Question about Psychotherapist

Hey All,

Just wondered if anyone could advise.

I finally decided to take the plunge and see a psychotherapist. Absolutely lovely lady, very warm and caring.

After 6 sessions, it dawned on me that each session is nothing more than a chat about how I feel. She's interested in the inner child focus, so quite often asks if something 'reminds me of anything.' On some occasions, the answer is yes. It's quite extraordinary to take myself back to the time that I felt an emotion.

While this is very inspiring, it doesn't offer a 'solution' to change the pattern of thinking. Each session, I keep thinking she'll introduce a goal-orientated practice but there has been no mention of it. I come out feeling like I've just opened up to a mate but besides that, there is no working progress, so to speak.

Learning about past triggers is wonderfully eye opening, but I feel that it requires the assistance of a working solution. I'm starting to wonder if this is deemed 'normal.' You can see a less-qualified counsellor for half the price and they simply sit and listen. A psychotherapist should do more, should they not?

I have recently asked if we can have fewer sessions as I don't feel the need for once a week. She said she doesn't offer once a month or similar. Seems a bit unfair when it should address the needs of a client but I'm sure its to do with 'not seeing progress less than weekly' or something equally obvious.

I can't justify paying out £200 a month alongside a pricey PR launch I'm paying for, so I'm going to have to abandon. She wants to see me for a 'closing session'.

Any idea what that's about?

Does this all sound common to you?

Hey Munki,

For the most part that's actually pretty normal. It really depends on the therapists chosen approach. Some are goal driven, while others prefer to sit and let the patient talk, allowing them to reach their own conclusions. There are some who believe that allowing you to revisit your memories can help in the healing process. Whether they are goal driven or prefer to gently guide you through your own thoughts, no therapist will really have a "solution" for you. They'll give you the tools to find it, and help you to gain more awareness of your own thought processes and behaviour.

As you seem to want something more actionable, have you tried CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy). That tends to have a more active approach to identifying a problem and and breaking it down to interrupt negative thought patterns.

I don't think a "closing session" is warranted if you're not getting anything out of her "approach", Munki. I'm sure she means well but don't let her guilt trip you into booking a final session if you would rather put your money to better use? You know what you need and have a right to choose who you see or don't see if you are dissatisfied with the service.

Thank you. That's good to know.

I actually really DON'T want CBT. It just doesn't resonate with me on any level. Perhaps its my study of Psychology, or it may just be that I'm not a fan. Either way, I knew I didn't want that from the off. I did perhaps hope that I'd have simply been given something to focus on outside sessions. Without testing it, there's very little way of measuring success.

I wouldn't say dissatisfied. I'm just not sure how much success I've had in truth.

Although, I did have a slight question mark when she spent the first few sessions telling me that she 'wouldn't have stood for that' when I told her about certain relationship-based conversations. She'd very openly tell me how she felt about things. I've just never known that. It's always been more 'how did it make YOU feel?' I ended up hating my husband and Mom for a few weeks. That was interesting!

Who knows. I'm not casting aspersions, I just wanted to hear from you guys.

Yes, you're possibly right about the closing session. I don't even know what it'll be.

Summing up what you've covered so far and what progress you've made (according to her)?

Perhaps your study of phycology has you focusing too much on the process instead of being a part of it?

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I actually really DON'T want CBT. It just doesn't resonate with me on any level. Perhaps its my study of Psychology, or it may just be that I'm not a fan.

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Totally your decision, it doesn't suit everyone. But just to play devils advocate a little - I didn't think it would help me. I was certain it wouldn't. I went so far as to think it seemed too simplistic for my needs and I resisted it for years. When I finally tried it, just to give it a fair shot, I realised it was supposed to be simplistic. It was just about forming healthier thought habits and how to go about doing that. I implemented the techniques, and gradually found out I could step back from my problem and approach it from a healthier angle. I stopped looking at CBT as a fix, and more of a handy tool to use.

Any small piece to the puzzle can help you find the next one.

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Originally Posted by Munki

After 6 sessions, it dawned on me that each session is nothing more than a chat about how I feel.

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I understand this. I've had a few therapy courses where I've had to recall incredibly traumatic things from my past. I went there looking for some guidance on what to do - on how to handle this trauma - but I just got handed a box of tissues and 'See you next week'. I was thinking, Lady, I can talk to myself for free (and I regularly do) I need you to help me to understand why those people did those things to me and what I can do to help myself! In the end I had to get busy with the self-help books and educate myself on why humans do the things they do. I also later received a diagnosis that helped me to understand a vulnerability which explains the amount of abuse I've experienced, and understanding all this was what I needed...

CBT helped me with my health anxiety breakdown. The first therapist was epically shite but I struck lucky second time around and the bloke (who had suffered with MH issues himself) gave me some very good tools to use and I still use them today. This is what I needed from the other therapist; a plan...

I see that you've ruled CBT out but my advice would be to give it some more consideration...

Thanks so much for the replies, all. NoraB, I'm so glad you found a way to deal with your experience.

I actually went to see her at the start of the week and we had a really good session. However, I'm going to start a new thread about something relating to therapy as I'm finding a few eye-opening things.