Pregnant and terrified

[Harli]

Help! At the age of 43 I have just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant and I am terrified (it was an accident). I feel sick, have no appetite and can't even bring myself to tell anyone other than my husband. The thought of being pregnant scares me, 9 months of endless health anxiety, I aready have white coat hypertension so my blood pressure will be high. Part of my anxiety is a fear of uncertainty. The uncertainty of a normal birth is something I can't even contemplate, not knowing when it will start, how long it will last for. If I could have a cesarean I could just about go through with this but what is the likelihood of that? A friend of mine was told there was no way she could have one for a non-medical reason and then went through a hellish 36 hour labour with totally unsympathetic midwives, various nasty interventions like ventouse and forceps, she said she felt violated. At the moment I am feeling like I just can't go through with this.

[ialford]

Hi, is this your first child? Are you registered in the doctors for having anxiety/panic disorder? If you spoke to your GP and then your mid wife? They might consider that your mental health is something that should be considered for a C section?

[Harli]

Hi

Yes it is my first child, I wasn't really intending on having any to be honest. I have a bit of a fear of doctors so have only been to one once about anxiety and she was totally unsympathetic and kept asking me if I was suicidal. I tried to explain that I was just anxious all the time but she seemed disinterested, probably because my ten mins was up. I actually made an appointment to see the doctor today but she can't see me until next week and the receptionist was so rude and nasty she made me cry. Then I spent all evening crying, thinking I couldn't cope with a baby and what would I do once I had it and realised that, I couldn't take it back and exchange it for something else. Then worried if because of my age it would be damaged in some way. I don't know if this is my hormones or not but I feel awful and my poor husband is being wonderful and saying he will support me whatever I decide to do. I wish I could just be happy about this like a normal person.

[ladybird64]

Hi Harli

Don't you worry about being a "normal" person, it's a fallacy that all women welcome pregnancy and birth with open arms!

I'm not sure if you have seen this thread but I thought it might be useful for you to read and realise that you are not alone in having these feelings.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=63835

You can count on having understanding and support here and no negative judgements, promise.

Take care

[sb001f8994]

Hi Harli
I cant even begin to imagine how much turmoil you are in and I am sorry to hear you are not feeling your best right now. This news must have been a shock to you and will take some time to sink in. I think it may be a good idea to consider changing your gp, they shouldnt be rude or dismissive about your anxiety. You will need a lot of reassurance and help right now and seeiing an unsympathetic doctor is hardly going to put you at ease.
There is a post on here from peaches who was terrified about being pregnant but is now well into her pregnancy and it is an inspiration to read.
Im sorry I cant help more but Id like to say I was agoraphobic when I had my daughter 16 years ago. My doctor and midwife couldnt have been more helpful. Offering me a home birth, then giving me all the info of a c section if I became too anxious to face the birth. The options seemed endless. But I opted for a natural birth, had her without any pain relief with the least intervention and it was great, a wonderful experience. I think all the emotions you are going through right now are hormonal changes to both your mind and body. Your husband sounds brill by the way!
Take care,

[ialford]

Hi Harli, you are feeling anxious right now but you might not be feeling like that next week and what about when you have your first 12 week scan, your heart will melt when you see your baby for the first time. You have a disorder like I do and you are going to have to fight through it for the sake of you and your baby. You will have bad days and you will have great days. You will be so busy when this baby is born that you wont have time to be anxious. You need to cut all alcohol, caffine and nicotine out of your diet. This will help loads. Also, start exercising, walking with an ipod is brilliant, swimming.....Seek out some therapy from your GP (hopefully a new one with some understanding). Take one day at a time, you will be fine. xxx