Existential crisis and suicidal thoughts

I think I’m having an existential crisis, for about 2 weeks I have been worrying, trying to answer questions that can’t be answered.. reading about near death experiences to try and comfort myself, and reading about theory’s of the universe... why are we here, is life meaningless or is there something higher than us? I’m terrified of being without my partner, terrified that dying will hurt or that il be scared when it’s happening to me.. I was even looking at ways to kill your self that are quick so that I could take back control and not have to worry ..so I could know what was going to happen and the level of pain I would probably feel. I feel a bit better now but I haven’t eaten for 2 days and I don’t know how to get out of this cycle, I have no appetite and when my partner goes to work I feel like I’m just going through the motions, I drop my daughter off at nursery then go to my moms with my son and just lie on the settee because I don’t want to move but I don’t want to be alone ..
I’ve always had anxiety but this is awful, nearly two years ago I had a miscarriage and had dreadful anxiety about my partner leaving me, it lasted weeks .. I’ve just so had enough of anxiety

Hiyer,

Just found this original post you made. Do you feel this is anxiety or depression? It sounds to me like there are some depressive elements. The big questions of life, the things none of us can answer, are a common anxiety theme however and there have been a number of posts on here recently about that. Anxiety about the universe, your place in it and what is the purpose, and the like, are often intrusive thoughts that can make you feel quite distressed. Only a few days ago I was pm'ing someone who had similar feelings (and I had them myself when younger). I am concerned though about how morbib you are feeling about dying, the pain it could bring, and how to 'keep control' of that yourself. Obviously as a healthy young mother, those are not things that are relevant or you should be spending time focusing on. I am hoping that the suicidal thoughts you mention are not that you are saying you are seriously considering it? IF that is the case, your thoughts are suicidal, then you really must seek help for that straight away. Have the samaritans number programmed on your phone, and get to your GP as soon as you are able.

I'm happy to continue talking on this thread...

Blox, I am also going through the same thing now. Any updates?