Psychodynamic Counselling - my diary

Hi All,

Well, as suggested I'll attempt to shed some light by way of a diary on what it's like to receive psychotherapy for the first time.

For those who are not familiar with my story, I started having panic attacks last September, primarily due to health anxiety and stress at work. Before then, I was always a bit of a worrier (mainly about logistical arrangements like travelling, accommodation etc) and was also a rather hypervigilant parent who perhaps took the responsibility of parenthood a bit too seriously. I have a career in IT and my only child is now grown up and serving in the Armed Forces abroad. I now have the most gorgeous, loving and supportive partner ever. I should be feeling tiptop but the rigours of life have caught up with me, it seems.

I decided against antidepressants and wanted to give therapy a go, having gained some relief from reflexology. My health anxiety is gone but I am left with some general free-floating anxiety (tension in stomach, lump in throat, dizziness etc) and still have to use all the methods I've learnt thus far to prevent any normal adrenaline surge from developing into a full blown panic attack. I am currently off work.

So, on to the counselling. I met the lady last week for my first session. We sat in a room and I remember noting that she was sitting quite a long way away from me for such an intimate discussion. Maybe this is so I have to project my voice or something - I'll ask anyway, might just be incidental, but I'm curious now (ahem... that'll be me analysing everything to death then!).

Anyway, she asked me a bit about myself and my past. I ended up giving her a potted history of my life, emphasising some of the key incidents and situations. I'd already done a lot of thinking prior to the session and figured that I'd save her some time there. She interjected very little and I rattled on for best part of an hour (nearly 40 years worth to cover!). I only reached for the tissues twice. She remarked on some of the things I said and, more importantly perhaps, some of the things I'd clearly missed out (she had spotted the fact that I'd not mentioned my parents at all, for example). We talked a bit more then I asked her some questions. Every question I asked, she responded to with a question (grrr!). That's when I realised that perhaps this therapy is all about me finding my own way through the maze, as it were. She was just there to accompany me on the journey.

So, onward we went together and the session overran by 20 minutes. Us lot do like a chat don't we, hehe! I left there wondering if going over old ground, stuff I've had years to think through already, would actually do any good. I don't know how relevant any of it is to the present predicament. However, I'm keeping an open mind and am interested to see what direction the session will take this week. I felt quite happy when I left, I skipped off down the path hand in hand with my ever-patient man at my side and have had quite a nice week since. All good.

More soon... :-)

Hi

Great news to hear that you have started this treatment and I am pleased that you skipped off down the path afterwards.

Please keep posting here and let us know how it goes.

Nicola

*Every question I asked, she responded to with a question (grrr!). That's when I realised that perhaps this therapy is all about me finding my own way through the maze, as it were. She was just there to accompany me on the journey*

Think you're totally correct in this assumption.

Good luck with it all.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

Oh good luck hun - this is soooo interesting!!!

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

Thanks for the encouragement, ladies!

Boy, did I have a challenging weekend. On Saturday, within the space of a few hours, I had to have my counselling session, get my son (and a ton of kit) to the airport to go to his posting abroad and then embark on a 200 mile journey in the car with my partner to meet his family for the very first time for a family christening the next day.

Cripes! Everything always seems to happen at once, but I figured if I can pull that lot off without ending up in a gibbering heap, that'll be some measurable progress.

It got off on the wrong foot all having spent until 3am Saturday morning looking for a (what turned out to be mythical) item of military kit, which had been mislaid. We gave up, agreeing it wasn't the end of the world if he didn't take it, we laughed and all went to bed at last.

So, in the morning we dropped him off for a short back and sides and proceeded to the therapy centre. On entering the room, still wondering about the distance between the chairs I'd noticed last week, I was surprised to see that they weren't that far apart after all - a strange perception on my part last week it seems. Things seemed different this week and I had also stopped trying to decide if I knew my counsellor from somewhere; something which had distracted me somewhat the week before!!

I was on better form this week and she said I seemed different - more alive. Now, this observation could have simply been due to the fact that I'd actually bothered to do my hair nicely and put some makeup on (for the meeting of the family later)!!. I told her that we'd have to finish a bit early this week due to the impending logistical nightmare of getting back, packed and to the airport drop-off point in time, then off on the big journey.

I started off quietly (distracted actually) but she soon got me talking again. It was a great set of circumstances under which to see her, which was why I didn't cancel the session to make my life easier. She could see me being agitated about time, travelling, my son and the prospect of meeting new people who would be more than a little interested in what I was like and what I do etc. Strangely though, my physical anxiety symptoms were keeping a low profile. We talked about a few things from the past again and how I coped with them (rather well in her opinion!).

Then I told her about a recurring dream I had for a year or so, ending last year. Ah yes, my kitten dream. I would be in a car park and I would have this basket of kittens - dead cute, about 5 or 6 of them. There was no lid on the basket and they would climb out, one by one. Every time I would fetch one back, another would be gone or be climbing out. I couldn't keep them all in the basket and when they got out, they were in immediate danger from passing cars and they would be hard to find, under the parked cars. Eeeek! This would go on for ages and was really frustrating. When you look at it, it's obviously a dream about coping or trying to keep in control - and struggling. Funnily enough, there was a link to the car park from an incident in my past. All interesting stuff.

We also talked about my partner, who as I have said, is fantastic. She thinks that because he is so lovely, caring and dependable, it represents a such a huge change for me that I have let go of the reins and collapsed now that there is someone to catch me for once (he's big and gruff too, y'see!). I feel very lucky indeed to have him. Perfect combination.

The resounding discovery of the session though was that a lot of my stressors in life have been to do with avoiding embarrassment. This will be familiar to quite a few people, especially those with panics who are live in constant fear of having a PA in public and making a fool of themselves. I think that a lot of my residual anxiety revolves around this fear. We will work on this next time.

As I said, it was a shorter session this week, so at the end she gave me a worksheet (the ABC technique). If I get anxious, I have to write down the cause (Activating Event

Fantastic Eeb - I love to read how people are doing with CBT and any form of counselling.

Sounds like you are making good progress with her.

I too used to have to recall recurrent dreams and try to work out what they meant etc. Freaky isn't it!

So pleased to hear that things went well and please do keep us updated as I love to read these posts and see how people progress.

Thanks for that.

Nicola

This is great insight for those who may be facing the same thing.

Thanks for posting and so glad it is suiting you and you are getting benefit from it

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress