No More Panic > Blog > Looking for Me – by Liz

Looking for Me – by Liz

No one understands this dark and lonely place
I walk around like a painted doll, a smile upon my face.
It’s wrong to feel embarrassed, it’s wrong to feel ashamed
I want to be the way I was, I want my life reclaimed.

I’m attention seeking, so I’m told. I do it for effect.
I’m wasting my time, but then what did I expect?
No one wants to spend time with me, because of how I am.
I don’t see my friends for days they don’t give a damn.

What am I trying to prove, by behaving how I am?
I’m wasting my time, as they aren’t fooled by my scam.
Oh yeah, I really like this feeling of losing my mind.
It’s a total joke to me; look I’m laughing myself blind!

I think I’m going mad, can anybody hear me?
I’m looking for myself, the self I used to be.
I’m at a different place now, different than before
A lonely place, a scary place, on a whole new floor.

Life goes on around me, I pretend to take part
I wonder if people know I’m lying, even before I start.
I’m only cheating myself by not being true
It doesn’t matter what you think, but it matters what you do.

I know I’m not myself, but I come back now and again
I laugh and Joke and smile a bit, but it’s not the same.
I want to be decisive and do things for myself.
I’m sick of being useless and left upon the shelf.

So I sit alone, being positive and wise
But it’s all an act, just one big disguise.
Underneath I’m scared, just like I was before.
But people think you’re better, because you go out more.