My Citlopram Diary

Hi I am new to the group and have found the reading others experiences incredibly helpful and would like to share my ongoing experience (6 days in so far)

//Me
After a particularly soul destroying relationship break up I decided to seek medical help and was subsequently prescribed Citalopram @ 20mg p/d. I have never previously used any anti-depressants but concerned with my own mental well-being decided to give them a go. I have suffered from anxiety episodes,panic attacks and bouts of depression all my life but never sort proper professional help and had tended to use herbal remedies,valium, alcohol & illegals for the bad moments. I have always been a incredibly anxious, emotionally fragile and emotionally sensitive being and suffered from social disfunction, I know some of the reasons as to why but don't like to bring them to the surface. The last few weeks triggered something deeper and I wanted help.

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Day 1
I was fortunate enough to have a very close friend who accompanied me to the clinic that day and revealed that he had previously been prescribed the drug and found it very unpleasant over the first few weeks and switched to an alternative. This made be very dubious when I was myself prescribed Citalopram that day and made me what to research further.

The first pill:I took my first dose at around 2pm on the first day on more or less empty stomach after having days of going without food. The supplied instructions for the drug stated that the majority of users do not feel its effects for 2-4 weeks. Honestly I felt the drugs affects within 15 minutes (placebo?); my heart began to beat out of my chest, heat sweats and severely heightened anxiety. After around 30 minutes I felt horribly confused and on the verge of a panic attack feeling completely disconnected between conscious and physical body. The events of the day did not help the situation but I was shocked as to how quickly and powerfully the drug affected me. I could only compare the feeling to a bad (e) pill...

Again I was lucky enough to be with my close friend who knowing me well took control. Within a few hours the initial horror wore off, however this was followed by nausea and diarrhea, this mostly likely due to the lack of any nutrition in previous days but all the same was very unpleasant. That evening I went out and had several drinks which helped to take the edge off the anxiety that the drug seems to induce. Late in the evening I felt relatively good. I could feel the chemicals reacting in my brain silencing some of the chatter. I was happy with the way I felt and attempted to sleep that evening, initially managing to doze off but immediately slipping into terrible nightmares. I awoke with incredible tension, gurns of the jaw and horrible paranoia and only managed around an hour of so’s sleep on day 1.

Day 2
Day begins feeling more depressed than previous few days, absolutely no appetite,diarrhea and gut pains. Within a few hours of the day I could few the drug firing again and had my head beginning to feel very heavy like a moderate hangover this progressed into a bizarre dreaminess feeling and complete loss of concentration and physical sedation. I had several crying fits that day that felt more chemical than pain or emotion. Again I decided to drink that evening, and really felt that the alcohol took the edge off the drug, i’m sure this is probably not advisable but it seemed to help for me. When sleep time came I couldn’t bear the torment of being alone with my own feelings and dark thoughts and decided to take a sleeping pill. Out cold within 20 minutes!

Day 3
Awoke after the first good sleep in a long time and no nightmares, very very groggy but put that down to the sleeping pill. First hour or two of the day as painful as ever, anxious, depressed and generally feeling low. This seemed to change in the next few hours, I still have the same heavy relentless heavy head that I’ve been experiencing since day 1 but I feel much more calm, calm enough even to have something to eat, for the first time in too long. Although I still feel sedated I can focus enough, enough to begin writing this diary. I still have bad thoughts in the back of my mind but they feel like they are being squashed enough that they won’t explode into irrationally madness as before. My body feels a little better, although I have been smoking far more than I normally do. Well this is where I am now and I hope that things continue to improve and the pleasantness that I am feeling now is not just the mix of sleeping pills. Roll on Day 4............

Day 4
Made the mistake of drinking far too much alcohol on the previous evening and although had a pleasent time with friends when bed beckoned I could not face the chatter in my mind or the loneliness and took a a double dose of sleeping pills.The day was painful, emotional and horribly real. Headaches still, chatter still & still not sleeping without additional aids.

Day 5
No energy, very groggy. I have been taking my pill evening time (around 5-8) and by morning feel empty, however I have noticed that it feels like the drug starts to flow again within a number of hrs of waking? No idea if this is just my brain waking up of if there is some science involved. I have completely lost my appetite, starving but impossible to put something in my mouth and find smoking is the only means of keeping the feeling away. Scared to be alone (i live alone) and relying on friends keeping me company in the evenings. Scared of my bed i find i need the television on constantly to suppress the chatter.

Day 6 (Today)
Again the morning not pleasant however feeling slightly improved within the first few hrs of the day. I have found that when I wake, it is sudden no gradual waking process, almost a leap from the subconscious. I'm back at work after being off sick, but have very little concentration and being having emotional and anxiety flutters (so far i have been able to control these) but it scares me as they feel very odd and different to panics i have had in the past. I then discovered the Citalopram survival guide and I cant express how insightful and useful it was to me, although I know its still early days it is nice to know that it isn't just me and others are sharing the same experiences. I have never been one to write, or discuss myself but I have read so many others stories and it has urged me to do the same as I don't feel so alone. Its time for my next dose now, so guess i'll have to see how it goes. This might be no use to anyone but myself, but its therapeutic.....

Hi I am new to the group and have found the reading others experiences incredibly helpful and would like to share my ongoing experience (6 days in so far)

//Me
After a particularly soul destroying relationship break up I decided to seek medical help and was subsequently prescribed Citalopram @ 20mg p/d. I have never previously used any anti-depressants but concerned with my own mental well-being decided to give them a go. I have suffered from anxiety episodes,panic attacks and bouts of depression all my life but never sort proper professional help and had tended to use herbal remedies,valium, alcohol & illegals for the bad moments. I have always been a incredibly anxious, emotionally fragile and emotionally sensitive being and suffered from social disfunction, I know some of the reasons as to why but don't like to bring them to the surface. The last few weeks triggered something deeper and I wanted help.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 1
I was fortunate enough to have a very close friend who accompanied me to the clinic that day and revealed that he had previously been prescribed the drug and found it very unpleasant over the first few weeks and switched to an alternative. This made be very dubious when I was myself prescribed Citalopram that day and made me what to research further.

The first pill:I took my first dose at around 2pm on the first day on more or less empty stomach after having days of going without food. The supplied instructions for the drug stated that the majority of users do not feel its effects for 2-4 weeks. Honestly I felt the drugs affects within 15 minutes (placebo?); my heart began to beat out of my chest, heat sweats and severely heightened anxiety. After around 30 minutes I felt horribly confused and on the verge of a panic attack feeling completely disconnected between conscious and physical body. The events of the day did not help the situation but I was shocked as to how quickly and powerfully the drug affected me. I could only compare the feeling to a bad (e) pill...

Again I was lucky enough to be with my close friend who knowing me well took control. Within a few hours the initial horror wore off, however this was followed by nausea and diarrhea, this mostly likely due to the lack of any nutrition in previous days but all the same was very unpleasant. That evening I went out and had several drinks which helped to take the edge off the anxiety that the drug seems to induce. Late in the evening I felt relatively good. I could feel the chemicals reacting in my brain silencing some of the chatter. I was happy with the way I felt and attempted to sleep that evening, initially managing to doze off but immediately slipping into terrible nightmares. I awoke with incredible tension, gurns of the jaw and horrible paranoia and only managed around an hour of so’s sleep on day 1.

Day 2
Day begins feeling more depressed than previous few days, absolutely no appetite,diarrhea and gut pains. Within a few hours of the day I could few the drug firing again and had my head beginning to feel very heavy like a moderate hangover this progressed into a bizarre dreaminess feeling and complete loss of concentration and physical sedation. I had several crying fits that day that felt more chemical than pain or emotion. Again I decided to drink that evening, and really felt that the alcohol took the edge off the drug, i’m sure this is probably not advisable but it seemed to help for me. When sleep time came I couldn’t bear the torment of being alone with my own feelings and dark thoughts and decided to take a sleeping pill. Out cold within 20 minutes!

Day 3
Awoke after the first good sleep in a long time and no nightmares, very very groggy but put that down to the sleeping pill. First hour or two of the day as painful as ever, anxious, depressed and generally feeling low. This seemed to change in the next few hours, I still have the same heavy relentless heavy head that I’ve been experiencing since day 1 but I feel much more calm, calm enough even to have something to eat, for the first time in too long. Although I still feel sedated I can focus enough, enough to begin writing this diary. I still have bad thoughts in the back of my mind but they feel like they are being squashed enough that they won’t explode into irrationally madness as before. My body feels a little better, although I have been smoking far more than I normally do. Well this is where I am now and I hope that things continue to improve and the pleasantness that I am feeling now is not just the mix of sleeping pills. Roll on Day 4............

Day 4
Made the mistake of drinking far too much alcohol on the previous evening and although had a pleasent time with friends when bed beckoned I could not face the chatter in my mind or the loneliness and took a a double dose of sleeping pills.The day was painful, emotional and horribly real. Headaches still, chatter still & still not sleeping without additional aids.

Day 5
No energy, very groggy. I have been taking my pill evening time (around 5-8) and by morning feel empty, however I have noticed that it feels like the drug starts to flow again within a number of hrs of waking? No idea if this is just my brain waking up of if there is some science involved. I have completely lost my appetite, starving but impossible to put something in my mouth and find smoking is the only means of keeping the feeling away. Scared to be alone (i live alone) and relying on friends keeping me company in the evenings. Scared of my bed i find i need the television on constantly to suppress the chatter.

Day 7 (Today)
Feeling much more relaxed today, hope the feeling lasts, have been supplementing my morning with Inositol and seems to help take the edge of...