Do you feel scared to admit your symptoms to doctors/others?

First of all please excuse my messy typing. I can write properly, just not when I'm feeling like this, it tends to pour out uncontrollably.

It's a strange one for me, I'm having anxiety about the fact that I might be overreacting and people will think I'm attention seeking. I'm really too scared to go and see my doctor for help now because I turn into a nervous crying wreck unable to articulate anything these days, I'm sure she thinks I'm just a time waster.

My anxiety is really causing problems at work. I left for a graduate job but quit that when the pressure became too much. My current job took me back because I'd been so good at it. Now I've let them all down because my depersonalisation and derealisation has caused me to make mass upon mass of silly mistakes, so much so that they are coming back to me every day. This of course makes things a million times worse for my worry. I don't feel as though I can bring my mental health issues into the equation though in this economy, I'm lucky to have a job at all (if I can hang on to it)

Is this a problem others have? Not being able to get proper help for fear of being judged as silly or a time waster? I feel doomed to a life of panic attacks, feeling ill constantly and going nowhere because the minute I make any progress, something sets me off and I run away.

Honestly, and please don't look at this as a cry for help, I'm really bored with being like this. I can't see a way out and if I had the confidence I'd take the permanent route. I don't want to die though, I'm just not sure I want to live.

I'm currently enrolled on a part time masters degree in an attempt not to feel like a total failure. My catch 22 is, if I'm not begin successful and bettering myself, I'm panicking about going nowhere, but once I am bettering myself, the pressure of the job gets to me and I'm panicking. I can't win, I had to quit a fantastic opportunity in PR and journalism because the stress of having the director disagree with my work was causing me to stop eating, sleeping and functioning like anything other than a robot.

I'm 24, single, I live with my parents and I work part time in a low level job you don't need qualifications for. Another source of anxiety for me, it's a vicious circle. I guess I'm posting here, A, to get it off my chest and B, for reassurance that I'm not being deluded and this isn't just every day stress that everyone has to deal with.

I'm feeling derealised right now, so I hope that made sense.

Thanks for reading.

Rx

---------- Post added at 00:09 ---------- Previous post was at 00:01 ----------

Oh and one more thing I wanted to ask..

I think I'm going quite mad. I've started talking to myself, is this normal? I's not like musing out loud it's more like tics that I can't control. The main one is blurting out to myself "Are you feeling any better" and I literally have no control over it. I always do feel obliged to answer myself with 'no'. There are a few other negative things that I come out with, but that's the main one. Is this a symptom or have I actually gone mad?

I think a doctor would take your symptoms seriously, because it is affecting you. I don't think any doctor says "you're just being silly", pull yourself together.

I did once go to the doctors about my fear of flying, which was up and coming and he just said "get on the plane" - guess what? I did get on the plane and then promptly got off it!

I had a job at a paper, but gave it up because I simply couldn't stand the feeling that I had to mind read and I hat getting things wrong.

I definately have the same worries as you, but I've ended up being an online content writer working from home, which sort of means I'm not dealing with the issues. I think I have adhd, but I'm worried if I go to the dr's they'll say - "adhd is a made up problem" or "no you don't have it" and then that will leave me with GAD (general anxiety disorder) - which they'll still take seriously, but I don't think will .

It's interesting because I totally flunked my a-levels and I feel like a failure because I never completed them and hence never made it to uni, even though other people might say - you're doing fine - so you have done well and you're not a failure, but you're like me, you can't help but let those negative thoughts rule your life somewhat. That's what the CBT is for though and your doctor should enroll you on a course if you go.

Good luck - it's such a pain, isn't it?

ps - low level jobs are a good stop gap, it's good that you're working. I do low level jobs sometimes (partly because that's all I can get), but the world always needs these positions and I know 2 people with masters degrees who are stacking shelves because they can't find high level jobs - so you're not alone.

I can identify with lots of the things you are having problems with.

It took me ages to go to the doctor because I was so scared no one would understand. I wish I had gone sooner so that my illness hadn't had time to get worse. All doctors will recognise your symptoms as very real and very distressing,and it is their job to make life easier for you.

I too can not take jobs which require high levels of stress or responsibility. I have the intelligence,but my anxiety always rules over that one !

I have found it is better to speak out at work, so that colleagues are aware that sometimes I feel overwhelmed ,and that when I am having a bad day, I benefit from a friend.

If you speak in confidence to a couple of colleagues you will feel less alone. Also,I was surprised how many of my colleagues could identify with me,having gone through similar things.

No, you are not going mad. Trust me,most people with true anxiety feel like they are going mad sometimes. It is just how it is affecting you.
Please go and speak to your doctor. You will feel so much better for telling someone how bad you are feeling.

Loreen xxx

Thank you very much for replying. You don't know how much I appreciate it, really. It really helps to know I'm not the only one and that I'm not crazy. Although thinking again, I was lying in bed this morning saying the word 'fiscal' out loud in tic form. Maybe thats something else all together though.

I found out my university has a wellbeing service and I think they can make referrals. I called them today, choked out a message through tears and they were very understanding, I'm going to see them tomorrow to see what they can do for me, so I'm excited that I might be able to make some progress :)

Thanks again. x

That is good news - well done :)

Fiscal - what an interesting sounding word! Just think you were probably the only person in the world doing that today.

Wow, it actually sounds like we could be twins!

I'm also 24, I have a Master's degree but work an entry level admin position, it's mind-numbingly boring but just having to get up and go to work is stressful so I can't possibly look for a job that requires anything more of me. I've always had the goal to be a doctor, so I'm applying for medical school even though I don't feel that I'm in the right mind to be taking on such a heavy course. I've always had my entire life laid out for myself, and I put so much pressure on myself to live a "perfect" life.

I don't admit to my boss or others that I have problems because I don't want anyone to take pity on me and I don't want to use it as a crutch. I also don't want to sound crazy when I talk to doctors or feel like I'm wasting their time, so I always downplay how I'm feeling or I preface what I'm saying with "I'm sure it's just anxiety..." even though I feel like I'm actually ill or going mad.

I also have derealisation and depersonalisation, among a million other symptoms... some days it's the non-stop obsessive thoughts - the ones that pop up like "I have actually gone mad," "I'm going to lose consciousness or my grip on reality," "I'm going to die right now" or my mind going a million miles an hour and nothing I do slows it down, like I've lost all control. Other days it's the physical symptoms - dizziness, lightheadedness, heart palpitations, visual disturbances, breathing problems. Most days it's a combination of both. And if I'm lucky, I get crushing depression on top of it.

I completely understand how you feel when you say you don't want to die, you just don't want to live (if it feels like this). I want to go back to how I felt before, when life was fun and I was adventurous and happy. To be honest, if someone told me right now that the rest of my life was going to feel like this, I would end it now. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that somehow it will get better... that maybe something will click in my brain one day and it'll all be okay. Maybe with the right medication or therapy, who knows.

Sorry I've gone off on my own tangent, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. We sound really similar, so my heart really goes out to you. :hugs:If you ever need a chat, please feel free to send me a message.

Suki, that's a very positive spin on things haha, looks like I could use some of your cognitive processing power :)

Volatile Heat, that is a little scary actually. The similarities don't stop there! I too dreamed of being a doctor. I applied two years ago, took the UKCAT and did loads of volunteering and everything, in the end I had to admit that even if I could handle the course, how would I handle the pressure of someones life in my hands? It still upsets my that my ultimate goal is out of my reach due to my illness. What you say about the pressure to have a perfect life is exactly what I do.

Well, I went to see the wellbeing worker yesterday. I'm glad to say she took me really seriously. She's booking me into CBT and then counselling when the time is right. She is also writing to my doctor, my tutors AND sorting out additional support for my learning. I have to say it feels really great to be validated and to know I'm not just moaning over nothing. Fingers crossed for progress eh? :)