I'm 30 stuck In life feel I'll never be happy

I feel stuck and depressed.Since I was 17 I've had OCD,social anxiety,and I haven't lived since. I have no friends never had a boyfriend I live with my family still but that ok. I haven't been able to work I barely leave the house cause of my social anxiety. I've been on many meds none worked and I finally found a good therapist I like but don't feel I'm getting better. I didn't realize till I turned 30 that life is passing me by and I'm afraid. I'm afraid to do the things adults do I don't know how to move on. I spend my days crying thinking of the past when I was happy. I hate feeling like this I want to have a life but at same time I'm afraid have no idea where to begin. I hate my age I see nothing but hopelessness and losing people I care about dying looking old before I could find someone and have a family. I don't think I'll ever be happy again. I feel I have time table of when I hve to find someone and have kids before I'm old. I thinking about age all the time my therapist said I'm fixated on my age. I'm sorry if I'm rambling on but I'm typing out how I feel and I'm stuck I miss the past so much I miss being young and don't know what to do. No one understands what this is like. Anyone that could help I'm lost I don't know what to do

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Originally Posted by scaredgirl86

I feel stuck and depressed.Since I was 17 I've had OCD,social anxiety,and I haven't lived since. I have no friends never had a boyfriend I live with my family still but that ok. I haven't been able to work I barely leave the house cause of my social anxiety. I've been on many meds none worked and I finally found a good therapist I like but don't feel I'm getting better. I didn't realize till I turned 30 that life is passing me by and I'm afraid. I'm afraid to do the things adults do I don't know how to move on. I spend my days crying thinking of the past when I was happy. I hate feeling like this I want to have a life but at same time I'm afraid have no idea where to begin. I hate my age I see nothing but hopelessness and losing people I care about dying looking old before I could find someone and have a family. I don't think I'll ever be happy again. I feel I have time table of when I hve to find someone and have kids before I'm old. I thinking about age all the time my therapist said I'm fixated on my age. I'm sorry if I'm rambling on but I'm typing out how I feel and I'm stuck I miss the past so much I miss being young and don't know what to do. No one understands what this is like. Anyone that could help I'm lost I don't know what to do

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Therapist should have explained that anxiety only comes from the past or the future so that would explain why you have duck a high level at the moment.....

We should look at the past as memories not as things we should have changed as we should look at the future as goals and plans rather than doubts and misbeliefs


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Originally Posted by much_ado

A good way to look at it Benjammin69. I am currently trying to see things in a more productive way and your words are very helpful.

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No problem. Sometimes it's about just learning to think different rather than feel different if we look at the ACT therapy thought cycle - thoughts before feelings before actions. Which means thoughts make feelings which make actions... but it doesn't need to be like that.. many anxiety/depressive sufferers wake up and automatically ask ' how do I feel' ... well your basically asking ' what's wrong with me today' ... rather than doing that ask ' what am I going to achieve today'....


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In todays society I don't think anyone should have to feel alone forever even when they suffer from anxiety because there are so many ways of reaching out and getting to know people without putting yourself in a position where anxiety makes you too uncomfortable.

Don't suffer alone. There Are people out there who will love you for Who you are regardless of what you think or feel about yourself so don't allow someone special to hide themselves away and therefore deny others the privilege and pleasure of getting to know you.

Years ago I was with a group of anxiety sufferers. One of the girls was in tears and I felt I had to do something to try and make a smile so I wrote her a poem and handed it to her. As she read, she started crying again and I thought, oh no, I've just made things worse but then she looked up at me and told me no one had ever written a poem for her before and that she loved it.

This poem is for you in the hope it might help you smile too.

Nature and Thee


Gazing into a moonlit pool reflecting the stars that sparkle above,
Listening to the dawn chorus of singing birds of larks and doves,
Watching the glowing sun slowly rise in a warm red haze,
As the lands all around greets the heat of it’s widening rays,
The roses in bud open their petals to reveal their beauty within,
With their soft satin petals and the sweet perfume they bring,
To the bees that surround, attracted to the finest in nature,
Caressing and smoothing the nectar provided for their leisure,
The day has dawned and the world is full of lifes pure beauty,
But of all natures wonders, there is nothing compares with thee.

Just found the poem I wrote for that girl that I've mentioned above. This was it...I hope she's happy wherever she is. I'll never forget her.

Solitude

She wore a green dress and her eyes were blue,
Someone would speak but she knew not who,
For her mind was confused in a hazy hue,
Like looking through droplets of a morning dew,

Images would appear, strange thoughts would flow,
From where they came she did not know,
She wished she could think clear as a winters snow,
But all she could feel was a constant low,

No one would listen, no one knew how,
But she needed help and she needed it now!
She was in such turmoil and surrounded by fear,
She was afraid to talk, for what people might think,
And her eyes would shed a lonely tear,

But help Was there,
Though she knew not from where,
She talked, they listened, they cared,
They were the only ones who understood and dared!

I've been getting better but out of nowhere get this depressed feeling and I feel lost and that there's nothing to look forward to. I'm working on getting rid of my anxieties but I feel they I missed out on the fun years and I'm tired of it. I want to make up for all the time I missed now that I'm getting help I don't want to worry or miss the past anymore but I don't know what to do I feel depressed out of nowhere

Hey scaredgirl,

I think it's brave of you to post your feelings here, first of all, and please know that we all understand what you've said. It's very common in anxiety and depression sufferers to regret years 'lost' to the disease, and to worry that we'll never get to our happy place. I myself feel like that all the time.

I think what you need to do is recognise that what you have is a legitimate illness. There is no moral component, you haven't 'let yourself down' by staying home with your parents - you did the best you could and if you had been stuck in another type of disabling situation, you wouldn't be beating yourself up for 'the lost years'! That said, it is great that you are feeling better - I think what people often don't understand is that it's a rocky cliff with lots of slips and relapses along the way, so it's understandable that you will still have low days as you move towards health. These are nothing to be frightened of: simply say to yourself that you have good days and bad days as any non-anxiety sufferer would have, and this is normal.

As to your fear of not meeting somebody and moving towards your own life, I want to say to you that there are all sorts of life out there which will make you happy. In the unlikely event you don't meet Mr/Ms Right, you can still be fulfilled. I have a great friend who got divorced at 40 - no kids - she has a very good job that she loves, a garden, cats and is happy as Larry. I have another friend who has been single for her whole life and is the most cultured, interesting and satisfied person I know. We are filled up with other people's ideas of what constitutes a good life, and some of them don't apply to us. The reality is that lots of scenarios will make us happy, not just one, and we adapt to the circumstances we find ourselves in.

All that being said (sorry, I've written one of my 'essays'!) - if what you would like is to meet someone, I think the way to do that is to take very small steps, so you don't lose your confidence along the way. Could you build up to going to a Meetup group? Or perhaps there is an anxiety support group in your area, which would give you some social contact? Is there something you've always wanted to try (archery, learning to make films, abseiling?) that you haven't yet? You could make a plan with your therapist to do one thing each month which might move you closer to your goal. There is no clock on this; you can do things at your own pace.

Good luck and sorry for the wall of text! x

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Originally Posted by Benjammin69

Therapist should have explained that anxiety only comes from the past or the future so that would explain why you have duck a high level at the moment.....

We should look at the past as memories not as things we should have changed as we should look at the future as goals and plans rather than doubts and misbeliefs


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So true :)