here comes the dark

the sunlight from a beautiful crisp day is fading and as the darkness washes in i travel back to a tiny age,before i was raped,and beg creation for the comfort of not knowing what i know.this truth is like having ones soul drowned slowly in black ink.tiny,tiny moments lead to tears,such as my babba dropping a toy and crying,their utterly beautiful
innocence.i feel like i would give my life willingly to preserve this beauty
so many tears...i wish i could just come out and blurt the truth about what was done to us,the consequences,the terrible fact i live with
yes i have disclosed to the authorities,but part of me wants to scream it
from the roof tops. so many tears.OH ***********
" i have seen too much wipe away my eyes"
a hurting ade
still,evrything they got from me was raped,forced,taken
everything i get from my beloved honeys is given freely and with devotion and love .feels wierd to say,but I WIN
ade in tears xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Ade,

Remember you are not alone, you have your wonderful family look to them in the darkness for they are your light

hugs to you

Lynnann

I have sent you a PM as well hunni, please look after yourself

i was abused as a child for several years and told no one,thought it was my fault.33years later i went to police and they were great.the case went to court as my abuser tripped himself up so much in his statements.he pleaded not guilty at first and only changed his plea at last mo. it is still not talked about but like u id lov to shout from the rooftops I WAS ABUSED,r u having any conselling, hav u someone u can confide in.i think your so brave in coming forward.i admire u.

pjrobb

Hi Ade

Can only imagine how you feel and wish i could say or do more.

My daughter was involved in an abuse case when she was 3 with a work colleague. It went to court and they got time but to this day she wont talk and she is now 11. I question every day if i should pry or just pray she was one of the lucky ones that was a later date target.

Thinking about you.

Big hugs.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

Ade - Be strong hun. Got 2 remember that we are the better ones, the stronger ones. Your family loves you very much. I know it's difficult to keep your spirits up, and smile whilst inside u are crying. If I had a time machine, I would take back those painful moments for you. As I haven't got one, all I can offer is my deepest sympathy and my support. Take care.

the wound is sharp and open
leaves me alone and sleeping less every night
as the days become heavier and weighted
waiting in the cold light
a noise a scream they tear my clothes
as the figuirines tighten
spiders inside them
and dust on the lips of a vision of hell
a hundred other words blind me with my childrens purity
but i am like an old painted doll in the throes of death
"think about tomorrow"
please let me sleep as i slip down the window,a freshly killed fly
"you mean nothing,you are nothing"

i can lose myself in "chinese art " and "american girls"
all the time lose me in the dark
"BOY DO IT RIGHT"
i run into the night
i will lose the self tomorrow
a crimson pain
my heart explodes
my memories spat out of the fire
no one can listen

too many secrets too many lies leave me writhing in hatred
too many secrets
"BOY MAKE IT GOOD TONIGHT"
and the same image haunts me
a sequence of despair of time
i will never be clean again.


adapted from words by r.smith the figurehead 1982

sorry for the defeated tone
only so many nightmares
a man can take x