Afraid

Today I had a moment when I realised I cannot continue like this anymore.

I have recently come out of a 2 year relationship in which he was emotionally abusive and put me through hell. He made me feel like I couldn't do any better and so I just ignored his behaviour until one morning, and I felt strong enough to leave.

Since then I've recieved the odd message from him and I'm a bag of nerves. We live in the same area and the thought of seeing him terrifies me. In our time together he literally took away my will to live and pressured me into aborting our child, saying if I didn't, I would ruin his life.

I can't leave the house without being sent into a whirlwind of panic. I don't feel safe until I'm back home where I know he can't get to me.

Today I was stuck in traffic, in the middle of the city and the thought that I couldn't get away from that spot and back to my house, sent me into a panic attack.

I want my life back, I want to feel safe in my own home town and I feel like my life has been devastated.

Hey and am so glad you found the courage the leave this man, I know what its like for people being emotionally abusive and how hard it is on you own self worth. Have you thought about changing your moblie number? I know its a hassle and you shouldn't have to but maybe then he wouldn't be able to at least contact you this way, and make it very clear to people he has not to get it. Having the panic attack i can fully understand, after all you have gone through.

What about trying to get some support for you, where you can build your confidence back up and maybe help with the panic attacks.

Glad you posted here though, its going to take time to get yourself together but I feel you will do this, just don't be hard on yourself and take one day at time. Hope everything works out ok for you and let me and us know ok x

I think the hardest part is over, you managed to leave!!! So many people battle to find the courage to do just that first step so, so far you are doing a wonderful job.
Do you have any friends in the area who can help? go out with you just to begin with, we always feel much better to have someone with us to face these things expecially if you bumped into him.

I know this sounds radical but have you thought of moving? Maybe a bit way from the area, not to sure what the house situation is like or anything like that but would that help? to start somewhere fresh new place, new memories to make better ones that will cover the old ones?

You deserve a good life with happiness he doesn't deserve a good person like you anyway!! Plus you can't let him get to you and bring you down hopefully you can get your friends and family around you and learn to grow again.

Take care!

Most of my friends have moved away to university and the ones who go locally see him all the time, because so does he. I try and stay well out of the city centre because thats where i feel most uncomfortable. The friends i do have don't sem to understand the gravity of his actions and think im over reacting by getting myself in a panc, even though i feel like its not in my control.

I'm hoping to go to uni next september, in edinburgh or london so i'm hoping that will be a new start, but thats still nearly a year away

Thanks for your replies, its such a weight off my chest to talk about this frankly with people.

Sorry to hear that, wish you all the best.

I have just been given some beater blockers off my doctor and they really calm me down, maybe you should look into that?

Laura x

Focus on Uni lass, I know it's a year away but it will come around quick enough.

Once you are at Uni, he will be a distant memory and you will have moved on.

Good luck

Jaco

(man I must be getting old, I sound like everyones dad)