I'm so lost now I don't know what to do
Just doing anything simple that involves me moving is causing anger and frustration. I do nothing all day, no job, nothing. Zero motivation and zero confidence. I've no confidence in doctors to find me help I need. I don't know what to do with myself . Ever since covid lockdowns my anxiety and life has dropped to suicide levels.
Social Anxiety
GAD
Depression
I've had maybe 5-6 jobs in the past 2 years. I can't handle a days work now. I just feel like an empty shell, no sense of self and emotional.
I'm in my room all day if not in bed. I'm playing games just to keep my mind ticking over or I'd be lying there looking up at the ceiling all day every day.
I need to exercise but the block I've got going on is huge.
I walk to the garage for the bike, if the garage doesn't open immediately Instant anger. If I manage to get past that . If anything is blocking the bike. Instant anger and give up and retreat back to my room and cry because I'm a failure. This lifestyle I'm living is running me into the ground. Just putting my clothes on is sends my heart rate up over 120.
Being outside where people can see me, I just don't feel comfortable.
No social skills at all that can contribute to a conversation in the real world . I've been like this since I was 18. 25+ years later I'm still no better. NO kids, not married, not interested in getting out to meet people. Isolation is always there, not so much loneliness.
I keep thinking of how many past has lead me to now and what my future holds and it scares me to death. What's worse is I can't help myself to improve. My family are getting fed up as well.
Re: I'm so lost now I don't know what to do
I've been there before and it sucks.
You say this started when you were 18. Do you know what triggered it, were there obvious signs or perhaps looking back can you now see a pattern of behaviour, stresses or experiences that led you to start feeling anxious?
In the meantime, I think this is more of a self care issue rather than trying to fix the bigger picture. Taking care of your physical self may well be the best way forward in the short term, so nutrition and some form of regular exercise, even if it's just establising a routine of getting dressed and walking to the nearest shop every morning for milk, or whatever. Even if you don't need anything, that routine once established will be gold. Nutrition is so much more important than people realise too. There is so much evidence that diet is one of the key factors in good mental health.
But I would just focus on ONE element of self care that you can establish as a routine.....tomorrow. Decide today, and start it tomorrow.
Anger, I get. Anger is fear, and your life is currently all fear.
Re: I'm so lost now I don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NickyUK79
I can't handle a days work now. I just feel like an empty shell, no sense of self and emotional.
I know that vibe only too well..
Quote:
I need to exercise but the block I've got going on is huge.
I all but stopped going out a few weeks ago but we have a puppy and she needs to be walked, so it's on with the coat (hers and mine) and out we go. (She's helping me and she doesn't even know it).
Quote:
No social skills at all that can contribute to a conversation in the real world . I've been like this since I was 18. 25+ years later I'm still no better. NO kids, not married, not interested in getting out to meet people. Isolation is always there, not so much loneliness.
Did something happen to you before the age of 18? (trauma etc).
Quote:
I keep thinking of how many past has lead me to now and what my future holds and it scares me to death. What's worse is I can't help myself to improve. My family are getting fed up as well.
You can help yourself, Nicky. As Joe says, you need to start small with your basic needs. Make sure you eat regularly and get some exercise. Stay hydrated. I know how utterly insurmountable it can seem to open that front door and go out into the world, but biology says that you will benefit - even if at first it doesn't appear so.
I'm sorry that your family are not supporting you as you need them to, but the bottom line is that people can't fully understand something they've not personally experienced.
That said, I don't believe that we have to have personally experienced something in order to support someone who is struggling...
I am the proverbial 'time-traveller', either stuck in a past that I can't change, or fearing my future. When I fixate in this way, my heart rate flies up and I feel all those horrible emotions such as irritation, fear, panic, despair. It helps to ground yourself. Make a cup of tea. Walk around your garden (if you have one). Go for a ride on your bike. If you love how it feels for you to be on the bike, try and focus on that rather than the effort it's going to take for you to walk through the door and walk to the garage etc..
Have you ever had any therapy for your issues? (Have you ever been psychologically evaluated?)
Finally, no matter what you think about yourself, you're not a failure. You've come on here and you are sharing what you're going through. That's being proactive. Because people will support you and help you to help yourself. You're doing something, and that cannot be failure. (But I absolutely understand that it feels that way to you).
Re: I'm so lost now I don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NickyUK79
Just doing anything simple that involves me moving is causing anger and frustration. I do nothing all day, no job, nothing. Zero motivation and zero confidence. I've no confidence in doctors to find me help I need. I don't know what to do with myself . Ever since covid lockdowns my anxiety and life has dropped to suicide levels.
Social Anxiety
GAD
Depression
In the meantime, it seems like addressing this situation leans more towards self-care rather than attempting to tackle the broader issues at hand. Prioritizing your physical well-being may indeed offer the most practical short-term solution. Engaging in a balanced diet and incorporating some form of regular exercise, even if it's as simple as establishing a daily routine that involves getting dressed and walking to the nearby shop each morning for milk or any other necessities, can be highly beneficial. This routine, even if you don't have an immediate need, can eventually prove to be invaluable in terms of structure and consistency. It's like a private bookmakers uk
https://online-bookmakers.com/ , quietly working behind the scenes to establish a sense of order and well-being in your daily life.
I need to exercise but the block I've got going on is huge.
I walk to the garage for the bike, if the garage doesn't open immediately Instant anger. If I manage to get past that . If anything is blocking the bike. Instant anger and give up and retreat back to my room and cry because I'm a failure. This lifestyle I'm living is running me into the ground. Just putting my clothes on is sends my heart rate up over 120.
Being outside where people can see me, I just don't feel comfortable.
No social skills at all that can contribute to a conversation in the real world . I've been like this since I was 18. 25+ years later I'm still no better. NO kids, not married, not interested in getting out to meet people. Isolation is always there, not so much loneliness.
I keep thinking of how many past has lead me to now and what my future holds and it scares me to death. What's worse is I can't help myself to improve. My family are getting fed up as well.
Thanks for the information!
