gone to feel a bit weird!!!!!!
I have gone to feel really weird, like stunned. Started the other day, when I asked my husband to read about my condition so he may understand why I am as I am, his response was, he was not dropping everything to read it now, I did nothing for him, and due to my low self esteem I broke down in tears, as I am doing a lot lately because of the way I am, and I felt so useless. I have recently started to feel a little better than I did when I could not move off the sofa for fear, and the shaking was awful and phobias about everything, I am doing things now, I sort the kitchen out polish, hoover, wash and feel that I'm doing things and still being thought of as useless. After this my husband went out to work on the car, I sorted the kitchen although my anxiety had risen, I polished but when I started to hoover I got in such a state again, shaking and obsessively needing to finish it, although both my sons, 19 and 21 kept saying they would finish it, I had to finish it so as I didn't feel so useless. The next thing my sons started to argue and I thought they were going to fight but they didn't. They are both angry and I feel guilty about this as I was in a relationship before this one, and used drink for the anxiety really, and he would end up beating me and I should have got out of the relationship before I did because of the children but I kept believing it would never happen again, until he tried to kill me and my son happened to see what was happeningnow gone into a trembling state and feel numb and that I'm going to lo through the window and ran in, just as he was about to stick the knife in me, my son shouted and he dropped the knife and walked away. This has caused the anger in my sons and although I had always talked to them it doesnt take it away. I beat myself up about it all and wish I could turn back the clock. I was in tears and had a panic attack after getting so eat up about the hoovering and not being of much use. I have se my mind. I had to write this to try and get it out and for some help.
I hope this makes sense and I haven't just rambled, although I know I have.
