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School Run!!
Hi
Tomorrow is first day back after half term, and the dread is even worse then ever, my panic attacks are just getting worse - I just hate having to leave the safety of my own house to pick the children up but I know the day I give in and do not go, will be the worst day of my life, cause it will be so hard to do it ever again.
The school is only a 10 min drive, but I am dreading it. Tonight we sold our caravan that we have owned for 2 years, once again I thought it would help having a caravan as it would be like having my home on my back! - only used it a few times, 20 mins down the road, so decided it was a waste of time having it this season. My two children were really upset when it went and I couldnt stop crying - I guess I felt I'd failed once again - Why do these panic attacks rule our lives so much.
Today I have spent £200, for three months membership, on a local gym in the hope that I will try and go on a regular basis, take the children swimming with my husband and try and lead a bit of a normal life - its only 10 mins drive, but already dreading the weekend when we will be going. I guess this will be a total waste of money and in three months time I will be no further down the line to feeling any better.
I'm sorry to go on and on - but just so fed up with feeling so ill - maybe one day somebody will find some miracle cure for PA's.
Take Care
Lisa P
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Lisa,
Please do not be so hard on yourself! You have not failed! You are trying - that is not failure. Us mothers do tend to feel like we have failed whenever we let our children down - so I really do know how easy it is to believe we are a failure. However, I want you to look at this another way: If I, or anyone else had posted a message that said we thought we were a failure - what would be your reply to us? would you think we were a failure? I don't think so - you would say positive, helpful things to help us. So, that is what you need to be like with yourself, kind & helpful. I know how hard that is, to be kind to ourselves - but it is the only way forward for all of us - to be kind to ourselves & not beat ourselves up with a stick. I wish there was a miracle cure too .....but there is not; at least not an overnight miracle cure. But there is a way out of this black tunnel. I think it's great that you have bought the membership - that is a very positive step. Just try & take it one step at a time. Maybe this weekend you could just go for an hr. Then next time you go you could go for a little longer. Next time - maybe stay for lunch. Just give yourself permission to take it slow - if you do feel that you can't stay the hour, then so be it - allow yourself to leave earlier than you planned - but try not to see it as a failure. I know this is all easier said than done, especially when we think we will let our family down.
However, I believe that it is positive that you are trying - surely that's something? Just hang on to that - you are trying & give yourself the credit you deserve for that.
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Hi Lisa,
I know you are finding it so difficult at the moment and you feel like you're getting no where, but like you said the day you give in will be the worst day of your life, and you hav'nt your're still going out and picking your children up. I love half term because i did'nt have to go and pick them up and like you dreaded them going back, but i make myself go to school day in day out because i won't let anxiety and panic beat me. Don't feel bad on yourself about your children because there are many mums in here who are going through the same problems, guilt is a horrible thing, but children are tough little things and will only want mummy to be happy.
The gym sounds like a really good idea, just try it to see how you get on, you might even enjoy it and if your husbands with you will that help??? I started to go swimming twice a week, and after a few weeks, my anxiety started to lessen and i felt a lot better. Exercise is the best medicine for a lot of people. Even if you can only manage about 10 mins thats good and at least you've tried. You will start to feel better, but it will take time and sometimes you feel like your're getting nowhere but one day you'll wake up and you will notice a difference.
Take care.
Marie XXX
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Hi Ya
I absolutely HATE the school run. Have to psych myself up for about an hour before I go, find a parking space as close to school as possible. I then leave it til the very last minute to go into the playground as the whole place spins if I have to stand adn wait for too long and then once I have my daughter get out again as quickly as possible.
I look at the other mums who go early on purpose for a chat and a laugh and think "why can't I be like that".
I relate to you hun
Much love
Katie S x
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Hey,
I am totally with you on this one,and have had HUGE problems with school run. In the last 6 months or more, i have gone from crying at the school gates in the car, to just this week, walking to and from school alone and smiling almost!
My advice would be, talking or texting someone while you are walking. I went from talking to Sue even before i left for school, and talking the whole walk, to gradually only ringing when i felt panic rising. Now i text only to say I'm home, or whatever.
It is lots of little steps, and having some back up to help you as and when you need it.
I know so well how hard it is, but i am also starting to realise that YOU CAN get over it, and although that tunnel is ever so long, there is light at the end of it, when you look really hard.
If you ever wanna chat, feel free to pm me.
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
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Thanks for all the reply's it is nice to know I am not alone - I also stand at the school gate looking at the mum's smiling and talking and wonder if I'll ever be able to be like them instead of standing tense up the corner!
On Wed the first day back it took me 40 mins to do a 10 min journey just could not face going down the school road. Parked up about half a mile away and waited till there was 5 mins to go then parked near and walked up to get him. I felt so sick and shaky but pleased I eventually got there.
Yesterday was a little better, walked up the road with my friend who knows that I suffer, but I think she thinks I am a bit of a nutter! Hope today will be not too bad too.
Thanks again.
Love Lisa px
