Do i have ptsd?

Hiya,

It might sound wierd, but i'm not sure if i have PTSD or just anxiety thats started randomly. I'm sorry this is going to be a really long one!

Let me explain, when i was 17 i started going out with a boy, after about a year or so was when he started getting violent with me. To be honest i can actually remember the first time he hit me, i think it was such a shock. It didnt happen to often and somehow after every time, it managed to get brushed under the carpet.

At 18 he rented a flat and i was to move in with him, which i did. Thats when the violence started properly. Once i was in there with him, i was very quickly cut off from my friends and family, i wasn't allowed out anywhere on my own. The only thing i was allowed to do by myself without being in the house was to take the dog outside for the toilet and even the my boundries were around the small communial gardens, and only when he could keep an eye from the window. He would dissapear all day, keeping me in the house. Occationally we would go to his parents house in the evening, or pop to the shops but that was rare. At some points i didnt leave the front door at all for about 2/3 weeks at a time.

He would call me all sorts and constantly put me down. If he was in a bad mood he would take it out on me by shouting, if i argued back i would be hit, like a warning almost. If i pushed further after that he would get really violent. I was punched, kicked, pinned to the floor, raped, strangled so hard i was coughing up blood, threatened with knives, you name it. I tried to leave a couple of times, just grabbed my hand bag and ran, but i was either persuaded to come back or if i refused phyisically dragged back by my hair.

After about 3 months, i managed to leave. I got back to my parents house, once i was there he couldn't force me back. (and he didnt know where their house was) They live quite far away from where i was living with him, so after millions of phone calls and me changing my number i got him out of my life for good.

At this point i'm sure you're thinking of course you've got PTSD, but after i got back to living with my parents, i felt fine. I led them to believe we just fell out, and pretty soon it was forgotton about. I met my current boyfriend just days after moving back in with my parents, and we got together a few weeks after that. I'll admit at first i did get on edge if we had an argument, even though i know he wouldn't hurt a fly. But i was totally fine for about a year. My anxiety and panic attacks started a year later (a year ago now), so that's why i'm unsure if i have PTSD or not. Surely all this would have started when i was with my ex or soon afterwards? But i can't think of another reason why they would start randomly.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far x

thank you :)

Hi and Im really sorry to hear what you've been through.

Like Lynann says, it is definitely worth a visit to see a doctor or some other professional.

I am sure you are very strong to have got where you are, but something like that probably needs sharing so that it doesnt eventually eat away at you.

I hope things continue with your boyfriend and you grown from strength to strength.

Good luck for the future.

Thanks, yeah he's a little diamond :D

I've only managed to tell him a little about what went on though, i don't think i could really go into detail with anyone speaking face to face :scared15: although i know i shough. I'll see if i'm brave enough when im at my doctors appointment on thursday!

Hi tryingtocope,

I am pleased that your boyfriend is supportive, and I second Jay anns wish that things continue to go from strength to strength for you.

Good Luck with your appointment on Thursday, maybe he could arrange some counselling for you?

Hugs for you

Lynnann

Hi

Hope all goes well tomorrow at the Doctors.

Be strong and remember they are there to confide in.

Some counselling probably would be good, if you can open up.

I had counselling last year and the short time I did it, it opened
many things (not all bad) and made me reassess and use the
thinking tools even now.

Take care.

How did you get on at the doctors hun?

hi, didnt mention it to be honest! I feel like a wimp having to say that haha. ive been given anti depressants today though, starting them tomorrow, so i'll see how that goes!

thanks for asking

There is no shame in what you've experienced. Many, many women go through domestic violence experiences that traumatize them. It was a nasty situation that you were in and I'm very glad you found the strength to move away from him. DV victims are victims like any other crime but it is more personal and creates more trauma because it goes against the basic grain that loved ones will not hurt you. I am so glad that you have sought treatment and I encourage you to keep that strength and keep in mind that you were a victim and it wasn't your fault.

:) thank you. Like i said, i didn't really think about my past, or dwell on it at all, but i suppose it's affected me without realising it!