Day 5,fell of the wagon

[lourah1989]

So I got to day 5 with out a binge drink session in sight the bam ...

I drank a bottle of red and had 2 doubles of whiskey and yes it's 2 am iv woke up with a head ache and in general so damn disappointed ... And worst thingis I don't even now why I drank I remember thinking well one won't hurt but as per I can't just have 1 because 1 turns into 10

And the repercussions of that 1 thought of 1 drink has left me wide awake at 2 am with the worst thoughts ever and anxiety so yes I am a moron I'm so disappointed I swear to god !

Why is it so hard for me ? I don't feel sorry for my self because I'm the Owen who puts the poison to my lips but I just wish I never craved it or needed more than 1 ... So does this mean I need professional help maybe a aa group ...???

I can thankfully do 4 days so I can do it which is the stupidest thing so as of now I'm back on it, I think for me abstinence is the best thing, I'm trying to web as honest as possible in these post so I don't kid my self !

So as of tommarow, I will try my very best again ! Argggggggg... The worst feeling in the world is craving something that destroys you :( At least I'm not planning on having hair of the dog

Ouch my head I'm such a loser ! I hope alcohol doesn't kill me cos right about nori sure feel like it will :(

Xxxxx hope you guys are good

---------- Post added at 01:38 ---------- Previous post was at 01:36 ----------

Few spelling mistakes damn iPad looool

[Gotagetthroughthis]

Hey Lourah,

It is hard and I know exactly what you mean by not being able to just have 1 drink. So as you say abstinence is the only way forward for now anyway. Dont be to hard on yourself over this, just take it as a blip and a reminder how bad it makes you feel but make sure you do not do it again.

Its hard to say if you need professional help with the drink, I don't think not being able to just have 1 is a major sign you need help, because a lot of people are like that. But craving it non stop all the time may need to be looked into. I think you have to know why you are drinking to know if you need help. Are you drinking because you are craving alcohol like an addiction or are you drinking to block out anxiety and stresses or are you drinking so you can be sociable or go out and have a good time? Or any other reason. People drink for different reasons and if you know why you drink that can help in finding ways to stop.

Stay strong and stay sober, it will be worth it

[Lilharry]

Oh I'm really sorry to hear that Lourah! But do just take it as a blip, it's not a major and tomorrow is the start of another day. It is hard to do this on your own and if you think you need help then you there's no harm getting some. A good counsellor is worth their weight in gold. I always find that it's when I feel really good that I have a drink - it's like I want to maintain the good feeling and don't want it to go away and trick myself into thinking that alcohol will help me do that. It's such a short term fix though and does more bad than good. It's fantastic that you are being so honest about what you are doing - this is an amazing journey you are taking and you've already taken the hardest first steps by confronting the issue. YOu are bound to have minor blips like last night along the way, but you can use those blips to remind yourself why you're doing this. You should be proud of how far you've come already, so don't give up hun xx

[lourah1989]

Thank you Harry your support this week has been amazing

I'm not going to give up because I am still determined and I want g make that big change like you said minor blip tommarows a new day shame it will be a day with a hangover but hey no 1s fault but my own ...

I just wish I didn't think I was going tondrop down dead or stop breathing :(


I hope you Are well xxx

[Gotagetthroughthis]

I wont be posting in 1 of these threads again then. Take care.

[lourah1989]

Why ??? :/ xx

[illgetthere]

I wasn't sure to share this with you or not because I don't want to make you or your anxiety flare anymore then it is so please forgive me if I do ....
My father loves a drink too much he's drank for a good many years now but no-1 can tell you the pain this causes in the end I watch my father and feel so gut renching at what's to come 18 months ago he was in intensive care put into an induced coma he's 63 by the way 10 years ago told he had cirrhosis of the liver as the alcohol flows so do the complication as they advance my father is now dieing slowly and in tremendous pain as his liver is only at 2-5% workin he's now at end stage liver disease. there isn't much about the disease I don't no so my point to you is drinking isn't the answer it might numb what ever is is you trying to escape but please get councilling or some other therapy to help you don't turn to drink its a cruel way to slowly kill yourself I can tell you all the things my dad suffers and probably make you feel sick and scare you stupid but probably help you stop but then again for you to stop has to come from you something I've begged of my dad so many many times its a heart breaking thing good luck with you journey it will be rough and hard but life is precious x

[Tufty]

I just wanted to offer my support and a little advice I've not had issues with alcohol myself but have seen alcohol dependency withdrawl many times and have been educated about alcohol dependency treatment for professional reasons (although I do not work in that field).

If you are think you have a problem with alcohol then you probably do.
If you are thinking about alcohol a lot and struggling to give it up - you have a problem with alcohol.
Alcohol is a very hard substance to stop if you are dependant on it. I have been told that the withdrawl for alcohol can be more painful and dangerous than the withdrawl from Class A drugs.

I have seen many alcohol dependant people attempting to give up alcohol over a period of months and years. It does not happen in days and there will be successes and failures along the way BUT it is possible and your life will be so much better if you 'fix' your relationship with alcohol.

I would suggest you get the support and help of your GP, it doesn't sound like you need medication to help with the withdrawl but some psychological support to help you through the coming months. In some areas you can self refer to the local drug and alcohol services, if you google search drug and alcohol services in your area you may find the help in your locality.

You've made a really good start on giving up the demon drink but it does sound that you may benefit from some talking therapy, you talk about being a loser and are being very hard on yourself - it maybe that there are some underlying reasons for why you drink and dealing with these may help you.

Please keep trying, your determination is amazing.
Take care
Sam

[lourah1989]

Sam thank you for your advice I totally agree with you maybe I need some form of therapy .

I have made peace with my anxiety now and I accept it and deal with it, but it's just the drinking part I suffer with, I don't drink every day and I don't drink morning to night but I do crave alcohol and I do sometimes feel like I need it and tend to find my self hungover or thinking About alcohol more so than the average person.

When I just gave up for those 4 days I felt amazing I just need something to help me stay on that track I am hard on my self but only because I get frustrated at the fact I can't just have one drink or can't help but binge

I really am grateful for all your kind words they keep me motivate so thank you again and to everyone else who has sent me such kind words xx