Did I Kill Us?

Hi,

I know this is kind of weird to be discussing but I woke this morning worried.

Five years ago we were living at 200 feet below sea level and both seemed to

healthy and ok in most every way We were both in good shape and were

physically active and seemed pretty healthy. Then Katrina came and after

the storm we decided to repair our homes and move here to a place that

is 8500 ft or actually 8700 ft above where we were living.. The first few

months im sure we suffered the usual temporary effects but then they

subsided somewhat although never totally left us . I woke this morning

and was thinking about a dream I had about traveling to a knew place

and couldn't remember where I was from. I have had bouts of short term

memory loss ,nothing serious but can seem to remember things that

happened to me so many years ago earlier. I sometimes forget things

that happened earlier in the day but If I think about them I usually

remember later. Names I forget and have to think about it for awhile

and then they come to me later. .Time doesn't mean much here its easy

to forget the day of the week ,month or year ,well not the year so much

but the month and date.. Every day seems pretty much like the day

before. Over the past five years , it might be my imagination but I don't

think I feel as good as i did when we lived at sea level and my wife doesn't

have one day that she feels good. As for pinpointing what exactly is

wrong neither of us seem to be able to and have a range of symptoms

that can change at anytime or stay the same.. When we first came

here we both lost about 30 or 40 pounds each but over a year we gained

it back and then we went on diets and lost it again .For health. While

we have lived here I started feeling old and limited to what I can or cannot

do..Thats a first for me since I never felt there was anything I could not

do . Some days I feel breathless just walking out to feed the dog and the

horses and other days I can get out and move bails of hay around 60

pound bales with little or no breathing issues.. I noticed the last time

I used the snow blower I got really out of breath just doing our drive

and then the next time out I wasn't so out of breath. Some days

i can wash a load of clothes and just bringing them to the laundry room I

get really out of breath and then other days I can move around freely and

lift things and move around no breathlessness. For the life of me I was

thinking if this is serious wouldn't it be consistent ? Also most days now

we seem to be able to go to the grocery and come back and unpack

everything and then put it up and we are fine but other days we get so

out of breath its almost as if we are going to pass out. Some days my

wife says she feels dizzy for no reason at all and other days I feel that

way as well. We get sweaty when its cold like a moisture on our bodies but

when you feel that part of the body there is no moisture. We both

experience this at one time so it has to be something that is really

happening. The light after five years still plays tricks on our eyes and we

are both having issues with seeing .."as in eyes are blurry" a lot. We used

to stay up till 3am and sometimes 4am with no problems but now we

seem to get sleepy at 8pm and then usually are asleep at midnight.

Im very scared as to what may have happened to our bodies here. I have

read that even after living at high altitude over the years that you can

get AMS which is acute mountain sickness.. but it says normally its over

10000 ft which that puts us below that mark, so im not sure that is it..

I have had acute anxiety off and on for almost five years and I have had

anxiety all my life but it leaves for a number of years and never comes

back unless there is a trauma in my life of some kind. But I have had it

off and on for five years pretty regular and even my wife is pretty anxiety

free tends to get it some days ..I have read so much about high altitude

sickness and it seems if there was really some damage it would be evident.

I did have an issue with the doctor telling me I had high blood pressure

but she found out later it was white coat symdrome as my wife monitored

it at home, but I still worry did we hurt our bodies are our brains by

moving here. They say if you already have an existing condition then

sometimes it becomes worse by moving to a higher altitude.. Would we

have done better by living at a lower altitude?

Where we were living stays hotter most of the year ,the winters are not

severe like they are here. There is 25 percent more oxygen but the air

is moist there and tends to create mold and mildew and also there are

more bugs and things due to the tropical nature. Here there is 25 percent

less oxygen but the air here is suppose to be the cleanest in the world.

We breathe ok for the most part and when we go to the doctors they

always say we seem to be ok, The doctor knows im anxious and when I

tell her I get dizzy and stuff sometimes she tells me its hyperventilating

and sometimes just says its anxiety . I get worried many times that

if we would have just stayed at a lower altitude we would have been

better off and not felt the way we do here. Since we have been here

we have both felt older than we did at a lower altitude and mentally we

have suffered because of the seclusion and worry. That is why I say "Did I kill us?"

Would we have had a better life and extended our years by living at the

altitude that we were born at? I have ask the doctors and some nurses

we know about how I feel and they all say its most anxiety .Is it the place

then causing the anxiety. The unfamiliar surroundings ? the strange people?

the seclusion? Its taken many years just to be able to look out the window

and know im at home but then there are times I feel as though I just want

to get on a plane or drive and go home? There is no home where we were

or at least the one we knew.The people are different the surroundings

different and our children all over the states.. scattered to the wind..

I fear the worse even now we have three feet of snow on the ground with

the promise of about two feet tonight.. So strange I did not grow up in

this . I grew up and a populated your neighbor lived next door not a mile

away place.. and the snow was a rare thing and you only got maybe a few

inches.. My world seems so strange at times,I also wondered this morning

if maybe my mind is slipping away.. or maybe its depression from not

being away from a place like this for five years. The lowest elevation we

have been to from here in five years is almost 5000 ft.. and we started

feeling very weird then.. They say there is a reverse altitude sickness

where your body has to readjust again to lower altitude. See I worry

about so many weird things. I also had something on my scalp a little

like pimple and scratched it off a few times .I kept messing with it and it

would grow back and then finally I scratched it off one last time and

when It came back it was very tiny and doesn't look like any kind of cancer

just maybe a little mole or something ,but then again I worry if it was

a type of tumor that grows in the brain , I get worried that perhaps it

was a tumor or cancer and its in my brain and has caused damage to

my brain and that is why I feel weird at times.. All this has been on my

mind today. I have gone through some physical changes from being strong

with plenty of muscle to loss of muscle tissue due to weight loss and then

building up of muscle tissue and strengthening by exercise and gaining

weight again,.

My wife hurts alot and neither of us sleep well at night . We both toss

and turn and the dreams are bizarre and disturbing.. Another product of

high altitude. I think of moving away from this place but wonder if our

living here the past five years has damaged us beyond repair and if we

were to leave here would it matter now? or would it possibly make things

worse on us since we are now accustomed to high altitude..

Sometimes Im just stuck im scared to leave and scared to stay .. Either

way I don't know what to do. Here four years ago I started hearing my

pulse in my ears and have been to several doctors that don't know what it

is but say its benign. I never had that till I came here ,its annoying and

frightful and hard to live with but I have managed but it gets to me

sometimes, I wake and hear my pulse pounding in my ears and it hardly

ever goes away .. This and so much more is the reason I wrote this post

Did I Kill Us because we moved here instead of staying where we

belonged? Please forgive me for such a long post but this has weighed

heavily on my mind for quite a while and today especially since I woke..

Thanks for reading and your patience.. Michael

Well all I know is that their's less oxygen the higher you get, your body will have to work harder to get a normal amount of oxygen. Just because it says normally over 10,000ft, well 8500ft is nearing it, so there's probably less oxygen than at water level.
Are you anxious while you're getting dizziness, short shallow breathing will do it. But if your calm, and getting light headed, then it must be what your taking in.
Probably having a high level of fitness will help you breath in high altitude, Id expect.
Sorry I can't help anymore, I really don't know what it could be.
:)

There is 25 percent less oxygen here but the air that is here is suppose to be the cleanest in the world. The dizzyness and breathing issues come and go..thats what worries me the most..some days I work hard and my heart doesn't even beat faster and my breathing is great..other days I don't do very much at all and my heart is beating faster and my pulse is racing..none of it makes any sense.. I would think if it is a altitude problem it would be consistent but the fact that it comes and goes is weird.

It says when you have high altitude sickness you get sleepy a lot you are lethargic its hard for you to breathe all the time and you feel sick to your stomach and there are so many symptoms that are present but we don't have these.. Or have minor ones that are off and on. My doctor has checked me over and over and given me an ekg and spent lots of time checking everything and anything and found nothing.. So she says anxiety .. but deep down inside I worry did she really rule everything out..Or is it mental? Or is there something in our cardiovascular systems that has been damaged and is it irreversible.. I really appreciate you replying and I suppose for someone that
has never experienced what we have here it would be really hard to understand, but thanks so much for trying and responding.. Michael

i was gonna post this link, but as you said there is 25% less oxygen, you already know.
http://www.altitude.org/calculators/...calculator.htm

Yes you would've thought it would be consistent ay...
If you're really step back, and think rationally, try to work out wether it's anxiety that's making your breathing irregular. As a SA sufferer, I worry waaaay too much about every little thing, so I know that one. Sometimes we work stuff up in our heads and it's really nothing big.
Your doc should know that these things arn't consistent, and plus-I doubt you have damaged your respiratory system beyond repair, the body is often very good at mending itself.
:)
Well I hope you work it out and get well.

I think there are other factors that could be affecting your oxygen levels. Your body has to be able to absorb it and get it into your system. Things that can limit your body absorbing oxygen are rather innocent - for example smoking can limit your oxygen.

Have you checked the carbon monoxide levels in your house ? This could be affecting your oxygen quality- as well.

Another thing I was thinking about -is it possible that you have post traumatic stress disorder? I have seen photos of the horrors Katrina caused and I can't imagine how traumatic that must have been.

Did you ever have you Vitamin B12 or iron checked out?

Take Care-BB

Hi Michael

I can only speak from my own experience but I find the more isolated I feel, then the worse my anxiety is.

You're now living in the middle of nowhere really and have been for five years. This gives you plenty of time to mull things over and to worry. Perhaps there is less to do where you are and less people to see.

I've seen some of your photos and videos and where you live is very beautiful but for someone with an anxious mind, maybe there isnt much to take you outside of yourself - just plenty of time to think. Which for us, is not always a good thing.

I think all of you are right.. Sloth.. its probably correct to think the isolation has a large part to do with it..since we both are basically metro people but I thought we would get over it ,but it doesn't seem to be happening.

NotR ...I would think that it would be consistent and I have had more than one medical professional tell me they thought it was mostly anxiety.. But logic dictates
that it would be consistent..

Blue, I think you are right about the things effecting the breathing too..The humidity since we aren't used to it "I THINK" causes irregularity in breathing because its harder to breathe when the air has water in it.. It happens mostly in winter time ,spring and summer not so much.. Also perhaps you are correct to about Katrina. I really don't like to think about it ..Although we were on the other side of the river on high ground and weren't even in New Orleans at the time..Seeing it on television and also going back to ground zero was a little traumatic although at the time I didn't think so ,Its really hard for me to even mention the name now although it was five years ago.

We miss our NEW ORLEANS.. although it is suppose to be better now than when we lived there I can't see it being that way at all..Now when you tell people you lived in New Orleans some of them react weird like you were the people crawling out of the houses underwater when in fact we didn't even live in that section of New Orleans but across the river where we got damage but wind damage.I suppose its stress in some ways too but and maybe what Sloth said about too much time on our hands. I just worry if we have damaged our bodies by being here so long in such a way that if we went back to a normal sea level would it be worse..I just get scared.Thanks to everyone that has responded .I just worry but then again that could be my issue too..Michael

It could also be survivor stress, sort of "there for the grace of God..." I know this happened to people here after the terrorist attacks on the london underground. The survivors felt guilty about living. I know you weren't directly affected physically but what happened in New Orleans, thats got to be hard on you mentally...its your city that was destroyed, so you'll grieve for the loss of what was familiar but now isn't...for what has gone never to come back. So I think it could be this that is causing all of the physical symptoms rather than the location. You havent come to terms with what happened and perhaps are still in the grieving process. The mind is a powerful thing and can trick you into thinking you are really ill...don't be fooled, but you need to work through your grief. Just a few thoughts.

Take care
GH xx

Maybe you are right..We miss our city..we miss our state and maybe have taken it out on this place.. meaning ..we refused to like it here because we miss our other environment. Even reading or writing this right now seems to make my chest hurt.

No we weren't there during the storm but cannot stress enough the anxiety we felt as we watched familiar places on the news and cringed with horror..We remembered passing the super dome as the last place we passed going away from the city and the dome looked good and wasn't damaged and then the next time we saw it on the news all tattered and torn to pieces and people coming out of it begging for help..

I was thinking the whole time..what if we had stopped there and decided it was safe to stay in New Orleans and also what if.. We couldn't get word as if our neighborhood had been totally destroyed or looted as so many were.. The anxiety of not knowing almost got to us severely only to be let in for one day to make photos..

We drove 1200 miles to go into New Orleans for one day, No gas stations were operating and there were no places to get water or food ,we had to bring all that with us and then they told us anyone that stayed would be arrested and shot although many people did..We went in and found our house with damage but not what we thought it would be. We made photos and had to leave again for over a month.. and wondering the whole time if people would loot us or there would be more damage from people wandering though the neighborhood or mold or mildew.When we got back I cannot describe to you what it was like. There was water in our home, one wall had almost totally collapsed ,some of collectibles were gone pulled out by the wind.

The frig was covered in maggots and there was water and mold everywhere..The misquotes were horrible and the mold so bad we had to wear protective mask.. but we did it ..we cleaned it up and had contracted someone to repair even before we got back .We though away so many things we wanted to keep to try not to have to pay too much for moving but we managed to get a moving company that moved us to Colorado and did 6000.00 worth of damage to our furniture and never paid us for it..

My wife sit and cried when we finally got it here from New Orleans and the driver and crew and vehicle had disappeared off the radar for three days before we got a call saying they would be here..I think they decided to see what was in the truck but we feel lucky having the things that we finally got from there.. Thank goodness my wife had packed things to where it would be hard to unpack them and not notice.. Anyway Im getting out of hand writing here again but maybe you are correct in thinking it might have caused us to not like it here.. Maybe its our minds refusing to accept it as home. Michael