I can't believe I feel so dreadful

Well here we go again

Another dreadful night - 3 1/2 hours sleep. I lay there at 3 am and realised the last decent nights sleep I had was in September. I honestly don't think I can go on like this.

I went to bed very negative - that didn't help. A phone call from a friends husband started it - all jolly and when were we going to get together - could we meet on Monday or Tuesday for supper, etc, etc.

I was SO CROSS - 2 days earlier I had sat with my friend and discussed how dreadful I was feeling, how tired I was, how stressed and how I hoped she would understand if we just "missed" this christmas. I told her I felt that it was important for my own mental health and wellbeing that I didn't put myself in stressful situations. She said she understood and that I could call at anytime if I felt like some fresh air or a walk.

I suspect her husband has ulterior selfish motives for wanting to meet, but the call really upset me for the rest of the evening - I can't tell you how much it upset me.

This morning I feel tired, shivery, trembling, angry and SO emotional. I honestly don't think I can continue like this on 3 to 4 hours sleep each night. I am dreading christmas - I don't think I can carry it off and I honestly think I'm heading for a major breakdown. I hate the world so much at the moment - it feels as though everything is conspiring against me. I'm sure I could cope if I just had some decent sleep.

The irony is that I did so much yesterday. Finally forced myself to write all the christmas cards. Took them to the post office, collected a script from the GP, did some shopping, as well as some household chores. To end the day as I did and sleep badly too, was just the final straw.

I feel this morning as though I can't see a future. To top it all I HAVE TO GO OUT into town which will be very busy. I've done no christmas shopping at all - I have to buy a few small things for our son. I just don't know if I can do it - even with hubby.

I really do want to scream at the world - I'm so angry, tired and feeling bl**dy awful.

I honestly believe if it wasn't for our son, I would have taken the bl""dy tablets by now - anything to stop these awful feelings.

I really do just want to scream and shout and cry and...........

Sandie

Hi Sandie
You sound like your having a hard time i really feel for you. Maybe your friend forgot to tell her husband about your chat and thats why he phoned. I hope you manage to do your shopping and that you feel a bit better. Have you been to the doctors re your not sleeping? My hubby is away at moment and i too cant sleep driving me potty hes not back till christmas weekend either and has been away for ages. Still waiting for stuff i ordered on line so am panicking now. Can you nap in the daytime to rest a bit?
Well Take Care
Anne xx

Sandie,

Please hang in there,i'm sorry youre feeling so crap at the minute.Ive been reading a few of your posts about the not sleeping thing and i was so pleased when i read yesterdays post about you doing so much with your christmas cards etc,you did so well.

The thing with us sandie,is that its so up and down.You said yourself that you had a great day yesterday which no doubt has dashed your hopes when youve woke up feeling like crap this morning,its like the good days are cruelly snatched away...

As for your friend,try not to take it so personally,they truly do not understand and inviting you out is probably their way of trying to make you feel better,even though you think theyre being insensitive.

We have to accept sandie that we do have bad days but it will get better,i promise.Youre having more bad days at the minute so naturally you can see no way out.Yesterday was a good day for you so hang on to that and know that you will have more good days,have the confidence in yourself to know that however you feel when you wake up,youre strong enough to accept it because that is the key.

I know you feel terrible when you wake up but try to work with it instead of desperately wishing yourself better day after day.When you do start to pick up(and you will) the sleep will come naturally again.

I was absolutely horrendous at the start of the summer but feeling a lot better now.I still am having some horrible days but the good days are more frequent now.Even on the crap days i make myself do something,even if its small and even though i dont feel like it.


Have faith in yourself sandie and you will be ok but you need to accept its not going to be like that over night,which is the hardest thing for us to accept and i'm sure everyone else will agree.

Keep ya chin up,i'm always here if you need to chat.
Take good care of yourself,Candie xxxxxxxxx

This is a very stressy time of year even when you try very hard not to let it be! For the first time in ages I actually came close to a panic attack last night for no reason at all other than I've been a tad too busy.

I think lack of sleep really isn't funny cos it makes such a difference to how you handle things the next day.

What would help you abit at the moment??? Could hubby take over the shopping at all? What things have you tried upto date to help you be relaxed before bed etc??

Have hope hun - life is an ever changing vechicle and I know it can feel like you are driving a reliant robin with the front wheel missing sometimes but BMW times are ahead!!!
Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

sandie
so sad to hear your bad again after feeling so good for going to the supermarket...Im sure the phone call was just down to bad communication...dont worry about xmas..Exeter is packed Ive just come back...so i dont blame you...maybe make a journey up to Cribbs instead..
xxx

Hi everyone

I've survived today - but I really feel low. Managed all the christmas shopping we are going to do - which is really very little. We're only buying gifts for our son this year, and we've used vouchers we've been given to buy him some interesting bits from M & S and argos; as well as a book from Waterstones. I feel pleased that we've got some nice gifts that we know he'll like without spending a fortune. We've even bought him some new wheel trims for his car - they only cost £12!! (Some ba**ard stole all four from his car the other night - they must have realised it was a student's for goodness sake, its only a little runaround).

I still feel very low - been tearful and jittery all day. I know that sleep is a major factor, but the other main stresses in my life are the main contributors and one in particular is now becoming obsessional - I'm thinking about it during every waking hour, and somehow every TV programme I watch, every person I see, every aspect of life, I can somehow manage to connect back to the situation - its making me very angry and bitter. I have been referred for CBT, but of course there is a waiting list. The more and more I think about, the more I believe that perhaps I'd be better with hypnotherapy, but I could never afford it, and I doubt very much its available on the NHS.


I can honestly say I have never been as unhappy as this at any time before in my life. I know I've got to FORCE myself out of this pit of despair I've made for myself - its bl**dy ridiculous, and I can't let me son see me like this - he'd hate it, and I wouldn't want it to affect his life. My husband has been wonderful - incredibly supportive, he's downstairs now preparing and cooking supper, (without him I couldn't even be bothered to shop let alone eat). But I can't expect him to do his job and carry the burden entirely - its not fair.

No-one's going to wave a magic wand, I know the answer lies with me, but I just don't have the energy to find it at the moment. I just hope that if I can get some regular sleep I might feel better and start to TRY to get back to 'normal' - at the moment I can't even be bothered to try.

Well I've got more off my chest. I've just taken an additional propanalol to calm the jitters, and after supper - maybe a glass of cheap plonk, I might actually relax and get some sleep tonight.

Thanks for your support - it helps just to vent sometimes.

Sandie

Hi Sandie,

I can empathise with quite a bit of what you are going through.

I have been sleeping very poorly for a few weeks now and it is just knocking the stuffing out of me too. I am getting to sleep around 5, waking up briefly around 8 and then dozing/sleeping until lunchtime. It is leaving me with little energy as I wake up depressed/stressed/tired and take ages to function.

I think the run up to Christmas is just too much for my sensitive emotions. I have sent about 40 cards and only have to buy four presents so that side of things should be OK, and I think its the thought process of Christmas that is so upsetting. It's a family occasion, and in my case that probably brings a few negative thoughts, especially in my "child" mind. We are constantly reminded about what a jolly time of year it is supposed to be, and so our inability to rise to the ocassion just adds to the stress.

I know I will come out of this abyss and so will you. Accept the pain we are going through as much as you can. Maybe you will be able to brighten up a little once the holidays are over?

Sending hugs and positive vibes to you.




Ray


http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

Hi Sandy, I am sorry to hear you are feeling bad, hun. I haven't bought one single present either and we have what 9 days left!!! I would do almost anything to avoid the crowds, and i have already figured i would go to one store and get everything there. i am raising my three granddaughters 6 7 9 and they are counting on NANA so, swallowing hard.....i will have to buckle down and get it done. I was suffering bad from lack of sleep and my doctor gave me seroquel. it is working great except now i don't dream, i hate not dreaming, but i would rather get good sleep I guess. Good luck with everything.[^]

Sheryl

Always expect a train.

Hello everyone

I am so grateful for all yur support - it really helps. We had a very late night lst night - 12.30 am before we turned the lights out. I had my usual block of 3 1/2 hours sleep, before waking at 4 am as the result of a bad dream, hot, jittery, and a PA; was restless but dozed until the second bad dream - another PA, very hot and jittery. It was by then 5 am. so I took a propanalol, started to doze and was in and out of a very light sleep unti6 6.45. So far from a perfect night - it was better than most nights I have.

Interestingly, both the bad dreams were around the same subject - the one major stress factor in my life that I am becoming obsessional about. The one factor I believe would be helped by hypnotherapy.

Obviously I'm tired this morning, but no where near as bad as I have been.

I bought some Bach Flower Cherry Plum yesterday - and was sipping it in water all evening and thru the night. I wonder if that has helped calm me this morning.

I have always loved christmas - looked forward to it, made a big thing of it - especially when our son was very young. I can't believe I feel so negative about it this year, but of course its obviously because of all the negative things going on in lives, and the difficulty I am having seeing any positive things i the future. I know I am going to have to work my way through it - I'm just struggling to at the moment, and the constant lack of sleep isn't helping.

Thanks guys

Sandie