Bad Morning, Xanax Again!!!

I got up this morning with the "off feeling" again in my head. I was fine lying in bed, but getting ready for church, I felt "off" and my legs felt heavy and stiff still. I decided to make myself go to church as I have been in this house for several days. I go to a small church, I walked in, (feeling very wobbly) sat on back row as usual and felt very "off". I felt like I couldn't even stand there and sing. Everytime I would move, I felt Dizzy (not room spinning, just off) So I sat down, but felt embarassed as no one else was sitting. I thought, "Oh, Why did I come?" I am never going to make it thru the next hour". I popped 1/2 of xanax under my tongue. Didn't really feel better till service was over. Probably should have taken it before church, but that seems ridiculous to me. That I can't even walk into church and be there for one hour without feeling like I am going to "keel over". I just hate being this way. After I came home I am still feeling "off, with my walking, only it is better.

I am leaving on vacation later this week and wonder how I am going to manage. I should be excited, but I am now dreading it. The xanax helps but I don't want to take it everyday. Lately, it's been 3 or 4 days a week.

I am just so down and feel like such a failure. I can't help thinking that this stiffness in my legs and "off" feeling is something wrong, like ms or something. The only time I really feel okay is to lie down or sit in a chair where I can lean my head back.

Sorry, just needed to vent.

Ro44