New - "Severe Clinical Depression", "Anxiety", "Manic Episodes"... Im a bundle of fun

Hello all you fellow sufferers out there, I'll try not to sound too chripy as I know how irritating it is to someone on a low.
(Next part not a threat of suicide, noticed this was a no no in the t&c's - just mere fact)
But I myself last night was again indulging in my google-fest of suicide searching... got me nowhere, I'm still undecided.
Two main reasons for my hesitance;

1. My Mother. Yes how cheesy - but honestly, she's my rock. I've only seen her cry twice in my short life and it's unbearable, she's the most selfless person I've ever met. But she's not one of these overbearing mother's either, she's a strong, independent, 'takes it on the chin', 'life goes on', 'it's not the end of the world' kind of person and I just don't know how she does it.:blush:
   Moving swiftly ahead from the soppy rubbish...
2. Kevin R.I.P My cousin, about two weeks before his 25th birthday (which would have been Christmas 2009), hung himself leaving behind a gorgeous son, a mother, a father, a partner,a brother, sisters etc.
   I KNOW first hand what a suicide does to a family.

Right... don't even know why I quite went there but lets start with the basics;

• I'm 20 years old in a few weeks
• I have been treated for anxiety and depression since about the age of 12
• I have a poor health background (No seriously... my medical notes look like an encyclopedia - it's unreal)
• I have been on various medication, most recently - Prozac, Sertraline and Mirtazapine.
• I have frequent manic episodes which lead to;
  Rapid Speech
  Extensive, unnecessary vocabulary
  Risky behavior (including promiscuity...quite shameful but I don't know why at the time)
  Insomnia
  Constant thirst
  Sweating? (does that count, seems to come with the thirst:shrug:)
  etc etc.
  It basically now controls my life.

That's it in a nutshell really... what lead me here in the first place.
WHY I'm here is for information from other people on medications, talking therapies, how others cope with some of the aforementioned symptoms.

Any info on your experiences with Mirtazapine and the behavioral aspects would be great as both of these things are fairly new to me.
Or even if you just feel the same - I'd like to get as much information as possible to face this head on - something has to be done and if I don't try even a little, nothing's going to change.

Hi LucidDreamer

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

It breaks my heart to hear you say you are undecided about suicide.
I've had two young people in the recent past that I have been close with who have killed themselves and it's the saddest thing to see is how it effects the families!
My best friends son died not too long ago and his Mother is still unable to function.
She spends most of her time in bed sleeping her life away because when he died it killed part of her! It took her spirit!
My son's friend just committed suicide a couple of months ago and his family will never recover either!
Suicide is the most selfish act imaginable!
The pain that it leaves behind is intolerable and it is everlasting!

My youngest son is 20 and he has had severe health problems his whole life so I understand how debilitating that can be but hunny you have to find a way to make the best life you can with what you've been dealt and live your life!
I'm sure you will find loads of useful info and a lot of supportive new friends here!
Always remember your Mother would never get over it if you weren't in the world!!
To her you are perfect! You are a gift! You are the love of her life and part of her very soul!!!
xxx
Sandy

I'm sorry that you feel this way. It's a dark place that many of us here are familiar with, including me. But I'm glad you give reasons for wanting to continue. As you recover you should start to see many more reasons to live. You have your whole life ahead of you and there is no reason why you can't get better. Depression doesn't have to be a life sentence.

I had a brief experience with mirtazapine. If SSRIs don't help then it's an alternative that's worth trying and many people have had positive results with it here (although it did little for me unfortunately). Have a look in the medication subforum.

Welcome to NMP and I wish you all the best.

Hi,

Visit the mirtazipine threads, there you will find alot of info. I have been taking it now for 6 weeks (4 weeks 15mg then increase to 30mg last 2 weeks). I had previously taken citalopram for around 9 years on/off sucessfully but not this last time unfortunately.

It certainly helps you get a good nights sleep and increases appetite for some (it did for me at first but am o.k now).

In summary, initailly i felt very drowsy/drunk at 1st until I got used to it, it has lifted my mood, apart from 1st thing on waking I still feel horrible. It is still early days even for me as it takes a while to completely get into your system.

I am due back to work Monday so that will be my test....will keep you informed, but all in all i would certainly reccommend it and you will find alot of positives on the mirtazipine site about it, the only downfall for some is the weight gain!!!

Good luck. JO.

You found a good place to be, and to feel welcome....NMP is a great forum for people like us. I'm really sorry that you feel this way, I just recently lost a friend of mine to suicide and it rips you apart inside, ever since this happened my anxiety has been through the roof. The consequences to suicide is left to the grieving family....

I think that everyone has good days and bad days, and no matter what if you have a strong support network then you will persevere through all of this. Hang in there....:)