Annoyed with myself...

Hi all,

Havnt posted much on hear lately as Ive been feeling more positive about things and not been online much.

Im really annoyed with myself today :(

My boyfs mum has just moved house, so today we went over there to see her and help with a few things (my boyf has now got an aversion to anything flat pack!!).

I was feeling ok, as id been to the house before and felt fine, then my boyfs sister, her husband and 2 kids came over too, and this is when it happened.... his sisters husband had an op on his leg yeserday, so was limping, and then bang Mr Panic rears his ugly head [B)] Becasue I knew he'd had an op ( i have big phobia of hospitals etc) and he was limping, the panic set in, dizzyness, cold sweats fast heart beats etc etc. I stayed in the other room for a bit to 'help' my boyf and try and take my mind of it but it didnt work, in the end, my boyf exlained to them, and hes bought me home.

I feel so drained dizzy and sick now. Ive had such a great couple of weeks in terms of feeling on top of my depression, that im angry at myself for letting me get like this today, although I know deep down I cant help how I feel.

I didnt even worry that I mite get panicy if I did see him knowing he'd only had his op yesterday. It just goes to show that somtimes you never know when its gonna happen, but i think maybe subconciously I may have had it at the back of my mind?? I dont know!

I just feel embarrased and dont want his family to think im a weirdo (ok they prob do, but for other reasosns! hehe) and I keep thinking that I was being rude, but then again, i cant help how I feel...god I should read what Im writing , I keep answering myself with whats right!

Im lucky that my boyf is so understanding and knew exactly what to do for the best.

Ahh...feel better now ive got that off my chest!! Wakey wakey any ones whoes fell asleep reading this!! [:P]

Tatty B xx

hello Tatty,

Sorry to hear about your bad day. I think you are right when you say that the operation was in the back of your mind the whole time. We can often be thinking about something without even realising it. I'm sure your boyfriend's family don't think you're weird!! All you can do is try your best to overcome your negative thoughts..

Sarah :D

Hi Tatty,

Sorry to hear you had a bad day, have you always had the fear of hospitals, and sick people. i hope you feel a bit better now, i think people are a lot more understanding now about anxiety problems as it is talked about more, so i doubt they will think your weird,
take care and dont worry you are doing really well,

kairen x

Thanks Sarah and Kairen,

Yeah ive always been a bit quesy with hospitals / operations etc, its just got worse with my anxiety, but its like i was saying to my boyf, I should be thankful that I dont feel like this constantly 100% of the time, I could be a lot worse..Im trying not to let it get me too down [:I]

Tatty B xx

Tatty,

The good thing is you know what it was that triggered you off...Amazing what our subconcious holds onto..

Spend some quiet time writing down the train of thought that you then spiralled down ..what you thought, where that thought led,what you imagined next etcetcetec Apart form being therapeutic it might give you a few clues to what the issue really is .


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

Hi Tatty,
Sorry you had a bit of a day, but don't feel embarrassed, i have found the more i explain to people what's happening to me (only when need be, of course) they tend to understand, they won't think any less of you, just carry one seeing them whenever, and if you have to, explain what's going on, you have done so well lately so please don't dwell on this minor hiccup. take care

Hi Tatty

So sorry you had a bad day hun, but dont worry I think you may have had it at the back of your mind and then seeing someone that has had an op has pushed it to the front and then the panic set in. Just think how well youve been doing and carry on thinking positivley and no his family wont think your weird everyone has some sort of phobia!!!. And dont think about previous situations, I used to do this and dwell on things and that just makes things worse!!. Take care pamper night queen ;) X X X

Thanks Meg, Carlin & My Pamper queen partner!!

Im feeling better about what happend yesterday now, as I know what trigered it and plus my boyf was so great and his family compleatly understood so im now dwelling onit any more [^]

Im feeling really yuck today think ive got a cold so im on a bit of a downer today, but I keep reminding myself im only feeling more down today as im not feeling well, and that I will be ok when im over it....and Kirsty.....It is another great excuse for (another!) pamper evening!! hehe, although I mite have to miss out the chick flick dvd as im not sure my boyf will approve hehe!! :D

Tatty B xx

Glad to hear yr feeling bit more positive hope u get over the cold quick

take care

kairen x

Hi Tatty

Pleased you are feeling a bit better and they understood how you felt, that is such a good support network you have there and rely on them.

Pleased to hear you have being doing okay, that is really positive news hun.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.