Finding a partner when you have anxiety.

Hi I suppose this is too Nicola and anyone else who has been in this situation. After reading your story Nicola (which i have read a lot off time's i might add. It's just how did you manage to find yourself such a good man as Alex i hope i have the name right. Reading your story and your post's he seem's to off done nothing but help you not put you down or critised you for having anxiety/panic. All those thing's i had with the bloke i was with infact he said that i had distroyed his life with my anxiety. But i have alway's tried just like you.

We were together for 14 year's and split up in August 2004, because mostly he was a gambler and had lost everything and his favourite saying was I will do what i want when i want. I have had anxiety for about 16 year's. When i first met him he was lovely and he was the love off my life, but gambling and smoking cannibis took over his life and now that is the love of his life and not me.

Anyway back to why i have posted and that is how do people like us ever find anyone who really wants to put up with us?. My boss at work laughing said to me that i will never get shagged again as it would need to be with someone that lived 5 mins away and how was i going to meet that person. I am alot better i do go out and i shall be going to the pub about 10 min taxi ride away tonight. I get so low and i suppose feel sorry for myself as i really do not want to be on my own. I don't want a man just for the sake off it i work now looking after myself and pay my bills i just love someone who is special to me. My kids worry about me and say that it's about time i met someone who really wanted the best for me. I just have not been that lucky i suppose where men are concerned.

But mostly is it possible to meet someone who will take on us. As an example i went on a date with this guy i met of the internet off all the guy's that have said hello to me he turned out to be the nicest. But i never told him about the anxiety which is not like me as i usually say straight away but he told me about his wife who had a mental problem and had made his life a misery to the extent that she could not look after the children and she was now living on the streets as she would not take her meds. So i just thought i cannot tell him about me he will think what the xxxx have i got myself involed with here. So i just cooled things without saying anything.

So do you tell straight away? Do you meet and then tell as if you tell straight away it might put them off you before you have even meet them. Gosh so many questions. I feel perhaps i am always going to be on my own how can i let someone get close to me, when i still stuggle so much. My story off anxiety is just like your's Nicola and i feel it will always be with me. Even though i am so much better and i have to keep telling myself that.

One more thing about the driving thing. I did have lesson's about 17 years ago when i was still with my husband but i had a knock and he did nothing but yell and shout at me i never got into a car again after that. Now my son has said he is going to buy me lesson's for my birthday in August. But who will teach me when i am frightend off going far from home. If i tell the driving instructer he will think what's this looney doing in my car. But i really would love to learn to drive. Anyway anyone one who reads this rambling and gets to the end thanks and any advise would be lovely.

Take care
Pauline

Hi Pauline

I appreciate how hard it is meeting someone when we suffer from anxiety after many years i have found someone. It isnt easy and i dont support there are any rules set in stone on how to handle it. I didnt tell Simon straight away on the first date but after a couple of weeks i had time to feel more comfortable and i guess within that time you can see what a person is like. I was really lucky and he is great and in time you will find someone that will bring your confidence on aswell.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

I knew Alex before we really got together cos he used to come and stay with me and the boyfriend at the time. After that guy left me Alex carried on coming to see me every weekend and then I was at my worst and was very depressed as well.

He knew what I was like at the time but decided that I was worth looking after and he knew that I was a strong person and I would do all I could to fight it.

It restricted many things in our lives and still does now but I guess he thinks I am worth it.

You will find someone in time that loves you and all your warts. There is someone out there for everyone I believe.

I am a great believer in telling people up front so you don't end up in more trouble than you can cope with. For example, the new man suggests going to the cinema or for a weekend away and you know that you can't cope with it and you haven't told him about your issues. You end up having to let him down etc etc.

You don't have to tell them all of your issues - just what you feel comfortable with.

I hope things work out for you in time Pauline and you find someone that loves the "real" you and that includes all your problems.

I would call a few driving schools and explain your problems and ask if they can help. They may say no, so never mind, call the next one etc. Good luck with that.

Hope I helped a bit anyway.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

Hi

Thanks for replying. I suppose i do feel hopeless about finding someone as it's nearly a year now since ex left and i'm no nearer to finding anyone. Anxiety holds me back. I just find it hard to see how anyone would want someone who suffer's with anxiety. Still i was just reading my past post's and the one which i posted just before ex left and i have coped and if anything i am stronger.

So i will have the driving lesson's fear or not and just see how i go.

Take care
Pauline

Hi Pauline,

I met my husband when my phobia was at it's worst. Mind you he was a mate of my brothers which helped...he hepled me through real bad times.
They are out there you know. Just concentrate on getting better on the outside and in then you have time to get a new fella


with good wishes

Zena

Pauline

**but gambling and smoking cannibis took over his life and now that is the love of his life and not me.**

You're well out of that relationship however hard it was at the time.

We need stability and not a constant rollercoaster of a life in order to improve and recover.

What are you doing to help yourself push back your boundaries of anxiety and improve a bit now so that the driving lessons can be seen as a gradual challenge and not too overwhelming at once.






Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

Anxiety depression and panic attacks are difficult for sufferes let alone non sufferes to comprehend and come to terms with. My advice is be honest upfront, it takes a special man to take a suffer on once you meet someone that is willing too then you will have something really special. If blokes you meet arent interested in taking you on then theyre not worth it so walk away. everyone diserves happiness and love, perhaps dont search so hard and the right one will come along when you least expect it. i think its not so much ignorance but its the not understanding that scares people off sometimes. a genuine person will see you for you and not you for your health issues.

Love & Hugs from Sarah-Jane xxxx