Anxiety, intrusive thoughts and OCD

Ive always been a worrier, but about 5 months ago i started getting really bad OCD thoughts. The first one i got was that i didnt love my boyfriend, and however hard i tried to get the thought out of my head, it wouldnt go. It sent me into depression where i was crying every day for about 2 weeks. Every time i picked up my phone to text him, i would think, what if i typed something like, your dumped, or said something horrible. Or if im with him, i could think, what if i dumped him now. And i cant enjoy spending him with him with these thoughts constantly going round in my head. Since then i've had so many thoughts such as: Killing my boyfriend and family, Fancying other people including my bf's best friend, horrible sexual thoughts about my dad. They all bother me ALOT because i love my boyfriend, but i feel like i cant love him, because these thoughts are CONSTANTLY in my head, and i can never get rid of them. I am bisexual, and my thought at the moment is that i might be gay. And it really gets to me, because i do find girls attractive, so i cant dismiss not liking them, but i fancy guys aswell. I know im not gay, but i cannot get thoughts out of my head, and i have OCD all the time about everything, my mind will tell me to do something, and i will have to do it. Such as i'll have to put something in a certain place, and do things in a certain way. Im seeing a counciller at the moment, and seeing a phyciatrist soon, but i feel like i cannot live with these thoughts. They are taking over my life, and i cant be happy.Please help me.

Hi Molly. Have a read of this article and see if it relates: http://www.ocdonline.com/Rethinkingtheunthinkable.php

Awesome!! I read that article and doing things quit similar. I have been throwing myself into situations that have in the past gave me anxiety or a full panic attack. I have been doing great! Each time I get retarded thoughts...I tell myself just that....these thoughts are retarded...YOU ARE FINE!!

Hi Mellissa. It's great to read you are facing your fears and doing better. :) However, I don't recall the article suggesting people reassure themselves in a manner like you are doing.

(On a side note, perhaps the R word you used isn't the greatest word. I've worked with intellectually disabled people, and that is a word people are trying to stamp out. I'm sure you didn't mean any offence though.)

Thanks, i find that i do relate to that, but what is a spike? :unsure:

"Spike" is the term the author/psychologist of the article uses to describe an unwanted, intrusive thought or question.

ohhhh okay D: thanks