I feel bad and need some support.

I think the CBT i`m having is making me feel like this.
I`ve had to talk about things/think about things i usually push to the back of my mind.I`ve had to talk about how my life was before i became agoraphobic/had panic attacks.It`s made me realise how crap my life really is at the moment.I suppose i`ve got used to living the way i do and have just accepted it.I feel so ill so often lately i`m just grateful when i feel well.Getting better doesnt cross my mind,making it to the end of the day without feeling ill is all i think about.

It could have gone 2 ways....made me more determined to do something about it OR made me wallow in self pity.At the moment i`m wallowing.

I dont really talk to anyone about my problems (friends/family etc) and i find it really hard to show/talk about feelings etc,and obviously i`ve had to at the 2 sessions i`ve had.
This time of year makes me feel worse as well.I love xmas but hate New Year/January.I suppose it makes me realise just how crap my life is and how nothing has changed since last year and the year before.In the past i`ve often had self harming thoughts after xmas and although i dont now i still get really depressed.
My head just feels really messed up.
I wanted to start afresh after xmas...diet/exercise/try to go out but i need to be in the right frame of mind and i`m not.

I never go out.I dont see anyone apart from partner and daughter.I dont see friends.I couldnt even go and see daughters xmas play.She is missing out because of me.Partner takes her places but she`s never been on holiday with me/cinema/bowling etc.I feel like such a failure.She deserves to have a normal mum and i`m anything but.

I used to work full time,have a good social life,i played sport and was generally happy and fit.Now i`m overweight,housebound a lot of the time,tired,have no motivation to do anything.

Are these CBT sessions like councilling? Is it going to help with the way i feel now or is the woman just going to concentrate on giving me tecniques to help with the panic.I need support but no-one understands how i feel or what my life is like for me.

I`ve just had my 2nd cbt session.I`m on 60mg Fluoxetine.I`ve had panic attacks/agoraphobia for 14 years.

It's understandable that you'd feel like this after bringing up emotions that you normally would stuff down but I think that in the next few sessions you'll find a release in that.
CBT sessions are different depending on the therapist I think but the basis of it is the theory of changing the way we think/interpret things which include the present.
So for example instead of thinking how bad your life is turn that around and think about the good things you've got i.e. your partner and daughter and the fact that you're taking steps to get better and become more like the Mum you want to be.
Talk to your therapist about what you would like to get from the sessions, it's important she knows what you want to achieve otherwise she can't help you as well.

I understand how you feel about the New Year I honestly think this is a very common thing for everyone not just those who suffer anxiety/depression but I think it's perhaps felt more intensely by those with these issues. So maybe talk to your therapist about ways to get through that period in a more positive mindset.

Best wishes