Scared these intrusive thoughts will never go away.

This is my first post. I was really impressed by some of the other forums I found through google and was starting to feel a little better. Then another fear/thought entered my mind.

First of all, I'm a 20 year old female. I've never been diagnosed with anxiety, depression or OCD. I do however feel like I have an anxiety problem or maybe OCD. I'm not sure.
I've had intrusive thoughts before, I think. I obsessed over the fact I thought I was dying, having a heart attack or going blind. These passed though..

The thought I'm having now, just popped up randomly in my head over a week ago and I've been obsessing over it. I obsessed over why I had it, what it means about me, if I'll act on it, etc. It's affecting me everyday.

Anyway, although this thought has been tormenting me, my fear has become that I'm not fearing it ENOUGH. I'm scared that this thought isn't disturbing me enough and that THAT is a sign that I will act on this intrusive thought.
It's also become more of a fear that this obsession will never go away, rather than fearing my actual intrusive thought..
I hope that makes sense to someone, because it's opened up a whole new realm of fear for me.

It started after I was reading another forum of someone who had an intrusive thought. Someone replied with "The fact that you're afraid of this thought proves you'll never act on it."
And then I started questioning myself and going over my intrusive thought again. Was I truly afraid of this happening?

Has this happened to anyone else?
Is this something that I should be worrying about?
Does this mean I'll act on my intrusive thought? Or become my fear?

I just feel completely helpless and scared and I just want it to stop.
I wish I could just erase this all from my mind and just go back to the way I was.

Please, someone help!

---------- Post added at 02:14 ---------- Previous post was at 02:03 ----------

I feel like I'm more scared of the consequences of ever acting on this thought, then acting on the thought itself. And that scares me more than anything.

The whole reason I didn't say what this intrusive thought was is because I'm terrified of getting in trouble :(

I am so scared of my own mind right now.

Can anyone relate to what I'm feeling right now?

For a start, you cant get into trouble for thinking, only for doing, and as long as you dont do anything you stay out of trouble. You're obviously quite unhappy and anxious for some reason and this is a perfect opportunity for your dark side to start winding you up.
I know that the health service in the US is pretty shit just now but you really need to see a MD about this. There are meds and therapy available that will gradually improve your mood, and lessen your anxiety. Once you start to feel better these dark thoughts will fade away to nothing.
Here, have a :hugs:in fact have 2:hugs:

Thank you for the hugs and advice :)
I feel a bit better today, sleep did me well I suppose.
I just don't understand where this thought came from and why I am so obsessed and concerned over it.
I am a good, kind person. I would NEVER do what these thoughts are telling me I could do, so I don't know why I get so upset.
I guess it's just the "what if" and the doubt of it. I'm afraid that there's something "bad" in my subconscious that's coming out.
No matter how much a tell myself "I would NEVER do that" there's the voice that says "Yes, you could. You never know.." and then I get scared :(
Then, I get even more scared of the possibility that this is something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life, that I'm never going to be able to get over it or forget it. That's what really scares me.

I just wish it was possible to erase memories/thoughts. *sigh*

The thought came from your subconsious mind, probably a scene from a movie or something you read.
You are indeed a good, kind person, that's why it's so terrifying. You'll get through this, but you need to talk to a professional, get some CBT or meds. It does get better:hugs:

Hi there

I have been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks on and off for four years, I have been quite bad since November last year and ended up going back on Clomipramine which helped the two other times I went on it. However this time I also suffered with intrusive thoughs, horrible thoughts like you could just disappear, the family would never care just chuck yourself off the nearest bridge or crash your car into a tree. This really scared me as it is nothing I would actually do and the more I had them the worse my panic attacks got. I stopped eating and lost loads of weight and was off work for over a month. I truly believed I was going mad, I would end up drugged up to my eyeballs, or worse even sectioned!

I luckily asked my GP to refer me for CBT therapy and wish I had done so the first time I suffered 4 years ago. They make you realise that you are not going mad, you are not going to loose control and the thoughts are just heightened by the panic/anxiety. The more you think the worse the panic and the worse the panic the more you think etc.

Anyway what really worked for me was being told the next time I get an intrusive/horrible thought I should write it down and then think about the pro's and con's. It really makes you realise that you would never consider carrying out these thoughts/they would never happen and that it would achieve nothing etc. It is quite scary putting it down on paper the first time but the intrusive thoughts have gradually reduced and now I havent had any for ages, if I do I just write it down then forget about it.

I know I have waffled on but I just want people to know what I wished I had known ages ago about this, there is help and things do get better!

Hang on in there.:hugs:
x

Thanks for that post Shelley I am currently going through this. I now hate driving cos I keep thinking what if I just crashed, every time I see a bridge what if I jumped etc etc. I don't want to die I'm scared of dying. Another thing I've obsessed about in the past! So I know I'd never do it. Plus I like my life. I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and am having CBT and taking ADs so hopefully I will be better soon.

Ive realised I'm too sensitive which is why these feelings stick in my mind so maybe I need to toughen up!

RB263 I know how you feel and it's nice to know there are others like this. It we are good people who deserve to be happy and we will be :)

Hello
These thought are awful, I have had times when due to general anxiety and being over tired I have started ruminating on things. It seems to be the things we hold most dear that causes the most anguish. I was crossing the road with my child when he was little, holding onto his hand and being really careful as you do, when out of no way the thought popped into my head, what if i suddenly lost my mind and pushed him into the road and he got run over. I could not understand this and was so distressed, its not the kind of thing you can talk to people about. Finally I had to go to the Doctors because I could not stop thinking horrible thoughts. The doctor was great, explained it was a form of OCD called ruminations, i never repeated actions oonly thoughts, that no harm would come to anyone and it would get better in time, I tried medication but it did not work for me, although it does for many people. Once I knew how common these things were I could just let thoughts come into my mind, then drift out again, trying not to latch onto them and panic. i know of a midwife who worried she would throw new born babies out of the window! (she never did of course) A person who never swore in real life who was certain he would let rip with really foul lanquage in meetings because he could not stop thinking these words in his mind all the time. a friend of a relative had to stop driving because she was certain she would run somebody over, kill them, then spent her life in prison. It is hell at the time, but it does get better and it has given me a lot more empathy with people. We never know what burdens others are struggling with. This site is great for feeling you are not alone.

This is very sukarno what I have suffered with in the past 10 months! It will pass!! I was exactly the same! So scared to think and so scared to feel emotions, questioning everything I think and feel and wondering if I was going mad!! I was obsessive with this for a while but a lot better now!!

CBT realy helps, also try Mindfulness Meditation! It's hard at first but realy realy worth a try! It helps u to see that thoughts are just thoughts and even tho they come and dare you like mad they will pass. U will learn to be less sensitive to them. I realy do recommend it.

I started with intrusive thoughs about harming myself and others then the more I read up on OCD I became aware I would never do these things because I was so upset and distressed by the thought. This did develop into WHAT IF i stop being scared of them and want to act on them, WHAT IF I become so anxious and depressed that I actually don't want to live?

These are all intrusive thoughts that will come and go. The anxiety that comes with them keeps them coming! As soon as you start to see them as just thoughts the less they will bother you.

Hope this helps.

Take care and try to say to yourself 'this is just my anxiety' it will pass.

X

---------- Post added at 15:24 ---------- Previous post was at 15:16 ----------

Sorry about the sukarno it was supposed to say similar!! Stupid predictive texts.

I did wonder what this had to do with the Indonesian President:D

Hi scared_11 I have never heard of mindfulness meditation but would like to try what is it exactly?