feel weird

I was just writing because I was wondering does anyone have moments when they look in the mirror and they almost don't know who they are looking at. I have lost so much in the past 3 months I almost don't know who I am anyymore and I wonder if this will ever end. I used to be almost narcicistic about my appearance and now I just don't care. I looked in the mirror a second ago and just felt weird because I didn't know for a second who I was looking at. I look at life so differently now and with little enthusiasm and that just scares me because I have my boys to raise. The docs have given up on meds for me because just about everything they perscribed messed me up in one way or another. I just want to go back to the days when I could sleep 8 hours a night and I didn't think or worry about dying any moment. Is there hope for this? Anyway I am rambling and I am just curious.

worrying is alot Like a Rocking Chair It is something todo but it won't get you anywhere

Hi there, am sorry you are feeling so down right now, things will pick up, but it takes a while. Firstly, just try to do the things that really need doing, quick shower/hairwash,meals prepared and washing done, then when you gradually establish a little routine, add a few more things, having children i think 8 hours sleep never returns!!!! Have a good look at all the information here, many of us have been where you are now and survived, take care and keep in touch xx

Hi Attsila

I had that exact experience when I had a breakdown over 3 yrs ago now. I looked in the mirror but didn't know the person looking back at me, plus as you say it was unusual to let your appearance go too, but I did!!!
I'm a worrier like you & often think about dying at any moment .... It's a nightmare, I know!!!

Take care ~ Cath x

hello Attsila, maybe this is like depersonalisation, not sure though but i have experienced it twice when i've been intensely anxious and both times i have panicked about it.

but then i've spoke to 'normal' people and they say they've experienced it, but they don't freak out.

it is soooo hard to accept that you are no longer the person you were, but i've tried to be philisophical about this one in as much as you only have today, you can never get the past back and the future does'nt exist yet, i only have NOW and that helps me to stop dwelling in the past. plus i also feel that i've gained alot through my experience, we get insight about who we are and not everyone has that and i would'nt want to be unaware of myself in the way that some people i know are. not sure if i'm making sense here, suppose what i'm trying to say is you can be the person you were only different and maybe better, you cannot stay the same all of your life, we have to change and evolve, i think that is what life is about plus coming to a place where you are comfortable with who you are.

a bit heavy i know but this is what has helped me - ACCEPTANCE

emmas

Thank you so much guys for hearing me out. It does me good to know that others feel the same way I have and they hqave survived. It has been a struggle but little by little I am trying to come back. I think alot of it does have to do with change. in the past few mnths I went from being healthy and care free to having to have surgery to remove my gall bladder, then I found out my brother is dying then I had a new neice born. I went back to to work to see how soo much has changed in just a few weeks. not to mention that my family has changed soooo much from being the close knot family we were. I am also trying to hold on to my home right now due to the fact that I was promised disability and leave time at work to pay my bills while I was out and I got denied. I also lost alot of my friends because of my anxiety and panic. They thought I was crazy. So yeah I feel like I am starting over again in unfamiliar territory and it is hard to enjoy anything. I did enjoy eating alot yesterday which is a start. I also got off the anti-depressants that were making me sick and started taking a good multi-vitamin and magnesium in the morning. I am on week 1 so we will see how long it takes to make a difference. Since my surgery I have been bothered by every little symptom and it has made me paranoid about my health more then I was. I did get 6 straight hours of sleep last night for the first time in months. I still have the death thoughts but I am trying to live with them and not worry about them. I tell myself that only 1 out of 113 people die a day which makes my chances less then 1 percent. I just worry about not being around to take care of my kids since I am all they have. I have to entrust that one to the good Lord I guess. Anyway Thank you so much for the responses. They have done my heart good.

worrying is alot Like a Rocking Chair It is something todo but it won't get you anywhere

Thank you Very Much Nigel and everyone. I have started eating better and more often and I have forced myself to a regimen of taking eco-green vitamins along with magnesium and that has helped. I have no doubt that I am depressed I have been in the past and I always overcame it. This time around the feelings of hopelessness and depersonalization and feeling like I am going in slow motion have REALLY made it hard. I was hoping meds would take the edge off but They made me ALOT worse. I was told to stick with them for 3 weeks. HA! I don't know how anyone can bear those side effects that long. I am med free at the moment. In light of my brother's cancer I went to the doc today to get a couple of lesions on my neck biopsied that I was supposed to have done months ago. I am awaiting the pathology report. I think my big fear of death is because I am all my kids have and I have no one I trust with them if something happens to me, also there are things I want so much to experience like being in love and even getting married that I never had that I want. Also since my surgery I just have this huge respect for all life and hearing about anyone dying bothers me. Sometimes it is hard to think that this life is all I know and one day it won't be there. I feel like I am in a movie sometimes you know? I worry that having thoughts of dying means I will. Crazy stuff like that My dire financial situation is making my anxiety worse and makes me want to run even though there is nowhere to run to other than God. Today was a good day I woke up shakey but I trudged on to work. I was scared during my biopsy but I did it. I was scared when I left for school this even but I went and I was worried I would freak out when my mom started talking about how we are going to lose both of our houses but I didn't. I still feel weird and I am still nervous about having dreams or plans but I am taking it minute by minute. Hopefully maybe I will beat this soon. I sure hope so.
Thank you again to all who have responded...It means alot.

worrying is alot Like a Rocking Chair It is something todo but it won't get you anywhere

You've had such smashing replies here that I havent much to add other than as a divorced mum I felt the same about my kids as you do.

Obviously as time has gone by and they become older and independent this horrible feeling lessens but I sort of came to terms with it by trying to love them and do the best by them that I could - knowing that my influence and love for them would stay with them for the rest of their lives no matter where I was.

As for looking in the mirror and not knowing who you are looking at - I keep gettin freaked at the mo cos I look in and see my dad in a frock!!![}:)][:I]:D:D:D:D

Big hugs

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

Thank you so much Piglet and nigel.....That was funny piglet about seeing your dad in a frock because sometimes I see the same thing......my my dad and my baby brother all look just alike. I agree that I just try to spend as much of my time with my boys as I can and just hope that they know they are always loved and hope that my influence rubs off on them. I was never married to their dad and I think as I have gotten older I worry I never will get married. I live near an army base and work on the base and most the guys here don't want a single mom. So that makes it tough My anxiety has lessoned alot in the past few days and I am sleeping better....the shakes have gotten worse for me though.....hopefully if I am not scared of them so much they will diminish too. I am hoping to be back in my own home this week. I may not be there long since my mom spent the money for my mortgage on her mortgage I may not have a home for long but at least I will be on my own for a while. I can't thank you guys enough for how well you have helped to make me feel...it is so good to know I am not alone.

worrying is alot Like a Rocking Chair It is something todo but it won't get you anywhere