Parrot in a cage

Have you ever felt like a parrot in a cage?

Some birds pull their feathers out until they're bald and they say it's because they're stressed because they feel "trapped in their cage".

Isn't that what we do to ourselves by beating ourselves up for feeling so weak and unable to fly from our cage of fear? When we're stressed, we always turn in on ourselves looking for health worries, telling ourselves we don't deserve happiness, we're pathetic etc etc.

So how did we end up in our cage and how do we open the cage door to fly again?

We're often born insecure, sensitive, intense, a worrier and deep thinking etc. As a result as we grow older we lack confidence in our own abilities, always analysing ourselves, questioning whether we're making the right decisions, always doubting ourselves and feeling guilt, trying to please others to protect ourselves from more hurt etc.

We're also knocked back each time we have a bad experience which further knocks what little confidence we had. We absorb every hurt, every pain like a sponge until we can absorb no more.

The anxiety these events cause are then played out in our fears which make us feel trapped. This trapped feeling causes stress so we develop ways to combat this stress through perhaps OCD (actual or just thinking). We turn in on ourselves. We feel "no good" which can lead to self harming and a sense of hoplessness leading to perhaps overdoses.

We can't see any escape. We become that parrot in a cage, frightened to open the cage door but feeling so low and panicky in the small safe world we live in.

We can ease those feelings through medication but they can't cure our past or our fears. They can help us open the cage door and even ease our weight enough to help us to fly but without them we'd crash because the causes are still there untreated.

The other choices are to confront our fears, come to terms with our past or change the way we think. It just depends on the causes.

There are different ways to open a cage door depending on what has created the lock but I always believe that when we feel ready, there is a key to every lock and once opened, we can fly and be free once more. :winks:

Bill another great post mate.

Q: What happens when every time the parrot feels strong enough to play and fly around with other parrots and leaves the cage, but as with every other time the parrot did do this, the panic and anxiety comes back worse than the last time?

Q: What can the parrot do when she has just given up on all the different seed mixes and tonics and just wants to stay in the cage forever.

I know a parrot that has been to every vet within a two hundred mile radius and just sits on her perch everyday now, because she has lost faith in all the promises that the vets have offered in the past.

She is going to a specialist 'Vet' on Thursday, but I know she doesn't hold much hope.

Do you have any words of wisdom that I can give to her so she may one day feel strong enough to leave her cage and start flying again?

Love SJ

Hello Sarajane,

I think to answer your questions effectively, I'd have to ask you more questions to build a full picture of your past and present but for now, I can give you "general" answers. (I realise that sounds like counselling talk but of course I mean to offer "just" my opinion!!!)

In answer to your first question, I feel there are 3 reasons why things don't improve. Firstly, you need to ask yourself "exactly" what it is you're afraid of when going out. Secondly, you need to uncover the causes that have or are causing your anxiety to have become so bad. Thirdly, you need to learn a new "thinking" approach Before going out.

Often what happens is bad experiences and stresses can build up to a point where we simply feel overloaded, and the panics we feel when going out are symptoms of our overloaded minds. We can also come to "expect" ourselves to feel bad when we go out because it's become a "habitual" way of thinking.

The only reason we often wish to stay in our cage is because we feel "safe" there but to gain freedom means solving the questions above and learning how to combat the fears preventing us from opening the cage door.

When we seek professional therapy, it will only work if we follow their advice and instructions with no barriers. There has to be a willingness to change bad thinking habits and to learn how to open the door without expecting fear.

When I was very ill, I couldn't go into shops without experiencing panics and thinking everyone was "alien" and looking at me. It was only later after talking to a psychologist that I discovered that my mind was overloaded with too much hurt, pain and pressure.

Firstly I had to alleviate what pressures I could through different methods and then change how I "thought" Before going out. After a while the panics did eventually stop so that now I don't even think about them.

I know you say you've tried everything but alot of the power to change our lives is within us. Sometimes all we need is the "right" approach that suits us with the "right" therapist we feel we can trust.

I saw some really bad therapists who I just didn't have any faith in and so the therapy would never work because I had to feel comfortable to "let go" of my safety zone so alot of my coping methods I've learnt has been from knowledge I've picked up from various sources.

I'd be interested to hear how you get on and of course I'm always happy to share anything I think might help you.:hugs:

http://www.cybergifs.com/hearts/hug.gif
First things first.. . HUGS Bill.

Everything you have said is right on the mark.

I have or had given up and found it easier and safer to just stay at home.

But being a single mum with two teenage daughters this option was never going to work for me in the long term.

I saw my Psychiatrist today, well actually a new one, as my other one has now moved up north. (Blessing in disguise I think)

This Dr (Stephen) actually asked me questions about my life, in great detail, then after about two hours, he finally told me that yes I had been misdiagnosed my entire life. He fully understood why I was feeling everything was hopeless and also why my symptoms seemed to be getting worse and not better.

The last Psychiatrist who had diagnosed me with depression and ADHD and who had me on the maximum dose of effexor which is a really strong anti-depression med, should have looked further into my life, as I am indeed Bipolar.

ADHD and depression have very similar symptoms, so it is hard to get the diagnoses right. But because of being misdiagnosed the meds I've been taking have actually aggravated my condition. Same as putting an alcoholic on a drip of vodka to cure their alcoholism.

I had dragged myself to see him today, because if I hadn't gone my sister was going to have me put in hospital. So I arrived there with no hope at all at ever getting better, and I told him as much when I saw him.

I'll tell you now though Bill, I'm going to give it another go at leaving this cage, he has given me a ray of hope that I thought was gone forever.

I now have to wean off the effexor - which will take a few months and he's now started me on the right medication.

I actually cooked my first dinner in four months for the girls tonight. They were so happy when they came home from school, that their enthusiasm is spurring me on as well.

I know it's going to be a long hard road, because coming off the effexor has dangerous side effects, but I'm sure with a Dr who seems to understand (he even gave me a number to reach him on, if the going gets tough) plus the girls and you guys I'm going to beat this, once and for all.

You are so right when you say 'the right therapist', because until I'd met Stephen I had honestly given up.

I will take you up on the offer of support and advise though, as the next few weeks are going to be tough ones for me.

Love and Kisses
Sarajane
xxxxx

It is so sad that it's taken so long for them to realise what you're actually suffering from. It reminds me of my own experiences when they were convinced I was suffering from depression so gave me all the different ad's they could think of and when they'd tried them all without any lasting effect, they got me to agree to trying ECT. Once was enough!

It was only then that they decided I was actually suffering from severe anxiety due to the pressures I was under at home and at work.

This shows why it is So important to uncover the true causes to our problems so that the "right" therapy can be given with the "right" type of therapist and if neccessary, with the "right" type of medication.

I think even the professionals can be misled because they can't "see" our condition and symptoms can easily mimic each other such as is the case with "true" depression versus anxiety but they are treated in different ways.

This is why I believe we need to go backwards into our past to enable us to move forward. The past only needs uncovering "once" but at least then we know what we're actually dealing with so that we can decide how to treat it otherwise just like in your case, a misdiagnosis can make things worse instead of better.

I'm not saying this happened in your case but generally speaking, sufferers shouldn't bottle feelings because otherwise the professionals don't get the full picture. We have to help them to help us. I'm sure you gave them all the information they needed but they misdiagnosed.

I'm convinced the diazepam I was left on and became addicted to actually made my panics worse instead of better. The side-effects of some meds can be so frightening in themselves that they can actually add to our anxieties making us worry more that we're ill when it's actually a side-effect of the meds. Seroxat was the worst. It gave me weird shooting pains, screams in my sleep and "other" dysfunctions that just made me feel ill! Anyway, that's just my opinion though because I know some people feel much happier taking them and I'd agree with whatever helps them.

My wifes brother had an episode of bipolar and I can remember how it affected him. These days after treatment with the "right" meds, he's much better, planning on getting married and now leading a normal life. I'm quite sure you'll get there too Sarajane now that you're on the right road and of course I'll be here if you think I can offer anything to help you along the way!:hugs:

It is just so sad that this has happened to you.:hugs:

Thank you for the hugs and kisses!!!:hugs: