never felt so bad

Hi all,

I'm looking for advice and reassurance.....

I have had moderate to severe anxiety since i had glandular fevet at 14.i have had a few periods of taking citalopram 40mg which I stopped in October last year after getting married to start a family.

I had a few instances of anxiety/mild panick attacks but felt ok.

I was surprised and happy to find out I was pregnant in may!sadly a week later I began bleeding which escalated to a night of utter terror when i knew i was miscarrying.I was upset scared and was convinced I was going to collapse.I paced the floor all night,rang nhs direct who advised that there was nothing they could do. What followed was a week of shock,tiredness .but after the bleeding had stopped I accepted what had happened and returned to work the next week. Gradually over the 8 weeks I began feeling weepy,depressed,very anxious.I found myself pacing when having panick attacks,I also found it hard to sit still at work when feeling anxious.is this normal?

Over the weeks I started to convince my self that I was dying/had ms/a brain rumour or some other disease.this hit breaking point 1 n a half weeks ago.I actually had to phone my mam because I was convinced I was dying. I booked an appointment at the docs,who treated me horribly very dismissive,but ordered bloods and a ecg,which all came back clear. Since then I am back on citalopram 20mg. I have convinced myself I have vcjd which i am terrified of.I'm off work sick just sitting convincing myself I am developing symptoms.plus the first sign is anxiety and depression.I remember watching a programme when I was younger and I think they said that the woman that had it woke up just unable to eat,which I am convinced is going to happen to me.I also. have twitchy muscles all over and insomnia.so I now have convinced myself i feel unco-ordinated when eating......I am on diazapam 2mg when needed.

Help me x x

So sorry to hear of your miscarriage and that you are feeling so bad at the moment. With such a scary experience it's no wonder that you are now feeling so anxious and focused on health worries.

I have was also signed off from work nearly 6 weeks ago as I was so anxious I could barely leave the house, let alone get on a bus or enter the office. I started on my medication (Fluoxetine) 4 weeks ago and I am just starting to feel a lot better, although would be lying if I said I was over worrying that I have an underlying heart problem... but I can have hours of not worrying about it now and it does not develop into that awful full scale panic

Anyway, my point is that you have only just started your meds and are probably in that first phase where you get the not so nice side effects but the benefits have not yet kicked in. Try and be assured that you will get through this phase and come out the other side and you will start to feel that you can focus on other things than possible illnesses. I am sure that vcjd is the sort of disease that would have been picked up in your blood test and that the symptons you have are that of anxiety. Twichiness is a very common sign of anxiety. I was so twitchy a few weeks ago that I thought I had developed some sort of palsy! Its gone now.

Feel better soon and let us now how you are doing

KG x

Hi thank you so much for your reassurance.I'm actually dreading bed cos im not sleeping.my mind is racing.I totally sympathise with you,every day feels like a struggle but you must stay strong.the worst thing is I'm actually working my notice to start a new job for the nhs in 2 half weeks.I have very little time to pull myself round.

Going to take a diazapam tonight and a warm glass of milk hopefully this will work.

What are the differences between citalopram and fluoxetine?I'm sure your heart is healthy and strong;although i did play tennis a few weeks ago and was convinced my heart was going to stop.....

Do you think my twitchies are tiredness?x x

Hi again

I think that the twitchiness is prob a combo of tiredness and also that when you are anxious your muscles get very tense and seem to twitch because of the tenseness that you just can't release any other way. That's my theory anyway, lol.

Think that citalopram and fluoxetine are very similar (both SSRIs). My doc went for the fluoxetine becasue I had had it before and coped with the side effects, a "better the devil you know" type approach.

Thanks for your reassurance re my heart. I am getting there but it still has the power to scare the wits out of me from time to time.

KG x

Have u checked your thyroid?

Hi thanks for your reply.yesi got tested for everything under the sun.all clear.the cjd is my main worry though.I hope its totally irrational x x