Its not really a "MAN" thing is it??

Hello freinds, Just following on from my last thread Anxiety and Me....

Its not really a "MAN" thing is it??? :blush:


All my life i have felt weak as a male, because i feel hurt and emotion just bubbling under the surface i try so hard to keep it at bay and be the typical stereotype male figure, but it so hard, growing up all the males in my life were strong male role models. My father, Grandpa, Uncles were all strong, i only ever so my father cry one time when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and even then he walked away and sat in his green house and sobbed with his head in his hands, i know because i was watching from my bedroom window, it felt like my heart was ripped out i was sobbing my heart out, because i could feel his pain so much and wanted to take it away from him..:weep:

It really is difficult to try and hide, but as a man i feel its not right for me to show emotion so i try my best to hide it... If i watch something sad on television i feel myself welling up inside i will walk out the room or turn over the television, but in life we cant just switch it off or turn a blind eye we have to deal with it, but i try to run from it....

So i guess i try as best to distance myself from any emotion, which as lead me to were i am today..

(1) I just cant do funerals, only close relatives, because i get so upset i cant stop myself from bursting into tears even if i didnt really know the person that well, i feel so hurt inside for the close family..

(2) I seem to have locked myself even further away from getting emotionally involved with anyone, because i have been hurt very badly in the past from someone close, so i put up barriers to stop it happpening again.

(3) I dont have a great deal of close freinds because with close freindship comes emotional attachment, and i wouldnt want them to feel pain if anything should happen to me, and i couldnt take the pain if anything should happen to them..

Just a few examples of the problems that emotion causes me.. Just yesturday is a prime example of what i mean, the lady next door to me (Aunty Kath) not really my aunt but she has lived there since i was born and she is my mothers best freind and well has been like an aunty to me through out my life..
A week ago i went for a colonoscopy because i had been having stomach problems, everything looked as it should and my doctor put mt toilet troubles down to irratable bowel, Aunty Kath also got reffered for a colonscopy and since i had mine i joked a little about the size of the camera just to make light heart of the matter, But all was not good she has been diagnosed with cancer of the rectum after the colonscopy, She is a single parent with a mentally handicapped son, i feel so upset and so emotional i havent been able to go in and see her because i will just break down in tears and make her feel terrible, i spent most of yesturday crying, people at work said have you been crying i was like no just think i am comeing down with a cold my eyes always water when i am getting a cold....... Why is it so wrong to show emotion because i just cannot hide it, its with me all the time.. Thats why i feel i just dont belong in this world..

My life is just on hold and has been for along time now, i just go to work come home have tea go to bed, not much of a life at all really....

Dan

Hiya Dan

I just think you are in tune with your emotions fella, better the man who can understand and show emotion than be a cold heartless so and so ;).

Don't confuse emotion (or lack of it) with proving you are a man. Being a man is about doing the right things, making the right choices, standing up to what's wrong, and caring for those around you.

And by the sounds of it, you have all those bases pretty much covered.

So I wouldn't beat yourself up over shedding the odd tear mate.

TC

Jaco

Hi Dan,

It doesn't make you any less of a man to be sensitive and in touch with your emotions. Some men very rarely cry, I've only ever seen my dad cry once when my grandma died but that doesn't mean he's any stronger. I think everybody feels the same emotions man or woman but just deal with them in different ways. I know I find it very hard to cry when I should cry for example, like feeling sad but I still feel a great deal of sadness, it just bottles up and then if I do cry I usually hide away to do it and pretend I'm fine to everyone else! Yet I can cry over nothing at all really like being frustrated, which is actually probably a culmination of other emotions coming out at the wrong time! Then I breakdown and remember something that was really upsetting me that I was bottling up.
What I am trying to say is we are all complicated human beings and we can't compare ourselves to others as everyone is different. It's exactly what Jaco said about being a man, doing the right things and caring for those around you etc, which it sounds like you are doing. I think most people would rather have people in their lives that have emotion then people who are detached and aloof so try not to worry about just being who you are, be proud of it :)

They do say it takes a stronger man to cry and show his emotions than those that bottle it up and never show their true feelings. I am a emotional guy, though can't cry easily, I wish I was able to cry more, I always seem to have to take myself away somewhere alone before I can do it. I can feel the emotions often bubbling just beneath the surface most of the time, and will usually just sit alone in a room and feel sorry for myself. I agree with the others, being a man is doing what is right and caring for friends and loved ones.