Is boredom making me feel low/depressed?

I've had a bit of an epiphany today!

Bit of background info - I've suffered from SAD since my early teens but I've slowly got better to the point social situations don't bring me much anxiety now, I actually look forward to them. A way in which I coped during the bad years was from Maladaptive Daydreaming (I started a thread on this a while ago). I got my first job last May & was enjoying it & the social stuff that that brings - friendship especially. I've been having driving lessons for over a year but unfortunately I failed my first test last November & I've been reluctant to book a 2nd one.

But over the last 4-5 months I've been feeling low, which I think was triggered by very low iron levels I didn't know I had. I was just so tired ALL THE TIME & I kept getting viruses & colds over the Autumn & Winter. I just felt burnt out & I actually fainted at work in early Nov. I started feeling anxious again. I kept having severe bouts of nausea & lightheadedness.

It all came to a head 5 weeks ago... I had a really good day out with 2 work friends but when I came home I felt nauseous & lightheaded again & that progressed to me having a horrid panic attack about 3am in the morning. I hadn't had one in so long that I actually didn't know what the heck it was! It took me a couple of days to realise. By this point my anxiety had come back full throttle - I thought I was losing my mind. I started having obsessional/intrusive thoughts that just caused my anxiety to be even worse. I then realised just how bored I am with my life, my social life hadn't really picked up the way I hoped it would & my life was kinda just passing me by. & I've been freaking out about this ever since. I'm okay once I'm outside in fresh air & with people doing social things (apart from when my obsessive thoughts hit me suddenly & completely ruin it for me) but as soon as I'm home I feel a massive sense of loneliness or boredom. I think it is actually boredom but my anxiety is making me believe it's loneliness. On my days off from work I dread it, what I used to do on my days off before 5 weeks ago I can no longer seem to enjoy as I'm very aware that these are 'distractions' now. It's frustrating me so much!

I've been feeling low on & off all week due to my anxiety obsessing over the thought of being lonely or bored. Everything I see & do I associate with being lonely & it's really bothering me. I can't seem to get out of this negative thinking cycle. I'm also suffering from Anticipatory Anxiety.. Getting anxious of the idea of being anxious. My mind feels like a ball of string & I'm desperately trying to link all these ends together... My mind feels like a mess! :wacko:

My mind is trying to convince me that I've always had depression but I'm not so sure deep down... Social Anxiety used to make me not enjoy social situations & now when I'm in one I do generally enjoy myself (apart from the anxiety) but as soon as I come home BAM I start to feel low & lost. I've also been feeling emotional on & off.

I do seem to be struggling to motivate myself which isn't helping.. I just feel so tired (I'm now taking iron pills 2-3 times a day) & I'm scared to do anything incase it triggers an intrusive thought & ruins it. It's a lovely sunny day outside & I feel rubbish at the fact I'm indoors, doing nothing feeling tired & sickly. :/

So I'm not sure whether it is true depression or whether it's just my anxiety that's made me aware of these issues & the fact I'm actually now very aware of how bored I am.. ?

xx