losing the plot

I dont know where to start but I know I need to say what I want.There is no one around for me to talk to.I did something today something bad.I havent done this type of thing for so long.I really thought the meds would save me from feeling this bad again.I whiped myself this morning because I feel so bad.I wanted some escape from the way I feel now.To feel something that might be worse than what I feel right now.
It still dosent work though.I still feel so horrible inside wish I could just fall through the ground to not of ever exisited.My husband tricks me.Says he wants to be there when I feel bad which hasnt been that much.When I do need someone he gets cross because its so much of an effort to listen.I end up getting screamed at and left feeling I have so worthless.And I always feel I have to say sorry for the way I am feeling right now.I told him I will keep it to myself coz I dont want to get shouted at.My panic does his head in I am left feeling guilty for being scared.The last time I got mentaly forced to the school to pick up my kids.I did it because I didnt want him or the people he laughed at me with to see I was a loser.
I dont have any family theres no one.I feel so alone and scared.

Hi There
Youll never be alone on this site have you been on live chat , most evenings theres loads of people to talk to they are a friendly bunch , theve help me no end. I am sorry youre not feeling good at the moment feel free to pm me any time ok also have msn if you would like to chat,
Take care Annexx

awww Happy one (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
maybe your hubby has got problems of his own and cant cope with yours. guilt is a big problem with us anxiety sufferers, but we have nothing to feel guilty about. My hubby gets mad cos he feels helpless and cant help me. i know he loves me, but its hard to see someone you love suffer and not be able to help them. M aybe he feelas guilty!

hope you feel better soon tc xxxxxxxxx

Hi there...
You are NOT a loser and you should not feel guilty for having anxiety, it is not your fault.

Sarah x