convinced I'm dying

Hey guys, really struggling at the minute and have a few problems. I've tried to hold off posting my actual problems but just can't not today.
I have been taking lansoprazole 30mg once a day for the past 11 days and although they've stopped the general discomfort when eating as well as the 'acid reflux' type burping I get I often feel really weird and lightheaded on them and it's not pleasent.
Today I binged on yogurt that contains too much sugar and loads of (home made) bread and now feel really terrible. Out of breath, restless, stomach area feels funny and so does my head, and keep getting light pains around my chest and in my head. I'm so worried I'm about to die, and although have never had an allergic reaction to lansoprazole before, will have one now, or the excess food kicked it off again. I'm also worried about the effects of this drug on my body.

My right tonsil has also been larger than the left for about a year now, and I'm convinced it's getting bigger and is cancer.
I can also feel a pea shaped hard, but moveable lump under my chin that might be my lymph node but I'm convinced it's cancer too.

I know this is probably all irrational but I'm so scared. And also annoyed at myself for wasting my time being scared.
What can I do? Thanks.

Hi Alice,

One of the great things about a forum like this is that you know you're not alone. There's a great amount of support in knowing this. It's also great in that writing out your fears is cathartic. Sometimes seeing them in writing can help you to see the irrationality in them and thus overcome them.

Advice is another positive aspect but only is you act on it. It saddens me to to see so many young people struggling. Based on what I've read, you're young (in college?). Look into going to counseling. Print out some of the threads you've written and take them to the doctor. Be open and honest about your struggles. There is a way out of this. You just have to take the steps to do so and work hard.

Good luck and positive thoughts

As for your physical symptoms, have you ever had tonsillitis? I used to suffer horrifically with it and my right tonsil always bore the brunt, and as a result is now about 3 times larger than my left tonsil. It's been that way for about 10 years and I'm still standing. Tonsilar cancer is ridiculously rare, to the point that you'd be better off worrying about dying from being hit by lightning.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fishmanpa

Hi Alice,

One of the great things about a forum like this is that you know you're not alone. There's a great amount of support in knowing this. It's also great in that writing out your fears is cathartic. Sometimes seeing them in writing can help you to see the irrationality in them and thus overcome them.

Advice is another positive aspect but only is you act on it. It saddens me to to see so many young people struggling. Based on what I've read, you're young (in college?). Look into going to counseling. Print out some of the threads you've written and take them to the doctor. Be open and honest about your struggles. There is a way out of this. You just have to take the steps to do so and work hard.

Good luck and positive thoughts

---

Writing that post out did make me calmer. And I can't emphasis enough (although it might be terribly boring and feel repetitive for you to keep explaining this stuff) how much you help. I've read a lot of your posts on here and almost every single one has calmed me and made me think more rationally and like someone cares. I do try and let your, and other poeple's words sink in but for some reason there's always a doubt, a 'what if', a 'but i still feel like this'.

I have been to my university counsellor for 3 weeks (yes I'm in college, I'm 19), then she told me there's nothing else she can do and told me to book an appointment at a local paid counselling service. I tried to do this but the waiting list was long and hence they told me to call after easter for a intro session type thing in May. So there's not much I can do till then unfortunately.

I have tried so many things, but prehaps too forcefully and have come to realise that what I ultimately want is control where sometimes none can be had. It's obviously a lot more complicated then that and I think talking to a counsellor who is (and I feel really bad for saying this as I'm no genius myself) intelligent enough to not only understand health anxiety and gets where I'm coming from, but also the underlying aspects of anxiety and have an actual conversation about the possibilities of why I find life, change, uncertainty, death, and illness so difficult to come to terms with and how to distinguish where these symptoms are originating, exactly how to deal with these things, etc etc
I feel like I can easily be my own counsellor on the surface... the anxiety stems from this, and at the minute I'm feeling like this because of this and possibly this.. blah blah. And yet I still can't get over it despite trying methods of breathing, self talk, and 'floating' along with all manner of other things.
I understand this may be asking too much, and they are only human too, but I know a lot about anxiety and how to combat it and... I don't know. I'm still lost.

Regardless of my rambling, thank you once again. You're extremely kind.

---------- Post added at 17:27 ---------- Previous post was at 17:23 ----------

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gary A

As for your physical symptoms, have you ever had tonsillitis? I used to suffer horrifically with it and my right tonsil always bore the brunt, and as a result is now about 3 times larger than my left tonsil. It's been that way for about 10 years and I'm still standing. Tonsilar cancer is ridiculously rare, to the point that you'd be better off worrying about dying from being hit by lightning.

---

Never. I've been exceptionally healthy (bar the odd cold, chicken pox and a broken leg when I was 5 but that doesn't really count haha) since one year ago, apart from some slight tiredness and troubles with blood sugar before xmas last year. From age 6-18 years old I never visited a doctor. Hence part of my anxiety over this stems from the fact that I so suddenly got a barrage of symptoms that haven't gone away. I don't know, it's really confusing. I've started a daily diary of symptoms to try and get on top of them.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alice1

I've started a daily diary of symptoms to try and get on top of them.

---

Ok, just do not do that. One of the most important parts of getting over health anxiety is to NOT focus on your symptoms. If you're not only focusing on them, but also journaling them, then all you're doing is adding a constant fuel to the fire. If you focus on your symptoms then they will only get worse.

Try to think of your symptoms like a new car. If you buy a new car, all of a sudden you see it everywhere. There hasn't suddenly been an explosion of people buying these cars, it's just your brain is focusing on it.

Your symptoms are the same. If you're focusing on, say, chest pain, all of a sudden you'll feel every minor tingle and twinge your chest produces. Again, it's probably always been there, but because your mind is focussing on it you'll feel it more frequently and with more emphasis.

If you take it a step further and write down every symptom you have, then you'll simply be in an utter mess as every tingle, twinge, lump or bump can be referred to as you having felt it before and that in turn will lead you to think it's not only getting more frequent, but getting worse.

I disagree with Gary to an extent. I kept a diary of my symptoms and my diet both at the same time when I was first trying to waver the HA waters and the longer the days went on, the more I started going, "I don't know what to write about." Different things work for different people but the diary did help me! Other things that helped were completely avoiding Google and trying to test myself when it came to checking things.