Anxiety is ruining my life..Is there life with it?

Everynight I get on this board and other heath boards..The anxiety has a control over me like no drug could ever.I have been a little obsessed over things in my years..mostly things that were healthy but it seems that my whole life has come to a screeching halt.I sit and read and read and read every night. I hardly leave the house anymore.My wife which normally likes solitude and staying at home wants to go out to dinner...Thats a first.Suppose she is just sick and tired of not talking about anything other than health.I used to be the one that dragged her out of the house and took her places and introduced her to new things..Now I think she is wondering who is it that I married?Her patience is wearing thin and suppose I can't blame her..I am not sure I am the same guy that married her.I used to be fun and carefree and now I can't seem to sit still to watch a movie or it takes everything I can just to watch an hour show even if its captivating..Like discovery or science or whatever.I continually check my pulse and she notices and I worry about my heart not beating properly because i was told I had a slight murmur..nothing to worry about.We were happy till I started hearing my pulse in my ear and murmur and reading everything that it could be on the internet..I have been to a doctor that has basically told me that there was nothing wrong with my heart ..slight murmur sure ,but not the kind you have to worry about.I am obsessed with it and getting a little where I don't like leaving the house..Like that is really going to make a difference if i went anywhere ...I mean to whether I am sick or not..We live in a very small place ..five minutes to the doctors office going that way on the way to town..10 minutes to the hospital and we live in the middle of nowhere although we are only five minutes from town..So it makes sense if I was out I would be safer anyway,but to tell you the truth I have lost taste for food and even being out.I wasn't like this before I started hearing my pulse..I was always wanting to go on the atv or take a ride or go to the store or movie or whatever..and she said lets stay at home and enjoy being here ..its a new house by the way being relocated from new orleans..Now we are swapped by opposite sides..I find it all mundane and can't bring myself to even want to leave the house.Thank God that we have to go get things at the market and do semi normal things or i would probably never leave the house.I just can't phatom what has happened to me.I really don't have an interest in anything anymore...It makes me so sad.I sleep alot ..because its the only freedom from worrying i have.Then I worry that I sleep to much ..I worry that my relationship is falling apart and I love my wife and don't want to lose her but I am not the only thing she has to worry about at the moment..our daughter is going through a serious illness and we live over 2000 miles from her and my wife feels helpless..so she has never been the kind that anyone can cry to..I try not to tell her what I worry about but I am so worried..I didn't know I had a heart murmur and it bothers me I can hear it..The doctor said that I was ok..and stressed out and put me on zoloft which im not sure is starting to work..but set me up with a ent that is suppose to check my ears to see if I have need tubes for the drainage.I feel with everything I am that the doctor was right with her dianosis..but there is that ache of doupt that presses me to not do anything anymore..I feel safest when I am on the bed just checking and reading about symptoms...I don't want to do this anymore.I want my life back so bad..but it seems I cant break this addiction to obsession.My wife doesn't think there is anything wrong with me ,she was there when the doctor told me that everything was fine..She(my wife) is a worrier herself but when she isn't worried then I should know that im fine..I just can't shake it and make myself snap out of it.There was a time when I wasn't afraid of anything and my nerves were made out of steel and nothing bothered me,,but now I feel like a wimp and

I can relate to everything you metioned here 100%. I am a female, so Im worried about my husband leaving me, as he has the same reactions to my problems as your wife, and as you said I am afraid to live most of all. Many times I find myself thinking, Im only 26 now, still young so I have countless years ahead of me to worry about a million things until I reach a good ols age :(
Unfortunately I do not have the answers either, but I wish just as much as you do that someone had.
Take care you are not alone! xxx

"Our thinking creates problems that the same type of thinking will not solve" Albert Einstein

At least you have a friend here.Maybe you are feeling insecure about your relationship as I am .I don't know because you didn't really go into it.Maybe we will both find the way...Im am 52 now.When I was 23 I had to he hopitalised with black outs .They found out that I was dehydrated and was having major organ shutdown.They also found it was affecting my heart which by the way I had Rheumatic fever as a baby which caused some defect that they said was not life threatening and put me on beta blockers so that I wouldn't have tachocardia most of my life.I developed anxiety so severly they sent me to a phycologist.My spelling isn't so good but at the time ,not that much was known about anxiety or depression so it was hit or miss.I have read that more people your age gets it than my age,but I was hoping for another 20 years at least...But to say the least I was 23 at the time.I felt even more frustrated and terrified then than I do now.After a period of time I just refused to let it interfere in my life anymore and decided whatever was going to happen let it happen,but at that time I wasn't older and the chances of me having a really bad heart were few and far inbetween.I worry now because at this age you want ot just settle back and enjoy the fruits of your labor so to speak,and you don't want to be sick and die before you get a little refund on your investment in children and working all those years.It seemed easier then because my mind was logical ..I would go for a check up and the doctors would say why are you here..? You are too young for heart issues..and just kind of snicker..i took that as a good sign but now with all the tv ads telling you that everything you do you are at higher risk with heart attack and stroke its hard to watch the tv or read the news.To make it even worse my brother died of a massive cornary at 44 ..I have outlived him but they say that he had a hidden problem.My parents were both in the late seventies when they died and both had minor heart problems ..the usuall ones in their late sixties.,but this stupid murmur and hearing my pulse worries me..Hopefully its just tube blockage like the doctor says...I am betting my life on it but still makes me obsessive.I guess I couldn't blame my wife if she did get rid of me but well..I suppose she thinks of the times I consuled her,but thats no guarentee.I will keep you in my heart and if you want to talk to me just pm me and Ill be glad to keep chatting with you .I wish with all my heart I had a plan for everyone here and all over the world to take it away..Its horrible to live with this and yes I can feel your pain...But I can tell you that im here..and keep your chin up..and yes you do have alot of years ahead of you so don't give up..As for me who knows..maybe I do have years ahead of me but I don't want to spend them worrying about dying but at least I have had time on this earth and done more than I ever dreamed of doing...so if its my time I suppose I would have to say ,I had a good life,but you dont let it go so easy..Fight ,Fight and go screaming into the night..Don't let things slip away from you that easy..And yes you will and do have many years ahead of you ..You will pull out of it and I will to..Just keep the faith...You got a friend....



[quote]<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I can relate to everything you metioned here 100%. I am a female, so Im worried about my husband leaving me, as he has the same reactions to my problems as your wife, and as you said I am afraid to live most of all. Many times I find myself thinking, Im only 26 now, still young so I have countless years ahead of me to worry about a million things until I reach a good ols age :(
Unfortunately I do not have the answers either, but I wish just as much as you do that someone had.
Take care you are not alone! xxx

"Our thinking creates problems that the same type of thinking will not solve" Albert Einstei

Listen buddy, I'm not a doctor but I've been where you are now. The doc says it's nothing to worry about so you've got to believe her. There is no worthwhile alternative. There is no life for you or your wife until you accept that you are fine and that you have a lot to look forward to in life - but you need to start to relax again.

A lot of what you describe is more to do with anxiety and depression rather than the 'faint murmur' which the doc says you don't need to worry about. You've rejected what the health professional is saying and you've diagnosed yourself with a fatal heart disease instead (...and one or two of us here have done similar over the years!). Don't you think they'd have you in hospital monitoring your heart if they thought there was even a small chance that your ticker was going to pack in?

Are you saying that as far as you are concerned you have lived your life and you are just waiting for the lights to go out? At 52 years of age!?!?!?!?

Come on, man. You must have at least 30 years left. Don't waste it. Why don't you bring your wife out for a nice meal or something and plan next year's dream holiday. You owe it to yourself and your wife.

E


Keep On Keepin On

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Me, and many others on this board, have felt like this. I was told I had an irregular heartbeat but nothing to worry about two years ago. Like all of us here, I don't hear the "nothing to worry about" bit, I just get obsessed by the heart bit. I spent about 3 months on the sofa paralysed with anxiety. I was starting to get agoraphobic. Had an ECG - result ok, so fine for a bit, then anxiety creeps back. I am a lot better now - still have a slight tremour all the time, mildly anxious at times, but a lot better. I'm getting there.

As Sheik says, if you had any sign of a real heart problem your doc would send you off for more tests. I can see now that my anxiety wasn't just about my heart - it was also related to my mum's death at 66 from a heart attack, job stress, and a road accident we had. Your anxiety must surely be related to your family health problems and your previous ones.

Get yourself Claire Weekes book, "Self Help for Your Nerves", start going for a walk with your wife - just a few minutes to start with. Stop reading stuff on the internet. Don't give up, everyone here has felt exactly the same at some point, you are just going through a particularly tough spell. Take care.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw...Go.x=5&Go.y=12

or UK folks:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_...o.x=14&Go.y=12

I wanted to thank the two of you for your comments..Sometimes it takes someone you don't know to put you straight.I was in a simular situtation when I was 23 and had every test known to man..and they found nothing but tachocardia and its was not a problem after they put me on beta blockers...But I still couldn't face the fact that there wasn't something wrong with me.I went to a phycologist..forgive my spelling here and he talk to me and wanted to know my issues.I told him that I was scared i was dying...he said..people die everyday..matter of factly ...He had a real dry humor about him..He said get up and exercise ,take a walk get out.I told him ..What if I do and I pass out.He said so.. someone wil find you ..and then he looked at me as to say so whats the problem.Then i got the courage to say ..What if I die. And the next thing he said was "SO"..what if you do.It shocked me into reality and I had to say it was eye opening..I had never had anyone talk to me like that. I do understand what you are saying about if they thought something was wrong I would be in a hospital for monitoring..and I believe you ..In my heart I feel that she is very capable .She has had three tours of Iraq with guys dying in her arms and I think that she might be able to determine if there was a problem.I really do..There are guys over there that depended on her for life and death..so why can't I ..I also think that you are right about taking the wife out for a walk and dinner.Guess since we moved away from New Orleans I have turned into a bit of a wimp.Its just this pounding in my skull that reminds me everyday that something could be wrong,but I feel like if there was ..she wouldn't have let me walk out of that office that easy and setting an appointment up with an ent in weeks instead of right then or sending me down to the hospital to check in.I feel fairly confident to say that I am intelligent enough to reason that im alright ,but sometimes a little too much information is a terrible thing..With intelligence comes imagination and it works both ways ..for good and for evil.Please don't think I am blowing my own horn here about being intelligent..I just mean that God gave me a mind to reason about things like this and I think the right side has declared war on the left.Where as my imagination has my logic down for the last count.I thank you and the other person that commented.Like I said sometimes its like you need someone to say .."Hey get off your duff and forget about you" and get out and get on with your life.I really do appreciate your statements and intend to fight this and get on with my life.As a matter of fact I have been busy already all day long and put the attitude in my mind that hey ..Its all in my head.. So what if I hear my pulse and murmur the rest of my life.Its all over the internet where people have heard theres for years at a time..One guy even said he had heard his for over thirty years and for other people to just grin and bear it and get used to it and get on with their lives...So here I go..Wish me luck and thank you and the others that have commented.I didn't mean to have a pity party for myself but sometimes when you are new to somewhere and you feel alone things are a little more harder to deal with than if you are in familar surroundings..You all have made a difference ..and I will put those doubts out of my mind as much as I can and get on with my life..It worked on time 29 years ago..so it can work again..Thanks..






[quote]<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Listen buddy, I'm not a doctor but I've been where you are now. The doc says it's nothing to worry about so you've got to believe her. There is no worthwhile alternative. There is no life for you or your wife until you accept that you are fine and that you have a lot to look forward to in life - but you need to start to relax again.

A lot of what you describe is more to do with anxie