ROCD - I have just found this disorder and may have it?

I am suffering very badly with anxiety with the same as you. My story goes like this. At 16 I met my first boyfriend, after around 7 months a very stresesful time happened with my brother causing him to lose his job, wife to be (wedding was around a month away) when I suddenly thought 'I dont know if I love you' After fighting the anxiety and like you upset because I still loved him or thought I did and was on fluoxetine. I was with this person for a further 3 years after and from the original bout I lost lust and it basically became like a brother/sister relationship. I continually had anxiety throughout and fought it, till I could not take anymore. I had terrible anxiety finishing it through guilt and seeing my ex so hurt. The thought know haunts me. Around 14 months on I met someone else who I am still currently with know, I was apprehensive in the beginning, again anxiety and what if came in, but soon disappeared, I moved in with him, spent everyday together, had our arguments like any couple but never had anxiety or thought I didnt love him over this. I am a home bird and never thought Id move out, but loved being with him, making our appartment our home, never wanting to give up my day off (sunday) for family because it was our only proper day together. Went on the best holiday ive been on with him, this christmas day he proposed - I had an inkling as he asked my ring size but I didnt think he would buy a diamond from over here and didnt want to be dissappointed etc so put it out my mind even then no anxiety just joy the thought of him proposing. I suppose I had been feeling a little depressed with work, and things didnt relate it to him. Had some slight anxiety which went away on the 29th Dec, this is after being elated that we got engaged christmas day. I was so happy, couldnt stop looking at him. Then came new years day - this is when the beast rased its ugly head. I suddenly had the same feelings - dread, fear, anxiety set in and nothing was calming it. As anxiety is I tried to let it pass as it usually can, but it got worse I told my sister eventually, then my mum who I both comfort to when im in the depths of dispear of anxiety. My fiance decided it was best if I went home and I was scared of all old feelinmgs or if I realise I dont love him etc, it has been the most awful bout yet. I am so confused and worried. I am back on fluoxetine (dont know if it works) and was given diazapam. I returned back to our apartment thinking I was ok after the doctors thinking I love him and its all coming back from before triggered by something, I had been there all week suffering previously before I came home and it triggered it so badly I couldnt stop shaking. I took a diazapam - it took over my emotions and I became numb. Upset I talked to my fiance and he said he could go through it no more and I agreed. I left and couldnt get hold of his mum I was so worried about him I drove to his parents house, in which his mother a trainee counsellor, sat me down and I explained everything. She said she didnt think it was the case either - that the pressure of money, job, going 100mph on wedding plans had broke me. I was still under the effects of diazapam and she could tell, I was so numb. We are trying to get through this and my fears are so strong like if its post tramatic stress of happening again I believe it is happening again but there must be an underlying trigger or reason? I am litteratly on the floor with this and dont know what to do, all I want is for things to go back to normal. I have been praying, reading about it, find forums like this one. I was also unsure about staying on fluoxetine as it inhibits your reactions to love im just so worried. I havent been back to work and am losing the will. Please help if you can.