not feeling so good

i was doing so well untill 8 months ago long story but i need to talk to someone so here goes,

about a year and a half ago my partner best friend died and he was young and my partner started drinking heavly i kept leaving him and going back for the sake of the my kids but then in march this year he did it again and we got into a big fight and he got on top of me and tried to strangle me when he was drunk i left the kids in there bed and jumped in the car and drove to my sisters then i called the police i didnt want to press chagres just wanted my kids out the house,

the police came and took the kids and i stayed with my sister for a few nights and decided i had enough of him and i went into to homless accomadtion and im still here.

i had to give up my job and put our house on the market and sell it.

at first i was doing great then my partner gave up the drink and asked me to get back with him and i did as we have been togther 10 years i had to give it one more chance but i sayed i wouldnt stay with him untill i truested him and he was fine with it.

but in the last few months i have been feeling really bad again and i find it hard to go out again and i feel shaky alot aswell,

went back to my coucelling but i cant face going back it was so hard that i took a panic attack infont of the counceller cant face doing that again,

i dont know what has caused it to come back the doctor has signed me off from work even thoough i wasnt working.

i am also living in a homeless house which is rubbish all the people around me are either addick or have drink problems there kids are wild and i just want out here,

the council offered me a house which was the ruffest estate where is stay so i knocked it back and im going to reant a flat.

i cant seem to cope with the kids my 2 are at school but i have a 3 year old who just seems to cry alot and i feel like i cant cope but noone wants to help me there dad does keep them overnight and that gives me a break.

i feel i have let myself down as i was doing so well and i had my life back and for the first time i was enjoying life now i just dont want to get out of bed.

i am hoping once i move which hopefully is this friday i will feel better.

sorry its such a long post i just needed to vent really.

my partner is still of the drink.