Printable View
They say you should gradually expose yourself to the situations that scare you. I've been doing this (sitting surrounded by people at work) but all that happens is that the anxiety symptoms set in (stomach churning, tension, headaches) and stay all day. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't go on like this :(
Not asking for advice really - as usual, just sounding off - sorry.
Hi Francis, I had a real phobia of going into Asda. It started when I nipped in one lunch time to get a sandwich for my dinner and I nearly fainted through an anxiety attack. It took months for me to pluck up the courage to go in. I would turn up, hover around the entrance and never go in, but finally managed to pluck up the courage and I go nearly every day now!
I know the symptoms are an absolute pain but, I hope, like me that you can eventually overcome them and start to enjoy things.
Good luck.
Les
Nothing wrong with sounding off Francis - and nothing wrong with asking for advice either, we're all here to help each other :shades:Quote:
Originally Posted by Francis
I agree with Ma Larkin, keep at it, it will get easier. Its not going to go away overnight but you are doing so well and working really hard at this so you will see results, it just might take a little bit of time :hugs:
Jo xxxxx
Hi Jo. Sorry to sound so negative, but I'm past the point of believing it can get better. I scare people away, I'm hostile and angry all the time and people pick up on that and turn away from me. I don't blame them but I still hate them for it. I'm just consumed with anger and hate, I'm afraid. I'm at work at the moment - been here 2 hours and not done a thing. The guy next to me is working from home and I'm convinced it's because he feels so uncomfortable sitting next to me. And yes, I DO feel anger and hostility towards him and I'm sure he picks up on it. I just can't control these feelings of rage and resentment.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilith1980
I've been "keeping at it" for 3 years and got nowhere. At what point do you just give up?
Hi Francis :hugs:
Sorry you're feeling so negative, I can understand how frustrating it is.
I dont believe we should ever give up on ourselves - we are worth more than just letting things go to pot. YOU are worth more than that.
Do you know why you are consumed with anger and hate? Is there an underlying reason for this?
Do you think maybe that the anger and hate is more to do with how you feel about yourself and because you are frustrated with yourself and your anxiety, you take it out on people around you?
How do you express this anger to the people around you? Do you think you could go and see someone about it?
I know you say you have been trying for 3 years but is it only now that you are really starting to push yourself (ie like taking things off your desk so people can see you)? It is painful but we need to keep pushing ourselves and sometimes we have to go through things that we arent comfortable with but the results will come in time. :hugs:
Jo xxxxx
I guess it stems from rejection when I was a teenager (yes, 20 years ago!). Girls used to tease me about my appearance a lot and I started to feel terrified of showing my face anywhere. It made me feel angry and victimised and acutely self-conscious, and I've never really got over it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilith1980
I've always reacted with anger when I feel threatened, and it's led me into some quite close scrapes over the years (e.g. road rage incidents). I'm not proud of this and I admire people who take adversity calmly, but I just fly off the handle at the slightest hint of rejection or threat.
I can't really make a distinction. I've internalised that rejection from when I was younger and now perceive everyone as a potential threat.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilith1980
I can make people angry just by thinking about it. I stare at people in a hostile way. Call it subtle body language if you like, but either way there's no mistaking people's reaction to me when I lose control of my thoughts. They back off, or shield their faces, or just look scared.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilith1980
Really the problem is with the obsessive thoughts, not the anger. I've always had a short fuse, but in the periods where I didn't have OCD, it wasn't a big problem in itself: I didn't *constantly* feel angry. Now I do.
Thanks for your sympathy. I've actually come home from work and have decided I have to move desks. It's just making me ill being so stressed all the time. It's been too much, too soon - I moved back to being around people at work before Christmas because I had a breakdown last November and could no longer cope with being alone either. Talk about feeling trapped!Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilith1980
I want to reach out to people and show love but there's always this fear of rejection that I just can't get over. I've only had one girlfriend and that relationship was miserable. I married her (after we'd split up) so she could like in the UK, which I think was a mistake as she's still very dependent on me emotionally. We don't have a physical relationship and I know that such a relationship would make a big difference, but as I said, all I do is scare people away.
Best wishes, and thanks also to the others who replied.
Francis
Hi Francis. One thing a therapist told me when I was also sticking at going on the train and still panicking, was that you need your "tools" to get any results and that's why it wasn't working for me. I was going into the scary situation but I was going in with all my old fears and habits and reactions. The only way she found a difference could be made was to go in with positive thoughts or breathing techniques, all that stuff basically. Hope that helps a bit :)
Was wondering if u could take a look at my most recent post thanks
Its at the top no one has bothered with it but feel our situations are similar thats all.
Thanks.
Maybe if you first try to analyse what exactly is making you feel the way you do, and then try to resolve it by modifying your behaviour.
Social anxiety, what is it, and what causes it. Social anxiety is - like you know - is feeling anxious while in the company of other. But what causes us to be anxious? To understand the answer to this you have to look at the psychology and sociology of mankind. Humans are social animals, so it's very important to an individual that they are accepted by the group they are associated with. In primitive times, an individuals very survival could depend on this. So that explains why we have a strong need to belong. So why do we feel anxious when with people? Well, people who don't have a lot of confidence in their status, tend to be sub-dominant. It's like a dog approaching another dog, If both dogs feel they have equal status, then a fight will occur. But if one of the dogs approaches the other dog with it's head down and it's tail between it's legs, signifying that it sees the other dog as it's superior, then no fight occurs. Well that got the dog off the hook by giving into to the other dog, but it will of been at a price. Now the dog that gave in feels very insecure. It feels that insecure that it feels very anxious about it's position in the group - it's lost status, which is a prime drive it every living thing.
We don't really need to be part of a group in modern society, we can survive just as easy being on our own. But primitively, we still have the urge to belong. I think what you are doing when you are with people is the same as the dog - you are giving off signs that you are sub-dominant to the others, which is causing you to feel insecure and very anxious. You need to look at yourself and see all the good things that you see and use those to bolster your self-esteem. You have to love yourself to be able to see you are loved by others. What I wrote might seem a lot of bull, but it as helped me to understand and overcome SA.
Tom,
That's an interesting post. I suppose I do feel "sub-dominant" to an extent - I was useless at competitive sport at school and still feel very intimidated in "macho" environments.
I think, especially when young, one's sense of how attractive one is to the opposite sex is a vital element in one's sense of one's position in the group. One of the things women find attractive in a man is his ability to dominate other men.
In fact, evidence suggests I'm not and probably never was as physically repulsive as I thought. What's interesting is how I subconciously communicated my self-image as a teenager to my peers. An interesting thing I've learned as an adult is that /all the time we're subtly telling other people how to respond to us/.
I know I do have good qualities, but the problem with fear is that it tends to eclipse them. I also have a strong desire to belong, but I've always felt, to a greater or lesser degree, an outsider - perhaps because I feel I think more deeply about stuff than most people. Sounds pompous maybe, but it's what I feel.
I'm relatively stable at the moment anyway. My paranoia about p***ing off the bloke who sits next to me hasn't been so bad recently, since I've realised I was over-interpreting at least some of his behaviour. I still spend every other day with stomach cramps and headaches but I'm almost getting used to that :)
Thanks,
Francis