Wits End, Scared, Deoressed, Anxious

[jackie13]

Hi Guys

You may think what else? I have threads all over the place on here:(

Bit of everything! 5 years ago had a major anxiety/panic episode nearly sectioned, this was through excessive drinking over Xmas, had one in October 2012 and have been really proud that I have cut right down dont drink all week and literally only a couple on a weekend. I dont think I really recovered fully from the October episode as with Xmas coming up I felt slightly depressed and a little anxious, dark nights etc but just got on with it. Got through Xmas ok, but started to feel strange last Friday really flat. I had drinks Mon, Tues & Weds but did not get drunk, however, News Years Day morning, my friend who also suffers text me and asked me to go over, she had trashed her house taken an overdose and the police were there, I had a small PA. Since NY's Day I have extreme anxiety/PA and now feel the dreaded depression coming on:( I have gone back on my non drinking eg not had anything since NY Day. I feel that my episode 5 years ago is like yesterday and I am scared stiff I end up like that again and will never recover from this. I currently take 20mg of Citalopram, I have diazipam at home that I never touch, I take vitamin B etc and have CBT4 downloaded on my computer. I literally dont know what to do with myself, feel like pulling my hair out for real.

Please reply as I am really going through it at the moment:(

[Annie0904]

Sending you January is a bit of a depressing month anyway but with the worry of your friend, I am sure this has triggered it to be worse for you and you have to remind yourself that there was a 'trigger' and that you can overcome it again. Keep reading through your CBT4 Panic and do the exercises...you will get better x

[jackie13]

Hi Annie0904

Thanks for your reply and hugs Yes need to keep up with the CBT4, just get jeleaous when I see people happy it makes me upset as I feel I will never be like that again:( I am also anxious about going home as most of my panic in the past has kept me in the house and it feels like a prison. I have a lovely husband and gorgeous dogs and cats, but I cant help how I feel x

---------- Post added at 14:15 ---------- Previous post was at 13:58 ----------

The thing that makes me very anxious as well is people asking how I am, I just so scared incase I break down and never get better:(. My friend on NY Day had taken herself to the hospital she was in her PJ's sobbing so much extremely stressed and A&E asked her to wait 2 hours before she could see anybody from the Mental Health Team. That scares me that nobody can help

[Roxy79]

Hi,
Reading this mirrors me in a lot of ways. i feel isolated in my house because i hate where we live.
I was at my lowest on new years day. I have come to the conclusion that i need to stop drinking as the day after im anxious all day even if i've had a great night!

I've even started getting anxcious before i go out drinking about being anxcious the next day!!

Not good!

[Annie0904]

You will get better, it doesn't happen over night. It is hard watching others going out enjoying themselves but instead of wishing you could do that just tell yourself "That will be me one day soon" x

[jackie13]

Thanks SO much for all your replies it's means so much, I feel really mentally weak and don't like it, well none of us do. Been fed up with my life at home, why is that it makes me anxious, I have a great understanding husband no real worries, is the anxiety/PA/ depression distorting my feelings?

[Annie0904]

I would say I have a good life at home but still anxious..anxiety is an illness and like any other illness it can strike any one regardless of our circumstances. I have however had a lot of trauma in my past that I feel has contributed to it.

[jackie13]

I keep trying to stay in the moment instead of get anxious and panicky about the tunnell with no light at the end:(

---------- Post added at 17:10 ---------- Previous post was at 16:32 ----------

Can you guys please give me your views on Citalopram x

---------- Post added at 17:14 ---------- Previous post was at 17:10 ----------

Madness, I am crying inside at work as I have to go home soon, curtains drawn all dark outside:( I am now wondering whether my Citalopram are no good for me, can you please let me know your views.

You are all probs fed up with my strange rambling today, but really need your help x

[Annie0904]

I have never taken citalopram but some meds don't work for everyone. I know some one on here was taking cit and it didn't work for her so she changed to sertriline and it worked much better for her.

[jackie13]

Maybe it's the wrong time to change meds I dunno, I am worried they have stopped working or they are having a reverse effect, been on 20mg for 5 years x