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My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi guys.
First of all I would like to say sorry for not posting or replying to alot of your messages in a while.
As some of you may or may not know, I've had quite a year of anxiety and depression and my recent battle was withdrawing from diazepam.
Things have changed.
A few nights ago (I've lost count of time), I was having a bad panic attack and my dad came in but he had noticed that I'd been self harming again. It was only surface cuts but they look worse than they really are. This set him off in a bit of a rage so he started to shout at me and this made my panic attack absolutely terrible.
I screamed at him to get out and leave me alone but he continued shouting so without thinking I grabbed a pillow a threw it at him. It caused no pain or injury to him but it was the final straw. He called the police and ambulance to take me away.
Police stormed in my bedroom with tasers in their hand thinking I had a blade and not knowing what mental state I was in. I screamed at this point as I wasn't aware of their arrival. 4 police and 4 paramedic crew! The paramedics checked me over to see if my cuts needed medical attention, they clearly didn't so they wanted nothing more to do with me.
The police didn't think I was safe so they arrested me initially for breach of the peace. They told me I have to come with them to the police station.
For anyone who knows my journey over the last 6 months, knows I haven't been able to leave my bed, let alone the house. So to be arrested, put in the back of a police van and taken to a police station was absolute hell.
And it really was hell. I was in such a panic my legs could no longer hold me. I was stripped of my clothes as they were a suicide risk, put in a terrible padded jacket and shorts that stunk and shoved in a tiny cell..... for 48 hours!!
I was not allowed my medication for 6 hours. I was put in the cells at 10pm and I didn't see a doctor until 4am. I then wasn't given any diazepam until 6am. I've been trying so hard to come off diazepam but I knew the only thing to get me through such a horrible experience was lots of diazepam so I made sure I was comfortable as possible.
I am extremely claustrophobic. I don't go in lifts, I hate planes etc. A cell was always my biggest fear. It was horrible in there. I begged the officers for some reading material to keep my mind occupied. They eventually found a Rugby magazine and a Mountain Bike magazine. I hate rugby and I'm not really interesting in mountain biking but I can assure you that I read them cover to cover more than once.
The police dropped the breach of the peace charge almost instantly and I was put under a section 136. I had to wait to be seen by a psychiatrist. I eventually did see one at around 2pm on my first day, 16 hours in. They told me that a hospital was the best option for me but there are no beds in the country and I would have to wait. I said 'Please don't let me go back in that cell'. She was very apologetic and said that there was nowhere else for me to go for the time being but she would do her best to get me out.
So I had to wait another night. The second night was horrible. Night time is always bad because I knew that nothing would be done until the morning so I knew that I would be locked up again for another long stint.
It's uncomfortable to sleep in a cell with the lights on, a horrible blanket and a very thin matt for a bed.
I was kept long into the next day and night and eventually, late last night, I was finally moved to a local psychiatric hospital where I am now. I had nothing but the clothes I was arrested in for 24 hours, I hadn't washed or brushed my teeth in nearly 3 days at this point.
I was petrified when I first got here. It's a mixed sex facility with only about 16 patients. There are quite a varied mix of patients although I've spent most time in my room due to agoraphobia and anxiety.
I'm on a 15 minute watch, which means someone comes and checks on me every 15 minutes, including night time. This means they have to turn the main light on every 15 minutes so last night I got sick of that and just kept the main light on.
My dad eventually brought me some things this morning as he had too many glasses of wine last night to bother. Most things were taken off me anyway. Not allowed shoes with laces, hoodies with strings, no belt, no mobile phone or laptop charger, no deodorant spray cans, no nail clippers, no plastic bags of any kind.
I have a fairly nice room, a bit like a very cheap hotel type room with my own bathroom/wetroom type thing, and a few bits of classic NHS furniture. I also have the joys of the lovely thin bedsheets.
The staff here have all been very lovely, albeit a bit slow (this is Cornwall). I had to teach a nurse how to work out my diazepam doses as they are in liquid form, 2mg per 5ml liquid. Took her 30 minutes to work out how much liquid to draw for a 1.25mg dose! Guess my nursing degree does come in handy.
I have only seen an oncall doctor as the consultants come round during the week.
I haven't heard from my mum or my dad since this started. My friends however have been very good indeed. Three of them came to see me today and brought me some more essentials. One of them found a phone charger with a 4inch lead which I'm allowed and another brought me some roll on deodorant.
They did find it rather funny, as they arrived I was seeing a nurse so they had to wait in the main lounge with some patients. One of the patients tried to sell my friends a pouch of tobacco for £10. My friend pointed out that it says £3.50 on the packet to which the patient replied, this isn't the packet it came in.
So I'm 24 hours into my first sectioning at a mental health unit. I haven't spent a night in hospital since I was a student nurse, and that was working shifts! Before that it was when I was 5 to have grommets in my ears.
I have kept myself to myself and stayed in my room most of the time. I ventured out for lunch today but felt anxious so returned to my room. I am very anxious as I type this. Feeling very scared indeed.
I'd like to thank everyone for the messages in the past few weeks to check if I'm OK. I have not really been on this site as I have just felt like a period of no contact off anyone.
I will try to update as and when I can. At present I am using my mobile phone as a WIFI hotspot and my laptop is picking that up fairly well.
Just waiting for my dose of diazepam and then I can try and get some sleep.
All the best to everyone
Steven x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
How dreadful - well done for remaining coherent enough to tell us about it. xx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
So sorry to hear your awful ordeal Stephen.
I hope that you find some solace while you are in hospital and it is not too much for you. See it as a time to reflect and hopefully start on the road to recovery.
I have always thought that when we are in such inner turmoil, we eventually implode or explode...that was your time and now is time for you to find your way back from this.
Thinking of you and hope you get the treatment, rest and time to get yourself back together for your road to recovery.
Kitti :hugs: xx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Steven,
First of all I am so so very sorry things have got this bad for you. I am so shocked to read it! I've gone all goosey thinking about your ordeal really feel for you.
Bit shocked at your dad, I. Know he's elderly so he he was probably scared. It must of been horrendous for you hun and I can't tell you how I feel for you.
I'm glad your friends have been to see you today,and you coped with it.it must of been good to see a familiar faces.
Please take care of yourself and I really really hope when the consultant comes to see you it's the turning point for you.
Let's know how you are,when your up to it luv. So upset to hear this news xx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Steven,
Thinking of you matey - I was starting to get a bit worried. You're coping really well with a terrible situation, far better than I would, and at least you'll get some proper treatment now. Any idea when you'll be allowed home?
Don't forget you've got friends here who are looking out for you :hugs:
Keep on touch
Pip x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
So sorry to hear about your ordeal, the police bit sounds horrid. Hopefully your stay in hospital will get you the help you need. Keep strong and we're all here for you. X
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Aww Steven what and awful ordeal for you to go through. I hope that you will be able to get the help that you need in the hospital. I am pleased that your friends are visiting and supporting you and of course we are always here for you on NMP. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Oh Steve, i was getting worried about you as you hadn't posted, how disgusting the way you were treated to start with but hopefully now you will get the help you need and deserve, remember we're all here for you, sending you lots of love and hugs, keep posting when you can to let us know how you are, you have many friends who care about you on here, stay strong hun x x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
I cut a little bit as a teen, never went deep though but I get what you mean about how it looks far worse than what it is.
Ugh I've been shouted at while having a panic attack, like you did I reacted in a defensive way, not trying to harm anyone just being threatening out of "fear" in the hopes they'd leave me alone.
It's a perfectly natural reaction.
Calling the police on you over a pillow? Wow your dad seems like he has some issues.
He was 100% the aggressor in that situation.
Oh no that must have been terrifying for you, having a panic and dealing with and police :(
What you were arrested for throwing a pillow ? Having a panic attack?
If they took you to a mental hospital that I could understand as it'd be to help you and that but to lock you up in a prison cell is barbaric!
I would have lost my mind if I'd been locked up in a cell . I couldn't imagine how it must have been for you.
Wow I would file a complaint.
Locking an anxious fearful person up in a tiny cell when they also have a phobia of small spaces is torture!
It's also stressful so medically speaking that was not good either for your body.
What they can't lock up people who need mental health care in a prison because they don't have beds.
Your story is like something you'd read in the news paper ! Shocking :(
Is your dad an alcoholic? Is he abusive?
I don't know, If my family called the police for throwing a pillow and put me through that I'd never feel comfortable around them again.
If he'd called you an ambulance for the self harm well that would have been more well intentioned.
Just seems pretty cruel of him to have you arrested :(
Yeah in those mental health hospitals you're lucky to see a doctor at all from what I've heard.
Usually it's the nurses that do all the work .
I'm glad you have some friends x
I hope you get some therapy or something in there .
---------- Post added at 03:17 ---------- Previous post was at 03:16 ----------
You did really well though. You coped and you got through it.
Even though it was scary and I'm sure you're still very anxious, you're getting through it the best you can.
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
I'm so sorry to hear what you have gone through. I can't imagine the terror you must have gone through after getting arrested. Locked in a cell for all that time, it's brought tears to my eyes reading what you have gone through.
I sincerely hope you get the appropriate help and I wish you a speedy recovery xx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Steven,
Having thought about your situation a little more this morning, I can't imagine how hard it's been for you. You must have been terrified going through all that. I have no idea what I'd have done - certainly not as well as you.
I was also thinking about your dad. I'm not saying he did the right thing but it must be heartbreaking to see your child in so much pain and harming themselves. He must have been scared that you would do serious harm to yourself and I guess he just did the only thing he could think of to protect you. Someone who didn't care would just have left you alone.
See this as the lowest point from which you're going to start to recover. Try to use the time to plan your next few weeks. When you get home, take small steps towards getting some structure back into your life. A positive routine really helps, even if it's just getting up for a few hours a day, having a shower and getting dressed. If you want to chat, arrange to meet someone, either one of your local friends or a friend here in the chat room.
I know it sounds simple and I also know that it's not. I'm not pretending it will be an easy journey but you're at the start and I'd love it if you caught up with me who can see the finish line albeit up a 100ft cliff and I've lost my climbing gear. It's easier if a few of us tackle the climb together.
Take care
Pip xx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Thankyou all so much for your messages of support. You have no idea how much it meant to log back in here and see all your replies. You have all been so wonderful to me.
I just got my laptop back from the nurses office as I'm not allowed a charger in my room.
I am very very angry with my dad but I must say in his defence, he has done nothing but try his best to look after me since this all flared up again and took me into his home and fed me and cleaned for me. He's 71 years old and has heart problems himself. I think as Pip quite rightly said, it was probably just heartbreaking to see me cutting myself and lying in bed all day. My cuts are very light but they do probably look very nasty. Infact I've seen a woman in here with what seem to be cigarette burns on the back of her hand that it made me rather shocked, until I looked down at both my hands and arms which are covered in cuts.
The recent events had to happen the way they did unfortunately. I was arrested for breach of the peace purely because they can't section me in a non public place. The charge was dropped as soon as I was at the police station which then turned into the section. I have no criminal record from all of this. I was placed in a cell because I was deemed to not be safe to myself and there were no beds in the entire country available. I had a team of bed managers working constantly to try and get me a place.
That's not to say that the police experience was the most frightening thing in my entire life. Even when I was at my peak mental health, being put in a cell was such a fear of mine. I remember when I was 11, I was very foolishly caught stealing a mars bar from a local corner shop. The shop owner knew my parents and they arranged that the police come and chat to me, not to press charges but to show me what happens to criminals. They showed me a police cell and I absolutely screamed. Needless to say, I've never committed any sort of crime since.
During my time in the cell, my mind rushed back to a psychology lesson I had during my nursing training. He asked a few of us our biggest fears. Someone said 'being buried alive'. I very much related to that! The lecturer asked the student what they would do if they were buried alive. The student replied 'panic!'. The lectured said 'how long for?'. The student said 'until I'm out!'. The lecturer explained how that was impossible and our bodies simply can't produce the panic state for very long. I never really believed it until being put in the cell. Surprisingly there were moments where I was slightly more 'comfortable'. Maybe it was just the large amounts of valium I was taking.
At the moment, I don't know how long I'm in here for and what sort of treatment or help I will be getting. So far, with it being a weekend, I've had little to no contact from anyone. Just twice a day to receive my meds and be told that it's lunch time. Apparently I need to wait until tomorrow or tuesday for the ward round.
I don't want to go back home and I don't think my dad wants me back home until I'm better. He doesn't want me back home if I'm like I was which makes me rather homeless at the moment. I have no where else to live. I haven't worked this year due to my mental health and only have £1500 to my name in savings.
I have no other members of family I can live with. I guess that will all be discussed with the GP's. For now, I supposed I am happy enough to be here. I get lots of meals, there are a few lounges and an enclosed garden area and I've just been handed an Ice Cream.
All the staff have been really nice and I have 24 hour care.
I have just been in my room with the curtains drawn though, just like at home. I have been encouraged to go out with the others for my meal times which I've done but very quickly and uncomfortably.
It can be very noisy here. The patient in the room opposite mine has OCD and opens and closes his door 20 times before he walks in or out of his room, which is does alot. There are lots of alarms going off and you can hear the staff coming from miles away with their collection of keys and heavy fast walking.
I think the ward below deals with slightly more serious mental health problems. For 60% of the time I can hear very severe male screaming coming from below.
I'm fairly comfortable and as content as I was at home but with the safety net of knowing that I only need to press a button and a nurse will be in my room with diazepam or just to comfort me in seconds. I guess this is the place I need to be. I can't carry on a life of lying in bed all day anxious, feeling the need to cut myself and have suicidal thoughts. I just hope all this isn't a waste of time and I'm sent home as soon as I'm not deemed suicidal, especially as I no longer have a home.
Thanks again for all your support.
Steven x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steven
I can't believe how well you have coped with a very traumatic ordeal, I felt really upset for you reading your account.
I sincerely hope that you now get the right kind of help that you deserve. I think being where you are now will allow you some space, give your Dad a break and hopefully some sort of structure to your day. Hang on in there, you are doing great x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steve, i think you've coped amazingly with everything that you've been through, Im thinking of you, stay strong :hugs: x x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steven,
So sorry to hear of your ordeal. I can totally relate to how terrified you were of the police. I was handcuffed and taken away by the police last year as I was found in the street in a confused state, I do not remember much about it but do remember the handcuffs and being put in the back of a police van. Luckly for me I only spent a short time at the police station and was not put in a cell but taken straight to a psychiactric hospital. I was sectioned for 28 days and remained there for two and a half months. I got the therapy I needed in there as well as being put on meds and when I was finally released I found the after-care fantastic.
I do really hope that you are doing well and please try not to be scared as you are not alone. You are in the right place and I really hope you get the help you need.
Keep strong
Andrea x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Steve,
I dont know you and you dont know me but I am sending you my best wishes. I was in a psch unit in March this year and it is at first a scary place. But I knew that I needed to be there to get treatment and diagnosis. Talk to the staff as much as you can and tell them all your fears and worries and they will reassure you and help you to be diagnosed and get the right treatment.
Take care Sarah
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Steve just try and use the time that you have in hospital to really move you forward.
I know it's hard, been there myself, but do try to follow the advice of the nurses and doctors.
I know you're preferring to stay in your room, but try and just come out and chat with some of the other patients just a little.
When I've been in hospital, I found it more helpful and supportive to chat to the the other patients than I did the staff, you're all going to be sharing similar symptoms, thoughts and feelings and it's comforting to know that you're not alone.
Try to slowly and gradually get yourself a little bit involved in what is going on around you, join in the occupational therapy and everything else that is going, I hated doing that at first, could only stay in the room for about 10 minutes, but it got easier, and I started to find it helpful.
I know you feel safer in your room with your curtains pulled closed, but it's not a really positive thing to be doing, make a compromise with yourself, maybe open the curtains until lunch time, then try and extend it a little at a time.
I'm dreadfully sorry about the mayhem at the police station. This is really no way to be treating mental health patients at all.
I've just joined a panel for our local mental health service where I live. On a survey that they asked me to fill in and put my opinions on. One of the things that I highlighted was that patients that have to be sectioned and taken in as emergencies, need to be and should be, handled with the utmost care and in a gentle and calm manner.
The only time that the police should need to be involved is if the patient is a danger to others, failing that, it should be only mental health staff and social workers involved.
I'm sure that the police could really do without it too to be honest. It puts them under extreme pressure for staffing levels if they are having to look after mental health patients who are in their cells, it's just not a place that any mental health patent needs to be.
The fact that this all took place just made your admission to hospital a pretty traumatic experience, placing you under even more stress and anxiety, in my opinion, that could have all been easily avoided.
I recommended on my form, that mental health patients should be taken straight to the local mental health unit. Of course I completely understand that beds may not be available, but how about having a holding lounge where patients can be comfortable while waiting to be assessed or waiting for beds, surly that could be arranged and shouldn't need to be too expensive either, thus making it easier on the patient, the staff and the police.
When you are better Steve, perhaps you should make your feelings known about your sectioning, how it made you feel and what they could do to improve it.
I wish you all the best in your recovery :)
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Thankyou all again for your wonderful comments of support.
I just thought I would give you a quick update.
I saw my doctor today. Very nice man. The plan in place is to temporarily stop reducing my diazepam and increase my Escitalopram from 10mg (which I've been taking for nearly 4 months now) to 20mg. That's quite a big jump in my eyes as that's the equivalent of jumping from 20-40mg Citalopram as that's the equivalent dose.
I suppose I'm in the right place to do this and I have 24/7 support and plenty of benzos if I need them. I think the next couple of weeks is going to be rather nasty for me as I make this increase dose but I will try to keep my faculties and remain as calm as possible. I have constant daily monitoring which is something I wouldn't have been able to get at home.
The last 24 hours have been very lively here. Lots of alarms going off and people shouting and screaming. One girl in particular is very aggressive today. I've had my bloods done and an ECG.
Also rather embarrassingly, my nurse who woke me up this morning was a girl I used to work with in a supermarket many years back! She came in and asked if I was OK with her being there which was nice of her. I forget how small Cornwall is but as someone on here pointed out to me today, it's not as bad as seeing someone you know in a sexual health clinic.
So I'm here for quite a few weeks it seems as I'm monitored with my dosage increase. Failing that I will have to try another medication. For now, I have nowhere else to go and nothing else to be doing so I have no qualms about being in here. I just wish I could have my mobile phone lead and laptop charger in my room, as well as some earplugs at night for when it kicks off.
Thank you again for everyones support and kind words. I don't think you realise how much it means to me. I haven't had any contact from any members of my family since I was arrested although my friends have been good as gold but I have to downplay my problems to them. I just try to brush it off as a 'bit of depression and a few panic attacks'. It's lovely to be able to talk about my problems and treatments on here because I know that you all understand exactly what I'm going through.
So from the bottom of my damaged heart, Thankyou.
Steven xxx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
So sorry to hear you've had such a traumatic experience Steven, I can't believe they would lock you up in cell, you have mental ILLNESS, the clue is in illness! I appreciate there wasn't any beds but surely they should have other things in place and not just keep you locked up like that! Wow. I hope things start to improve for you now and you get the help that you need. You have done really well coping under the circumstances.
Good luck and stay strong x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Good luck with the increase hun, have been thinking of you and looking for an update from you all day, keep your positive attitude hun and you'll be better in no time :hugs: x x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steven
I can't believe what you've had to go through - a truly horrific ordeal. I hope you now get the right help and support you have been so desperately seeking, and that you come out of this experience a stronger person.
Keep fighting and take care.
Sue x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
I'm sorry you had to go through this, Steven. It must have been very scary for you. I hope you will now get the help and support you need, and I also hope your escitalopram increase goes well. :bighug1:
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
It sounds like your doctor has a good plan Steve.
Just take it each day as it comes, remember that your anxiety may go up a little when you first start the increase, but just take your diazepam and anything else on offer just to make you more comfortable during the change.
Yep! I know exactly how you feel with the screaming, shouting and kicking off, it happened quite a few times when I was in hospital and it's not nice, especially when you're feeling really anxious yourself. One really bad day that I had in there, due to another patient being very unwell, we seemed to have the whole kit and caboodle from her that day, she was moved to intensive care in the end, but I remember feeling really shell shocked and my nerves were frazzled :wacko:
It is hard if you're not allowed anything with leads and stuff, I wasn't allowed either, but when you are, get yourself some headphones, if anything kicked off, I'd be straight in my room with my headphones on.
In a way, and I know you wont agree right now, but this was probably the best thing that could have happened Steve, it brought it all to a head, you reached your crises point and now you're safe in hospital where they will get you better and back on your feet.
Only one way to go now..........and that's up :)
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Great to read your updates and from what you say, even in the face of adversity you are being as strong and as positive as you can. See that as your strength and build on it. It is a big positive in your unusual and unfamiliar new surroundings. Well done.
I wish you well in your meds increase and hope it is the best way forward for you. We are all rooting for you here Stephen, stay positive and I wish you all the best.
:bighug1: Kitti xx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steven
really pleased you seemed to like the new psych, that counts for a lot!
your coping and thinking fantastically for somebody so poorly,keep it up and on your bad days think of how you coped with this episode and that will give you hope.
could you not ask one of your friends next time they visit to get you some earplugs or be cheeky and ask one of the nurses!! all chemist sell them as there is nothing worse than noise when your trying to sleep( I have some as my partner breaths heavy and does my head in)so I understand exactly where your coming from. or if nobody manages it send for some on amazon and get them delivered to the hosp!!
As regards upping from 10mg of cipralex to 20mg I did this(was on cipralex for 4-5 years) when I was on and dont remember any really bad effects as itwas bad at the time anyway. This was before I changed venlafaxine for this current episode where the cipralex wasnt doing anything.
wishing you a speedy recovery and take care.:bighug1: x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Thanks for all the messages.
I believe if the increase in the Cipralex does nothing positive, I believe the next step is Venlafaxine which I'm rather scared about due to the side effects of missing a dose or if and when, coming off the dose. I heard it's as hard as Seroxat to stop.
I've purposely tried to stay off my laptop today so I would have some charge left on the battery for this evening and tonight. My battery died about 9pm last night and I was dreadfully bored and then anxiety set in very badly last night. I have a good few hours left on this charge, maybe enough to watch a film.
I've managed to download the Netflix app on my phone and a live TV app so as long as that's kept charged, I have that too.
I've just been given a pen which is beyond great news for me because it means I can finally do my crossword book! Never thought I would be happy to have a pen.
I think the only reason I'm not that bad is the fact that I came from 48 hours locked up in a cell with NOTHING so this really does seem good. I think if I came under good circumstances from home, I would be feel very different and be begging to go back home.
The next few hours is always the toughest for me. I find evenings from about 7pm till just before bedtime very hard indeed. I did at home too. It starts to get a bit noisey and I start to feel very agoraphobic.
I'm obviously very nervous about increasing my meds tomorrow too. I'm happy to be doing it, don't get me wrong, but obviously nervous at the same time because I know, as we ALL do on here, that a change in dose almost ALWAYS causes some sort of problem for a bit. Just going to bite the bullet and give it a go! It might be the answer to my prayers or it might be just another thing that doesn't work for me. All will be revealed in time.
Going to try and save some of my laptop battery for a bit later. I have a few films downloaded on here that I might watch tonight. Last night I watched One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest. Can anyone think of a more appropriate film for me than that??!!
Starting to get that warm anxious rush feeling in my stomach and I'm starting to nervously shake my legs up and down.
Oh for a life without illogical, irrational fear or fear!
Thanks once again for everyones kind messages and support. It means so so so much.
Steven
x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hey Steven!
Glad to hear you're doing ok and still got your sense of humour :winks:
Keep us posted!
B
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steve,
As an ex police officer I am sorry you had such a bad time in the cells. Sadly you had to be taken to a "place of safety", but trust me ALL police officers believe that it very wrong for people suffering mental health problems to be placed in cells. In Wiltshire now there is a "136 Suite" at the Psychiatric unit so what happened to you never happens again. Police take people directly to the suite.
I was recently in that very Unit and was at first terrified but like you knew it was the best place to be at that time.
I hope you feel able to engage with the staff. It helped me enormously. There will be lots of people with many different illnesses in there but you will gradually get to know the ones you feel comfortable with.
Keep posting and all at NMP will keep supporting:)
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steve, Just to let you know that you are in my thoughts. I can see from your posts that you have strength and courage there and your lovely sense of humour :) :hugs:
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steve,
Just wanted to write and say that I hope you get good care where you are and lots of support to help you move forward. I am so sorry to hear about everything you went through in the lead up to this. I truly hope you can start to move forward and feel better over the coming days and weeks. I know you are worried about where to live and things like that but take every day at a time and just relax as much as you can- I know easier said than done but hopefully you can move forward with everything when you are feeling better in yourself in time. Small steps as they say. I have a small book of inspirational quotes that I read from time to time. One of my favourites is "Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall". I think all of us using this site can relate to this from time to time and each through our journeys.
Xx Daisy
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Stephen, just for some reassurance i take venlafaxine due to other failed ADs, infact quite a few of us do on here and a few of us have lowered our dose considerably without any side effects, its a very good AD so don't be scared if you need to swap to it, we're all rooting for you hun and proud of you x x x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Thanks again for all your wonderful messages of support. It really does fill my heart with warmth. It's beyond words what it means to me.
Last night I was very very anxious indeed. Probably as close to having a panic attack without having one. When the nurse came in to give me my meds at 10pm she saw that I was very nervous and kindly just chatted with me for half an hour about my photography, my nursing degree and my tattoos. It was a lovely distraction and she made it very clear that if I just wanted a chat again, to press the button. She assured me it was absolutely no hassle whatsoever and it's what the button is for.
I can't praise all the staff highly enough here. I went to fill my waterjug up earlier and the cleaning lady saw that I was shaking. She asked me if I was cold and I said that I was just a bit nervous and she came and put an arm around me and assured me there's nothing to be nervous about. Little things like that make such a big difference to an anxious mind.
SO I took the plunge today and gobbled up 20mg Escitalopram. That's a 100% increase from the 10mg I've been taking for almost 4 months. Obviously I'm very anxious and I'm well aware of the likely hood of having a rather bumpy ride for a week or so. Just hope it's not too painful. I don't know if it's even possible for me to put up with any more anxiety but if you told me a week ago if I could survive being in a police cell for 48hours then I would of swore to you that there was no way I would ever go through anything like that.
I haven't really socialised or been out of my room much to see the other patients. There are quite a wide range of patients in here. From what I can tell, these are some of the people I've seen:
- First of all there is a woman in her late twenties who is VERY angry indeed. From what I can tell shes the cause of all the alarms going off. She screams and shouts and swears an awful lot and causes a one woman riot a few times a day. I'm rather worried about making eye contact with her.
- There is a lovely short ginger haired woman who says alot of random words and often sings. Last night whilst I was having my dinner she started singing 'Lets Talk About Sex Baby' which I couldn't help but crack a smile to. I can hear her walking outside my room now saying things such as 'Breast Stroke' 'Mops' and 'Positive Thoughts'.
- There is a transvestite in here who seems friendly. What what I can tell it's a man who is dressing like woman.
- There is an old scruffy looking homeless man who is always very pleasant to me. He is in the room opposite me, which unfortunately can be annoying as I believe he has OCD which means when he leaves or enters his room, he has to open and shut the door up to twenty times. He does this alot.
- The public telephone is outside my room too which brings us to our next patient. I've never seen him but I hear him on the phone alot. He makes phonecalls, I think they might not be real or to anyone. The conversation this morning he had went along of the lines of 'Hi! Do you remember the chinese woman YingYang? Well shes not here anymore! Gone! Don't know where! I'm going to buy her a Wok I think!'.
- There is a woman who looks a bit like John Lennon. She wanders the hall ways and is very adamant that when she leaves her room, her room is to be locked. She gets very vocal and upset if this isn't done straight away. Her right hand is covered in cigarette burns which look very painful indeed.
These are the main people I see that stand out. There are a few guys who wander around in a very heavy daze, in their late teens. They all have glazed looks on their faces. I must be the only patient in here who doesn't smoke. Everyone smells like an ashtray.
Everyone does seem nice though and I'm sure I will talk to them soon, maybe not the angry girl as she seems to kick and punch things alot. Infact as I'm typing this sentence she has just screamed at the top of her lungs a string of rather nasty expletives that I won't be repeating on here!
In a lot of ways, I sometimes feel as if I'm in a Borstal of some sort.
Time to save some laptop battery life.
I hope you all are well today. I will try and update again later on tonight as the evenings are a very bad time for me so it's good to let out my thoughts and feelings on here.
Many thanks again for all your fantastic support and messages.
Steven xxx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steveo, I just saw this and I'm so sorry to hear of things taking a turn for the worst. You've been such a lovely guy on NMP and I always identified with you because we had such a similar experience with our breakdowns. I hope you're feeling safe and looked after and that this is the turning point for you. Stay strong xxx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steve
Just to say hi and to let you know that your posts are fascinating and it is really great to hear how you are getting on, I was so scared for you when I read your first post. You are getting through this difficult time with such courage. I am guessing you are not allowed earphones for the same reasons you are not yet allowed cables for the laptop? Hopefully that will change and you will be able to listen to music or whatever when the noise gets to you.
I am sure you will meet more of your fellow patients, it is early days still. The staff seem to be really caring which I am really pleased about.
Keep posting, we are all on your side and want to know how things are going.
Karen x
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Steve your post made me chuckle....."people watching".....That's exactly what I did for the first few days in hospital.
Your posts are incredibly brave and touching. I remember when staff were kind to me (which was always) the first few times was so comforting and they will keep reminding you that you are ill and deserve to be handled with care.......
sarah
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Steven,
Great to hear from you. I reckon you're in exactly the right place to get the support you need. The staff sound really positive and supportive and I know you'll leave with a much better chance of getting back to where you were before all this happened.
I echo what Nicola says about venlafaxine. If that ends up being your next step, it's nothing to be concerned about. I've come off it twice and it's nothing compared to anxiety at its worst. The main thing is to focus on getting better - you can cross the withdrawal bridge when you come to it. For me, it's given me my life back.
I've never been in your situation so your posts are fascinating to me - it's an amazing insight into what so many people go through. Keep posting because I know a lot of us look forward to hearing from you.
Take care
Pip
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steven,
Sincerely hope your dosage increase goes ok and you don't suffer anymore as a result of it.
Your people watching observations made me laugh!
Take care xx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Thankyou all so much for the replies.
I really do hope that as well as you being able to read about my own situation, that maybe it might give an insight into what happens at a psychiatric unit.
It's also very therapeutic for me to have a place to let my thoughts out. The support I've had off every single person here has done more than you could imagine for my mood. It's so nice to know I'm not alone. None of us are. As the Band of Brothers Motto says, 'We Stand Alone, Together' and I believe that's very relevant for all of us here.
We all have our own lives and our own difference experiences with depression and/anxiety as well as the many other hundreds of conditions that come under the spectrum, and probably many of us have never even met in real life, but we are all here together which I think is incredible.
Tonight has been OK. I was very nervous at around 5pm but I think that's because I knew my friend was coming to visit me. Obviously I started the increased dose of my medication too so in the back of my mind, I'm wrongly waiting for something bad to happen. I know I shouldn't but just from past experience and common knowledge, I know that changing doses of these drugs cause small problems for a short period of time.
If you were to give me a placebo and tell me that it's a new wonder drug and would completely eliminate my anxiety but for the first week, my anxiety and depression will be excruciating, I believe we would all feel that added anxiety. Such is the nature of our illness.
My friends have been absolute diamonds. One of them rang me today and asked me what I need from Tescos. As good as gold he went and got me a few nibbles and a puzzle book. I also told him how badly I needed a hair cut and how hot I am as there is no air con here and my window opens barely an inch wide for obvious reasons so he kindly brought his hair clippers along.
It's been a while since I've had my head shaved but I feel fresh and cleaner, I also feel less hot and and at the end of the day, right now, I really don't care what I look like too much, even if I do look like a bit of an egg at the moment.
As some of you may have read, I have been spending the last few months trying to cut down on diazepam. That's been my main issue. Well that's all on hold for now and I'm giving in and taking a little bit more for the time being. There is no need for me to be suffering. I will be as sensible as possible. My main concern is getting me on an anti depressant medication at the right dose! So I took an extra 2mg this even and I feel slightly more comfortable now than I did last night. I was on the verge of having a panic attack last night. I hope this situation doesn't change!
It's been fairly quiet on the ward this evening. I think a few patients have left and a few new ones have arrived. I do hope, in the nicest way possible, that the angry girl has left. It's very anxiety provoking to have someone screaming and kicking all the time. But I feel bad saying that because she has just as much of a right to be here as I do. She might say the same about people in here who have panic attacks. Maybe I just hope she's somewhere where she can be looked after better, or somewhere that makes me less angry.
Going to have a shower to cool down a bit and also wash some of the hair off me. Nothing worse than a bed full of hair after a haircut. The poor cleaning ladies are going to scream when they look in my bin tomorrow. It looks like a dead rat in there. I can't believe how much hair I had!
I know that I have a lovely nurse on again tonight. She was the lady who chatted to me for half an hour last night when I was close to having a panic attack. She was very good at distracting me with talking about my photography job or my nursing degree and she made it VERY clear than any problems WHAT SO EVER, I am to ring the buzzer and she will come in for another chat, whatever time of night it is. That made me feel really good.
Unfortunately I have to have my laptop charger PAT tested which means I won't have it for 3 days. It's bad enough that I have to charge my laptop in the nurses office but now I won't have it at all for a while so I will try my best to preserve battery life. I will try to update using my phone which is fairly good at getting the internet and browsing web pages. I just hope they don't notice my phone charger and get that PAT tested too!! This week of all weeks I need all the distraction I can get. The hot weather isn't going to help. What a typical brit I am. I spent the entire winter moaning about how cold it is and how I can't wait for summer. Summer is here and I want the weather cooler!
Again, many many thanks for everyone who takes the time to read my story and experiences. I hope that some of you find it interesting. Prehaps if any of you have any questions about anything, then I will be more than happy to answer them. This experience is very new to me and I didn't know what to expect. Maybe some of you might consider hospitalisation in the future and be curious about some aspects of it.
I hope you all are well.
Steven xxxx
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Hi Steven I'm sorry about the admission and your hospital section.it does sound like you are in the right place and getting the help that you so badly needed. Don't try to run before you can walk. I have been an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital (well a few actually) so I hope they are treating you well. Try not to worry about the other patients. EJ
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Re: My Scary Sectioning Experience
Steven,
You're absolutely right, your posts are a real insight into what happens in a psychiatric hospital. I know to me they have always seemed like scary places where everyone is treated the same, regardless of their individual needs. Visions of the film "12 Monkeys" spring to mind, if anyone has seen that!
So it's wonderful to hear that although your experience started off a little scary, you're being loked after and the staff are caring and supportive. Im sure that all of us who are struggling with mental health issues will find it comforting to know that should we ever need the extra support of a psychiatric hospital, that we will be cared for and treated with respect. Not stuck in a straight jacket and given a lobotomy like it's still the 1950's!
Wishing you a steady recovery. We're all rooting for you fella!
B