I didn't really know where to post this...........

Hi I am new here, I'm a 20 year old male from England and I have been suffering from panic attacks and obsessive thoughts for about a year....

Although I am a lot better than I was I still have some issues. My main issues are accepting death and being scared I am going 'crazy'.

The reason behind being scared of death is that when I was 15 my Grandpa died, I watched him die, we all did as a family ( that's what he wanted), my mum was there, my brothers and sister and uncle, we all sat around his bed and basically watched him die. Now at 15 this was very hard for me to accept and it has obviously scarred me. I feel like now at 20 i am going through some of the grieving process? I will cry every other day over my Grandad or over anyone who has died in my life, my dog, my friend anyone it doesn't really matter. I just find it very hard to accept that someone can be in your life and then gone and you may never see them ever again!

The 'crazy' feeling is brought on from my panic attacks, I feel sometimes that i am very close to losing my mind and i will have awful obsessive thoughts or urges. If anyone can relate then please let me know!

Sorry that my introduction is about death! but thank you for reading

Greg.

Greg,

I'm sorry for your loss of your Grandpa and how difficult watching him die was for you.

I have a fear of losing my mind too and I also have a hard time accepting deaths. There were a few deaths already this year that I've had a hard time accepting and with each death my anxiety increased. It's been a month now since the last death and I'm feeling less anxiety now. I hope that with time your anxiety will decrease too.

Have you read any of Dr. Claire Weekes books? All of her books are good and reassuring that you are not going to lose your mind so see if you can get one of her books. You will most likely feel better. She also has some of her books on CDs and cassettes.

Laura

I am really sorry about what you are going through Greg, death of a loved one it hard to bare especially if you witnessed the passing. I have been there and more recently I lost my Spaniel to Cancer.

Have you spoken to you doctor about grief counselling or another form of therapy to address your anxiety issues.

sarah.

Hi Greg,
I have lost my grandparents and I was away so I was not there for them (my parents and grandparents live in South America and I am in the United States). However, it is not too hard for me to accept death because even after they are gone I feel that they are still there. I feel that there is life after death. I still feel connected to those that have passed, especially when I am going through difficult times in my life.
I could share some experiences with you that I have had that really give me the feeling that loved ones that pass continue to exist in a different plane.
On the other side, with regards to death I worry a lot about loosing my husband or one of my chidlren. I don't know if I could bare that. I feel that they would continue to exist but I would really struggle with the loneliness and not seeing them.
Now, I can relate to the fear of going crazy. I have this fear and I also get obsessive thoughts and urges. My urge is to run to the Mental Hospital when I am feeling Anxious/Panicky. I fear that I am going to go crazy and if I go there at least it will be a safe place where to go crazy. I have had the fear that I might harm myself or others and this really bothers me because I have little kids. I don't want to harm anyone and I don't want to hurt myself either but I fear that one day I might. The idea of going to the Mental Hospital gives me relief because I wouldn't have to worry about these things there. But I don't think they would take me in and if they did take me in they wouldn't keep me for long, so I still would have to deal with this...

---------- Post added at 08:30 ---------- Previous post was at 08:28 ----------

Thank you for all the replies people, i'm very grateful. Sorry it's takes me so long to reply! but just wanted to say thank you.