on edge

My flatmate was yelling at her baby earlier. He wasn't eating his dinner and she was starting to get really frustrated and 'losing it'.

This makes me on edge, because of how my father used to yell at me at meal times.
It makes me scared.

I just want to calm things and make them better.

The people upstairs are in. I can hear them. It's not loud just now but I'm on edge in case it 'erupts'.

There is a computer training at work on Tuesday. It's on site, but even so a trainer is coming in, and I just cannot tolerate anyone I don't know standing behind me, or looking at me. I am so agitated and vulnerable right now, even more so that usual, and that's saying something.
I have emailed my manager [she is great about things] but still I'm scared. I'm scared I'll lose control. If things won't be 'safe' I'll just have to be off sick.
Because technically I am not well.

It's only by a miracle I feel that I am getting into work at the moment. Work itself is usually ok, but travel is very very fraught for me. I stand facing the doors, and can't sit down unless the carriage section is empty.
And I walk at the edge of the road rather than be pushed aside by people who don't think I need any space.

I am taking Rescue Remedy. I am trying to Breathe. I can't take propranolol this late as I end up with insomnia.

If all else fails I can take a zopiclone at bedtime, in addition to the mirtazapine, but that's then and this is now. [8pm, bedtime not for another 2 hours.]

Help?

I feel for ya. I hate noise. My sister has a new upstairs neighbour who apparently comes back at the weekend with people in the middle of the night. :mad:

If I get disturbed by noise I just stick my ipod on. :blush: Even at 3 in the morning if I hear drunks I just stick it on. It's not really the best way to live though having to drown out other people's racket.

I am glad your manager is understanding and you can speak with her. I understand your anxiety and how you want it all to stop straight away. I get so worked up with the thought of anyone watching me (even when they are not the fact that the may do is enough to bring me out in a panic) and out of the ordinary noise especially anything that could lead to conflict with me or anyone else. I feel for the panic and pain in your words and I understand what it is like to try and breathe. It can be desparate at times but try and hold on in there. thinking of you and I am sorry I have no words of wisdom to help
take good care of yourself
Mariaxx

aaw rosepetal,

Yelling at kids at meal times will only make the situation worse, so I know how you feel with regard to your flatmate.

With reference to your computer training - I just wanted to run away when we were being Ofsted inspected at school.

I spent all morning in a cold sweat not able to concentrate on anything just waiting for someone to either creep up behind me or just stand and stare at what I was doing!

Well, after a couple of hours I thought aw, stuff this for a lark I've got work to do - so began really concentrating on what I was doing. Anyway, it was a long time before I actually looked up to go and get something only to find that there were three people, the Head and two inspectors, in the IT room with me and who had probably been there a while!

What I'm getting at is this - just do what you have to do and concentrate on what you're doing, you'll be surprised at how quickly you may forget about being watched.

I'm not trying to make it sound easy, cos it isn't, but I hope this might help just a little bit!

big hugs for you

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

:flowers:

Thank you.

I had to take a sleeping pill, as it was too noisy. I feel depressed this morning, though.

I haven't heard back from my manager. I'm worried.

Sorry you are feeling rough this morning, try not to worry, your manager has supported you in the past. Just hang in there
Be kind to yourself
Mariax

Hi Petal......i Get Uncomfortable Myself When People Fight In Front Of Me But When Parents Are Yelling At There Baby Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I Wont Accept That And Have To Speak Up To That Person...thats Me Tho........im Glad Your Boss Is Supported Of You That Helps.......i Wish Ya The Best And Try And Stay Positive Petal..............linda Xxx

Thank you.

My manager seems not to have been in today.

I really don't want to go into work tomorrow. I feel so... unprotected. And alone.

But it would look bad....

All I can do is take a beta blocker in the morning, and a lot of rescue remedy. And ask to speak with her first thing.
Unless of course I am really ill with it all and freeze up entirely. Then I could escape.