girls at work knew how I had been feeling and they were
all very supportive. I am back at work now doing usual hours, no
problem. I work in a very busy doctors surgery but I enjoy it.
All these feelings of unreality and Panic are foreign to me. I have
never been a nervous anxious person in my life, quite the opposite
nothing would bother me much at all. I take after my dad for being
laid back.
Life is now getting better for me. I have seen a good therapist and
had a few Cognitive Behavioral Therapy sessions which has helped,
but you have to want to do it.
From not being able to go round supermarkets, out for meals, or
even going to friends houses. The thought of staying away from
home scared me rigid. Now shopping is not a problem. I even go out
for meals now WITHOUT MY HUSBAND and as for holidays. We have just
had a week-end away. first time in 3 years. OK so it was only about
15 miles away at a B&B but I did it, and it is a start. My goal
is to get back on a plane again and enjoy holidays like we used to.
Maybe next year Who Knows?? Watch this space. You have to keep
looking forward not back. I know it is hard. I still have days when
I think I am not getting anywhere, and days when I feel a bit
down, but they are getting fewer. So good luck to you all. Chin
up! and we will beat this together. After 3 years of not feeling
like me, I am sure it can be done.
This was my story I hope it has been of some help. Please feel free
to e-mail me at any time. It would be nice to hear from you.
Jenny (jennymfarmer
@aol.com)