Another little newbe

Hi I'm Pip

I'm into bats, hence my name :P

I had an illness when I was 16/17, It caused a massive migraine, and I was bed ridden for a month before being able to get back to school, and a bit more normality. After this episode I suffered regular Migraine for several more years. This I think was the trigger and beginning of depression.

It started during the half term, my mother sister and I went for a walk up to the source of the river Severn, our 'local' river. On the way back down the stones on the path started to dance. my mother days I've never been the same since. I feel sure something must have happened then to start it all. but having done some reading, it's probably just the hypochondria side of things. I feel strange saying and thinking about that...

I took a gap year after finishing school, and my A-levels, unfortunately I feel I could have had better grades if I hadn't been unwell, but I still did really well with 1A and 2C's.

In my gap year I travelled New Zealand, on my own, and enjoyed myself.

I went to Pershore College, and now have a BSc (Hons) 2:1 in Horticulture. However again I feel I should have done better :(

I was started on Fluoxetine in my first year, and the dose was gradually increased over my time there. In my third year, I did a group course of CBT, but I was so focussed on having to do my uni work it didn't sink in much. I'm awaiting some more treatment now... but of course have moved, so I've shifted back to the bottom of the waiting list :(

I met my fiancé, Maggs, whilst at college, and now live with him in Northampton.

Over the summer having finished my course I went to my parents home, and rapidly got much more depressed, despite my belief that it was college causing the depression. By September my mother took me to the Dr, and I was refereed to the psychologist there urgently, and got an appointment 2 weeks later. My medication changed to Venlafaxine, which is what my mother took to get over her depression, so it was felt it was a good one to try, And it has really helped, I'm on the way up again. next problem, as the depression has lifted anxiety has increased massively. And I avoid going out on my own. I've read through some of the articles on this site, agoraphobia.

I tried to volunteer at a animal sanctuary last week, it was half term so Maggs could come with me, I was planning to do Wed, Thur, and Fridays, the thursday I felt ill, so I didn't manage to go in, by the afternoon I was in a right state because I couldn't go in on my own the next day.

It's irrational, I really enjoyed myself, actually doing something in the morning made the rest of the day go past well, and I slept that night for the first time in ages.

But I can't do it, like I can't walk through a wall.

This has brought back the depression greatly, and I'm stuck with not knowing what to do, I thought I was getting better, but I'm not.

I've started a process to being able to get out on my own, just to be able to get out for some exercise. I have a park just around the corner from where we live. We brought some walkie talkies on Monday, and we used them in the park, so I was there on my own, but knew Maggs was there, and in contact. And we are going to build on this. Using a rating system with the anxiety, and doing it until I'm calm, and can do it alone. Then I will work out how to do bigger better things.

This is all I can think of for now.

Look forward to talking to people who understand and can help.

Pip

p.s. I hope people don't mind me not reading too much of their problems at the moment, I read a few before writing this, and found it upset me. But I hope I can offer help in the future. :flowers:

Hi Pipistrelle

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

Is this the right place for me to be with my above described situations.

Can anyone advise where to start reading for help. I've read most the website articles, and feel no further forwards knowing what to do or how to cope.

To the left of the page Pip . Welcome to NMP :welcome:
Paige x

Hi Pip,
Welcome. There are lot's of self help books you can buy from Amazon, this will help while you are waiting for your CBT.
I like panic and phobia workbook, self help for your nerves and feel the fear, do it anyway.
Try to look at your negative thoughts (like your many comments in your post about how you feel you could have done better)and think of a positive for them....like "I managed really well at uni and got a 2:1 ".
It's understandable that you don't feel able to offer support at the moment. We all understand.
Take Care and I hope my suggestions help,