Intrusive thought real, or not?

Hi
For quite some time now I have been dealing with some pretty horrific thoughts.I think about them all the time. My thoughts and images in my head are that I have hurt someone in the past.
Inside, deep down I know that it is not something that I would have done and I would never of wanted to have done anything of the sort, but needless to say the thought is there in my head, and I get the big WHAT IF I DID THAT?
I have been a real worrier all of my life and I am now at my worst that I have ever been.
I dont want to harm myself in any way but these thoughts and images are driving me crazy, and id rather not live with it.
I am waiting to see a counseller at the moment but as always you get put on an NHS waiting list and the last thing I need is to wait.
I know that I am a good person, I am kind and I dont think I have it in me to hurt anyone. I just need to know why I would of thought of it in the first place.
Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated

please listen to me carefully.

you might want to check out Pure O OCD (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purely_Obsessional_OCD) it sounds like you have classic symptoms of it.

please read this article and watch this video, your intrusive thoughts are whats causing you the anxiety in which case you try to solve this thoughts in a way to undo the anxiety and this is almost like chasing your own tail, do not engage in this ruminating process.

watch this video and read this article for more information...THIS WILL HELP YOU

http://www.ocdonline.com/video.php
http://www.ocdonline.com/Rethinkingtheunthinkable.php

Good luck,
Stan

when i read your post it was like looking into a mirror, everything you described and said i can completely relate to because i know exactly how it feels. i think you have something called 'Pure O'. i was told thats what i had a few months ago . its so horrible and disturbing; thoughts come into your mind but it may be a few years ago or months and you cant remember if you said or did these things. i had it so bad, my mind could turn the most happy and innocent memories into evil and obscene things and the worst part was that you cant remember if its the intrusive thought or a real memory and it eats and eats away at you until you hate yourself, and you become so depressed. i cant tell you how much i cried & how miserable i felt, i didnt want to get out of bed, i was convinced i was a evil person and i didn't deserve all the things i love. i had to drop out of uni because of it. but i saw a doctor in the end and things became clearer. i was put on prozac for a few months and that made my mind clearer , it didnt change me , just made me think better, it also gives you more energy i find. and i put myself into focusing on positive things, like i would say .. ''okay maybe i did do that awful thing, maybe i didnt but im not ruminating about that now ... im going to see my friend, watch a film, focus on something and forget about it and , ill think about that later. its not ignoring the problem because ruminating over and over gets you nowhere it just makes you more sick . the anxiety always wants to leave the doubt and uncertainty in your mind, no matter what. but the idea is to focus on other things, happy and positive. and then after a while the intrusive thoughts may seem ridiculous because you know deep down you didnt do anything wrong :) i dont know if i am making much sense here, but 3 months ago i was 50 percent sure it was anxiety and not real and now i am 90 percent sure. i have improved alot, and i know how miserable and difficult things are . i hardly come on here now because i'm a little scared anxiety will build up again but i cant bare to see somebody suffer like this, i know how horrible it is. do you have a good support network? friends or family?

it was such a comfort to me when i found these forums and learnt that people have felt like this, and thats its actually an illness rather than anything weird or abnormal.

you sound like a really good person, keep strong and you will feel better ! xo

Hiya Trying to Smile,

Glad you started this thread, I experience similar but am such a caring nice person, its all in my head. I go through phases with it, sometimes it disappears and others nearly every thought is a silly one. I've noticed mine and my mental impulsions and thoughts are always around people I feel nervous around. Some I've manage to turn into positive thoughts so instead of thinking of wanting to hurt someone, I want to hug them instead. It makes me feel better about myself when its positive.

Im never sure how I get into that state or what exactly makes me nervous, but I have a good idea now of my current outrageous thoughts and so I still go back into these social situations but sit somewhere different. I think mine developed from memories in childhood so I have a slight knife phobia and feel very uncomfortable if I can see a knife out on the counter. Making others aware of what things make you uncomfortable help prevent these situations.

I've been living in fear of this actual thing all my life thinking if I tell someone professional that it would affect how i am or make people think I'm a harm to society. I know now that I have nothing to worry about, we're experiencing extreme thoughts and they are generally about things we have strong views on and would never do.

These don't go away but you can have them less and just learn to live with them knowing when you feel like that knowing its not normal and not to take it seriously. The less I worry and think about it the better I am in this regard. Its a self help thing I think. Im not being treated but had these for ten years now so learnt to better how to help myself. Please be reassured that we are very aware of these thoughts being wrong and a little why we have them, its when you arent aware and confuse it with actual events. I hope I have not offended anyone, this is just my personal experience, I know everyone is different.

Hi Trying to smile

Have you tried a getting counselling from a charity. There are a number of them around, they're waiting lists are often shorter than nhs & counselling is free. check out these websites for information:

https://www.counselling.ltd.uk/
http://www.bacp.co.uk/
http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/counselling.php

Seeking the support & advice of a counsellor is very hard but will it will make a huge difference to your life, although short term it stops you feeling so alone, often talking through your problems with someone you dont know is easier than family or friends. Hope that's a help, good luck!

Intrusive thoughts are thoughts not real just in your mind .
when thay come think of them as a nut case talking to you and just carry with what your doing ,let them come thay cant hurt you
and you wont do any silly things you see
god bless

Hi guys
I just want to thank you all so much for your responses to me. I am trying my best every day. I try to keep busy. I am trying not to let it get me. I have periods of time when I am feeling great and other times I go back to where I started. I have just started some private therepy, I need it and welcome it.
Thanks again I appreciate it :)

Hi all
thanks so much for the information on this subject. I was suffering with stress and anxiety which at its height gave way to compulsive thoughts of harming people I love and myself. I would hide anything sharp and was even scared to hug my children for these thoughts I was having. It was horrendous. However, with time and support I have been able to combat these thoughts. I didnt know there was a name and whole host of information on this subject and feel even more grateful for this site! You learn something new every day.
Things are much better for me now, I have been on citalopram for 3 months, have returned to work and am feeling much better. I took an online CBT course and have some mp3's which i listen to to reassure me. You have to work at it everyday but it certainly helped me to know I wasnt alone and it will go away. Good luck everyone x Sue x

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Originally Posted by sued

Hi all
thanks so much for the information on this subject. I was suffering with stress and anxiety which at its height gave way to compulsive thoughts of harming people I love and myself. I would hide anything sharp and was even scared to hug my children for these thoughts I was having. It was horrendous. However, with time and support I have been able to combat these thoughts. I didnt know there was a name and whole host of information on this subject and feel even more grateful for this site! You learn something new every day.
Things are much better for me now, I have been on citalopram for 3 months, have returned to work and am feeling much better. I took an online CBT course and have some mp3's which i listen to to reassure me. You have to work at it everyday but it certainly helped me to know I wasnt alone and it will go away. Good luck everyone x Sue x

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Glad to hear it, you've probably seen my thread of what I'm suffering from below this, I'm glad to hear that people can recover from this, it's hard to bare with!

Jabz,

Thank you SO MUCH for posting the information about Pure O OCD. I almost cried when I read it, because this describes my symptoms exactly. I am going to take the article to my doctor tomorrow. I find it so difficult to explain how I am feeling, but hopefully this will help.

Thank you again! x