Going over the edge

I have been doing really well recently. I have been coping with situations that I would have previously avoided. My son was performing in a big concert at the Albert Hall. I coped with the tube the delays the crowds, the coach coming home. No panic. Today just an overwhelming feeling that I am losing it I am going over the edge. I have been crying today. The first time for ages. My dad has no heating and we need to set up a re assessment of his needs with the social worker. He has complex needs. I felt overwhelming feelings of guilt and depression. Want to do more. Can't do more. Have had a row with my son and made him late for Boys Brigade because IK'm trying to sort out my dad. Know that if my depression is surfacing it is not a good sign. If it continues I will seek help. Just dont want to feel that I'm losing it or going over the edge.

Hi ElizabethJAne,

It is great to read that you have been doing so well, I hope that despite having to deal with the tube, crowds and the coach that you managed to relax at the Albert Hall and enjoy your son's performance. I am sure you felt very proud. Perhaps with these events you had been feeling quite stressed subconsciously which may be triggering the feelings that you are losing it and going over the edge. Obviously you have other things to organise with regards to your father which adds to the stress.

I may be talking a load of claptrap, but it was the initial impression I got, sorry if I am very wrong. I hope that you can take some time to try and relax, although this may not be possible until your dads re-assessment is complete and his heating is sorted out. I know only too well how easy it is to deteriorate and how disappointing it is but lets hope that it is a minor blip, especially as you "have been doing really well recently". I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Keep posting if it helps, thinking of you.

Freaky

Thankyou freaky for responding to my post. Today has been a better day. My dad still has no heating but someone is coming to fix it later. I still feel a bit tearful today but I'm fairly confident that I'm not heading for a major depression. That is not to say that I still feel very vulnerable and a bit irritable but I have been to work and have been able to do my work and concentrate on that. I have had major depressive spells in the past and I am on a combination of drugs to stop that happening again. Sometimes like yesterday I remember how things were in the past and think that they will be the same in the future and that I have no control over it happening. That is of course untrue. I have a very supportive GP and psychiatrist who I can call if things look as if they are going downhill. I think that I was seeing the sings of an impending depression. Fortunately at the moment I dont think that is happening.

Hi there!
Well done for making it the other day when your son was performing :yesyes: . You unconciously put a lot of effort into making it through that situation without panic and anxiety. However, you cannot control everything. There will always be unexpected things waiting for you around the corner and all you can do is try do do your best and not "go over the edge". Heh. Aren't I clever or what? :blush:
The situation regarding your father would make almost anyone feel vulnerable, depressed or like they haven't done enough. But you have helped him, Elizabeth, so there is no need for you to feel guilty. Just try and be there for him as much as you can, but don't go beating yourself up if you can't always be there for him. I am sure he loves you and understands that what he's going through is affecting you as well.
Hang in there, stay strong, focus on work and your depression won't stand a chance! :)
Hope you are ok!!! :hugs:
Ana

Thanks Ana I'm not very good at taking credit when credit is due. It was a big effort to go to the Albert Hall. I did it but now is the time to collapse. I agree with all the positive things you have said to keep depression at bay. Unfortunately everything can be going well and depression can still start to creep back in. For me it is usually a feeling of not quite coping well enough and allowing things to slide. I become tearful and dont sleep well. I start to wake up early with that terrible anxiety and feelings of dread and being unable to face the day. I have clinical depression which fortunately responds to drugs. All the other things help too but they take longer to put into place.

Hi again,

I am so glad that you are having a better day, and I really understand why you feel vulnerable. I know my experience of depression tends to be a bit of a roller coaster and it is easy to pick up on the slightest negative things and suspect impending doom. Ana's post is really positive and supportive and I agree that you have done good to manage to maintain your concentration at work and support your father.

I hope you continue to feel better.

Take care,

Freaky

I am sure that even if depression creeps in, you will manage. You are stronger than you think :hugs:

P.S. Thanks, Freakedout, I really appreciate what you said about my post. Hey, it's the least I could do! :)

xxxxx