Really thinking I seriously have Pure O OCD

I was just in my kitchen and was making egg's on toast with the lot tomartoe, pinalpple, bung fritz, cheese and cup a tea. While the frustration is prety much gone and the intence need to have thing's a certain way has decreased with Luvox. I still hearing this little me inside me wispering to me about thing's not being in the right order ect. I found it far easier to choose what to eat but once i decided to have the eggs on toast i continued to do them in the same way i alway do. I alway get everything out that I feel like eating set it up on the counter in roughly the same position. I get everything out in the same sort of order I make sure my bread is in the toaster before I start cooking but i dont push it down. I then get the egg's ring's in the pan at the front of the pan and i spray oil on them I cut the tomartoe the same way every time and put it the pan first in the middle and then i push the toast down then put the egg's in the egg ring after put water in them first to reduce the frying effect and then put the pinapple in the pan at the back of the pan after I turn the tomatoe over then i cut the fritz up and put it the pan. While it's all cooking I trying to even it all and make it look perfect and cook it perfect so that i all hopfully enes up being cook at the same time. When the toast pops up i alway butter it the same way and put vegimite(you may not know what that is but it's very Aussie lol) . Then the cheese go's on first then fritz , pinaplle, egg, tomatoe. Basicly size order so it all sit's perfect and i can cut it the way i like to cut it which is in 9 squarish piece and I drink some of the tea evry 3 peice's.

I dont all way do it that way because thing distract me i get all muddled but if dosn't go to plan I can feel the frustration building slowing with every thing that dosn't go to plan. Today I was in the kitchen my self and could hear my self trying to convince my self that the silly coment's i was making about the wrong order or a better order or wrong timeing ect ect that i was being silly and it didn't matter ect ect. It was a quiet argumet today with my self but It just made me realise how much i feel i need to have thing go to plan.

What I discribed cant posible be what every one dose when thay make food. This is what is really making feel like I some sort of OCD. I do this with everything i did in a day. Before Luvox i would have swore black and blue that i was right and let me go ect There a small part of me that did try think i need to change but I couldn't find the the button to turn it off only had the strenght to walk away and leave people when My erg to take over got real intence. If I wan't in the room I couldn't see what thay were doing wrong in my eye's and the frustration would slowly decrease as I managed to distract my self.

Am I wrong in thinking this sort of thinking could be PURE O OCD.

thinking less and feeling better every day.

HI MUM,

ive read of few of yur posts in relation to pure ocd, and to be honest what u described here is just well how everone makes there food, we have our own way, we like it all hot and so on....so..id say this was just a routine. ocd and pure ocd would mean u had to do all this as if you didnt someone might die or something, or something bad would happen if you didnt, this isnt a ritual its just you, and you are just like everyone else with waht u do here.

i note you have posted alot about ocd, i probably had this as well but to be honest its like all other anxiety disorders and is beaten in the same way, so dont to caught up in it all and dont look to closely at everything uve ever done or do, as you probably do pretty much the same as everyone.

andy

I hear what you saying but every one dosen't feel like there whole world is falling apart when thing dont go to plan. If everyone thought like me nothoing would get done before the meds i could take me 1,2 ,3 hour of thinking ton get up a get motitated enought to control my mood's so that I didn't get snappy at the things going wrong. Thay dont stand in kitchen trying not to rock because thay can handle the thought's going round in there head about how everythinbg seem's som wrong and it'n not going work. It;s not normal to picture every posible senario when you see you child near a knife. It's out of control when you the thinking has so much control over your life and you are alway thinking nothing seem right.

I sopose i find out soon all i know is that evrey time i come off the med's the thinking slowly get wosre depsite how hard i try. I feal like everything that happened before going on Luvox was dream like and hassy. I feel like if i didn;t have some sort of OCD why then could i not stop scrtahing and whuy did get ergs to rock or tap or self hard. Why do I feel like my thoughts are screaming so loud at me that i cant function on any level till it stops. Why do feel like I can finaly understand the perspective of other people now and before the Luvox did I feel like i was fight the most important fight i my life at the time i nwas fight it. If i dont have OCD on some level why did it feel like the world was so wrong 5 weeks ago and now I feel like I'm finaly have these light bulb moment like everything just make sence to me now and I been struggling fo 27 year to understand the world around me.

Do you not you dishes cause you take one look at them a feel like it's the hugest job in world cause it messy and the kitchen untidy because thing's are in the place you put them.n You nhave to walk thre nth hall way and you just know your daughter room is mess and youn know the cupboards are not tidty cause have been in them. the table is messy cause you can see scratch's on it and you cant stand looking out the window that is by the sink. What if the kids need me to help them what if what what if what you isit there fopr hours trying to think of every posible senrion that could happen and you plan you reaction to evey senrio and you if you thinking is interrupted to tell your keep you cant haddle it right now and thay wake away and you feel like thay just stuffed evrything up and you have to start again. Do you snap of your thinking and realise that you just waisted hour and then get all angry at your self for not just getting up a dealing with it and then the thinking starts again about how you never get anything done by thinking about it. is your thinking so out of control, that a simple qusetion where are my work pant make you want to scream because it was not part of you day that you planned for youe self. Do you see a sock in the hall way a start thinking so fast about all the housework them get ovwer welme by it all and feel like the only safe place is in the bed room with nthe door closed and you leaning up agaist it thinking about remind your self not to bang you head because while it make you feel better it will unpsett you partner a kids. Do you get image's of wanting to run so hard in to a wall that you knock your self inconsious som that the pain of what yu going threw and know other dont understand will go away and you can get back to being your happy normal self again wher the world seem more predictable. Well I have never felt like my world even remotelty predictable untill now I my need for info to make my lifs more predictable has been so bad that I get obsessed with knowing everything about what I need to know about right then and there and I dont feel safe again to I have the info. Which is compleatly differtesnt to what every one has aid to me about there anxiety. I keep reading that info make them worry more. But for me I have tp have that info NOW the erg tom tap and rock intensifiy's till i feel so bad that i want to scream and run for ever.

the other dau my phone rang and didn't jump up an

I thought I'd give you an up date on my kitchen issues.lol.

After asking the dr if my problem might be OCD related he doubled my dose of luvox to 100mg as i have alway been this way I'm starting to feel like I new person like i'm waking up from a dream.

I started the 100mg two day's ago and today today I was in my kitchen doing the whole breakfast rutine bacon and egg's ect like the other time but with my kids and partner getting in my way and adding new thing's to me thought's ect. I didn't get agitated once and I did the whole brackfast thing and clean up as I went and I added thing's in to my normal rutine with out feeling like I was loosing control or getting confused or stuffing up ect ect ect bottom line I was smiling and looking for thing's to clean instead of avoiding thing's out of frustration ect. I was looking for thing's do clean my partner and I were talking about thing the kids were talking and in all the noise and all the commotion I was stress free and didn't feel over loaded with thought's I didn't hear my self saying that dosn't belong or that's out of place or that's dirty ect nothing just put that away and clean that up and Oh my goodness I'm enjoying this. I sat down at the table and i didn;t get frustrated that i couldn't just focus on eating I wasn;t thinking the table was a mess or there too many thing in my way I did have to remind my self once to calm down and not stess i didn't have to convince my self to breath and relax or stop thinking or stop worring I just DID what HAD to be a and I was SMILING about and enjoy my kids more than ever before I was having to remind my self that i was over reacting to a situtaion it feel so good.

Most of you may find it hard to understand what I;m trying to explain it it hard for me to understand my self i just know everything seem easier for me the arguing with my self seem to have really stopped. The feeling of lossing control of a situation because it didn't go to plan or because new things were added to my plan at a second's notice were not there.

I feel good and i never felt this way before EVER. I still know I have to work threw a lot thing's but I'm finaly feeling like I have control over one part of my life the most important part of my life. The one section of my life that I've been trying to keep anxiety free but with ouyt sucess. I'm starting to relise that with out knowing it or meaning to I wasn't hiding my anxiety as well I thought from kids and my partner and that finaly seeking help for it was the best thing for my kids and partner. I just feel so good to not have to fight my self for what i really want in life and that mainly being the best mother i can and beat the family gene that make it so hard to over come the anxiety and give my kids a better way to live and better coping method's for anxiety and most of acept my kids for who thay are with my whole heart and soul and not feel like I'm a danger to kids despite all the evidance in my head saying I have done everything in my power to fight this anxiety for me and my kids.

It really help to hear my Dr say that I will proberly never stop my 6y from arguing with me 100% in part of who she is and that it not my fault that she is the way she is and as i learn to deal with anxiety I will able to use that to help my kids that way i have already delt with her issuse so far.

Thank you all for giving me the strength to finaly tell my dr about how i feel. I feel like I'm fianly making progress with my kids and my self faster then in the past.