My anxiety/Health Anxiety is back with a vengence

Hello everyone I have suffered with panic attacks, depression, anxiety and health anxiety for nearly 7 years after having my son, it was first diagnosed as post natal depression when he was 5 months old after I had a major panic attack for no apparent reason, I didn't even know it was a panic attack and I ended up in A&E convinced I was about to die, from then on I suffered panic attacks every day for months and I was convinced it was some serious illness that the doctors had missed, I became very depressed and they said it was post-natal depression and they admitted me to a physciatric unit which was horrendous and was no help as I just couldn't stand being in there as it was like a prison, i had to take my baby in there with me and I had a nurse sitting outside my room 24/7 watching me as they thought I may harm my baby even though I told them I wasn't depressed about having a baby I was depressed because of my symptoms and the panic attacks etc. I only stayed 5 days and I discharged myself because I was on a ward with men and women who had really serious mental health problems and there was one man who came into my room while the nurse on guard had gone to the toilet and tried to attack me, so fearing for my life and my baby's I was discharged without ever seeing a physciatrist and just given some ant-depressants and told to go back to my GP. I saw a CPN for months which didn't really help, I never left the house for 6 months, I felt suicidal and never thought I would ever be well again. I developed major health anxiety and had so many different symptoms I thought I was about to die any day, I had various tests for various ilnesses and nothing was ever found, this went on for the next 4 years. I developed a particular obsession with my heart as I suffered from palpitations/ectopics daily, I had numerous ECG's saw a cardiologist and still nothing was found. I went from one type of medication to another for anxiety/depression and nothing seemed to work for me until I started to take venlafaxine and then my life changed. I had been drinking alcohol before this to try and cope which was such a bad thing to do as it always made the panic attacks worse the next day evnen though it eased my anxiety whilst I was drinking but when I started the venlafaxine I stopped drinking completely and I felt brilliant apart from the odd blip now and again. Even after a week I could feel the difference, then after 6 months I made the mistake of thinking I was fine and stopped the medication, I was o.k for a few weeks then the anxiety slowly started to creep up on me again so I started drinking again. I thought I was handling things and then I found out I was pregnant in August 2005 and I was completely and utterly terrified of going through post natal depression again but decided to go ahead with the pregnancy as I was told I would be closely monitored. I had a brilliant pregnancy apart from the usual morning sickness and a return of my ectopics and my son was born healthy in April 2006. I had no signs of any anxiety or depression afterwards and he has been an absolute joy but since November last year I have started to feel panicky and anxious again for no apparent reason. I have also started to worry about my health again as I have had a pain under my right rib for quite a while and I have been worried that it is something to do with my liver, I went to my GP last week who examined me and said my liver didn't feel enlarged and she sent me for a blood test for liver function etc which has come back fine,and she said my kidney function ws also fine(I have also had pains in my lower back) she is sending me for a scan just as a precaution as she said it maybe gallstones but was unlikely. Since Tuesday I have also got an itching sensation on my whole body, there is no rash but it feels like something is crawling on my skin and it's also like a prickly feeling and I am now worrying that the blood tests weren't accurate and that I have got something wrong with my liver or kidneys. The ectopics have also come back though not as bad as before. I havent't told my GP that my panic and anxiety feelings are back as I don't want her to think I am going down the same road as before and am terrified they will tell me it's PND again and cart me off to the physciatric unit again. I would be really grateful for any advice. I daren't discuss this with my partner as he has gone through all this before with me and am scared he might not cope with it again as he nearly left me at one point that is why I am typing so late at night while he is asleep I don't want him to think I am getting ill again. I am sorry it's such a long post but needed to get it off my chest. Thank you for taking the time to read this even though I have rambled and it might not make much sense and any advice will be much appreciated.
Love Lillyxx

Hi Lilly,

A big warm welcome to you. Everyone here is lovely and you will get lots of support. xxx

Hi Lilly.

Congrats for finding this wonderful place. Dont feel like your rambling, its good to get things off your chest.

I hope you get the same level of support and comfort from NMP as I have.

Best Wishes

Ross

Thanks for the replys, I have just read my post back and can't believe how much I wrote last night but felt better after getting it all out, i feel really crap this morning as I didn't get to sleep till about 2.30am and have been up with baby since 6.30am, I have so much to do today but don't know where to start, the kids are back to school tomorrow and I have to get everything sorted for them, I have been really lazy this week as the kids have been off for half term and the house is like a bomb site. I can't seem to get motivated to do anything as I just can't stop thinking about my symptoms the reasons I have them and why I feel like this again after feeling better for quite some time now and then this rears it's ugly head again. Did it ever really go away, or was it a cruel trick of the mind? Does anxiety ever leave you completely or am I destined to suffer for ever? Why has it happened again to me? Am I going mad? Oh I just don't know anymore but I do know I will fight it like I have always done, it isn't going to win again!!!

its horrid when you think that you have beaten the anx and then it comes back even worse than before. You'll find loads of help here. Everyone is great and because we have all been there we do know how you feel!

Take care! xxxxxxx

Hi and welcome to NMP Take care Dusky x

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends,

Take care

Trac xx

Hi Lilly

Welcome aboard and lovely to see you here.

You will meet some lovely caring people and gets loads of support and advice.

Have a good read of the symptoms page on the left on the screen.

Hello Lilly,

Welcome. Anxiety is not an illness it is just stress and thats it. During anxiety you should fightand not pull back. YOu will see this will helpyou enormoulsy.

You are fortunate to have many replies form other memers while IM not.


Take care

Regards

Janvi

Hello Lilly And Welcome To The Site......i Wish You Well..........linda