HIV - so scared!

Hello,
me again... :-( Went through a bunch of blood test lately to find out why the heck is it that I´m feeling this crappy..Guess what- they did all sorts of things and my blood is picture perfect...The only thing they didn´t take was the HIV. It really got me spinning in circles, so to say. I have always been over-anxious about HIV, so I got tested and I got each of my bf´s tested, too. I also cannot take contraception, so it was either condom or nothing. I did have unprotected oral, though, but never with ejaculation (sorry for being so graphic) - but always with partners who tested negative. But you can´t chase a guy to an HIV test every day, can you? And my ex sure wasn´t an angel, even though he claims he never cheated on me. So yes, I basically never had contact with male sperm. The only "risky behavior" I had was cca a year ago - I kissed a guy, a friend of many years, it was an open kiss - I know HIV is not likely to get transmitted this way, but I do suffer from mild gingivitis, so what if....I am picking up my courage to get tested, but I´m so scared. The last test I had was cca 5 years ago and was negative. But that kiss happened last year and I got flu-like symptoms afterwards - but it is possible it was from my wisdom tooth - this wisdom tooth flu - you know what I mean? I got the wisdom tooth removed straight away and haven´t been really ill (I mean, fever, sore throat or anything) since. But recently, I´ve had a rash on my arms, my muscles are always sore, I´m tiered and now I got so scared that I check my lymphnodes if they´re swelling and I almost convinced myself that they are indeed swelling and they are a bit sore - maybe from all the pressing, checking, touching...I´d know if I had swollen lymphglands, wouldn´t I? And - I´ve had an ongoing candida infection guess where. The normal over the counter medication doesn´t help, it´s still there....so I googled to look for some other medication and there it was: frequent or persistent candida infections are often the first sign of an HIV infection in women. Because all of this, I am convinced I have it and I´m trying to prepare myself for the worst and go for the test. But I am really, really down and panicky. There´s still so much to do in my life. Please HEEEELP, I´m so scared. I mean, I´ve always been very, very careful about having sex, never had a one night stand, never went without a condom, always with a partner, but then you turn on the tv or open the news and you hear all the stories of perfect faithful housewifes who got it from their perfect hubbies or about a young girl that had sex only once and got IT:...I´m going crazy and I´m considering just giving up on sex as a whole and buy a battery-operated boyfriend - because that´s about the only way I can get rid of the fear. :-( :-( :-( I am sorry, I am bugging you folks again - this really isn´t the best time, when it comes to anxiety..

It is scary because it comes down to trusting the guy, even with the most ideal situation where you get tested together and wait until you have 2 negative tests (after the window period has passed). No sense having a test today when the man may have been with someone last month and it isn't showing up yet.

In answer to your question, no, you can't chase a guy to take an HIV test every day but anyone you plan to sleep with should get tested. Personally, I would not accept their word without seeing his test results or going for a test together. But right now, you're worried about now, so why not just go and get the test? The anxiety of waiting for the results is horrible but carrying around ongoing anxiety every day is worse. Yeast infections are so common, so try not to think this is related...more often they're in the mouth and even then, it can just happen from being rundown.

I was also at the point of giving up sex and thought I had everything so went for every imaginable test, all the hepatitis (A,B and C), chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV. They were all negative and honestly, there is no way I am going to chance getting one of these. Whoever is next in my life is going to have to go through the same tests...no man is worth going through this worry, even with a condom. Get your mind clear and for your own peace of mind, find a way to not have to go through this again.

Hi Lauren,
thanks - getting myself and my guy tested b4 I start off anything physical is a matter of course and I ALWAYS do it. It´s either test plus condom or "bye, bye, baby." But then - I really can´t keep track of the guy and I normally would trust my partner, but isn´t love blind?

Hey sweetie,
I to am a fellow HIV anxiety sufferer but you sound as if you are so so careful really I certain you will be negative if you go, the rate of HIV infected people in the uk is 0.1% that put with the fact you've been so careful is almost a definate neg hun, I got my test results the other day and they were fine, I can't say I've been as careful as u, well through no fault of my own condoms have split 3 times on me! I am certainly going to be extra cautious now & forever- but I'm ok and you will be to x

majdle, love is blind but I have seen too much that just when you think you have found the guy who would never betray you, you get a very surprising wakeup call. But like you say, even if you're married, you can't know someone's whereabouts 100% of the time. We can only do what we can do and get to know someone really well, know their integrity before we sleep with them. As well as is possible. I think these days many men also have the fear of God in them, lol....so we don't have to put it in them. To me, if a guy doesn't want to use a condom with me, he didn't use it on the last one or the one before that, etc. Or his ex was on the pill and didn't use a condom (dumb)...so many men feel that a woman is on the pill so why do they have to use a condom..all they care about is not getting her pregnant and then they wind up with a case of warts or herpes or worse. We have to be really smart about this and it sounds like you have been super careful so try to not worry but glad you're getting the test so you can free your mind up and have a nice summer.

It is true that some guys are just total jerks when it comes to the condom issue. I once dated a guy who was like this and he was terrorizing me to sleep with him without and so on...guess what happened - he didn´t get any..he got dumped instead :-)

Ha!! Good for you! I love to see strong women who won't let a guy bully them into anything! A lot of women, especially very young, don't have the ego strength to say no and still feel good about themselves or they fear losing the guy, who wasn't worth keeping if he had no respect for her one and only body and health. Drives me crazy!

I had a guy ask me to go on the pill when I was in my late 40s! Just so he could take off the condom..I also told him to take a hike after giving him an education about taking the pill at that age. So many jerks out there, I agree!

Majdle-
I want you to know that you are not alone. I too am a fellow HIV worrier. First of all...you need to know how hard this is to catch through normal heterosexual sex. It is possible, but very unlikely! HIV is a bloodborn disease and must live in blood. Also, the media really hypes it up...just like they did the recent swine flu! It is a very serious disease and you should be careful...but really, you should not let this run your life b/c your chances of getting hit by lightning are higher than contracting HIV....possible yes, anything is possible, likely...NO!
Also, I had yeast infections that went to bacterial infections back to yeast infections for 6 months straight after a miscarriage. I have tested HIV -. My Dr. said it was hormonal! There are other things that cause yeast infections....for example when my hubby goes down town if you know what I mean....that can bring one on in me quickly! Stay off the internet! What you read there is VERY general information. Google is not a Dr. and is not qualified to diagnose you. Good luck...and please, educate yourself about the real risk before just assuming what you see on TV is gospel and you by a battery operated boyfriend :) Those are fun...but they can't keep you warm after. Think about like this.....did we all die of swine the way the news said we would...nope! Good luck!

By the way...my doctor told me that the over the counter yeast meds only kill a very limited kind of strands of yeast infections. I actually had to take pills to get rid of mine once and for all. If you go to your girly Dr. they can swab you and tell you exaclty what strand you have. Also, eat yogurt daily and Acodopholis (sp?) is a great natural way to keep things in balance. It taste like sour yogurt. It can be purchased at any health food store. The liquid is stronger than the pills you can buy...try it. Good luck.

your gonna be fine, you have been very safe, so take comfort in that. i have several friends that have had frequent candida infections and they did not have HIV. its just something your body goes through and you need to take the proper vitamins to actually correct it, not just over the counter meds. these usually only throw off your body's normal balance even more. next time you research this type of infection, find out what vitamins you should take along with your meds, and take them religiously, not just when you feel something coming on.