Any other loners who dont belong in society?

Hi,
I can't have too many people around me because of social anxiety, more people in my life means more anxiety.
I have only ever found a handful of people that I feel good with, trust and can relax around, and probably since I was in my mid teens those people have moved on, lost touch or gone their separate ways with me. The one or two new ones who I've worked hard to bring and keep in my life since developing social anxiety have faded away. This is much worse than never having the people there in the first place.
I feel I'm not interesting, or off putting in some way, whilst I've been told I'm charming, funny, kind, caring and very empathetic by people(now gone) but though that's lovely to hear there's no evidence for it. Other people have lots of fun together.
I had a cat who as silly as it sounds helped me lots over the years, havinghim since from a kitten since 1999, he was always there, and in his own feline way he cared lots- he'd sit on my knee when I cried, he'd do silly things which made me laugh until he passed on February the 12th of this year.
Since that point I've felt very depressed, that there is no safety net for me and no support system other than the health service (which is just people doing their job, as nice as they are) I am convinced I don't belong with this society.
I like to help people and see them happy, but I don't think they like to do the same with me, I am not worth as much.
If i'mnot working i watch TV ldocumentaries in the evenings, and although they're probably staged somewhat I see people living out in the wilderness without anyone. I can't tell if this would help or hurt me, maybe if it is like there are no other people I can be myself and just imagine it's me in the whole world rather than having a whole world on my doorstep full of people that aren't accessible to me.
Do others share this feeling of rejection by society?

---------- Post added at 12:40 ---------- Previous post was at 12:34 ----------

I am worried that when I pass no one will be at my funeral and the thought embarrasses me.

Hey,

I do feel like you. It's like wherever I go socially I just struggle to gel with people. I've always been like it really even going back to school I had a small handful of friends and we eventually drifted apart and I've been pretty lonely the last few years. I've also thought about the funeral thing funny enough.

When people ask me what I got up to at the weekends and stuff and I haven't done anything yet again I feel really embarrassed. Wish people understood me a bit better :)

There's always hope though and life can turn around.

Best wishes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Graceski

Hey,

I do feel like you. It's like wherever I go socially I just struggle to gel with people. I've always been like it really even going back to school I had a small handful of friends and we eventually drifted apart and I've been pretty lonely the last few years. I've also thought about the funeral thing funny enough.

When people ask me what I got up to at the weekends and stuff and I haven't done anything yet again I feel really embarrassed. Wish people understood me a bit better :)

There's always hope though and life can turn around.

Best wishes.

---

Hey Graceski, thanks so much for your reply, it's always nice to know others are in the same boat (not that I wish it on others!!! I'm sure there's better boats to be on, but my luxury yacht seems to have sailed off without me). I am just the same regarding school too. Have you had any thoughts or things that have helped?
Enjoy your evening, Mark.

You are not alone in your way of thinking, I feel exactly the same. Having a pet can be a great comfort, so maybe you should think about having another one now time has passed with your loss.
One thing is for sure, you are never alone on here and with like minded people.
Time can also change things and you never know who is round the corner.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Carnation

You are not alone in your way of thinking, I feel exactly the same. Having a pet can be a great comfort, so maybe you should think about having another one now time has passed with your loss.
One thing is for sure, you are never alone on here and with like minded people.
Time can also change things and you never know who is round the corner.

---

With regards to the cat situation, that is one good thing that has come into my life.
he isn't a replacement, but I love him very much :) it makes me feel good caring for him.
https://thumb.ibb.co/gSkzHf/IMG-20180524-160529.jpg

Ahhhh :) he's not camera shy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Carnation

Ahhhh :) he's not camera shy.

---

He isn't! He's even cuter in life :) he sits with me when I cry to try and cheer me up now and it helps.

I've never liked the term loner as I've always wanted to be with people at some level, but it just seems so hard to do doesn't it? I used to think about my funeral and wondered if there'd be a cut price to put me in a cheap cardboard box to be incinerated at the crematorium with no one else needing to be present as they really would have far more important things to do. They could even do it off-peak if that was cheaper. Maybe my remains would at least have some value as a fertilizer or something afterwards? Life can change unexpectedly though and mine certainly did, though things are still a struggle, only now in a new and entirely different way.

My 27 year old daughter feels as you do, Mark. She is on the high end of the autistic spectrum and has OCD, severe anxiety and depression. The few friends she had appear to have moved on and she feels very isolated and as if her best years are over..She has crippling social anxiety which torments her and holds her back in every way.

It is a very difficult situation but life has to get better for you and for everyone feeling as you do..This sounds like a platitude and something very easy to say but I appreciate how distressing it is to feel like this, Mark. You certainly aren't alone in this but that's no consolation, I know.

Thank you for both replies. I'm really sorry Pulisa to hear about your daughter, that must be very difficult for you and for her.
Tyke, yes it really does, when I look at groups of people having fun on TV or in real life look out the window it looks great but there's just so very few people I've felt capable of relaxing with.
I mull it over and I think because I have a very low opinion of myself and low self worth that others sense that and it puts them off or it makes them not feel good around me.