Agoraphobia and anxiety

I've had a couple of good(ish) weeks after having some time off work over the Easter break. Spent a lot of time with partner/family and I have managed to get out a bit and actually enjoy myself a little in the process :yesyes:

So this morning I get up for work and the anxiety hits me like a ton of bricks. I am scared to go out of the door and back into the rat race....I cannot face this on my own. I wasted 2 hours of my morning 'trying' to be positive and telling myself not to let the fear beat me....but alas, it has :mad:

I can't face the thought of stepping outside that door, I am consumed with feelings of fear, anxiety, depersonalisation, failure, etc. that I don't even recognise myself today. I have got myself so upset that I am 'trapped' here inside my world and I am a quivering wreck. Why can't I find the courage I need to get myself out? I know that by 'avoiding' I am fuelling the agoraphobia and making things worse, but I just don't have the strength to fight it today. I have let myself (and work) down and I am really upset as I had been doing quite well :weep:

Does it always have to be 2 steps forward and 4 steps back?? :shrug:

Thanks for listening.
Kitti :wacko:

Hi kitti,

Please don't be so hard on yourself and let this get you down.
It seems to me that agoraphobia in particular allows us to beat ourselves up, by telling ourselves that 'we're not brave enough' and we're 'avoiding' things.. all negative self-talk that is incorrect and unhelpful!

You haven't let yourself down at all.. You've tried and at worst have found out that it's a little soon a this moment in time. You'll get there in time.

Now is the time to be kind to yourself.. please don't see this as a failure.

PM me if you want :)

hi
Wana meet in chat room?

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Originally Posted by MrRedShirt

Hi kitti,

Please don't be so hard on yourself and let this get you down.
It seems to me that agoraphobia in particular allows us to beat ourselves up, by telling ourselves that 'we're not brave enough' and we're 'avoiding' things.. all negative self-talk that is incorrect and unhelpful!

You haven't let yourself down at all.. You've tried and at worst have found out that it's a little soon a this moment in time. You'll get there in time.

Now is the time to be kind to yourself.. please don't see this as a failure.

PM me if you want :)

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Thank you for your very kind words MrRed...you got me crying again lol. I think I need to have a good talk to myself today and look back at all the positives. I really appreciate your reply, thank you :)

---------- Post added at 12:06 ---------- Previous post was at 12:01 ----------

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Originally Posted by Stormsky

hi
Wana meet in chat room?

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Thank you Stormsky, I'm a little anxious about the chat room, not so good at that stuff :blush: and maybe not quite in the right frame of mind atm...but thank you for thinking of me and for the lovely thought. xxxx

kitti
nothing to be scared of in chat room, just like texting each other, and more instant than using posts... theres a help room, so can be just the 2 of us with no one else.. be brave and try it! you cant feel any worse, and you may even feel better for a chat, id like to help... i will be in chat room waiting !!!!!

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Originally Posted by kittikat

Thank you for your very kind words MrRed...you got me crying again lol. I think I need to have a good talk to myself today and look back at all the positives. I really appreciate your reply, thank you :)

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You're welcome :)

Just take it easy and make sure that good talk really is kind talk :)

Hi K...


May I post a poem that for me is so profound and really it says it all for me..


Never Knowing Why

The twinkling of stars on a stary night,
Gabbling of geese as they take their flight,
The passionate look from a lover’s eye,
Oh, the graceful ballet of a butterfly.

Living life on the edge, paving the way,
Facing all challenges given to us each day,
Your life on the line, to nurture not just try,
Life's exciting surprises, injects a natural high.

Though failure and sadness appear in your life;
Then unhappiness cuts you just like a knife.
"Where are all the good times," bemoans your cry;
"Is life just so hard, and then you die????!!"

Like the freshening feel of an ocean breeze,
The colours of change from Autumns trees,
And the feeling of peace as the days go by,
Life's a dazzling puzzle; we'll just never know why.

That is so beautiful DB......thank you very much.
You got me crying again :weep:
Kitti x

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Originally Posted by kittikat

You got me crying again :weep:
Kitti x

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Oh no that wasn't then intention ! :weep:

Your post could have been about me, I go through the same feelings....

But it is just as the poem says, we just sometimes don't know why these things happen... experts can have as many theories as they want, give us all the advise and meds, therapies and sessions but it's still there, we still feel how we feel and can't find an wasy way to stop it.. and it's not because we don't want to or don't try it, it's simply because we just don't know why one day you can feel fine and the next day it all comes falling down... It happens to more people than we can ever imagine, but some are just lucky enough at being more masterful at controlling it.... I can't control it well because I myself am a deep thinker, thoughtful, sensative person and I think about it too much, I analyse because I want to understand it but no matter how much I try I just don't get any further than were I was... that's probably the problem though and I should just let it be...

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Originally Posted by Deepest Blue

.... I can't control it well because I myself am a deep thinker, thoughtful, sensative person and I think about it too much, I analyse because I want to understand it but no matter how much I try I just don't get any further than were I was... that's probably the problem though and I should just let it be...

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I think that is my problem too.....Thanks again :hugs:

Sorry to hear you've had such a horrific start to the week! That's a truly horrible Monday right there. I agree you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You genuinely tried, you wanted to go, but at some point you do have to be kind to yourself and say 'okay, I've really, really tried but today it doesn't work'' Tomorrow is a new day and things might feel a whole lot different. If you were an athlete training for an event and you didn't manage to run the amount of miles you wanted to do, you'd find it easier to accept disappointment, and that you'd just had a bad day and know that next time will be different. When things don't go well for me, I try to see it like that. xx

Hiya Kitti, sorry to hear you had such a rotten time with the agoraphobia/anxiety. I can only echo what everyone else has said. Try not to be so hard on yourself. (I'm agoraphobic too and having similar "problems"). We're our worst critics aren't we!!

Wendy :hugs:

Thank you Lindy and doodah, I really appreciate your comments. I am feeling positive that I can do it tomorrow, so heres hoping lol.....

:hugs: back to you Wendy
Thanks ladies :) x

Hi hun
Sorry youve had a bad start to the day yesterday how are you doing today it horrible when you know you can do things but something inside stops you and brings on these horrible feelings it always puzzles me that one day i can do things and the next day im petrified to do anything hopefully the cbt will help conquer this and sending you lots of hugs and hope you have had a better day today :hugs:

lovely poem D B XXX

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Originally Posted by angel wings

Hi hun
Sorry youve had a bad start to the day yesterday how are you doing today it horrible when you know you can do things but something inside stops you and brings on these horrible feelings it always puzzles me that one day i can do things and the next day im petrified to do anything hopefully the cbt will help conquer this and sending you lots of hugs and hope you have had a better day today :hugs:

lovely poem D B XXX

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Hi Angel,

Thanks hun, felt better today and managed to get to work ok, although a little late lol. Yes, it is baffling how you can feel so positive some days and others you just can't do anything because of this damm anxiety!! I am still feeeling positive about the CBT but I think it will be a long hard slog!!

Hope you are having a good day :hugs:

Take care, Kitti :) xxx